Let’s face it: The writers are screwing it up — and after two seasons, we conservatives have lost patience.

Let’s address some of the criticisms that my conservative friends are making regrading the show. These are fair at times but often miss the point, because they seek to compare TWD to the films of zombie lore. In so doing, these critics misunderstand the purpose of Robert Kirkman’s “The Walking Dead” graphic novel.

It’s about the people, not the creatures.

Spoilers Ahead …

So far, the show’s writers have failed because they have not understood that central point. They have decided to take far too much artistic license with the show. They have made Andrea suicidal – she never was in the comics; they have created two redneck characters that never existed; they’ve inserted a stereotypical black guy named T-Dog (yes, really) who is utterly boring; they’ve also included a ridiculous, noble Hispanic gang that ministers to the elderly; and killed off Otis at Shane’s hand.

In one of the dumbest decisions ever, they had the survivors go to the Center for Disease Control at the end of Season 1 where they met a mad scientist. Why would you go deeper into Atlanta when they are eating people there? Oh, and they killed off Sophia (who is very much still with us in the graphic novel — though her parents are not). They didn’t even bother to show us Hershel’s huge family, which dies, one by one, before his very eyes, only to have his faith rattled.

More tragically, the writers have failed to imagine the shifting priorities that an undead world would present. Part of the beauty of the graphic novel is that issues like race or sexual orientation melt away when the zombies are trying to eat everyone. Michonne, a black lawyer who dons a samurai sword, becomes Rick’s number two; Tyrese, a black former NFL player emerges as a dutiful father and leader in the prison. His failure to protect his daughter from the world is nicely contrasted with Rick’s success protecting Carl. Two gay men — perhaps the only two left — rescue Rick and the gang in the later comics. Unlike the modern age, when homosexuality is in your face, we learn of their sexual predilections much later. What’s important first and foremost is survival.

Of course, the critics of TWD (the show) make the same mistake the writers are making. They, chief among them Kurt Schlichter of Big Hollywood, argue that TWD is too focused on the people, not the zombies. “The point of a zombie movie is how people react to the zombies,” he writes.  “Yeah, they react to each other too, but that’s of distinctly lesser interest.”

On the contrary, the zombie lore is almost always about how the people, traumatized by a world in which the dead walk the earth, are the ones you really have to fear. It’s the state of nature when we really test how civilized we are in our hearts. The zombie cannon knows that it’s Hobbes, not Rousseau, that stops us from slitting one another’s throats.

And let’s face it, zombie auteur George A. Romero—who in no way is a conservative—uses the mall in “Dawn of the Dead” for a reason.  He’s making a point. Each Romero film features lots of preachiness about consumerism, militarism, or racism. We ignore this silliness because we like the violence. They are all feature length because these jeremiads can be sustained for only so long. There are only so many times you can kill zombies before it gets boring.

Indeed, there are whole comedies that play with this ridiculous aspect of zombie films, like “Zombieland.” “My mother always told me someday you’ll be good at something,” Woody Harrelson’s character tells us as he hacks up yet another zombie. “Shaun of the Dead” goofs on how powerless the Brits really would be in the face of the apocalypse.

The few zombie films that actually feature a plot have no happy endings. This is because as one of the characters from “Dawn of the Dead,” puts it: “We’re blowing it ourselves.” Zombies can be defeated, but, in a world without government and without conveniences, it’s the people, victim to the same vices — greed, anger, paranoia— we, and not the zombies, are the ones you have to watch out for.

Kirkman explains that this is his problem with the genre.

“They always have one of two endings: Either everybody dies, or most people die and two people ride off into the sunset and you never see them again. I wanted to follow survivors in that world and see what they do and where they go.”

It is, in other words, a mini-series (or yes, even, at times, a soap opera) that explores the question of staying human in an inhuman world, playing with the idea that perhaps, in our age of consumerism, big business and big government, we’re the ones that are inhuman. The more powerful moments are the ones that don’t occur on screen but around the couch. “How would we survive in such a situation?” friends and family ask. Many a drunken conversation has been had over the ideal survival locale.

It takes time for characters to deal with the situation, as it would take time for us to understand what is going on. While we conservatives may wish everyone becomes Rambo — or, more likely, that we could show off our inner Rambo — let’s face facts: most people just aren’t very good shots, especially when flesh-eating zombies are coming to rip off their faces. Think about it: Would you want a bunch of strangers running around with guns?

Or would you rather have the well-trained protect you? As much as we conservatives hate to admit it, there’s a reason we have cops. Not everyone can handle the responsibility to protect themselves (of course, in the comics, before long, everyone in Rick’s group starts packing, including his ten-year old son, Carl, but the decision to have everyone carry guns is one that is made after some loss and sadness).

As Kirkman puts it on the back of every issue, “The world of commerce and frivolous necessity has been replaced by a world of survival and responsibility.” Into this world steps Rick Grimes, a law man trying to exist in a world of no laws. He appeals instead to a higher law, but must recognize, as all good leaders do, that sometimes expediency, though necessary, is expensive. Sometimes he must kill people he doesn’t want to kill; sometimes he has to make decisions that kill others. The price for each of these decisions is paid out of pieces of his soul, which poses the essential question of TWD: Is it really worth living if you are soulless?

We, not the zombies, are the walking dead, Rick reminds them. We must figure out a way to live a meaningful life in a world of senseless violence and danger. Kirkman astutely raises this point on the back of every issue.

Sunday’s episode of TWD left me with a bad taste in my mouth. For one, it took the band of survivors (henceforth, “the Gang”) for a stroll down a series of pulse-deadening subplots that I imagine did things like “develop characters” and “heighten drama” and “purge the crap out of some emotions” without involving any, you know, actual zombies. Nary a flesh feast to be seen in 45 minutes.

And while the conspicuous dearth of shotguns being primed for battle disappointed a blood-and-guts zombie aficionado like myself, it was something else that frustrated me most about the episode.

It shouldn’t be news to Big Hollywood readers that television writers are people of the left. If it is news to you, then you’ve got some catching up to do, Rip.

The writers of TWD are no different, and they have been quick to let us know that throughout the show via this season’s suicidal gun policy and the overriding caricaturing of conservatives (on a side note, this caricaturing extends even to the show’s “webisode” mini-series, as seen here and here).

In the show’s latest episode, Important Character Lori (Sarah Wayne Callies) struggles with the unexpected news of her impregnation (by her husband’s best friend, in a soapy twist). And while having to fidget through a maternal crisis was bad enough for those of us out in Viewerland who tune in primarily for moments like these, it became even less bearable when the writers co-opted the subplot primarily to talk about… abortion.

It all started subtly enough — so subtly that I imagine viewers of the non-political stripe missed it completely.

Not long into the episode, the Gang’s thoughtful proxy-liberal geriatric, Dale (Jeffrey DeMunn), confronts Hershel (Scott Wilson), a Colonel Sanders-type and the thoughtful proxy-conservative geriatric of the Gang’s charmingly Southern host family. As it turns out, the host family was—in true Faulknerian fashion—covering up a secret, keeping undead relatives (Attack of the In-laws!) locked in their barn. Dale wanted to know why, and the conversation that unfolded was strangely analogous to the fetal personhood debate…with zombies! It went something like this:

BUCKET HAT: With all due respect…I’ve seen people that I cared about die and come back, and they’re not people.

COLONEL SANDERS: My wife and stepson are in that barn. They’re people.

Although this exchange set off klaxon sirens in my well-conditioned, hair-trigger political mind, it wouldn’t have been particularly noteworthy had the balance of the episode not been devoted to Lori’s pained decision about whether or not to abort her pregnancy.

Since the lion’s share of the episode was about Lori’s dilemma, I feel my inference is well grounded. I find it illuminating that the writers chose zombies as a parallel to human fetuses (and not only because many proponents of abortion see the fetus primarily as a parasite, although that certainly adds another layer of interesting to the equation). Dale is, after all, the rational arguer in this case. In the zombie survival genre, zombies are distinctly the Other, not human persons. Hershel, then, is the ill-informed, emotional arguer. I think it’s clear that the writers view the abortion debate as divided along similar lines.

The abortion issue becomes more explicit later in the episode, with all the caring, supporting characters (Glenn, Rick, et. al.) of course affirming Lori’s right to choice. By comparison, the only expressly pro-life character, Maggie (Laurie Cohan), does nothing but scream at Lori about her selfishness and “abortion pills.”

I’m disappointed by this thoroughly unbalanced portrayal from a show that continues to unspool into dramatic clichés and political gotchas. And to think, all I asked for was a few split skulls.

Author’s note: Interestingly enough, some other politically-minded souls have charged TWD with just the opposite—as being “extreme” and “surprisingly conservative” in its handling of abortion. Thoughts?

No, the great conflict I speak of is the schism between those of us who believe ‘The Walking Dead’ is great television and those of us who haven’t felt this level of disappointment in something they desperately wanted to support since John McCain got the nomination.

The premiere of the second season has scored boffo ratings, and Big Hollywood’s own Christian Toto has recently eloquently stated the pro-’Walking Dead’ case here. Many people love the show.  Can all these people be wrong?  Yes, and it gives me no pleasure to say so.

The fact is that ‘TWD’ is annoying, liberalish, and frustrating. It was last year as well, as I pointed out at length here at Big Hollywood (‘The Walking Dead: Populated With Racist Southerners, Dumb Characters‘). Testifying to the level of interest was the fact that it received over 400 comments, mostly questioning my taste, intellect and parental marital status.

People love zombie stories – I love zombie stories – and no one wants ‘TWD’ to fail. But the problem is that in the second season it seems to be going down the same dead end road as in the first season – except faster.

The problems with ‘TWD’ come in two flavors. The least annoying – yet still annoying – are the liberal Hollywood assumptions that permeate the stories. The second is the fact that the characters act like such utter idiots that it actually suspends the suspension of disbelief – for example, a “shocking” sequence at the end of the premiere (Caution: Light Spoilers Ahead!) actually caused me to burst into laughter.

One set of annoying liberal assumptions is about religion. Last season, we saw how the brutal wife-beater was – wait for it – one of those crazy born-again types. Naturally, his wife’s version of Christianity in the premiere is a twisted, weird form of it unfamiliar to anyone who actually knows and hangs out with born-again Christians. Her religion only manifests itself when the writers want to creep out the audience with gothic freakiness – and not the good kind. Note that though the story takes place in Georgia, this weirdo appears to be the only one with any kind of pre-existing interest in religion.

The hero, a sheriff’s deputy who, for reasons that remain unclear to me, still insists on wearing his full deputy uniform, complete with shiny badges on his chest and Smokey Bear hat (More about distracting tactical failures below), also prays at one key point. He admits he’s “not much of a believer,” then proceeds to deliver a monologue directed at a crucifix. It’s not an offensive scene, just a predictable and kind of dull one. And let’s just say his prayer is not answered.

Then there’s the stuff about guns. The dozen or so survivors in the little band seem to have plenty of guns.  It’s just that the hero and his cop buddy have decided no one else gets to have any. The rationale is that the others are “untrained.”  Let’s leave aside the fact that there aren’t a whole lot of Southern folks who don’t know how to shoot – though this band seems nearly entirely urban except for one redneck guy.

The liberal premise is that firearms are to be reserved to an elite is obnoxious – in fact, one key sub-plot in the premiere is that they took the gun belonging to one woman away, and refused to give it back to her even after she was nearly eaten because she was unarmed. I can’t abide a zombie flick that would earn the Brady Campaign’s seal of approval.

Maybe they could solve the training “problem” by actually training the civilians, but that never seemed to occur to the self-appointed leaders. In fact, the two cops don’t seem interested in preparing the civilians at all. Instead, they spend most of their time talking about their feelings. It’s agonizing.

Here is the thing about the hero that ‘TWD’ itself does not seem to realize. He’s completely inept, and over the course of the show, his failure to perform with even the most minimal level of tactical competence has directly led to scores of survivors ending up as zombie chow.

The ‘TWD‘ producers like to talk about how their show is about the people, not the zombies. Why that’s supposed to be a good thing is unclear.  Regardless, part of the payoff should be watching people we like and root for, not ones who are so lame that the entire series seems to consist of them doing stupid things in the first five minutes and then trying to unscrew them for the next hour.

The zombie apocalypse premise is interesting because it makes you think “What would I do?” ‘Dawn of the Dead’ was a great example. We watch as they go into the sporting goods store and gather ammo. We see the characters choose to hide out in a mall. We see them clear the zombies out and then fortify it. We see how they set up a secret hiding place, just in case. These are good ideas. That’s why ‘Dawn’ was a cool movie.

Here? Well, it’s a fiasco. I’m not asking for the tactical precision of a well-trained infantry platoon, but everything these characters do devolves into a complete cluster-flunk, and it’s distracting as hell.

In the season premiere, they think there might be a military redoubt and decide to drive 100 miles or so south from Atlanta to Ft. Benning. Now, after attending the Officer Candidate School, Airborne School and the Infantry Officer Advanced Course there, the notion of anyone choosing to go to Ft. Benning is pretty hard to fathom, but the way they choose to do it is simply ridiculous.

Do they take light, four-wheel drive vehicles of the type that are all over the place in Georgia? No – instead of taking vehicles with mobility and fuel economy, they take a Winnebago with a track record of breaking down. Why? Who knows. Probably because it helps the plot.

They have a guy with a motorcycle. Does he recon the route? Nope. By the time they notice a jumble of wreaked cars, they are in among them. Then they drive deeper into the pileup not knowing if there’s a way out. Oh, and they bring the Winnebago into the jam, and it soon breaks down.

So then they pile out of their vehicles and proceed to talk. And talk. They talk a lot in ‘TWD.’ Mostly about feelings.  Hell, the only good thing about a zombie apocalypse would be that it would wring out this society’s insipid embrace of constant discussions of people’s stupid feelings.

Do they post security in all directions?  Nah. They put a guy on the RV who manages not to see a herd of about 200 ghouls until they are 50 meters away. By that time, all the survivors are scattered around the wrecks, walking about without a care in the world. Nice organization, Deputy. You just want to reach into the big screen and slap him.

Later, a search party composed of most of the survivors goes out, noting that they are taking everyone so they “can cover more ground.” Then, they proceed to walk in single file down a path.

The distracting part of ‘TWD’ is not that the characters do dumb things. People do dumb things. But that’s all they do – dumb things. It’s tiresome. It feels like it’s like a whole TV series that consists of nothing but the kind of dumb where the slasher victim’s hot best friend gets out of the shower in a towel to investigate a strange noise. Except there’s no hot girl in a towel, only these dumb dummies.

And don’t get me started on how, for a show about zombies, there are barely any zombies.

It seems like even with a new showrunner following Frank Darabont’s departure, ‘TWD’ is going to continue stumbling down the same path. It’s a shame; the idea is cool and the series could be awesome. But the execution is lacking, and if it keeps up, one Sunday night soon, crashing early is going to seem like the more rewarding choice. Pity.

But let’s not allow this conflict to tear us apart. No, in the end, those conservatives who find ‘The Walking Dead’ lively, quality entertainment and those who feel like hucking their shoes at the screen must find common ground. And that common ground should be a commitment to terminate this zombie administration.

THERE BE SPOILERS BELOW. . . and braaaaaains!

Based on the Tony Burgess novel ‘Pontypool Changes Everything’ and inspired by Orson Welles’s radio broadcast of ‘The War of the Worlds,’ ‘Pontypool’ combines two modern crazes – talk radio and zombies. The film centers around Grant Mazzy (Stephen McHattie), a shock jock who lost his job in the big city for pushing things a little too far.

Mazzy has a new job in the small town of Pontypool, Ontario, where he and his producer Sydney Briar (Lisa Houle) clash over the best way to run his broadcasts. As they argue their way through his first broadcast, they start getting reports of a riot at a local doctor’s office. The nature of the riot is unclear as the rioters seem to be shouting gibberish about the disappearance of Honey the cat. Soon, the reports get more ominous until the radio broadcasters themselves come under attack.

‘Pontypool’ differs from other zombie movies because it disdains what has become the standard undead formula. Almost without exception, the films involve a small group of people trapped by zombies forced to shoot their way to safety. These films invariably turn into gross-out fests and shooting galleries almost from the opening scene. ‘Pontypool’ doesn’t. You don’t even see a zombie for a long time, and you never see a gun. Instead, you watch Mazzy and his staff of two (Sydney and Laurel Ann) struggle to make sense of what is going on based on the sketchy reports they are getting. And it is gripping!

In ‘Pontypool,’ the infection process itself becomes a mystery to be solved. Why are people acting so strangely? How is this infection spreading? Can it be stopped?

Zombie films rarely delve into this except in the most cursory of ways because they are really action films at heart. But ‘Pontypool’ isn’t action packed; it’s a genuine psychological drama. The tension here doesn’t come from close calls and narrow escapes but from the characters returning to their broadcast when you know they should be focusing on the real problems at hand like solving the mystery before the zombie mob gets them. That’s what makes this film tense and interesting.

Also, the interactions between the characters are smart and well within character. There are no stupid characters or Rambo-style heroes, and no one declares themselves king of the post-apocalyptic world. These are just ordinary humans responding to a crisis, and it feels real. Plus, the strong performance by McHattie as Mazzy (who plays the first believable talk radio host I’ve seen on film) keeps your eyes glued to the screen.

Moreover, ‘Pontypool’ has an interesting take on the origin of the zombies, a welcome twist to a genre that’s grown stale. ‘Night of the Living Dead’ essentially started the modern zombie movement in 1968, after converting the ghoul into what we think of as the modern zombie – mindless corpses that roam the earth looking to eat braaaaains. In 2002, ‘28 Days Later’ introduced fast-twitch zombies – infected humans rather than animated corpses who are faster than normal humans, because of mega doses of adrenaline, and who are intensely, mindlessly violent. But that’s been about it for zombie innovation. Sure, sometimes the zombie condition is caused by a meteor or a virus or spoiled milk, but in each case, the effect is identical: the person becomes infected, dies, and wakes up as a mindless killer hungry for the great taste of human.

This film is different. The zombies here are seemingly normal people who fixate on particular words once they become infected. This sends them into a sort of waking catatonic state where they become violent as they spout nonsense. I won’t say more because I don’t want to spoil everything, but the infection agent and mechanism are unlike anything you’ve seen before.

Finally, a word on the film’s political ideology. This film is Canadian, which doesn’t insulate it from politics, but I found the film to be refreshingly free of liberal messages. Sydney shows herself to be a liberal in one scene, but McHattie counters her with conservatism, though it’s never clear what his leanings are. There is some French Canadian v. English Canadian politics going on, but that likely won’t resonate with American audiences. So ultimately, conservatives won’t feel like they’re being pounded with liberalism during this film.

‘Pontypool’ is unique within the genre. It’s extremely well-done with great performances and strong writing. There’s limited violence, little gore, and the story doesn’t fall apart or become an excuse for a twenty minute bloodbath at the end. I highly recommend it.

Know any other cool little-known horror films?

Last year’s debut of ‘The Walking Dead’ proved the small screen was just the right size for an undead miniseries. Season two, which begins with a 90-minute episode at 9 p.m. EST tonight, confirms those initial six episodes were no aberration. This is seriously good horror, the kind that doesn’t require gallons of fake blood to grab our attention.

Not that ‘Dead’ skimps on the gore, mind you. It’s got cinema-level effects to go along with the addictive story lines. The behind-the-scenes squabbling during the production of season two – ‘Dead’ showrunner Frank Darabont left the series abruptly – hasn’t dampened the creativity behind this undead jamboree.

‘Season 2′ opens with the band of survivors led by deputy Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln) leaving Atlanta after the Centers for Disease Control headquarters exploded at the end of the last episode. Now, they’re heading for Fort Benning where they hope they’ll find something more than an army of zombies hungry for human flesh.

The band’s RV breaks down before they can get too far, forcing them to stop in the middle of an abandoned – and vulnerable – roadway. When one of the group gets separated from the pack, the rest are forced to consider how much they can risk to bring their friend back safe and sound.

The episode’s signature set piece finds the humans scrambling for cover as a swarm of walkers march around the RV. It’s a bravura moment, typical of a series which seems to find new ways to amplify the zombie threat.

Next week’s installment strikes an even darker note, as the characters rush to save a friend seriously injured in a freak accident. We meet new survivors while the show’s core players emote as if Emmy voters were judging every last tear drop.

Any series focusing on a world overrun by zombies will be grim by default, but the new season forces the characters to exhibit so many shades of despair it’s unsure how much more can be plumbed in the remaining 11 installments.

That’s a small quibble given the overall excellence on display.

The first six episodes of ‘The Walking Dead’ didn’t get its fingernails dirty with social commentary like some of director George A. Romero’s best zombie films, and ‘Dead’s’ second season appears equally blase about partisan sniping. Rummage around the crush of subplots and you’ll find subtle commentaries on faith, loyalty and the essential nature of mankind. ‘Dead’ prioritizes the dramatic elements in play, relegating debates on hidden agendas to Internet forums where minutiae rules the day.

Conservatives might find plenty to embrace about Lincoln’s Rick Grimes, a masculine hero who doesn’t let his emotions prevent him from frequent bouts of heroism.

Televised horror has an even spottier track record than the big screen. The dawn of AMC’s ‘Dead’ reminds us  TV’s current creative renaissance extends to this beleaguered genre.

Zombies have been shuffling across movie screens for decades in films like ‘I Walked with a Zombie’ and ‘The Last Man on Earth.’ But director George A. Romero gave the genre new, er, life with his 1968 classic ‘Night of the Living Dead.’

Romero is still making zombie movies, but they lack the bite of his best shockers like ‘Dawn of the Dead.’ His ‘Diary of the Dead’ was a well intentioned but clumsy attempt to fuse the genre with ‘Blair Witch’ style found footage. And ‘Survival of the Dead,’ with its laughable Hatfield-McCoy feud, should have been put out of its misery before reaching movie theaters.

A great zombie story demands more than masticated human flesh. And that’s where AMC’s ‘The Walking Dead’ comes in.

The surprise hit’s second season begins at 9 p.m. EST Oct. 16. Based on the popular graphic novel, ‘Dead’ boasts some serious cinematic pedigree – including producers Frank Darabont (‘The Shawshank Redemption’) and Gale Anne Hurd (‘The Terminator’). But it’s the all too human cast that made people tune in week after week, led by the strong-willed Rick Grimes (British actor Andrew Lincoln).

The show doesn’t just revel in the genre’s gore factor, although a few sequences from last season made ‘Dead’ an ideal choice for struggling dieters. It makes us root for the survivors of the zombie outbreak, something that happens all too infrequently in zombie films where it’s all about the gruesome head shots.

Can ‘Dead’s new season equal last year’s six-episode arc? Darabont is no longer the ‘Dead’ showrunner after being unceremoniously canned during the production of season 2, and this season promises seven additional episodes which could put a strain on the show’s writing team.

We can only hope Romero will be watching as season two unfolds and taking notes on how to pump fresh blood into his own zombie films.

Fear comes in many forms, everything from being startled to deep psychological terror. Few movies reach that final level, but when they do they leave a scar on our culture. With that in mind, let’s talk about the twenty most significant horror films. These aren’t necessarily the best or the most scary or even my favorites, but when you die . . .  these will be on the test.

Father Merrin had come to save Regan from Satan’s fluorescent lightbulbs.

1. Night of the Living Dead (1968): The importance of this film cannot be overstated. This film brought horror movies to adult audiences. Before ‘Dead,’ horror was costumed monsters aimed at kids. The film also kick-started the zombie craze which continues unabated today in film and within the Democratic party, and it established all the conventions for the zombie subgenre. “Yes we can . . . yes we can.”

2. The Omen (1976): ‘The Omen’ spawned the “Satan is coming” subgenre and gave us Damien Thorn, a figure who now represents pure evil in popular culture. There are even indications this film influenced the American view of Satan and the ‘Book of Revelations.’ And Gregory Peck playing Damien’s father made it respectable for big name stars to do horror movies. “Let him that hath understanding count tonight’s lotto numbers: 6 – 6 – 2.”

3. The Exorcist (1973): Before ‘Rosie O’Donnell’s Potty-Cam Extravaganza,’ ‘The Exorcist’ was considered by many to be the scariest movie of all time. This film brought exorcism to the public consciousness and spawned a demonic possession craze in modern horror films. It also introduced the now-clichéd idea of pitting a demon against a priest who lost his faith . . .  gimme $20 on the priest. “The Power of Christ compels you, and your little dog too!”

4. Alien (1979): ‘Alien’ brought modern horror into the realm of science fiction. It established director Ridley Scott (who would redefine science fiction with ‘Alien’ and ‘Blade Runner’) and it taught us that some aliens want to do worse to us than probe our nether regions. “In space, no one can hear you squeal like a pig, boy!”

5. Jaws (1975): ‘Jaws’ sparked a nationwide panic over and fascination with sharks, which continues to this day. ‘Jaws’ is particularly noteworthy for waiting to reveal the monster until later in the film to build suspense, though ironically this wasn’t intentional. The filmmakers just had a hard time making the mechanical shark work. Serves ‘em right or hiring a union shark. “Be a real shame if something happened to your boat.”

6. Halloween (1978): Though tame by modern standards, ‘Halloween’ established the slasher film in popular culture. The shocker gave us Michael Myers, as a masked, speechless, killing machine who escapes a mental hospital and returns home to kill his family and everyone else in town. And they say you can never go home again? This murderous Marcel Marceau has become the template for modern slasher villains.

7. The Shining (1980): One of the most iconic and oft-referenced horror films, ‘The Shining’ is the story of Jack Torrance, who ostensibly goes insane while working as the winter caretaker of a haunted hotel . . . ** cough ** drama queen. This movie, more than any other, defined Jack Nicholson and made Stephen King stories a staple of horror films (though, ironically, King wasn’t happy with the film). “All work and no play increases Jack’s take home pay!”

"There's no zipper inspector."

8. The Ring (2002): At a time when slasher flicks had become the norm, this film brought a Japanese sensibility to the genre – visions of creepy, but non-gory children – or Hello Kitty – terrorize the heroine. It also taught us how bad computer viruses can get. A whole slew of knock-off films followed (e.g. ‘The Grudge,’ ‘Dark Water,’ ‘The Eye,’ ‘Children of a Lesser Godzilla,’ etc.). “It’s the Michael Jackson sex tape!”

9. The Haunting (1963): This oft-remade and copied story of a group of paranormal investigators who deserve everything they get for spending several nights in a HAUNTED house established the haunted house subgenre. Seriously, what part of HAUNTED did they not understand? Idiots.

10. 28 Days Later (2002): This movie revived the slowly dying zombie sub-genre by introducing fast-twitch zombies. Suddenly, zombies became a whole lot more menacing. “Repent, the end is extremely f**king nigh.”

11. Resident Evil (2002): ‘Resident Evil’ helped prove video games could be turned into successful film franchises for which we’re all thankful. It also popularized the use of scantily-clad, young women as the butt-kicking heroes, for which we’re all thankful. “You’re all going to die down here. . . and not in a good way.”

12. Poltergeist (1982): This anti-clown diatribe introduced the country to the poltergeist, not a ghost but a malevolent force that haunts people rather than places. This has since replaced simple hauntings in films. It also told ghost hunters what kind of equipment they’re supposed to bring, and it introduced ideas like the blinding white light you see after paying your taxes. “They’re here. . . and they brought beer!”

13. Friday the 13th (1980): The story of risen-from-the-dead, hockey-mask-wearing, chainsaw-wielding Jason Voorhees, this film added a supernatural element to the silent, killing-machine first seen in ‘Halloween.’ It also gave us motive-less killers who can’t be stopped no matter how many times you shoot, stab or drop a piano on them . . . unless you use dip. This movie also taught us not to go skinny dipping when you’re in a horror movie. “They call this place Camp Psycho-Bait.”

14. Scream (1996): The story of a killer who’s watched too much ‘Sesame Street,’ ‘Scream’ revived the horror genre for younger audiences by setting the film around thirty-year-old teen charactors and following like a hipper, totally like cynical, tongue-in-cheek style or whatever. “Obama let me down!”

15. Saw (2004): A snuff film with little else to recommend it, ‘Saw’ opened the door for modern torture porn, which all but abandons story in favor of 90-minute, sadistic bloodbaths . . . a real leap forward for the human spirit. “Let’s play a game. How about Clue?”

"You want us to cut through our wrists. . . but only when it's funny?!"

16. The Blair Witch Project (1999): Shot like a home movie, this story of three film students, who vanish chasing an urban legend started the “found footage” horror film subgenre. “We shouldn’t have meddled!”

17. Nightmare on Elm Street (1984): ‘Elm Street’ gave us Freddie Krueger, who can kill you in your dreams . . . just like noctosoriasis. This film is referenced in dozens of later movies, inspired numerous sequels and copies and encouraged slasher films to step up the special effects and creativity by 16 percent. “Your eyes are getting sleeeeepy.”

18. The Amityville Horror (1979): Father goes crazy, repeats the murderous rampage of the prior owner, blames house. Now that’s creative lawyering! This film popularized the fake “true” horror story, which has become a bit of a cottage industry. “Honey, I got a killer deal on a repossession!”

19. The Evil Dead (1981): Gory, silly and primitive, ‘Evil Dead’ is not a good film, but it has a devout following among horror aficionados who will hate this sentence. The story of four people in a cabin who prove things actually can go wrong when you open a doorway to hell, this film made Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi Hollywood names. “Pass me some sugar, baby!”

20. Rosemary’s Baby (1968): Four out of five Satanists think Rosemary’s baby is the Antichrist. This film made Roman Polanski famous before he made himself infamous. It also taught us that perfectly normal looking people could be Satanists. . . or Obamatologists. “He sleeps above his crib. . . three feet above his crib.”

Again, these aren’t necessarily the best or scariest movies, nor are they my favorites. But they will be on the test, so know them. And if you’ve missed any, October is the perfect month to catch up on them.

So what did I miss? Or better yet, what are your favorites?

We all know who fantasizes and encourages violence. If it’s not just a guy in Obama’s neighborhood it’s a guy introducing Obama or unions or disturbing stuff like this:

It’s the Left.

Liars in the world of entertainment will tell you that what happens on screen has no real-world effect. Which is why corporations spend billions every year using visual mediums to get people to change their behavior through advertising.

You know, because it has no effect.

More here.

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Since 2010 only got me out to the movies twice (that I can remember) to see The Town and The Social Network, the internet became one of my main forms of entertainment.  That was where I found Drinking with Bob. Sure, he looks a little angry, but so am I.  However, thanks to Bob, I don’t need to get my blood pressure to the boiling point; he’s here to do it for me.  I was starving for an alternative viewpoint.  Sick and tired of being distracted by liberal celebrities and their need for attention, I needed some meaning.  And strangely enough, Bob delivered.

Somewhere in between Facebook, Sean Hannity, and the occasional Tivo’d Red Eye, I found Bob’s rants.  His website and YouTube channel represent the reason the internet has become an alternative venue for entertainment for so many.  It doesn’t have any sponsors or politically correct audience to temper its intent or its delivery.  Sure there is a lot of crap, but when you come across a gem like Drinking with Bob, it makes it all worthwhile.  Each installment starts off with: “What’s next? I’ll tell you what’s next…” and then blasts off into a tirade over anything from the NFL cancelling a game due to snow to why he thinks Ben Affleck is a hypocritical d-bag.  He covers it all and no one is safe, especially President Obama and his nonsensical policies.  You know the ones that make you want to punch your own head, like spending millions on a census commercial during the Super Bowl? 

I don’t know Bob’s last name and I don’t care.  He thinks like I do, shares the same insights as I have, and even gets as angry as I do.  But the difference is that Bob can rant with the best of ‘em.   He crams more rational thought into a two-minute video than you ever thought possible.  His tirades reach such a fever pitch that it leaves you wondering if he’s going to have an aneurysm right before your eyes. When I hear something in the news that annoys me, I wonder if Bob is feeling it too.  I imagine that, somewhere in New York City, he is forming the perfect response with the right dose of humor, anger, and common sense.

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I contacted Bob and he was more than happy to answer some of my questions. He began making videos in 2004 about celebrities and bad drivers.  It wasn’t until the last Presidential campaign that Bob got political.  Motivated by anger, Bob was tired of people being “silenced by the politically correct shackles of the mainstream media” and decided to do something about it.   He considers himself “an independent fighting for the ideology of common sense.”  Check out his classic rants for an introduction.  Warning: Once you start, you’ll be hooked.  Oh, and they are not for the kids — strictly adult entertainment.

Bob is a New Yorker. This means he has no problem telling you how he really feels. Whether it’s disgust in the prolonged feigned interest in the Chilean miners or sending relief money we don’t have to Haiti. It’s a swift kick of reality right where it counts.

You’ll be relieved to know that Bob tries to take care of himself so he doesn’t have a heart attack.  He sounds like a good guy to me.  The type of guy that appreciates what he has and is grateful for being born in the greatest country in the world.  He respects the military and seems to know what is important and what’s frivolous.   I thank goodness there are people like Bob out there daring to make sense of so much senseless behavior.

Hollywood and the mainstream media will be a thing of the past if they don’t wake up and see what the majority of this country wants.   The entertainment industry has a monopoly on our film, television, and news that is forcing people to go elsewhere.   I wanted to be entertained but there was no outlet worthy of my hard-earned cash.  Instead, the web caught my attention.  It offered the diversity, values, and sense of humor that reflect my ideology.  If Hollywood won’t do or say it, someone else can with nothing more than a webcam. I can’t wait to see what’s next.

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There is another world out there, young pop bands shunning the traditional channels and using the internet to sell their exquisitely crafted, gloriously melodic pop.  Twenty-ten was another banner year in which it was difficult to limit the top ten to only ten.  Nevertheless, here goes.

1. Oranjuly formed in 2009 joining lead singer and writer Brian E. King who had already been working on these songs for years.  Every year it seems a one-man band emerges to stun us.  In years past it’s been Roger Klug and Josh Fix.  This year it’s Oranjuly’s Brian E. King who says, “I played everything but drums and cello. I did play drums on South Carolina though!”  Now the band is a five piece so they can reproduce these astounding sounds in public.  This time the Jellyfish comparisons are apt.  King also has a knack for sunny Beach Boys-style harmonies which permeate the record.  If architecture is frozen music this is the Taj Mahal.

2. Sunrise Highway Instant classic.  Seamless collection of sunset (not sunrise, as the title suggests) dreamy surf-tinged pop that effortlessly evokes the world as it might appear in a Thomas Kinkade painting with swooningly gorgeous stacked harmonies.  Yes Brian Wilson is a cornerstone but there’s so much more going on here, and in songs like “Magic” and “Roundabout,” Sunshine Highway establishes their own sound firmly.  Instrumentally challenging—note guitarist Marc Silvert’s bent note solo on “Endless Summer.”  Silvert wrote most of this material which makes him a major American songwriter in my book.

3. Timmy Sean: Songs From & Inspired by Noisewater. Another one-man band.  Timmy Sean started recording in ’06 and finished in ’10 as the cover art amusingly illustrates.  Much like Bryan Scary’s first record, Sean puts together a keyboard-based minor mode masterpiece in “Noisewater Overture,” theme music to epic noir science fiction.  The melody works you over like a Rolfing specialist but it only feels good.  Every song is a polished gem of great pop dynamics.  Brian Mahoney plays sax on the Billy Joel-esque “If Your Mother Has Her Way.”  I would be remiss for not mentioning the exquisitely Beatle-inspired “Wait” with a bridge to die for.

4. Buva: Not Scary!  Friendly! Opening with lazy day acoustic guitar, Buva spins a beguiling web on “Smoke Into the Sky,” sounding more like Badfinger than Badfinger itself.  Again the key is endless melodic invention with well-thought-out hooks and choruses that will have you singing along.  Buva (Tom Wolfe) shuns Brill Bdlg song conventions on “You Say It Too” which consists of three movements—the Byrds-like tonic, fantastic bridge and a chorus that is both surprising and logical.  “Hide Away” has a McCartney feel.  So if you love the Three Bees; Beach Boys, Byrds and Beatles, add a fourth.

5. The High Dials: Anthems for Doomed Youth.  This is the second year in a row the High Dials have landed on my top ten list.  This Canadian quartet absorbed the principles of early Brit rock: the Zombies, the Beau Brummels, Pink Floyd, and melds it with a modern psychedelic edge that makes their music seem both familiar and experimental.  “Teenage Love” charges out of the gate with chiming guitars and a massive hook.  More than a touch of Byrds here.  “Uruguay” combines chamber pop with an anthemic chorus and stadium guitars.  “The Rich Die Too” doesn’t sound too much like the Zombies.  Ceaseless melodic invention.

6. Paul Collins: King of Power Pop! Paul Collins was in the Nerves which split giving birth to Paul Collins’ Beat and the Plimsouls.  The Beat is a great American rock band in the tradition of The Replacements.  King of Power Pop! Is a straight-ahead blast of no-frills power pop with rockabilly undertones thanks to Collins’ unique voice.  He’s still got that duck’s ass glissando at the end of each vocal.  Songs like “C’mon Let’s Go!” “Do You Wanna Love Me” and “Doin’ It for the Ladies” speak for themselves.  “Don’t Blame Your Troubles on Me” is an appropriately snotty expression of middle-aged punk fury.  Paul throws in a two minute version of “The Letter” as homage to his spiritual predecessor Alex Chilton.  “The Kings of Power Pop” has surprising emotional heft.

7. The Like: Release Me. Okay, this one’s on Geffen.  Score one for the dinosaur media.  Cheeky all girl quartet with a designer bag full of great girl songs.  Sounds a lot like the Shangri-Las.  Grabs you with “Wishing He Was Dead” and carries all the way through.  Standouts include “Walk of Shame,” “Narcissus in a Red Dress,” and the insanely catchy “Catch Me If You Can.”  Do you crave cheesy Farfisa organ?  It’s all here.  (Not played by regular organist Annie Monroe, but by studio honcho Victor Axelrod.)  Lead singer Z Berg has that classic Maryanne Faithful sound.

8. The Contrast: God of Malfunction. “We are strange and getting stranger/We won’t change we’ll screw the danger,” the Contrast sing on “Coming Back to Life.”  Insistent beat, exquisite harmonies, offbeat chords, and pumping roller rink organ permeate every song.  “I Am an Alien” sounds like Ziggy Stardust era Bowie.   “Better than They Seem,” an ironic paean to positive thinking combines Beatlesque chords and harmonies with a dissonant bridge.  “She’s a Disaster” evokes Jefferson Airplane but these guys are just off-kilter enough to create their own sound.

9. Zombies of the Stratosphere: Ordinary People.   These lovers of classic Brit pop (including the Zombies) and American psychedelia incorporate a vast panoply of influences to create a highly melodic and very personal statement.  The opener, “Our Life in Shadow Falls,” is almost pure Kinks save for Arthur Smith’s very un-Davies-like vocal.  “Love Song 99” borrows Marshall Crenshaw’s chords with a classic Brit-rock bridge and chorus.  “Flyboy” might have come off the Dukes of Stratospheare record.

“The Other Side of the World” is sui generis, a bittersweet rocker with a doo wop chorus.

“All Those Pretty Lies” ends the record on a sigh.

10. Smash Palace. Don’t play this in the car.  “Win It All” is Raspberries-strength power pop that instantly adds 30 mph to your speed.  Hard-edged but sweet Replacements-like band effortlessly bangs out one hook after another.  “Win” and the follow-up “How Can You Say” pack an almost Stones-like one-two-punch before the band breaths deep with the pleasingly off-kilter “Holding Out For You.”  “All in Love is Fair” sounds like the theme song to a Peter Gunn-type show.  Stephen Butler has a matinee idol’s voice—a young Peter Cetera.  Plays excellent guitar too.  “Somebody Up There Likes Me” is a rockin’ expression of gratitude.