[Ed. Note: For a refresher course, you can watch every Super Bowl ad right here.]

Before I get started on my review of this year’s Super Bowl commercials I want to come to the aid of a lady in distress. Can we lay off of Christina Aguilera and her muffed line in the National Anthem? Look, she was nervous, under pressure, and out of her element. The NFL asked her to sing fully clothed and without a stripper pole to hang onto. While I’m on the subject of the Nation Anthem why can’t the football players show a little respect when the country is being honored? Their sideline slouching was shameful! Roger Goodell, get out your paddle and take some of those guys to the woodshed.

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Once again, the folks who thought Super Bowl 45  was a good way to spend their investors dollars, spent slightly more than the gross national product of Niger and Ethiopia combined with, in most cases, very mediocre results. With so many ads it’s hard in a short piece to hit them all so I am skipping all the promos and movie trailers although the Fox/House parody of the 1980 Mean Joe Green was one of my favorites.

I think I have finally figured out that GoDaddy.com is run by a horny fifteen year old boy out of his parents’ basement. What in the world does trying to make me think Joan Rivers is hot have to do with getting a domain name? Joan is a safe distance from “hot” no matter how many body doubles they used. I don’t know how much money Danica Patrick and Jillian Michaels are paid to debase themselves in what year after years have been the unsexiest and unfunniest ads, but it isn’t nearly enough. The ads beg us to go to their website to see the “uncensored” endings to the ads. I wonder how many frustrated high school boys went to GoDaddy thinking they were going to see Ms. Patrick and Ms. Michaels in the buff but only found a lame joke/dance number instead. Can someone tell me who GoDaddy’s biggest competitor are because I am moving my domain name.

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And now a word from an NFL owner:

“And the game done chose me to bring pain to niggas and pussy holes, they one in the same.” - I’m Real, co-written by Jennifer Lopez, minority owner of the Miami Dolphins.

Amidst the uproar over Rush Limbaugh having to step aside from his participation in the bid to purchase the NFL’s St. Louis Rams over racially insensitive statements he never actually made, is the fact that current ACTUAL owners of an NFL team have said much worse than the false and the left says nothing.

Fergie: NFL Owner

Jennifer Lopez, whose Sondheim-like lyric genius is on display at the top of this post, holds the same status with the Miami Dolphins as Limbaugh would have with the Rams.  And, not only does she have co-writer credit on this offensive drivel, she also recorded and performed it live.  She continues to earn money in royalties for her genius use of the “N-Word.” My guess is that those who took issue with Limbaugh’s imaginary racial slur are OK with J-Lo’s actual racial slur because she looks a lot better in tight pants. (more…)