Ed. Note: This part two of  Big Hollywood’s two-part excerpt exclusive from Greg Gutfeld’s new book, “The Bible of Unspeakable Truths,” which is available now. Part one is here. Leigh Scott’s review is here. Rep. Thaddeus McCotter’s review is here.

—–

The Only Difference Between You and an Expert Is Four Appearances on a Cable News Show

When I take public transportation, people come up to me and ask me the same question over and over again: “Why are you staring at me?” And also: “How come you don’t have experts on your television show?” The answer? It’s a glass eye, and experts are phonies. The easiest way to pawn yourself off as an expert is to tell people you’re an expert. Then appear on a talk show. Sex experts, steroid experts, latte experts—they’re all shams.

Here’s why: With a thousand TV channels and countless talking heads needed to fill time, no one really performs background checks. Yeah, they’ll Google your name, but that’s about it. I have, after all, pawned myself off on a number of shows as a relationship expert. God, if you only knew how my exes feel about that! Thankfully, they would never admit to dating me.  (more…)

Ed. Note: Today and tomorrow Big Hollywood is running exclusive excerpts from Greg Gutfeld’s new book, ”The Bible of Unspeakable Truths,” which is available now. Leigh Scott’s review is here. Rep. Thaddeus McCotter’s review is here.

—–

Garry Trudeau Is an Untalented Sack of Poop 

If Doonesbury did not relentlessly spout knee-jerk liberal tripe in every panel, it would not exist. It’s the only cartoon given tenure—in that the media cut Garry Trudeau slack because they all believe his heart is in the right place, even though his stuff sucks harder than something that really sucks. 

But in our hearts, we all know the truth: The strip is neither amusing nor interesting. Worse, the dude can’t draw for shit. Essentially, Trudeau has been a recipient of comic strip welfare his entire career. No one has had the guts to cut him off. It’s too bad, because Funky Winkerbean really deserves his spot.  (more…)

ABC News:

“What a pro-active way to be able to help the economy and change the culture in this country around animals,” Robert Davi, a veteran actor (“The Goonies,” “Die Hard,” “License to Kill”) who was a main force behind the bill’s introduction, told ABCNews.com in a telephone interview. 

“This money goes back into the economy, and it encourages people to understand the social responsibilities we have toward animals,” Davi said. …

***

A bill making the rounds on Capitol Hill marries two feel-good propositions — tax cuts and pet ownership — to generate a novel idea: A tax break of up to $3,500 per person for pet care expenses. (more…)