Creepy, right? I have not seen Haunting and will probably wait for DVD or pay cable, but that is a weird, startling, attention-grabbing image. As a movie junkie, I love good movie art. The best movie posters are evocative. They capture what a movie is all about without giving away the mystery. There are certain movie posters that instantly put me back in that theatre experiencing the film for the very first time. The best movie posters are not just promotional tools. They stand as a work of art on their own. These are my favorites, buit it is by no means a definitive list. Feel free to add your favorites (and subtract any of mine).

#1 – JAWS
I saw this all-time classic as a 9-year-old on opening day, and saw it a second time at the Saturday matinee. To this day, I am afraid to swim in the ocean. That shark is always there in my imagination. The poster is literal, but haunting.

#2 – CHINATOWN
This is truly a work of art. The smoke shrouding the ultimate mystery of Evelyn Mulwray, and the stylized version of Jake Gittes (played by Jack Nicholson), the hard-boiled detective who unravels it all.

#3 – THE DARK KNIGHT
Impossible to separate Heath Ledger’s death from his remarkable interpretation of The Joker. This is an amazing image. In 30 years, I will look at this poster and immediately feel the impact of Christopher Nolan’s masterpiece.

#4 – BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S
You can almost hear Audrey Hepburn warbling “Moon River” at the sight of this iconic poster. Every woman wanted to be her and every man wanted to be with her.

#5 – SECRETARY
The 2002 cult classic about a sadomasochistic relationship between a demanding lawyer (James Spader) and a submissive secretary (Maggie Gyllenhaal). The movie is an under-appreciated gem. The poster may be even better.

#6 – UNFORGIVEN
This is my favorite poster made for Clint Eastwood’s masterful revisionist Western. Simple. Classic. Tells you everything you need to know about Clint’s Bill Munny character.

#7 – AMERICAN BEAUTY
A beautiful image that suggests the perversity that lies just beneath the surface of the suburban neighborhood created by screenwriter Alan Ball and director Sam Mendes.

#8 – SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
“You will let me know when those lambs stop screaming, won’t you?” You can almost hear Dr. Hannibal Lecter say it. The Death’s-head moth “lodged” in Clarice Starling’s throat. Brilliant image.

#9 – VERTIGO
An ode to acrophobia as Detective Scottie Ferguson (as played by Jimmy Stewart) battles his fear of heights while becoming obsessed with Madeleine Elster (the stunning Kim Novak). This kaleidoscopic design immediately brings the strains of Bernard Hermann’s amazing score into my head.

#10 – PULP FICTION
Uma Thurman as Mia Wallace in all her swagger. Yes, she does wind up with a sharpie circle on her chest and a shot of adrenaline, but the whole gritty movie is captured with this image.

HONORABLE MENTION
- in no particular order -
A CLOCKWORK ORANGE
SWEENEY TODD
MEAN STREETS
AMADEUS
GONE WITH THE WIND
METROPOLIS
KING KONG (1939 Fay Wray version)
CLOVERFIELD
THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY

Steve Mason is on Facebook and now also on Twitter@LAMase.

Whereas some people quake at the idea of going up in an airplane, others parachute out of planes just for the heck of it.  What’s more, they pay good money for the privilege. Go figure. 

Aside from listening to political speeches and watching really scary movies, the thing that invariably brings out the yellow in my complexion is finding myself in a high place — be it a mountain top, a tall building or even the back of a horse.  I’ve always said it’s probably a good thing that I’m short because if I were any taller, I’d probably get vertigo every time I stood up. 

Otherwise, I am basically fearless.  It’s not that I’m oblivious to the dangers that surround me, but that I’m aware that the odds are in my favor.  For instance, living here in Los Angeles, I’m well aware that we’ve become world-famous for our home invasions, our pit bull attacks and our frequent freeway shootings.  But there are several million of us potential victims out here and, therefore, I can’t help but like my chances. And so far, so good. 

Like everybody else, I keep hearing that the next earthquake will turn Nevada into a state with a coastline, but it seems like I’ve been hearing that for most of my life.  At present, the biggest danger I face when I venture outside is that some knee-jerk liberal is going to open his yap and try to convince me that the $800 billion stimulus package is as pork-free as a kosher kitchen. 

Part of my fearlessness, I acknowledge, is mostly a matter of temperament. Maybe I suffer from a low metabolism.  But some people seem to crave the drama of impending disaster, almost like a heroin junkie craves his needle.  These are the people who were convinced that when the clock struck midnight ushering in the year 2000, the banks were going to crash, dogs were going to get up and walk around on their hind legs, and civilization, such as it is, was going to come tumbling down. 

Such people, who seem to have Chicken Little as their role model, stocked up on a year’s supply of water, buried gold in their backyard, and armed themselves to the teeth just in case their friends and neighbors came sneaking over to swipe their powdered eggs. 

I’m simply not the sort who panics.  That’s not to say that I am entirely without contingency plans, just that they don’t involve Armageddon.  For instance, being afraid of heights as I am, I’m a bit of a nervous Nellie when it comes to elevators.  No sooner do I step inside one of those death traps then I begin picturing cables snapping overhead. Having an option, I’ll usually use an escalator or take the stairs.  But that’s not always feasible.  So it is that I have formulated a plan just in case I should find myself in an elevator plummeting towards the basement.  I intend to keep jumping.  I figure if I’m in mid-air at the point of impact, I have a good chance of walking away intact. 

Those of you who are scientifically-inclined and feel obliged to set me straight as to my chances of winding up as anything but a human flapjack will kindly keep it to yourselves. 

Recently, I regret to say, I have had to add a second item to my list of fears.  And, of all things, it’s my toothpaste.  As a rule, I don’t wear my reading glasses when I’m brushing my teeth.  But, as luck would have it, they were perched on my nose the other morning.  Which was why, for the first time ever, I noticed there was a warning on my tube of Crest.  In small, but bold letters, it said, “Keep out of reach of children under 6 yrs. of age.”  Then in a smaller font, it stated, “If more than used for brushing is accidentally swallowed, get medical help or contact a Poison Control Center right away.” 

I experienced a combination of very unpleasant emotions.  First, I was confused by the change of font size.  Was the entire warning directed towards little children?  Were only they being warned of the lethal hazard because only they were likely to sit down and consume an entire tube of the stuff?  But what about the children who are old enough to brush, but not old enough to read? 

But, then, right on top of the confusion came fear.  What if the change in lettering meant that even adults such as myself were at risk?  How much toothpaste was too much? And how soon is “right away?” And why are they sticking poison in toothpaste in the first place?  And in the second place, how can you tell until it’s too late that you’ve consumed too much?  Wouldn’t it be like alcohol where people have different tolerance levels?  And should we all have the local Poison Control Center on speed-dial just in case we forget to rinse?  And is there anything a layman can do in case one of our loved ones, in a fit of despondency, decides to end it all by over-brushing? 

I suppose the only good thing about such a tragedy is that at the funeral, people viewing the remains are likely to say, “He looks so life-like…and don’t his teeth look nice and shiny?” 

Finally, if I can’t trust my toothpaste not to poison me, who or what can I trust? Can I trust my fork not to poke me in the eye?  How can I be certain that my shoes won’t jump in front of a truck?  Does my dog really like me or is he just working on establishing an alibi before murdering me because I’ve put him on a diet? 

There is of course a lesson to be learned from my tale of woe.  Just as you should never run in the house carrying a pair of scissors and you should never do your own electrical work, you should never, but never, wear reading glasses in the bathroom.

But, no. Not yet. Can’t stand any one of them. What am I doing wrong?

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2001: A Space Odyssey – Some compare this to watching paint dry, but that’s unfair because when paint dries SOMETHING ACTUALLY HAPPENS.

Kubrick was a genius and his intentional stripping of humanity from many of his later films may have been the point, but not always an appealing one. A film without humanity is nothing more than a cinematic coffee table book, something to flip through with your attention at half-mast during a conversation about your day at the office. “The Killing,” “Lolita,” “A Clockwork Orange,” “Paths of Glory,” and “Spartacus…” those are Kubrick’s true masterworks.

“2001” they should loop at Gitmo.

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Raging Bull (1980) -Technically, “Raging Bull” has a lot going for it, but the ugliness is relentless to the point where you become numb to it. A character study should study a character worthy of your time. De Niro’s Jake La Motta just isn’t interesting. For the whole film we watch the same character act the same way. The situations change, but little else.

After 45-minutes, I get it – I get it – I get it…

Many believe “Raging Bull” wuz robbed for Best Picture by Robert Redford’s “Ordinary People.” Personally, I’d rather watch “Ordinary People” while kneeling on marbles, and my opinion of Martin Scorsese’s “The Departed” is even lower.

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Vertigo (1958) – A better title might have been “Tedious.” To be fair to Hitchcock, the problem could be as simple as casting. My affection for the Golden Age is deep, but not blind, and Kim Novak wasn’t a very appealing actress. Her “Vertigo” character(s) are blah and her make-up atrocious. Therefore, the James Stewart character’s obsession with her makes little sense, which in turn keeps me at an emotional distance. Change nothing else, but put Deborah Kerr in the Novak role and my opinion might change completely. An obsession with Kerr I can relate to.

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Anything By Wes Anderson without the Word “Rushmore” in the Title – “Rushmore” is a flat out masterpiece, the rest not so much. Sure, “Bottle Rocket” is okay in that subdued indie kinda way we all feel we’re supposed to like, but Anderson’s films have slowly degraded since, starting with “The Royal Tenenbaums.” There’s no denying he’s a talented filmmaker with a unique voice, and it may just be that I hate “quirky” with the heat of a thousand suns, but the genius of “Rushmore” was the affection we felt for Jason Schwartzman’s irrepressible Max Fischer. Everything Anderson’s done since has jettisoned characters you feel something for in favor of a sterile, off-beat tone.

No thanks.

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Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001 ) – Huge fan of part 2, kinda dig part 3, but the first one is just too episodic for my taste.

We’ve all got a few of these films we dislike that might get us kicked off the cool kids’ table.

Fess up.