***UPDATE: closing paragraph added below.

Today, over at the hard-left film site Movieline (a site that eagerly participated in the grossly dishonest character assassination and attempted blacklisting of conservative musician Jonathan Kahn), famed screenwriting teacher Robert McKee responds to Big Hollywood’s Ann McElhinney. For those of you who might have missed her terrific piece, I personally read it as a warning to anyone not a wild-eyed, narcissistic, America-bashing, religious bigot, that for the price (you pay) of $745, Mr. McKee believes he’s earned the right to prove he is one throughout a very expensive screenwriting course.

Anyway, brought to you by one of left-wing Hollywood’s chief Palace Guards and water carriers, S.T. VanAirsdale, here’s the unsurprising response from McKee, someone with a seemingly bottomless well of ego (we’re groupies?) and insecurities (really, we’re groupies?) who insults his students with unadvertised (at least until now) political sucker punches and then literally tells them to “fuck off” if they don’t like it:

Movieline:

Earlier this week, a contributor to the right-wing film and culture Web site Big Hollywood offered up the delightfully titled tale, “For $745 You Too Can Be Insulted By Famed Hollywood Screenwriting Teacher Robert McKee.” Author Ann McElhinney proceeded to recount her time in McKee’s celebrated (and, indeed, expensive) story seminar last October, time reportedly spent chafing under the instructor’s prodigious use of profanity, social criticism, “Bush bashing” and other liberal bloviation. A torrent of conservative bile followed in the site’s comments. Of course, anyone who’s seen Adaptation, featuring Brian Cox as the legendary — and legendarily irascible — writing mentor, could have warned McElhinney of at least some pedagogical turbulence ahead. So Movieline asked McKee on Wednesday: What, if anything, went wrong here?

In a nutshell: Nothing.

(more…)

There’s no confusion about who the villain is in Machete – it’s you.

More specifically, it’s you and the other 69% or so of American citizens who agree that we should have a say in who does and doesn’t come into our country by enforcing our immigration laws.  There’s been a lot written about the race war angle of Machete, including a lot of back-pedaling from writer/director Robert Rodriguez himself.  But it’s hard to see this script as anything but a sick MEChA-approved fantasy in which every Anglo man is a slobbering borderline savage who tortures Mexicans when not slaughtering them outright, and every Anglo woman a nymphomaniac yearning to strip down and have a crack at our hero Machete’s macho Mexican manhood.

—–

Perhaps Rodriguez isn’t making an explicit plea for racial warfare, but Rodriguez’s crude racial stereotypes make Hitler’s Der Stürmer propaganda look like a subtle, sophisticated and affectionate commentary on Jewish culture.  The script does not bat an eye as Machete butchers nearly every Anglo, innocent or “guilty,” who is unfortunate enough to cross his path.  In the end, there is no doubt that Rodriguez is making the most overtly, outrageously and unrepentantly racist film in modern Hollywood history.

But Rodriguez does deserve props for one thing – in purely technical terms, this is one of the best-written scripts I’ve ever seen.  It is vivid, coherent and flows smoothly, unlike the majority of unreadable Final Draft failures out there.  There is not an ounce of flab.  The “jokes” mostly fall flat, but Rodriguez will likely direct it with flair and style.  It’s just too bad this movie combines the racial insights of a 1942 Robert Byrd with the collective moral sense of Enron’s Board of Directors. (more…)

Many of you know the story of Jerry Maguire, the agent with a conscience. Ya, I know. It’s only a movie. But sometimes movies can be great moral guideposts. Ironic that I should use one of Hollywood’s finest morality plays to illustrate how Tinseltown should operate at its most basic level.

In Jerry Maguire, the key conflict was Jerry’s realization that he was putting a pretty facade on the moral deterioration within his profession, and was in fact complicit in it. It took an injured hockey player’s young son telling him to fuck off and a bad dream for Maguire to realize the true ugliness of who and what he had become, especially when measured against the high standards of his idol and mentor, agent Dicky Fox. Those troubling events created in Maguire a perfect storm of revulsion, introspection and a commitment to reaffirm the basic principles of his profession, which he laid out in his memo “The Things We Think and Do Not Say.” In truth, he had me at hello. Tom’s a hottie! (more…)

“My role in life is to be a burr under the saddle. I didn’t pick that for myself, it just happens that’s the way I am. I wish I could be one of the really sweet guys, but for me nobody has a good word. That’s because my allegiance is to art, to the work. I have no allegiance to magazines, producers, studios, networks or anything. The work is what counts.” – Harlan Ellison, on writing in Hollywood.

For those of you here at Big Hollywood who think you are playing a whole new game in taking on the Tinseltown establishment in force, I have news for you. Scribe Extraordinaire and futurist iconoclast Harlan Ellison beat you all to the punch by about forty-five years. And if you don’t know who Harlan Ellison is, shame on you! He is a living legend with more Hugos and Nebulas than I care to count, as well as four WGA Awards and an Emmy nod. And all that’s just for starters. (more…)

Charlie, the Kid and the Cop
Best Lesson Ever in Hollywood Screenwriting

If you want to write for Hollywood, study this picture.

This faded lobby card from Charles Chaplin’s The Kid is the best lesson you’ll ever have in how to write for the movies. Despite its age, it illustrates many of the essential elements you’ll need to keep in mind today as your write your Hollywood screenplay. It’s a visual reminder of the kind of movie that producers, studios and – most importantly – audiences are looking for.

And that’s no accident. This lobby card had a specific purpose: to bring people into the theater. Chaplin chose this particular image because it effectively answers the first three questions that are always on the mind of the audience when the lights go down on a Hollywood movie. (more…)

In this post, I want to give some advice to beginning screenwriters who are having difficulty finishing — or even starting — their first screenplay. I’ve been mulling over what to say for several weeks now, trying to come up with some inspirational words of advice to motivate you into achieving your goal. After much thought and deep-dish contemplation, I’ve boiled my advice down to this:

If you want to write for Hollywood, think like a
hack writer and stick to the Hollywood Formula.

How’s that for inspiring rhetoric?

Now, most “creative” types (that is, people who don’t actually have a job writing for Hollywood) will tell you that adhering to a formula is a bad thing because it stifles creativity. (more…)

Jurassic Park – a family-friendly nature preserve featuring 7-ton prehistoric carnivores.
What could possibly go wrong?

If you’re a writer struggling to put together a screenplay, but it’s a big mess and you don’t know where to begin, this is the post for you. I’m going to explain the easiest way I know how to bring structure to your screenplay and solve the problems you’re having.

In my last post, I suggested that “doing the right thing is worth the struggle” is a common inspirational message found in many of the most stirring Hollywood movies. However, each individual film has it’s own particular moral theme that it wants to get across to the audience. And it’s this moral theme that will be your guide to figuring out how to solve the problems in your screenplay. (more…)

Note: Links to previous chapters at end of this article.

“Attack, always attack.”

My friend, the heroic Israeli tank commander, told me that in the first few days of the 1973 Yom Kippur War, both fronts, The Sinai and The Golan, were so weakly defended that had the Egyptian or Syrian high command been strategically bolder, tactically smarter, and their soldiers braver, well, the Arab armies could have achieved massive breakthroughs, and Israel would have found herself facing genocide.

The torture of Reginald Denny

But small, actually tiny pockets, of brave, determined and very well trained Israeli troops, in some cases, just two or three tanks on the Golan, held their ground and attacked enemy forces sometimes a hundred times their strength.

(more…)

Note: Links to previous chapters can be found at the end of the article.

“My ladies will probably try and slip you some letters, ask you to mail them on the outside. Do not do that. It is contraband, you hear me?”

“Yes.”

“One or two might try and hug you goodbye, in that hug, there might be an inappropriate touch. Resist the temptation.” (more…)

Hope Emerson, “Caged” 1950

Note: Links to previous chapters can be found at the end of this post.

EXT. PRISON YARD – DAY

The Screenwriter and the Corrections Officer are chatting about the list of prison movies Robert has promised to compile. Screenwriter and C.O. share a companionable relationship that is occasionally rattled by Cindy’s insatiable curiosity about her visitor’s private life.

“Okay Cindy, you ready?”

“Lay it on me.”

“My Ten Favorite Prison Movies.” (more…)

Note: Links to previous chapters are found at the end of this post.

EXT. PRISON – DAY
The Screenwriter, alternately known to the inmates as Mr. Hollywood, Mr. Screenplay Writer and Mr. Clueless, sits with Eden, an attractive prisoner who is: mother to three children, an admirer of Jane Austen, and a fine dog trainer. She also committed murder and has agreed to talk about it. One long take. Think Gregg Toland deep focus photography meets Anthony Mann’s elegant choreography within frame.

“The thing y’gotta know is I’m not the same person I was back when I did what I did. But I still take full responsibility for, uh, what happened.”

In prison I keep hearing three tedious words: It. Just. Happened. (more…)

Note: Links to previous chapters are found at the end of this post.

Establishing Shot: Gleaming barbed wire. Prison walls. Behind the walls, a vast yard teeming with hundreds of female prisoners. Our view narrows to a small SHACK at the far end of the prison. Outside the shack, a female Corrections Officer paces back and forth, casually leafing trough a National Enquirer. Over this we hear DOGS BARKING.

“Do you love me, do you love me, sure you do, sure you do.”

Eden is talking to a dog. (more…)

Note: Links to the previous chapters are found at the bottom of this post.

In which we meet Eden, a pleasant and amiable mother, lover of classical American literature with a special affection for Jane Austen. Our fine lady is also an accomplished former drug addict, stripper, prostitute and for an extra added attraction, a cold-blooded murderess.

Eden groans in frustration as she awkwardly applies her make-up.

Her fingers shake as she pulls taut her eyelid, tries to draw the eye-liner in a reasonably straight line.

“I been home so long I’ve forgotten how to put on war paint. I should’ve done this before, but time got away from me.” (more…)

To read Part I of this series, please click here.

In Which We Meet Cindy the C.O., Who, In Spite of Her Status As a Guard In This Most Maximum of Female Prisons, Reminds Your Faithful Screenwriter/Correspondent/Memoirist of One Memorable Fictional Character, Daisy B.

I: Set-up

“Why should we trust you Hollywood guys?”

On the prison yard, I’m with Cindy, 26, a Corrections Officer, sitting at one of the picnic tables. While doing research in this woman’s maximum security prison for Within These Walls, I’m not allowed to go anywhere by myself. A C.O. has to be with me every minute of every day. Thus, Cindy is assigned as combination guide, baby sitter, and bodyguard. (more…)

“I killed him by mistake,” she says.

“Mistake, what kind of mistake?”

Josepha, serving a life sentence for murder one, is known to be one of the most violent and unpredictable women in a society of violent and unpredictable women. She stares at me with gray eyes that are surprisingly warm and endearing.

I have to be careful. I’ve been in this women’s prison for three days and I don’t understand the social rules that make this place go round. I’m terrified of saying something really dumb, and then seeing my insides, well, outside.

I have already witnessed one violent skirmish between snarling inmates, and the CO’s, the Correction Officers, whisked me away before I got hurt. (more…)