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It would be ridiculously easy for our so-called political satirists to use Obama’s teleprompter addiction as a way to define him for the fool he really is…

Which is why our so-called political satirists refuse to do so.

It ain’t about the funny. It’s about the politics.

These people aren’t satirists, they’re left-wing partisans disguised as satirists.

Happy mayhem surrounds Sarah Palin.  Pushing, snapping, hugging.  I couldn’t get near her if I tried, so I just stood in the back watching the circus.  At one point, I couldn’t resist, while she was signing Ron Rivoli’s guitar, I reached out my arm through the crowd and touched her red jacket with my finger!

I spent one week on the Tea Party Express’s three week bus tour across the country.  In each city from Searchlight to Sioux St. Marie to Washington D.C., this great group of patriots and I were received by throngs of loving, passionate Americans who share our concern about the TYRANNY that has hijacked our government.  It’s amazing how many different creative, original ways that FREEDOM can be expressed.  The signs were hilarious and righteous.  Lots of smiling, singing, and photographs.

There were a few protesters on the outskirts of our rallies, but I only saw one up close.  In Albany, NY standing next to a statue of George Washington was an angry black woman holding a sign that said, “Yes, We Can.”  She looked very angry.  The media was on her like flies.  They got shots of our Tea Party crowd with her in the foreground.  I was asked to pose next to her for a group shot.  I kept glancing at her face.  It takes a lot of energy to keep a frown that long.  Finally, I asked her, “Why are you so angry?”  She whipped her head around,  her eyes on fire with hate, and snarled, “Don’t talk to me, Whitey.”  I walked away slowly, wondering why she was so mad at me.

I suspect she doesn’t like white people.

I used to think that black people didn’t like me because of the slavery thing a hundred years ago.  But, I just learned from Lloyd Marcus’ book “Confessions of a Black Conservative” that blacks are taught since the day they are born that “Whitey is keeping them down.”  No wonder why she hates me.  She doesn’t know it is a Liberal lie.

In Lloyd Marcus’ book he talks about growing up in the “projects.”  He says that his family moved into a brand new building that within two years was filthy and dangerous.  Lloyd says, “All I kept hearing from the majority of adults was that everything was the ‘white man’s fault.’  Even at the tender age of nine, I sarcastically thought to myself, ‘How can we stop these evil white people from sneaking in here at night, peeing in the stairwell, leaving broken wine bottles on the ground, smashing the light bulbs, and attacking people.’”

He explains that the “liberal cradle-to-grave government dependency programs kill incentive and ultimately hurt people.  Meanwhile, Conservatism is branded as mean and heartless.  What is ultimately heartless is an ideology that enslaves people in a system that rewards sloth and discourages achievement.”

Lloyd continues to explain that he has “witnessed the devastating effect of liberalism in his own family.”  He writes, “My forty-something drug addicted cousin is a serial ‘impregnator’ with several out of wedlock children.  And yet, he enjoys a new townhouse, food stamps, free health care, and methadone all funded by working taxpayers.  In essence, the government is enabling and funding my cousin’s irresponsible life-style.”

On the Tea Party Express Bus, there was an NBC reporter filming us for a Dateline Tea Party story.   We were weary and stinky from days on the road.  Richie, the young, handsome reporter asked us to discuss the racism charges brought against the Tea Party movement.  I mumbled that I wouldn’t waste my breath replying to that accusation.  The Progressives are just worried that the November election is going to be a Conservative Victory.  Racism… pretty lame if you ask me.  My teenage daughter is on the front of the bus flirting with David, a black teenager:

His black father William is sitting near me sleeping.  Reporter Richie keeps bringing up the race thing, for over an hour.  Finally, I explode, “The President is a Racist!  The “police acted stupidly” comment Obama made about the Crowley-Gates affair was the most racist thing I have heard in a long time.  And shame on the President for purposefully stirring up racial conflict!  It popped out of his mouth at the end of a health care speech when he was off Teleprompter!  Oops!  His Jeremiah Wright training leaking out!”  I immediately realized I’d given the NBC guy the fodder he was after.   I was caught in a tired moment and I didn’t even have my make-up on.  Well… Obama is a racist, but I don’t want to be involved in childish tit-for-tat whining.

I just want my country to be FREE.

When Richie the reporter switched buses, I went back to my meandering on the past days’ events.  After giving short speeches and singing my uke songs in each city, I was getting better at it.  Politics is all new to me, remember.  Boston and D.C. would be the final stops.  In Boston, after I had touched Sarah’s jacket with my finger, I had gone back to watching her talk to her fans when suddenly Sarah had turned around and our eyes met.  She did a double take and said, “Oh!  I love you!”  She hugged me and then she said, “Thanks for all you’re doing.  I want your autograph!”

For the rest of the day I was speechless with a dumb grin on my face…

…Except when I had to give my speech.  I channeled Sarah and it went well:

You should have heard the crowd!  (They weren’t miked.) They were awesome.  Wow.  And…

I met Sarah Palin.

Obama’s Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner

It’s a sad state of affairs when you have to credit satirists for doing what they are supposed to be doing, but as SNL spins the lamest impersonation ever to chastise Obama for not being liberal enough and Bill Maher obsessively pounds out 3,000 words hoping to undo his own status as a punchline after a public meltdown, we’ll take what we can get.

Look, as I’ve always said the most important quality, in a man, is humility. And I want to lead America, by example.

Lots of Americans sit around and uh, wonder how I can stand to be so awesome day in and day out. And I’m not going to lie to you, it’s a difficult balance. My humility always returns when I look to my wife, Michelle.

She’s more of a man than I’ll ever be, and she can bench-press triple her weight, which is no small number. Roughly speaking, it’s slightly less than the deficit.

And uh…I understand this is a vast right-wing conspiracy humor site. And some of you are pretty harsh with your views on me. But I’m just like you.

My Grandma was a racist, just like all of you who didn’t vote for me. So, I’m exactly like 50% of all Americans, except I no longer have bowel movements, sometimes marvel at how easy it is to walk on water, kiss the press in private places, and ignore historical proof that, uh, my ideas may not be as good as I think.

You mock my teleprompter, and uh, as I’ve always said, I use it to appear more humble. The “uh’s” and tennis-match-observer head motions have always been my plan. When it breaks, during a speech, I appear humble by bumbling my sentences. This is all pre-planned. In fact, right now the teleprompter is scrolling at an unruly rate, so uh, I have to fake it.

Now, look — I know you Americans, who uh, understand history seem to think socialism is a failed idea. I don’t know. History. And, we’re halfway through my term, or at least half-way through the first year of my regime — and I’ve managed to implement socialism, in new and exciting ways.

And I encourage humility, especially in Americans who make more than minimum wage, because it takes humility to pay the kind of taxes I am planning for you. Trust me, this hurts me more than it hurts you. That’s an old Kenyan saying, one my Father taught me during the 5 hours I spent with him during my life.

Proof of my humility, in the middle of my awesome regime, may be found in a very public mistake I’ve made. Yes, I picked Biden so I’d look good, and the truly humble thing to do, would have been to pick Hillary as my veeper. But look, I’m still working on the humility. And mostly doing an outstanding job.

Pabulum to the ‘downtrodden’… manna to the Constitutional deconstructionists… and justification to history revisionists everywhere.  But prior to the election these euphemistic phrases were long on emotional incitement and glaringly short on substance.  If words can be taken to mean anything…ultimately, they mean nothing.

Or so we thought.

Five months after the election we are starting to see that President Obama meant something very specific with these slogans that helped garner him the election.  It just wasn’t quite what any of us Americans thought he meant.

No one really believed that this ‘new direction’ Mr. Obama wanted to take the country would pay anything more than lip service to the Marxist ideologies of history’s dark past.  With such an infamous cast of predecessors as Stalin, Hitler, Khrushchev, Castro, Mao… who could ever juxtapose such a charming and ingratiating figure as the handsome young Senator from Illinois?  And he loves his family and smiles so warmly.  I get a thrill up my leg.

But if we can still our beating, fawning hearts for one moment, just long enough to focus on reality…perhaps we can begin to see what this Change-We-Apparently-Needed-and- Supposedly-Now-Can-Believe-In…really is.

In Europe this month, our president apologized for our arrogance.  He apologized for us causing the world economic troubles.  He apologized for George Bush, Gitmo, the war in Iraq, the trouble between Muslims and Everyone Else… and for the despicable evils of Capitalism.

At home, not one to let a Crisis go unexploited, the President turbocharged the printing presses at The Mint, poured nitro-methane into the spending machine and spun dollars out of our pockets faster than goose-down in a hurricane.  Our grandchildren’s children’s children will be paying off our debt well into the next ice age.

After maintaining that they don’t want to micro-manage businesses, our president fired the CEO of a private company, promised to fire anyone from the private sector they don’t like, for any reason; and we are now asked to simply trust them to do the ‘right thing’.   Bureaucrats, with no prior experience running a corporation, will now run Fortune 500 companies as it suits them, picking and choosing, micro-managing at will.  TARP funds in play, bail-out funds clicking in, and bonuses held ransom, Big Government will stick-and-carrot American industry to its liking…or else.

And just the ghost of Chairman Mao:  Behind every ‘or else’…is the barrel of a gun.

“Oh Gary, Gary, Gary…  Aren’t you being just a bit melodramatic?  A little paranoid?  Just a tad over-the-top?”  You think so?  You think the federal government is just moving into American business as an ‘advisory council’ of some sort?  Offer assistance and good advice where it’s needed, but backing out within the actual workaday mechanism of commerce, trade and business?   And once the economy is booming again, the government will just graciously bow out…withdraw…go away?

Pinch yourself – you’re dreaming.

Ask yourself (and FDR apologists and sycophants need not apply) – How many of the freedom-shackling elements of The New Deal are still in place after seventy-six years?  Answer:  Nearly all of them.  So what is the likelihood that in future elections, with future administrations, that freedom-loving people will be able to reverse these Draconian measures already set into motion by the Obama administration?

Slim and none — and Slim just left town.

Mr. Obama had quite the love-fest going on abroad at the G-20 event in England.  Europeans love American Presidents who slam Americans.  For you see, Socialism doesn’t work in Europe any better than is does here, and this pisses them off.  It’s nice to have an American prez come out and claim that it’s all our fault.  This fosters an American-European group hug with warm fuzzies and candy cane sentiments.  And it doesn’t hurt either that he abdicates our national economic autonomy to the newly formed FBS (Financial Stability Board), an organization of twelve nations run by an Italian banker, that gives the U.S. one vote — even though our GDP is three times its closest rival (Japan).

This, I imagine, was concocted to take the edge off our ‘arrogance’.

Then he took the Magical Mystery Tour to four other nations that agreed we were arrogant and dismissive; he bowed low to the Saudi king…(oh, I’m sorry, I mean, leaned down low in the midst of his handshake to the monarch to admire the fine carpet.), and then, in turkey, by supporting the Wahabbists, dealt a non-support blow to the Turkish middle class who seek to maintain a secular Constitutional government.

Then, as North Korea launches a ballistic missile, Obama offered a stern ‘warning’ that North Korea’s missile launch will not be tolerated…and then went ahead and tolerated it.  So much so, that the very next day he issues a statement that our missile interceptor program will be cut drastically.  I’m not one to recommend increasing the size of government – ever… but I think perhaps a new cabinet position should emerge:  a Secretary of Consistency.

So I listened with great interest this morning as the President addressed his teleprompters at Georgetown University on the Wonderful Successes of The Obama Administration Dealing with the Economic Crisis.   And I just had to swoon.  President Obama is so smart, he is going to take over the entire formerly free market, and then, against all odds, manage, fix and render it solvent, practical, efficient.  Whew!  Now I can finally get some sleep.

And, amazingly, the President even invoked Biblical words, as in “…build your house upon the rock.” — likening his plan, I guess, to being as solid as having Faith in Christ.

Uh…. Now that’s arrogance we can believe in!

Are you kidding me??  When in history has a collectivist central-planning federal government ever lead to prosperity?  When has it ever lead to nothing but decline?  Decline and decimation of freedom, liberty, enterprise, and the economy?  When has shackling our engine of freedom, Capitalism, ever been a good idea for prolonged economic growth?

But the teleprompter rolls on.  They have figured it all out for us.  The President’s bullet-points sounded so efficient, and forceful, and humane.  Organized approach to the financial crisis.  Practical oversight tempered with responsible stimulus.  Restored Fairness and Balance to our tax code.

Fairness?   He reaffirmed his commitment “to provide tax-cuts to 95% of working families”.   But what about ‘families’ who aren’t working?  I will bet you dollars to donuts they still get a check.  That’s how we define ‘fair’ now.  People who don’t pay taxes get ‘tax break’ checks.  And what about the 5% who don’t get tax cuts?  Wellsir… their taxes are going to go waaaaaaaaayyyyyy up.  Because they ‘can afford it’, dontcha know.  How do I know that?  Hey, ask any Liberal/socialist.  They know.  They have the innate ability to determine who can afford what.  It’s a special class they take at the university, in the Humanities and Philosophy Departments nationwide – Rich Dude Take-Down, 101.

That will get the economy humming.

A typical reaction after an Obama speech is to feel hopeful…bolstered… inspired… even proud.  But then, like a tailing off sugar-rush, you come down from the Obama high.  And you’re more confused than ever.

Fairness?  I don’t know what that means anymore.  Sort of like Hope…Change…Yes we can.  Meaningless fluff, concocted to elicit an emotional feel-good temperament…while control-hungry despots carve up our world and send our freedom up in smoke.

I’m curious to see how long before the voters beg for a do-over.  And if the frog in the boiling water will be able to leap out…or whether if by then, it will be too late.

But I’m just being melodramatic.

When life gives you lemons… Poke fun at the absurdly oblivious Vice President and his pipe-cleaneresque hair-plugs.

Sung to the tune of “The Boys of Summer“:

Obama overload
Obama overreach
We feel it everywhere
Trillions in the breach

Empty bank, empty Street
Dollar goes down alone

Pelosi’s in the House
So we now all must atone

But we can see through-
Your broken promises oh One
You got your head cocked back and your teleprompter on, maybe
And can we tell you our love for you will still be strong
After the hope of November’s gone?

We never will forget those nights
We wonder if it was a dream
Remember how you made us crazy?
Remember how we made you beam
Now we do understand what happened to our love

Barack, we’re gonna cut no slack

We’re gonna show you what we’re made of

We can see through–
Your broken promises oh One
We see you talkin’ real slow and you’re smilin’ at everyone
Can we tell you our love for you will still be strong
After the hope of November’s gone?

Out on the road today, I saw a OBAMA sticker on a Cadillac
A little voice Inside my head said, “Don’t look back. You can never look back.”
We thought we knew what love was
What did we know?
Those days are gone forever
We should just let them go but-

We can see through-
Your broken promises oh One
You got that Rush pulled down and talk radio gone, maybe
And can we tell you our love for you will still be strong
After the hope of November’s gone?

We can see through-
Your broken promises oh One
You got your head cocked back and your teleprompter on, maybe
Can we tell you our love for you will still be strong
After the hope of November’s gone?

I noticed Helen doze off a time or two during the Presidential presser. She seemed to have this attitude that this whole thing was interrupting her evening. I am willing to kick in a few extra bucks myself to find her a place in a managed care facility. Isn’t there some sort of liberal social safety net for their aging propagandists?

That Helen Thomas is still employed is amazing given the fact that she appears to have passed away several years ago. Employed and dead! This feat had previously only been accomplished by city employees in Chicago’s garbage removal department.

I am not exactly sure what rag employs Ms. Thomas. This is what really amazes me. Somewhere out there is an editor who one day said, “The world needs a ninety year olds’ view of the news. Why just hear about the last depression when we can have somebody who lived through it?” Perhaps this attitude explains the downward spiral of the dinosaur press.

Oh yeah, the President also said something about spending trillions to get the economy moving. I could have sworn I heard him say that his plan was to grow the economy by raising taxes on the rich and charities, and expanding government control of business and health care. I think I also heard him say by omission that if Congress didn’t give the middle class the tax break he promised it wouldn’t be a deal breaker. Do those girls have a puppy yet?