Breaking News: Too much “Spongebob Squarepants” is bad for your kids. Yes, it’s true. The professionals have proven this.

Angeline Lillard and Jennifer Peterson from the University of Virginia’s department of psychology wanted to see “whether a fast paced television show immediately influences preschool-aged children’s executive function (eg. self-regulation, working memory).” The children who chose to watch “SpongeBob” instead of “Caillou” (a slow-paced cartoon on PBS meant for preschoolers) or drawing, performed poorly on tests, which included puzzles and counting backwards.

Of course Nickelodeon responded, and I agree with them. Why would these women choose “SpongeBob?” SpongeBob is not meant for preschoolers and therefore it’s not an appropriate show to use for a test. Plus the kids only saw nine minutes of the program. Shouldn’t they watch the entire episode? The researchers also polled the parents before and asked if their kids had a normal attention span. The Nickelodeon executive raises a good point when she wonders why any parent would admit their child doesn’t have a normal attention span. Honestly, I think I’d lie about that too.

Remember my post on “Sesame Street?” What’s the best way to push an agenda? CHILDREN. After all, how can you possibly argue when children are in danger? Dr. Dimitri Christakis says this study gives credence to the idea that media exposure is a public health issue. No, Doctor. Polio is a public health issue. Not “SpongeBob SquarePants.”

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If the real world was like a Hollywood movie, Julian Assange would step onto a rain-drenched sidewalk, insert the key into his Prius and be blown into several thousand pieces of blond Australian jerk.  From their observation post high above on a building, a pair of sinister CIA assassins would smile as they squelch yet another voice of freedom. 

Instead, the Wikileaks revelations and the pathetic aftermath demonstrate that far from being the omnipotent cadre of high-tech avengers, our leaders have apparently been reduced to hoping that the Swedes’ bizarre sex crime laws will do the dirty work for us.  Capping this twerp might be a bit harsh, but it’s not unreasonable to expect that we be able to come up with some better options for dealing with Wikileaks than cancelling his credit cards and leaving the rest up to Sven and Inga.

For decades, Hollywood has depicted the US intelligence establishment as some sort of all-seeing, all-powerful collection of high-tech killers in expensive suits hunting down those who interfere with America’s imperialist designs.  Hollywood has pushed the notion that our government officials are able to implement conspiracies of such ridiculous scope and audacity that they would embarrass a Truther – well, maybe not Hollywood Truther Charlie Sheen, who apparently doesn’t possess a shame gene.  And the lefties seem to buy that image –a preeminent lefty sight has revealed that the Swedish sex charges were trumped up by a Uppsula University feminist gender equity officer in cahoots with Cuban freedom fighters and the CIA.  The role of the Trilateral Commission is left unclear.

We wish we could pull that off!  In reality, instead of weaving exquisite tapestries of deception or launching waves of vicious kill-bots, we have an Attorney General whose Plan A was offering a searing condemnation of Wikileaks as “arrogant, misguided and ultimately not helpful.”  Wikileaks is “unhelpful” – shockingly, this harsh language somehow failed to deter Julian and Co.  After that smashing success, the AG has initiated Plan B and is promising to possibly consider perhaps contemplating maybe reviewing a number of options designed to somehow do something of some sort.  That is, if he’s not still preoccupied springing some New Black Panthers or failing to convince FIFA not to hold its 2022 shindigg in Qatar.  Figuring out how to lose sponsoring a soccer tournament expecting thousands of Brit, German, French and Italian fans/hooligans to a part of the world that frowns on alcohol probably took all of his attention.  (more…)

Compared to the generic twerps the Hollywood machine pumps out today and labels as “stars,” at 92, Ernest Borgnine remains the real deal. He is to the genetically-engineered robots like the Zac Effrons and Robert Pattinsons of the world what a shot of straight-up Jack Daniels is to a watered down cosmopolitan served with a straw. Borgnine has lived a real life, full of ups and down, and his face shows it. In contrast, today’s stars look like they were raised in protective cocoons after being genetically engineered to perfect their bone structure, dark eyebrows and pouting lips. And that’s just the guys.

Look at his life. Borgnine was born to Italian immigrant parents in 1917, spent 10 years in the Navy, including all of World War II, then bummed around as a second string character actor for another decade before snagging an Oscar in his first major role. The closest thing to life experience one of today’s stars has is a three week stint at $5,000-a-day rehab resort getting seaweed facials and talking about how his daddy never told him he loved him during group therapy while secretly gobbling the vicodins he smuggled in inside the liner of his Louis Vuitton cosmetics case. (more…)