Most of us are familiar with product placement, where movies become quasi-commercials thanks to products like Taco Bell (“Demolition Man”), Mini Coopers (“The Italian Job”), and Reese’s Pieces (“E.T.,” arguably the Grand Poo-Bah of product placement).

And I’m sure the television audience at-large has seen it on various programs through the years, probably with the same semi-amusement they feel toward regular commercials. My earliest memory of TV product placement was “Knight Rider,” and I’m not ashamed to say one of my biggest childhood fantasies was Simonizing K.I.T.T.

I’m not naïve (about this); I realize product placement has been and will always be a part of movies and TV. To be fair, it’s now become downright necessary for the TV sponsors, since digital technology lets you skip over the ad breaks cleanly. It’s a wonderful breakthrough; you’re no longer forced to hear perky people describe cheese as “melty,” a vomit-inducing plight from which even the best VCR couldn’t entirely shield you.

But there’s an annoying new trend, and it’s not the little scene-blocking visual plugs that briefly occupy the lower half of the screen (DON’T get me started.) It isn’t like the “Seinfeld” episode with the Kenny Rogers Roasters plot, and it’s a far cry from James Garner getting behind the wheel of a Firebird and suddenly becoming even cooler.

No, what I’m talking about is how TV characters have recently started to visibly, dramatically, almost droolingly enjoy the products and talk about them on-script. And it’s happening on my shows, which is clearly unacceptable.

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USA’s new series “Royal Pains” is about Dr. Hank Lawson (Mark Feuerstein), who serves as a “concierge doctor” to the rich and semi-famous residents of the Hamptons.  In the course of the show, there are some unfortunate public policy claims made. In the second episode, entitled “There will be food,” Dr. Hank is trying to provide health care to a not particularly well-to-do fisherman. Hank gives a short lecture on price gouging and hospitals “screwing” people. A heavily discussed theme in this episode involves the need for a free clinic for the regular people who make the Hamptons run and the selfishness of the person who would have been the biggest donor to the clinic who is instead spent his money on a retirement party for a ballerina. In any case, the dialogue for this segment that I would like to focus on is as follows: (more…)