Amazing what you can do with a cup of truth mixed with a dash of exaggeration…. We’ve been pretty hard on “The Onion,” and deservedly so, but some credit is due here for their decision to target an obvious Obama weak spot, his reliance on a teleprompter:
Obama’s Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
| 
Guest Post by Barack Hussein Obama transcribed from the teleprompter by Moxie:
Look, as I’ve always said the most important quality, in a man, is humility. And I want to lead America, by example.
Lots of Americans sit around and uh, wonder how I can stand to be so awesome day in and day out. And I’m not going to lie to you, it’s a difficult balance. My humility always returns when I look to my wife, Michelle.
She’s more of a man than I’ll ever be, and she can bench-press triple her weight, which is no small number. Roughly speaking, it’s slightly less than the deficit. (more…)
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
|
In the 1984 NBA draft, the Portland Trail Blazers used the second pick to select University of Kentucky star Sam Bowie over then 21-year-old Michael Jordan, marking the greatest oversight in our nation’s history. Until now. On newsstands today you’ll find People Magazine’s “100 Most Beautiful” edition. Anyone modestly attentive to American culture will notice the conspicuous absence of the flyest honey ever to rep the GOP on the national stage: Sarah Palin.
This error would be egregious even without context, but wait until you hear who actually made the list:
There is an entire spread called “Barack’s Beauties” featuring seven Obama staffers who are among the USA’s finest 100–easily the highest number of executive branch hotties since the Coolidge administration. (more…)
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
|
The simple catch-phrase slogans bandied about for the past year were the thing of pop culture legend. Hope. Change We Need. Change We Can Believe In. Yes We Can.
Pabulum to the ‘downtrodden’… manna to the Constitutional deconstructionists… and justification to history revisionists everywhere. But prior to the election these euphemistic phrases were long on emotional incitement and glaringly short on substance. If words can be taken to mean anything…ultimately, they mean nothing.
Or so we thought.
Five months after the election we are starting to see that President Obama meant something very specific with these slogans that helped garner him the election. It just wasn’t quite what any of us Americans thought he meant. (more…)
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
|
In this episode, “NewsBusted” covers: North Korea’s missle launch, Pep Boys, Queen Elizabeth’s iPod gift, Best Buy, Obama bows to Saudi Arabian King, TelePrompter, Tea Parties, Obama’s illegal alien aunt, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Penn, Madonna, and Miley Cyrus.
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
|
On November 4th, 2008, when I realized that Joe Biden was going to be the next Vice President of the United States, I swear that I could hear “Taps” playing faintly in the distance. There’s no used crying over spilled milk however, which is why I say; Let’s laugh at this chump while we can. Oh Joe! What will he do next?
When life gives you lemons… Poke fun at the absurdly oblivious Vice President and his pipe-cleaneresque hair-plugs.
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
|
Sung to the tune of “The Boys of Summer“:
Obama overload
Obama overreach
We feel it everywhere
Trillions in the breach
Empty bank, empty Street
Dollar goes down alone
Pelosi’s in the House
So we now all must atone (more…)
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
|
I watched the Presidential news conference last night and perhaps the most striking thing I learned was that there is apparently some sort of assisted-care shortage in America. I figured that out when I saw Helen Thomas there in the front row. I used to think she was always in the front row as some sort of odd show of respect. It occurred to me last night that she might never leave her seat. I have come to believe that Helen has been in that seat since sometime in the Carter administration.
I noticed Helen doze off a time or two during the Presidential presser. She seemed to have this attitude that this whole thing was interrupting her evening. I am willing to kick in a few extra bucks myself to find her a place in a managed care facility. Isn’t there some sort of liberal social safety net for their aging propagandists? (more…)
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
|
Even before it won this year’s Academy Award for Best Documentary I was curious to see “Man On Wire.” Movies so often reflect the zeitgeist of the time that a lot can be learned from trying to divine what makes a film speak to its audience.
If you haven’t seen it, “Man On Wire” is an engrossing documentary about the French wirewalker, Philippe Petit who, on August 7, 1974, spent about forty-five minutes balancing on a wire illegally stretched between the two World Trade Center towers. Much of the film is put together out of home movies that Petit, his girlfriend Annie Allix, and a variety of cohorts made of themselves during the six years they plotted and trained for their crime. That’s the first indication that something is very much morally awry with Petit and his pals. Talented circus performer that he may be, Petit fancies himself to be such a “great artiste” that his narcissistic desire to defy death while demonstrating his skill trumps all protestations. He merits his obsession to be so important, that it all had to be documented for posterity. There are numerous episodes showing his friends, desperately trying to talk him out of his insane scheme, and even some thirty years later one of his co-conspirators breaks down in tears recalling the stress from the possibility that he might have been complicit in his friend’s death. Nevertheless, Petit’s insufferable self-importance sweeps away all their objections. (more…)
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
|
Special Guest Video Commentary
By XD-235
Staff Teleprompter for the Obama Presidential Campaign
–
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
|
Reuters reports: Obama’s Safety Net: the TelePrompter
No other president has used one so consistently and at so many events, large and small…Obama has relied on a teleprompter through even the shortest announcements and when repeating the same lines on his economic stimulus plan that he’s been saying for months….In a break from his routine, Obama did not use a teleprompter during his pre-Inauguration speech at a factory in Bedford Heights, Ohio — and his delivery seemed to suffer. He paused too long at parts. He accentuated the wrong words. And overall he sounded hesitant and halting as he spoke from the prepared remarks on the podium…
“The problem is, he never looks at you,” [a television crewmember said.] He’s looking left, right, left, right — not at the camera. It’s almost like he’s not making eye contact with the American people.”
First Lady Michelle Obama said she is confident that her husband will be able to wean himself off the teleprompter just as he’s done at home, where as of this year he no longer needs it to tuck the girls in at night.
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
|
Tonight is one of the best nights of the year: The premiere of the 13th season of “South Park.” I consider myself one of America’s foremost “South Park” scholars and if I had to sum up the reason I love the show, it would be this: it spares no one. Take last season’s “About Last Night…” episode about Obama’s electoral victory–Obama, Palin, McCain, McCain supporters, and Obamaites are all evenly trashed. In South Park, satire trumps politics. Since 1997, “South Park” has been America’s safest bet for the splendid fusion of irreverence and insight.
They took up that mantle from “Saturday Night Live,” which now offers us neither. (more…)
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
|
1. Hides from Harry Reid in the White House’s old bowling alley.
2. Check his Blackberry’s GPS for Hillary’s location.
2a. Chooses the furthest country from Hillary’s present location and tells her to go there next.
3. Tells knee-slapping Biden Jokes. (more…)
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
|
THIS JUST IN: Reports from several Washington insiders came in today with several citizens who saw a flashing VACANCY sign when passing in front of the White House . Apparently it was one of those neon jobbers you see outside a cheap motel. “Vacancy…Vacancy…Vacancy…”
I don’t know, maybe I imagined it.
But hey – ol’ Air Force One is sure getting a workout, eh? Zipping here and there, transporting the President Blither and Yawn hither and yon. Today, President Obama jetted out to Columbus, Ohio to sell his Stimulus Package to the young, eager minds of the graduating police cadet class. In a moving and charismatic speech delivered straight to a couple of Plexiglas prompters on either side of him, the President told the two pieces of glass, “So many of you have been watching jobs disappear long before this recession hit. I don’t need to tell this graduating class what it’s like to know that your job might be next. Because up until a few weeks ago, that is precisely future that this class faced – a future that millions of Americans still face right now. Well, that is not a future I accept for the United States of America.” (more…)
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
|
“Thank you members of the press. Nice to see you. I’ll have a short statement then I’ll be happy to take some questions….”
Oh-oh- teleprompter went dead. Remain calm. Smile. Make eye contact.
Why the hell are all the press naked and smoking cigarettes? ……….. David Gregory,… Hannity, and Helen Thomas?!
Wake up. (more…)
Email this to a friend | Print |
Share on Facebook
| Tweet this
|
Follow Us on Twitter
Subscribe via RSS
Tips & Feedback
