Concerning actors and artists, “Shut up and sing” has become a conservative cliché long since due for retirement.  For one, we’re inconsistent.  We can’t applaud Jon Voight speaking his mind one day and then decry Sean Penn for speaking his the next day.  Sure, we can point out how much his thoughts lack basic self-awareness, but to suggest that he should just do his job and not voice his opinion is a totalitarian thought.  To entertain it is to betray our own principles and become exactly what we hate.

Today, though, I can’t help but entertain it. 

Zack de la Rocha, the lead singer of Rage Against the Machine (who came crawling back to his band once it was clear his career as a solo artist was DOA), has organized a boycott of Arizona’s new immigration law, convincing plenty of well-to-do leftist bands to skip on performing in the state.  Now, there’s nothing wrong with bands deciding where they’re going to play.  The issue is the principle behind the decision, exploiting a cause célèbre to frame themselves as righteous racial crusaders.

Among these artists is Conor Oberst, the lead singer for the uber-pretentious “Bright Eyes,” a band which I have had the pleasure of never listening to, mainly due to Oberst’s liberal use of the lazily-singing, ever-so-profound folk songwriter archetype that even Bob Dylan figured out was boring.  I’ll catch a lot of flack outside BH for that, but I’m extremely proud of my decision never to have plunked down $15 on an artist who names their songs “Let’s Not Shit Ourselves (To Love and be Loved)” and finds this worthwhile material for a music video.

Oberst, in an attempt to stick out from the rest of his “Yeah, I’m not racist, either!” peers, has written an open letter to Charlie Devy, a music venue promoter who organizes hundreds of events throughout Arizona and New Mexico every year.  Levy first wrote an open letter to de la Rocha’s boycott brigade, asking them to consider who they will actually hurt.  Most likely, the evil racist gringo politicians won’t be affected a whit (unless indie hipsters stop diddling with iPhone apps and start calling their state representatives), while the hard-working people who feed their children with the money that comes in from concerts will likely go destitute. 

Zack de la Rocha

These people most likely agree with de la Rocha and Oberst, yet they’re being punished with poverty for something they cannot control.  Levy points out in his letter that instead of resorting to infantile behavior, these artists should come to Arizona and embrace open dialogue, tolerance, and all the other feel-good progressive buzzwords that suddenly became unpopular when unfettered federal power for their side became a possibility.

Oberst’s response is exactly what you’d expect: eerily paranoid, self-aggrandizing, and full of capitalized common nouns.  As I quote from his first paragraph, consider the law he’s talking about, a near-copy of the existing federal law that allows police, once they have accosted a person for some other violation of the rules, to see whether they have broken another in their entrance to the country, just like police can ask, once you have broken some rule while driving, to see whether you are authorized by the state to be driving on their roads.  Oberst says of the law and its makers: 

The only thing, clearly, that these people care about is Money and Power, that and the creation and preservation of an Anglo-Centric Police State where every Immigrant and Non-White citizen is considered subhuman.  They want them stripped of their basic human rights and reduced to slaves for Corporate America and the White Race.

The only thing?  24 hours a day, at breakfast, lunch, and dinner?  Even Robert Byrd had to quit after a measly 14 hours.

As if this nonsense isn’t stomach-churning enough, Oberst goes on to gloss over the reality of what he’s doing.  “Much of the Artist end of the boycott is symbolic, I acknowledge, and no real threat to the economics of the State.”  The consistency is lovely:  standing up for the lawbreaker individuals who have a demonstrable negative effect on “the State,” yet ignoring the minimum-wagers who sell t-shirts at shows so they can have some cash to buy gas and food.

As much as my gut reaction to this childish conspiracy-mongering is to shout “Shut up and sing!”, it’s not necessary.  The more the Left speaks, the more we can speak.  The more we both speak, the more the world sees how ill-informed, irrational, and self-serving this boycott is.

When you factor in that Barack Obama is my president, Joe Biden is my vice-president, Nancy Pelosi is next in line, Dianne Feinstein and Barbara Boxer are my senators, Brad Sherman is my congressman, Antonio Villaraigosa is my mayor and Jerry Brown is lurking in the wings to be my governor, do you really think I’ll be turning my pen into a plowshare anytime soon?    

But at least now you might have a better handle on why I look back so fondly on what I have come to regard as the good old days when an American’s major complaint was that he had taxation without representation. 

On top of everything else, I live in Los Angeles and have spent most of my adult life laboring in Hollywood, a place that some people regard as less an actual location than a state of mind.  I agree it is a state of mind in the same sense that paranoia and schizophrenia are states of mind. 

After working in the field of entertainment for about 40 years, I swear to you that there are a fair number of normal, decent human beings who work in the industry.  But truth compels me to say that the lower you go in the pecking order, the likelier you are to find them.  That’s not to say that every producer, actor, director and writer, is an arrogant, leftwing, coke-snorting, bottom-feeding egomaniac, but that’s certainly the way to bet. 

Sometimes, when I’m daydreaming about what Hell must be like, I envision a place where every day you wake up and have to go work for someone like Barney Frank, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, nasty sourpusses who think that their every whim should be immediately pandered to and who regard themselves as God, but with a bigger expense account, a larger staff and a better pension plan. 

In short, Pelosi, Frank and Reid and their congressional cronies, could find true happiness working at a TV network, a movie studio or a theatrical agency.  Perhaps you think I’m making this up, but I’m not.  Liberal politicians are doing their best to shove Obamacare down our throats, pretending it’s manna from Heaven, but you may have noticed that they haven’t the slightest intention of leaving their own medical care up to a lottery system.  And can you really blame them?  Do you think Pelosi wants a bunch of strangers deciding if she can get another dozen face lifts?  You think Robert Byrd wants to leave it up to a death panel to determine if it’s time to put the old Ku Kluxer on an ice floe? 

You could call them hypocrites, but I call them Hollywood hopefuls.  They’d fit right in.  This is the town, after all, where people are still whining over the fact that a handful of mediocre actors and hack writers were blacklisted 60 years ago because they were, for the most part, unrepentant Communists whose allegiance was to the evil Soviet Union.  But these same people think nothing of blacklisting writers and directors who have done nothing worse than made the fatal mistake of turning 50. 

Many years ago, radio wit Fred Allen observed that “You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, stick it in the navel of a flea, and still have room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent’s heart.”  I say he was being too kind.  Although I regard myself as basically a loyal person, I’ve had about two dozen agents in my life.  What’s more, in what was a moderately successful TV writing career, by getting my own jobs, I made money for all of them, except the last one.  Which was just as well because she’s the one who went to the slammer for stealing her clients’ money.

 The reason, by the way, I kept leaving agents wasn’t simply because none of them ever earned his or her 10%, but because eventually they all lied to me about what they would do for me or, worse yet, what they had already done. 

In my experience, agents are people who like to have lunch, shmooze with other agents and con young women into having sex with them.  Those are the male agents, of course.  Female agents, on the other hand, like to have lunch, shmooze with other agents and con young women into having sex with them. 

In other words, if a genie somehow managed to switch everyone in Hollywood with everyone in Congress, you would barely notice it.  In fact, aside from the fact that the paparazzi would all have to pack up and move east and that “Henry Waxman: The Musical!” would finally be green-lighted at Universal, life would go on as usual.

Congress has an approval rating of 21%. And when I heard that Harry Reid is actually discussing plans to sneak single-payer, National Health Care legislation not only past the will of the people, but sneak it past the lower house of Congress by attaching it as a rider to a completely unrelated bill… 

…Well, that is an act of such unremitting and bastardly sinfulness that it simply has to be addressed. 

Click Image to Play

I take a look at the four Senators and twenty-something Representatives currently under ethics investigations of one kind or another, and present to you, the American people, my Modest Proposal to get government back in the hands of the governed. 

I’ll save the details for the video, but suffice it to say that the Whittle Plan, at $935,000,000 is not exactly cheap, but it is definitely a bargain at .0003 of the Federal Budget for 2008. 

I don’t want to spoil the delicious details, but here’s the elevator pitch: 

We already pay farmers not to farm. Why can’t we pay legislators not to legislate?  

It’s bold and it’s foolproof. Congressional greed and mendacity have been allowed for. 

I dare say it is an idea whose time has come.

I’ll be honest, I’ve never met a Racist Conservative in my life. I’ve heard that they’re out there and I’m sure that they exist, but much like a Great White Shark or a decent Joel Schumacher film… I’ve never seen one in real life.

The truth is that a vast majority of Americans are fully on board with a post-racial America. The only problem is that conservatives were the only ones to begin treating it as a reality. They continued standing for the same things that they always had (lower taxes, more power to the individual etc.), regardless of whomever was in office. The almost acted, dare I say it… Color blind.

Liberals, however, need ongoing racism to get votes. Racism MUST be alive for the Democratic party to succeed. After all, how can you promise people to fight an oppressive establishment if you’re the ones running it. Plus, it makes it harder to promise folks all of that awesome free stuff.

Realizing this, Democrats have decided to go on the extreme offensive. They’ve made the decision to create an atmosphere where any disagreement with the current president must undoubtedly contain some sort of “secret racial component.” Liberals don’t believe for a second that tea party protesters are a bunch of Robert Byrd-like Klansmen out there. No, the whole “race” card is a conscious/concerted effort to keep racism alive when it should have been put to rest a long time ago.

After Barack Obama was elected, Democrats knew that reconciliation was taking place, but decided to move things in the directly opposite direction of that. If one were to believe the little world that Democrats have painted to be true, one would have to assume that the United States today is as racist as it’s ever been. After all, when was the last time you saw tens of thousands of racists openly march through the streets of Washington?

Not only are there more racists today than ever before, but they’re not even ashamed! They’re out in the open putting their vitriolic hatred on display for all to see.

I say, that we embrace it. Embrace the “racism” argument. The truth is that the general American public knows that dissenters are not racists, and the fact that the accusation is being tossed around more flippantly than ever is laughable. To compare the actual establishment-based racism that black people faced decades ago to an old man’s corny Tea Party sign is so insensitive and so belittling that I can barely wrap my head around it. Which is exactly why I’m telling everybody out there to give the Democrats just a little more rope. Right now they think that they’re shtick is so cute that they’re unaware of the imminent political suicide they’ll be facing.

If protesting an unprecedented expansion of the Federal government is bigoted… Then slap me and call me a racist! Who’s with me?!

Note* Actual racists need not apply… Sean Penn.

Left-wingers side with the so-called Palestinians and insist that their country was stolen from them by the Jews, but when you ask them just exactly where the country was located, what their flag looked like and who their president was, they huff and they puff and they denounce you as a tool of the Jewish lobby.

Liberals argue for the sanctity of the 1st Amendment as if they had personally invented free speech, but they’re the same people who’d like to use the Fairness Doctrine to turn off the microphones of conservative talk show hosts.  Furthermore, they are so terrified of hearing or letting other people hear the words of those who disagree with them that they boo their opponents into silence on those rare occasions when conservatives are invited to speak on college campuses.

When George W. Bush and the GOP were in control from 2000-2006, the Democrats complained, generally without cause, that they didn’t have enough influence, that the Republicans didn’t reach out to them, even though John McCain, to name one, spent so much time reaching out that Cindy McCain began to worry that she’d lost her husband to Russ Feingold or Ted Kennedy.  These days, those same Democrats are so eager to disenfranchise Republicans that they’re ready to do anything up to and including sending the entire stimulus package to Minnesota if only they’ll make Al Franken a senator.

Speaking of senators, what’s the idea of Republicans Martinez, Bunning, Hutchinson and Brownback, announcing that this is their last term?  If I could suck it up and vote for McCain last November, the least these four can do is sign on for another six years.  It’s not as if being a U.S. Senator calls for any heavy lifting.  Heck, if Robert Byrd can do it, Sam Brownback certainly can.  This is simply no time for Republicans to go AWOL.

I admit that I’ve been delighted to see Nancy Pelosi catching some heat for lying about not knowing that water boarding was taking place.  Initially, I think she claimed she was confused by the term, believing it meant that the prisoners at Gitmo were learning to surf.  But things didn’t get a lot better when it came out that she had only bothered attending one of about 70 congressional meetings where the subject was discussed.  I suppose she was busy getting Botox injections.  But that doesn’t mean I want to see the Democrats replace her.  I mean, it’s not as if they’d give the job to Eric Cantor or John Boehner.  I’m sure they’d simply replace the incompetent Speaker of the House with someone like Barney Frank, the embarrassing lisper of the House.

Left-wingers are always wringing their hands over separation of church and state.  What we should all be arguing for is separation of communication and state.  What right does the federal government have supporting NPR, PBS and the NEA?  Frankly, I’d be opposed to the feds spending taxpayer dollars to fund public radio, public TV and the arts, even if they weren’t all run by left-wingers.  I’m sure liberals think I’m lying, but I’m not.  Nowhere in the Constitution is the government given the authority to meddle in these matters, and once it does, it opens itself up to charges of censorship or collusion.  Is there anyone who believes that NPR or PBS will ever question anything President Obama says or does?  Of course not.  Liberals in the media claim they speak truth to power, which sounds good, but would sound a lot better if they ever spoke truth when their own darlings were the ones in power.

It’s bad enough when NBC goes into the tank for the president, but NBC is not subsidized by the American taxpayer.  If the liberals want to disseminate left-wing propaganda, I say let them do it the old-fashioned way.  Let Howard Dean and the entire DNC crawl to George Soros and ask him to pay for it.

Finally, whenever someone gripes about the pay raises, perks, health care and pensions, that politicians provide for themselves, we’re told how much more money these “public servants” could make in the private sector, and I have to laugh.  These egotistical dunderheads would have to be running major corporations — assuming there will be any of those left by the time Obama gets done — to have the kind of fiefdoms that come with being in Congress.  Can you seriously imagine Barbara Boxer, Arlen Specter or John Murtha, running a store, let alone a major corporation?  For that matter, can you even imagine Barbara Boxer, Arlen Specter or John Murtha, being hired to sweep out a store?

burtprelutsky@aol.com

But, hate us? Really. Then why do people cross oceans on tiny little boats, risking their lives in the process, to get to our horrible country? Why do people from all over the world come to us for serious health care when it really hits the fan? Why is it that someone can come to our country, not even speak the language, and in a few years become wealthy? Let me help you Libbies out here: Opportunity, Freedom, Capitalism, Freedom of Religion, Freedom of Speech (well sort of), Pride, Patriotism, and Water Pressure. We have been the beacon of hope around the world for over 230 years. We are still the most successful and wealthy country the Earth has ever known. We share our wealth more than an other nation on Earth. And we have shed more blood than any other country to give others the chance at the same freedoms we enjoy. So all I can say is… Jealous much?

Fortunately for us we now have a group of visionary leaders doing everything they can to make sure the rest of the world won’t hate us. Things like subserviently seeking approval from lesser barbaric countries, adopting the socialist government styles that have worked oh so well in Europe, and making sure that we bankrupt ourselves so we can be on their economic levels. That’ll take care of that pesky jealousy thing.

I am an avid traveler. Some of you have heard my moniker, “Maverick Adventurer.” I’ve eaten Haggis on the Royal Mile in Scotland, dodged hookers and had my pocket picked in Barcelona (I picked it right back; ah Sangria). I jumped into the middle of a French World Cup victory celebration on the streets of Montreal, and had my head shaved by a Buddhist monk at a monastery in Mt. Koya, Japan. I’ve eaten kangaroo in Tasmania, ridden jet boats in New Zealand, and sampled Guinness straight from the brewery tap in Dublin. I’ve snorkeled in Jamaica, licked a glacier in Alaska, and ate, well, uh, something in South Korea. In fact I’m writing this on a plane heading back from one of the most cosmopolitan places on Earth; New York City. I’ve been around a bit.

So why am I saying all this? Because just like we conservatives are getting a raw deal here in our own country, ALL of us Americans are getting a raw deal from the media in other countries. Left and right. Our media is definitely a prime reason for this. Thanks to the Internet, now most of the world can monitor us. This can be a blessing and a curse. We can at least now get all sides of the story. But mostly they are getting the same skewed vision of who we really are as a country in the mainstream. And these other countries don’t have the freedom, given to us by or Constitution, to stand up and expose the lies. They don’t have the burning desire to create their own destiny. They do; however, have the burning desire to live off the labor of others, be as rude as they want to be to us, take extended vacations subsidized by government spending, and enjoy all that cheese and gourmet goodies and such. Ah, a loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and a seething disdain for Americans. Yummy.

So how do we fix this? THE TRUTH!!!!!

A friend of mine in Germany was recently asked by a citizen there if Dick Cheney was really in the Ku Klux Klan like David Duke? No, but Robert Byrd (D-W. Va) was. Zing! Zowie! And who in the world gives a half a flyin rat’s ass what David Duke is doing? Sorry my Libbie friends, that racist nimrod is not affiliated with the Republican party. We don’t want him. But I’m sure he can take over for Byrd if you like.

My point is that as hard as it is getting the truth out here, it’s doubly hard overseas. Yes, they are already mostly Socialist and heading south rapidly. Yes, they are mostly all in financial trouble and of course blame us and capitalism. And yes, just like the Libbies here, talking to them is about as much fun as a colonoscopy from Edward Scissorhands (Thanks Dennis). But just as we are trying to stand up here, we must stand up there. We must do it tactfully, respectfully, and with a big smile on our faces. We must point out the errors and misconceptions that they are getting from our and their media. We must once again be the beacon of truth to the rest of the world. It’s not just our right, but our duty.

If you decide to take this route, do your best to get your facts straight. Especially the really weird obscure conspiracy theories. Man, they always throw me! But many actually  believe the craziest stuff. So when you go abroad, strap in, have a nice glass of wine and relax. Go with the flow, act as the locals do. Be of good cheer, don’t get angry. Leave the Hawaiian shirt at home and again, relax. Part of the beauty of travel is settling into a foreign rhythm. Don’t make yourself a target. And remember, just like in America, there are so many people all over the world that love us, revere us, and want to have our freedoms. So find those guys and by them a beer. Or a Sake. Or a Cabernet.

Or you can be a whining Libbie apologist and beg for approval from from people who have already made up their minds with false information. False information that you have aided in filling them up with. False information that you stand for and is harming our world view. The truth is radically different and yes, I am blaming you Libbies for our world view. Not Bush, not capitalism; but a constant and never ending effort to blame America first for all the shortcomings of the world. Especially when you go overseas. Why do you shameless politicians wait till you are in other countries to voice your radical leftist views? Oh yeah, because we would vote you out of office. But luckily you’re safe since the mainstream media will never play those glittering moments in their true light. Cowardice, sheer cowardice. How can you stand against your own country like that? Shame on you.

We should be proud that we are Americans. We have every reason to be. Each and every one of us is a representative of this great land. Let’s turn this world view around. Let the French lead the way in rudeness. If we all do our part; we can make a difference. Bottom line, don’t be a Doofus! Or Doofi for the plural, I guess. So stand tall, but not too tall. Be vociferous, but not too loud. Be solid and stern, but remain pliable. Be proud yet humble. And if for some reason things get dicey; just tell them that George Bush is an evil spawn of the lizard people from Beltar 7 come to this Earth to impregnate us all with microbial mind control spores so that he can suck out our souls through our left ears while we sleep. Him laughing all the while like a dark, ravenous Santa Claus in reverse as we all slip quietly into oblivion until he is full and can finally go back to his home planet a bulging hero. That’ll probably get you a drink!