My Secret Life as a Conservative Republican

I’m tired of hiding it. Everybody knows anyway. So it’s time to come clean, just like the Klan hoods I’ve got spinning in the dryer as we speak. It’s time for the Neanderthal knuckle-dragging, open mouth-breathing, racist, sexist, Klan and Timothy McVeigh-loving Montana militia member gun nut conservative Republican religious zealot in me to be set free. Repression is a bitch, and so am I.

I go to bed full of hate and wake up the same.  I hate blacks, Hispanics, gays, women, abortion doctors, liberals, Lefties, Democrats, you name ‘em, I hate ‘em if they’re not like me. I especially hate President Obama for being black. Just ask Janeane Garofalo, although being a Stalinist Socialist doesn’t help Obama’s cause any with me. Fact is, Obama could be a GOP Michael Steele Uncle Tom, and I’d still hate him even more than liberals hate Steele. Skin color trumps all. Thank God I was born the right color, or I’d probably kill myself. Wait, the hoods are dry! Be right back. (more…)

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Tags: "teabagging", 9/11, abortion, Adolf Hitler, AIPAC
Posted Jul 15th 2009 at 2:36 pm in Politics | 182706188 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/07/15/my-secret-life-as-a-conservative-republican/My+Secret+Life+as+a+Conservative+Republican2009-07-15+21%3A36%3A48John+T.+Simpson

On the Wisdom of an Eleven Year Old Boy in ‘Land of the Lost’

A review, in which a father takes full responsibility for not reading the reviews before entering the theater.

This past Friday, my wife and I picked up the kids from their Catholic grade school in Alexandria, Virginia.  As the two girls were being dropped at a friend’s house for the day, we decided (on the spur of the moment) to surprise the boy with a trip to the movies.  We figured “Land of the Lost” would be harmless enough for an eleven-year-old boy and might provide a few laughs for the adults.

All you need to know is that I was compelled to ask, “What the heck is this rated?” within the first five minutes of the movie.  Kids, this was not your father’s “Land of the Lost.”  I might have only been about my son’s age when the Sid & Marty Krofft TV show was a Saturday morning staple 30 years ago, but I am 100% sure that I would have remembered it if one of the characters had dropped the F-Bomb.  (more…)

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Tags: "F-Bomb", Land of the Lost, PG-13, sexism, will ferrell
Posted Jun 9th 2009 at 5:03 am in Featured Story, Politics, Reviews | 15466610 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/mcorallo/2009/06/09/on-the-wisdom-of-an-eleven-year-old-boy-in-the-land-of-the-lost/On+the+Wisdom+of+an+Eleven+Year+Old+Boy+in+%27Land+of+the+Lost%272009-06-09+12%3A03%3A29Mark+Corallo