I’m sorry Oliver, but as a *wink-wink* pro-Hugo Chavez filmmaker you can’t ask the Venezuelan strongman to let you film him pedaling around on a little girl’s bicycle and then not edit out the part where he falls off without giving away that subversive right-wing desire of yours to make a world-wide joke of a tyrant clown who hates your beloved America and cozies up to the terrorists who would do her harm. So don’t blame me. You blew your own cover.

And for those who doubt this theory, let me present to you the facts. Below are highlights from Stone’s illustrious career. Take a good look at what this patriot’s accomplished and then tell me he’s not a double agent for God and apple pie:

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SCARFACE (1983): Stone wrote the screenplay about the consequences of a feckless president (Carter) being duped by a dictator (Castro) into letting a bunch of criminals into the country. If there’s a stronger and more effective piece of anti-open border propaganda, I have yet to see it. Stone was ahead of this curve by a full quarter of a century.

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WALL STREET (1987): Pure genius. Hands down the greatest recruitment tool for Wall Street ever produced, and done so with Leftist Hollywood’s money. Stone so romanticized the business of finance that Wall Street was flooded with young men wanting to get their greed-is-good on.

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BORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY (1989): After winning the Oscar for “Platoon,” Stone could make any film he wanted and chose the most damning portrayal of dirty, filthy, narcissistic, anti-war hippies ever.  Tom Cruise portrays Ron Kovic, a heroic individual who fought for his country in Vietnam, but the director (who would win his second Oscar) turns him into one of the most unlikable screen protagonists of the last 25 years.

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THE DOORS (1991): Stone does it again, this time portraying the baby boomer’s precious sixties as a hedonistic nightmare of drug addiction, domestic violence, and open paganism. Jim Morrison’s legions of poorly dressed worshippers (and the surviving Doors) were furious at Stone’s deconstruction of their precious idol.

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JFK (1991): An absolutely brilliant film, maybe the best of the decade, and the finest piece of reverse-propaganda ever committed to celluloid. Stone wraps his cinematic ridicule of the Grassy Knollers into a wild fever dream of outlandishly stupid conspiracy theories knowing that the result would be a renewed interest in the JFK assassination in the era of computer technology and forensic science. And now, thanks to both those sciences, we no longer doubt Lee Harvey Oswald worked alone. Yes, we owe Oliver Stone a debt of gratitude for helping to heal the deepest national wound of the 20th Century.

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NIXON (1995): Only Nixon could go to China and only Stone could ask us to feel sorry for the crook.

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WORLD TRADE CENTER (2006): This is where Stone almost screwed up and let his true self show. Like every other rational American, the director made the mistake of thinking Hollywood would finally turn around and rally to their country’s side in the war against Islamic terrorism after the attacks of September 11th. Obviously, when Stone looked over his shoulder and found himself alone he realized he had made the same mistake we all did.

But ever the genius spy, he rallied quickly with…

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W. (2008): To save President Bush from further cinematic embarrassment, Stone wisely got ahead of the Hate-Filled Hollywood Hack Brigade to intentionally produce a money-losing Bush bio so embarrassingly awful it would poison the well and make it impossible for anyone to even consider making another. Mission accomplished.

And Stone’s 4th of July gift to America this year…?

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SOUTH OF THE BORDER (2010): Stone completely blows his cover as an obvious right-winger by simply going too far in acting the Useful Idiot. No one is this useful of an idiot.

For 78 minutes that feel like a bad “60 Minutes” segment that never ends; Stone’s on-camera, running around South America interviewing Leftist leaders of various countries who hate America. After making kissy-face with Hugo, the director then heads South to chew coca leaves with Bolivia’s Evo Morales, during — ironically (or not?) — a discussion about how the DEA is just another tool of American Imperialism. After the coca leaves take effect, the subtitles should’ve read AWKWARD when Stone asks Morales to step outside the Presidential Palace so the two of them can kick around a soccer ball. Obviously star-struck, Morales agrees and the result is like a deleted scene from Chaplin’s “Great Dictator.”

Michael Moore makes an appearance bawling out CNN’s Wolf — I lost on Jeopardy – Blitzer for waiting until 2007 to get angry with Dick Cheney; Stone gushes to Chavez, “I’ve never seen such energy, never,” and later asks (no joke) Argentina’s president Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner how many pairs of shoes she owns. But the topper is how the two-time Oscar winner continually spits out the words “capitalism” and “privately-owned media” as though they’re both bad things.

The documentary is unforgivably dull and the America bashing repetitive. “Border” isn’t even well produced. Instead of coloring the subtitles yellow, they’re white and at times impossible to read. And Stone just tries too hard to convince us he’s a left-wing dupe. The soaring, over-the-top score that accompanies every speech Chavez gives about the people’s revolucion is right out of a Zucker brothers’ spoof.

So obvious are the lies here, that the New York Times – The New York Times – felt compelled to fact check. But even they missed some obvious ones. Are we really supposed to believe President Bush told one of these leaders that war is the answer to a bad national economy? Stone never questions that little anecdote. He just shakes his head knowingly before yukking it up with Uncle Fidel’s tyrant brother.

If anything, the premise of Stone’s agitprop is all about hair-splitting. The director’s indignant that the American media, especially Fox News, refers to Chavez as a dictator. My guess is that Chavez would prefer being called a dictator on Fox and Friends as opposed to being seen on big-screens throughout the world falling off his little sister’s bike.

But that’s Stone’s brilliant right-wing master plan, right? What else could it be? The only other answer is that he’s laughably incompetent….

Nah, he’s one of us.

The Cuban-born, Venezuelan-raised actress Maria Conchita Alonso will lead a protest against Oliver Stone’s documentary “South of the Border” when the filmmaker appears at a screening and Q&A for the film on Friday. …

Alonso says she will lead a peaceful protest … outside the Laemmle’s Monica 4-Plex in Santa Monica, where Stone is scheduled to do a Q&A session after the 7:20 p.m. showing of his film.

“We’re just trying to let him know that we are against his film, that it is all lies,” she says. “That’s all we can do right now. We don’t have the money to make a million-dollar documentary like he did, so what else can we do?”

Alonso says she wants Stone to answer a couple of questions about his film: where did he get the money to finance it, and why did he “refuse to interview everyday Venezuelan people about their lives under this oppressive regime?” ….

In the past, Alonso has been an outspoken critic of actors Sean Penn and Danny Glover (her co-stars in “Colors” and “Predator 2,” respectively), who have expressed support for Cuba’s Fidel Castro and Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez. Both rulers are shown in a favorable light in Stone’s documentary, which the New York Times’ Stephen Holden called “a provocative, if shallow, exaltation of Latin American socialism.”

“Oliver Stone is a great director, but he’s the minister of propaganda for Chavez,” Alonso tells TheWrap. “He doesn’t show the truth of the poverty in Venezuela, he doesn’t show the shortages of food and medicine and electricity in the whole country. It’s one of the worst countries in the world in crime rate, in economy, in poverty, and he doesn’t show that.

“And how can a filmmaker like him support a government that controls all media, closes independent outlets, and arrests journalists both foreign and domestic?”

Read the full piece here.

INTERVIEWER: For that ailment [altitude sickness], you appear onscreen chewing coca leaves. Is that high much different than having caffeine?

STONE: No, it’s a mild, mild stimulus. You’re at 12,000 feet, so you’re nauseous and it’s really hard to breathe. This opens the cells, you get better oxygen and you feel more relaxed. I was nauseous, and then I ended up playing soccer, that was sort of the point. They’ve been doing it for centuries down there. It’s a normal thing to do. By the way, I brought coca leaves back. It’s illegal in this country to have a coca leaf, but put it in a cup of tea and it’s better for your health than coffee. But of course, there’s more money for us in coffee as well as tobacco, so we’d rather do that for stimulation.

As a narco-journalist and documentary filmmaker myself, I too have been given the opportunity to smuggle contraband in and out of the United States. I’ve even been offered large sums of money to do it and can’t think of a single reason as to what would motivate me to agree. Putting coca leaves in your tea is like putting Crystal Meth in your orange juice — not a real smart move.

I guess Stone will get a pass on that. But I would hope that if anyone ever publicly bragged about smuggling illegal substances into the United States for whatever reason, that they would at least earn a cursory investigation by ICE or the DEA.

And naturally the American media Stone accuses of being so horribly biased isn’t interested in this story, either.

The Hollywood director is about to release a documentary entitled “South of the Border” that stars the leaders of South American countries such as Venezuela, Bolivia, Ecuador, and the island of Cuba. Let me be clear, I have not seen this film and therefore this is not criticism aimed at the actual production. But in the aforementioned article Stone says he was given high level access to the likes of Chavez and Castro because he agreed to “tell the truth” from their perspective.

Hey, Ollie—you found out they were human beings. Congratulations.

In my work, I’ve interviewed some of the most wanted drug lords in the Western Hemisphere and had unprecedented access to a couple of them. I’ve been to their homes, met their families and attended their children’s weddings and baptisms. I’ve seen the “human” side of a drug lord and I can tell you without hesitation that doesn’t make these men “misunderstood good guys.”

They are still pedaling death and destruction to my countrymen as well as their own and hardly a day goes by that they don’t send someone to their grave. Yes, they are husbands, sons and brothers, but that’s only one aspect of their persona—they’re also ruthless, cold-blooded killers with little or no regard for human life outside that inner circle.

Hugo Chavez wishes nothing but ill-will for the United States of America. He is out for the destruction of our nation and will aid anyone with similar motives in doing the same. He sponsors terrorists from Middle Eastern nations to come to Venezuela to learn the Spanish language and Latino customs so they can then be issued Venezuelan passports and enter into the U.S. from Mexico.

With all due respect, my advice to you Mr. Stone is to stick to what you know. Scripting your films allows you flexibility to make the outcome the way you want it and as you say in the article, “It’s more important to tell a story that people can enjoy.”

However, “based on a true story” does not mean it’s the truth.

Oh and one more thing: Stop smuggling!

I have been a journalist in some pretty unusual places that have more than a few security issues. I have investigated some unsavory people in places such as Romania, Uzbekistan,Cambodia and Uganda. I went undercover in Indonesia and ended up ensuring that one particularly cruel and crooked mother and daughter team received lengthy jail sentences in the other Jakarta Hilton.

But out of all these places and scenarios I can honestly say that Caracas is the scariest place I have ever been.

It feels and is lawless. The people have the despair of those who know their lives should be better but are beaten down by the everyday misery of watching their savings and futures disappear. Murders and kidnappings are endemic. There is a small area of Caracas that is safe for foreigners during the day. At night you have to be careful everywhere. Poverty and high prices seem to increase along with the oil revenues that are kept or misspent by the government.

Whilst I was there Hugo Chavez, the country’s president, did one of his regular Sunday broadcasts. These 4 hour homages to himself are a feature of life in Venezuela, that and shortages of things like milk, bottled water and toilet paper. During the broadcast Chavez is seen walking through an old part of Caracas with the local mayor. His red-shirted entourage surround him. He points to a jewelry shop and asks what it is. When he is told he immediately shouts, Expropriate! Expropriate! He goes on to repeat this action on a number of other small jewelry shops in the area before moving on and reminding his audience of how great he is.

The only TV channel in the country that questions the president was also the only TV channel to interview the devastated owners of the jewelry shops that had just been seized by the government. Shell-shocked, the owners told how they had been operating for 30 and 40 years and now had nothing. Last week the owner of this TV station had to flee the country because an arrest warrant was issued claiming that a car dealership he ran was “hoarding cars.”

We went to a wedding whilst in Venezuela. At our beach hotel we woke up one morning to find the army/police had taken up positions and were talking to the owner. His crime was to complain that government-backed squatters had taken over buildings he had set up so that locals could sell their produces and crafts to tourists. After he complained to the local judge the police arrived demanding to see his papers.

In Hollywood ownership is a really big deal. Stealing other people’s ideas or films or scripts or songs is not appreciated, people do try but it’s not legal. How strange then that artists such as Sean Penn and Oliver Stone love Hugo Chavez. Indeed Stone has just directed a documentary South of the Border which opens in the U.S. this week. According to the advance publicity it examines 5 “progressive” governments in South America.

According to Stone “Hugo Chávez is an extremely dynamic and charismatic figure. He’s open and warmhearted and big, and a fascinating character. But as Mr. Stone notes, his view is not widely held in the US:‪ “When I go back to the States I keep hearing these horror stories about ‘dictator,’ ‘bad guy,’ ‘menace to American society.’” Well Mr. Stone you don’t have to go to America to find unfavorable opinions of Hugo Chavez. He is no dictator – he was elected and even lost a recent referendum, but he is a bad guy who is a major menace for the poor of Venezuela.

If Mr. Stone had taken his camera on to the streets of Caracas he would very quickly have found lots of people who think Chavez is a menace whos seizes property on a whim and gives it to his cronies. He arrests people for “committing acts of journalism” – you know Mr. Stone, like you are pretending to do in your documentary.

‬There would be an interesting documentary about how a country with so many natural resources could be so poor. There could also be an interesting documentary made about how democratic elected leaders in the region drift towards tyranny with no respect for the rule of law. These documentaries could also look at why elites from the U.S. and Europe seem to suspend their morals and believe that the people of these countries don’t deserve democracy or basic human rights. These would all be interesting documentaries but they are unlikely to be made Mr. Stone anytime soon.

[Ed. Note: According to Variety, Stone's South of the Border "sunk like a rock at the Venezuelan box office."]

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I thought Obama put an end to all this ugly America’s empiring? Or is Oliver Stone the last remaining critic of this country yet to receive a Presidential bow?

Anyway, here’s a glimpse of Oliver Stone’s pal:

Venezuela has asked Interpol to arrest the owner of the only TV station still openly critical of leftist President Hugo Chavez, the government announced Friday. ….

Zuloaga was previously detained in March, when he was accused of criticizing the government during a public forum outside the country.

International human rights groups have criticized the legal action against Zuloaga and other Chavez critics, calling such actions an attempt to silence them.

And here’s a glimpse of how much affection Chavez’s own people hold for him:

Yes, it looks as though unless Ahmadinejad, the ghost of Joseph Stalin or the surviving members of the Weather Underground show up to steal his thunder, Hugo Chavez (whose Indian name is “He Who Rides Little Girl Bike“) is the toast of the 2009 Venice Film Festival.

The hoopla surrounds Oliver Stone’s latest documentary “South of the Border,” which the the L.A. Times describes as a “counterpoint to the prevailing U.S. image of Chávez … as a bellicose dictator-cum-comic opera figure.”

I’m still unclear how one is supposed to represent a bellicose dictator-cum-comic opera figure as something other than a bellicose dictator-cum-comic opera figure, but rest assure Oliver — Can I play soccer with Uncle Hugo?– Stone gave it the old college try; the same Oliver Stone who portrayed the Abraham Lincoln of the Middle East and his Vice President as warped and sinister.

Meanwhile, in a land where enabling evil is considered a bad thing, events are unfolding that probably won’t be found as a helpful update in the “South of the Border” DVD release:

Tens of thousands marched through Venezuela’s capital on Saturday to protest what they call growing authoritarianism by President Hugo Chávez.

And you can practically see The Beautiful People, hands over ears, chanting nanananaIcan’thearyounanananaIcan’thear you… over the news that Chavez will “democratize media ownership” through the closing of up to 100 radio stations “biased against the Chavez government”:

Infrastructure Minister Diosdado Cabello closed 34 radio stations in July, saying the government was “democratizing” media ownership. …

Venezuela will pull the plug on 29 more radio stations, a top official in President Hugo Chavez’s government said[.] …

The powerful Chavez ally has threatened to close over 100 stations in total, part of a long-term campaign against private media that the government says are biased against Chavez’s government.

What a relief that perverting the language could never lead to something like that here in America.

In an interview earlier this week with the L.A. Times, director Oliver Stone said counter-programming the image of Hugo Chavez as a “bellicose dictator-cum-comic opera figure” was one of the goals of this documentary, which makes one wonder if Stone isn’t some kind of right-wing sleeper agent. The score that hits at the 40-second spot is reminiscent of Laurel and Hardy and pretty priceless over the shot of a tubby, middle-aged Socialist clumsily riding a little kid bike straight for a brick wall. 

That Stone’s lost his electric touch has been obvious for quite some time and here we see he couldn’t even craft a four-minute trailer into something close to compelling. The score belongs in a South American dance documentary but the true low-light is Stone asking to play soccer with Chavez.

Since Cher started doing infomercials there have been rumors of clinics exclusive to Academy Award winners where your ability to be embarrassed can be completely removed, but this is the first real confirmation of that.

Also not surprising is that in a sea of Latin American thugs, Stone still manages to spew the strongest anti-American quote with that crack about U.S. economic control of the region. 

Much more on this story here: Oliver Stone ‘Warmly Embracing’ Hugo Chavez in Blame America Doc