My Secret Life as a Conservative Republican

I’m tired of hiding it. Everybody knows anyway. So it’s time to come clean, just like the Klan hoods I’ve got spinning in the dryer as we speak. It’s time for the Neanderthal knuckle-dragging, open mouth-breathing, racist, sexist, Klan and Timothy McVeigh-loving Montana militia member gun nut conservative Republican religious zealot in me to be set free. Repression is a bitch, and so am I.

I go to bed full of hate and wake up the same.  I hate blacks, Hispanics, gays, women, abortion doctors, liberals, Lefties, Democrats, you name ‘em, I hate ‘em if they’re not like me. I especially hate President Obama for being black. Just ask Janeane Garofalo, although being a Stalinist Socialist doesn’t help Obama’s cause any with me. Fact is, Obama could be a GOP Michael Steele Uncle Tom, and I’d still hate him even more than liberals hate Steele. Skin color trumps all. Thank God I was born the right color, or I’d probably kill myself. Wait, the hoods are dry! Be right back. (more…)

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Tags: "teabagging", 9/11, abortion, Adolf Hitler, AIPAC
Posted Jul 15th 2009 at 2:36 pm in Politics | 182706188 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/07/15/my-secret-life-as-a-conservative-republican/My+Secret+Life+as+a+Conservative+Republican2009-07-15+21%3A36%3A48John+T.+Simpson

The Left Has Spoken: Today, We Are All Extremists

The leader of genius must have the ability to make different opponents appear as if they belong to one category.” – Adolf Hitler.

“At this point, whatever dividing line there was between mainstream conservatism and the black-helicopter crowd seems to have been virtually erased.” – NY Times columnist Paul Krugman.

Paul Krugman

Really sucks to be a conservative these days. I feel like I’m walking around with a big bulls-eye on my back. I know many of the Left, especially Keith Olbermann, Frank Rich, Paul Krugman, the New York Times editorial staff and all the pundits at HuffPo and KOS would find that statement hilariously ironic, given the recent shooting deaths of Dr. George Tiller in Kansas and security guard Steven T. Johns at the Holocaust Museum. Then again, they’re not the ones being branded en masse as co-conspirators in those murders. Conservatives are. (more…)

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Tags: Air America, assassination chic, Axelrod, Bill O'Reilly, Cynthia Dixon
Posted Jun 16th 2009 at 3:31 pm in Politics | 1587586 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/06/16/today-we-are-all-extremists/The+Left+Has+Spoken%3A+Today%2C+We+Are+All+Extremists2009-06-16+22%3A31%3A36John+T.+Simpson

What if President Obama Were a Republican?

In my Big Hollywood post of April 27th, I decried the media’s acting as a cheerleading fourth branch of government, in which the MSM has not only assumed a Dear Leader-like reverence and awe for our new president, but attacks any and all critics with slander, ridicule, and even intimidation, and discounts any real concerns by the public as right wing extremist rabble-rousing and racism.

Given my love of true reporting and Woodward and Bernstein-like investigative journalism, which is really nowhere to be found in this Messianic Media Age of Obama, it was a very depressing piece to write. But after the recent flyover of New York City by Air Force One and F-16 fighter jets, which sent half of the Big Apple fleeing for their lives, it occurred to me.

How would the Left report the news if Obama were a Republican, i.e. an Uncle Tom, as many on the Left call now-GOP Chairman Michael Steele? Eureka! That’s it! See, it’s one thing for me to point out the obvious, as I did in my media slam yesterday. But what if we walked GOP President Obama’s media coverage through the mirror darkly, as was SOP for President Bush?

NOW we’re gonna have some fun! (more…)

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Tags: abc, Air America, Al Franken, assassination, bush
Posted Apr 29th 2009 at 4:07 pm in Celebrity News, Politics | 11890614 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/04/29/what-if-president-obama-were-a-republican/What+if+President+Obama+Were+a+Republican%3F2009-04-29+23%3A07%3A47John+T.+Simpson

Official: Dissent Now Unpatriotic

You all know the drill. The recent vague and controversial DHS report on right-wing extremism, the cover of which DHS might just as well have put on the Republican Party platform. The endless puerile teabagging jokes from the fourth estate’s finest, giggling into their microphones like ten-year-olds who just found a tittie mag.

CNN reporter Susan Roesgen even called a Tea Party “anti-government and anti-CNN” when her pro-government handout rant to a Tea Partier was rudely interrupted. Ms. Roesgen took particular offense at a sign of Obama with a Hitler moustache. “Why be so hard on the President of the United States though with such an offensive message?” the offended Ms. Roesgen asked.

Yet in 2006, Ms. Roesgen was perfectly comfortable with this Satan/Hitler Bush mask, jokingly calling it a Bush ‘look-alike.’ I guess it all depends on which POTUS you’re hard on. Right, Suzie?

And therein lies the rub. Dissent was SO patriotic not so long ago, wasn’t it? Dissent against war, dissent against torture, dissent against wiretapping, dissent against Gitmo, dissent against rendition, dissent against government abuse of power. In fact, now-Secretary of State Clinton was quite vocal on the matter back in the day: (more…)

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Tags: Anderson Cooper, Censorship, clinton, CNN, DHS
Posted Apr 19th 2009 at 6:57 am in Featured Story, Media Criticism, Politics | 1081106 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/04/19/when-dissent-becomes-unpatriotic/Official%3A+Dissent+Now+Unpatriotic2009-04-19+13%3A57%3A40John+T.+Simpson

Know Right-Wing Extremists By Their Bumper Stickers

TO: ALL LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT AUTHORITIES

FM: DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY

SUBJ: NATIONWIDE ALERT – KNOW RIGHT WING EXTREMISTS BY THEIR BUMPER STICKERS!

Per the Guidelines of the Department of Homeland Security’s recent report, all units and law enforcement agencies are notified to be on the lookout (BOLO) for potential Right-Wing Extremists. Since the report’s guidelines are exceedingly general and non-specific, we here at DHS will provide the necessary details in order for state and local LE officials to round up the usual suspects.

Usual Suspect

First, Right-Wing Extremists are often known to display their radical sympathies on bumper stickers. This could be as simple a matter as a Confederate flag on a pickup truck, but often involves stated extremist messages like ABORTION KILLS, BABIES ARE NOT SPARE PARTS (they are), and ADOPTION: THE CARING OPTION (it isn’t, spare parts is).

In this instance, it is best to keep a safe distance and follow the unsub’s vehicle, to where fellow right-wing extremists of like mind are no doubt plotting their next abortion clinic massacre. (more…)

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Tags: abortion, Bill of Rights, constitution, DHS, extremism
Posted Apr 16th 2009 at 5:03 am in Media Criticism, Politics | 1066223 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/04/16/know-right-wing-extremists-by-their-bumper-stickers/Know+Right-Wing+Extremists+By+Their+Bumper+Stickers2009-04-16+12%3A03%3A32John+T.+Simpson