Obama’s Animated Ambassadors

by Tim Kelleher

The MSM discreetly reports that President Obama hasn’t exactly been making good on his pledge to appoint ambassadors from the ranks of foreign service professionals rather than campaign contributors. His pick for Canada, for example, as well as his choice for the Court of St. James, are both Chicago political cronies. And the list goes on.  But in news, just about to break, Hollywood is preparing to reap some plum rewards for its own zealous support.

While what follows is not yet official, my sources are well-placed and their information almost always reliable.

The President, who made commitment to a more animated foreign policy a campaign priority, is apparently about to take a literal step in that direction with two key appointments.

In what may be one of the biggest surprises yet, word is that Fred Flintstone is the number one choice for a posting to Tehran, should Israel move peremptorily against the Ahmadinejad regime. Flintstone’s familiarity with the Stone Age is said to be viewed by the White House as a critical asset.

Rumors have also been swirling that Hillary Clinton has found the State Department far less of a consolation prize than she was led to expect and that her recent elbow incident was actually staged to pave the way for a face-saving resignation.

Further fueling the story are reports that current UN envoy Susan Rice has been busy packing her New York digs and will soon be stepping into Mrs. Clinton’s Manolos at Foggy Bottom. Who then would replace Ms. Rice at the United Nations? Believe it or not, the President is about to set the world back on its heels with the nomination of Eric Cartman.

With North Korea pushing its game of brinkmanship to perilous new levels, the President evidently feels Mr. Cartman would put just the right amount of Bolton-esque menace back in that crucially important Security Council seat.

Cartman, who was recently seen hunkering down with Richard Holbrook and Samantha Power over lunch at Martin’s in Georgetown, denied any party affiliation during the ‘08 campaign. However, documents recently obtained by The Smoking Gun reveal that the “South Park” star made a sizable contribution to the Obama campaign and convinced friends Kyle, Stan, Butters and Kenny to do the same.

Perhaps less of a surprise is the imminent appointment of Sean Penn as US ambassador to San Francisco, which is widely expected to secede from the Union later this year. In an interview with TMZ boss Harvey Levin, Mr. Penn said, “Words can’t describe what a humbling honor it would be.” And if the appointment becomes official? Winked Penn, “Harvey, I’d milk it for everything it’s worth!”

Supreme Leader Hugo Chavez applauded word of the appointment and expressed his desire to be the first to recognize the new republic and welcome its president, Gavin Newsome, to Venezuela where Mr. Chavez will be conducting a conference tentatively titled, “MEDIA: If It’s Good Enough for Hugo, It’s Good Enough For You!”

Finally, in a move that has some MSM pundits shaking their heads at its brilliance, Paris Hilton will be named ambassador to Bahrain. Ms. Hilton, who demonstrated a hidden flair for satire in her You Tube jab at John McCain, is sure to be a hit in the affluent Gulf State where, by virtue of its climate, her nearly-patented, “That’s hot” will invariably be correct and deemed scrumptiously astute.

In related news, Ave Maria Law School has announced that Doug Kmiec, President Obama’s choice as ambassador to Malta, will be the recipient of its first annual, Richard Rich Medal, awarded to an extraordinary individual who makes the courageous leap from the honorable profession of teaching to the even loftier vocation of politics.

That’s all for now. It’s a lot and more is sure to follow. We will, as they say, keep you posted.


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Posted Jul 15th 2009 at 7:50 am in Political Humor | 34 Comments