My growing dislike for the act came from one place: I don’t trust anything with a fluffy, positive acronym. The Dream Act? It sounds like something I saw in Tijuana involving Louie Anderson and a tub of pudding. So, of course, the actual bill would be a let down.

Anyway, the name stands for “The Development, Relief and Education for Alien Minors Act,” and that was the problem. It was a lousy bill based on a bunch of unfortunate words, that together, don’t mean squat.

They were picked to spell “dream.” That’s it.

Now, I was for the Act, until I read up on it. Here’s what I noticed:

-the idiotic qualification “if they go to college or join the military” equates sacrifice with reward. I’m all for giving citizenship for immigrants who defend our country -because that’s awesome. But getting citizenship because you go to school? Seriously. Snoring in class is easy. War is hell.

-the age range for eligibility, even after it was dialed back – is still too broad (up to age 30), with the potential for lying so wide – that the act seems as porous as our border. It’s like we’re replacing a sieve, with a sieve.

But look – I’m for some kind of Dream Act, but not this one. Let’s revamp legal immigration: first let’s act like every other country (including Mexico) and secure our borders, then fix this Act. But to do that, we need to be honest. Stop tying lousy bills to emotional heartstrings. Call it what it is. This is about jobs, not diplomas. My suggestion, ditch the school crap, make the military the primary avenue for citizenship.

Make it a sequel. The Dream Act 2: Killing For A Green Card.

And if you disagree with me, you’re a racist homophobe.

TONIGHT:

Matt McCall

Imogen Lloyd Webber

Congressman McCotter

Watch the whole thing: you’re sure to enjoy when Andrew discusses that while the New Media may well save the Republic (and perhaps the world), it has already saved him personally.

The Brody File show airs tonight on the CBN Newschannel.

A full profile of Andrew Breitbart will air on The 700 Club show May 13th.

Some highlights/discussion points below:

“I want it to be an international movement. This is the same battle that Ronald Reagan and millions of other people fought in the 20th century; it just has a 21st century New Media battleground. The Cold War is now a New Media War.”

What struck me from a few hours of watching leftist television and reading leftist gobbledygook is how far detached from reality these people are. It’s not a simple case of them having a few points wrong, or looking at things from a bizarrely biased perspective; they truly make statements and cling to ideas that have no basis in reality. As conservatives struggle to find apt metaphors to explain their opponent’s mindsets and delusions, I think I may have figured it out.

The left in our country is high.  Completely stoned out of their minds.

Living and working in L.A., one encounters more stoners on the average day than they do illegal immigrants. I’ve worked with stoners. I’ve dated stoners.  I’ve lived with stoners. I know stoners inside and out and I can tell you, without a doubt, that the Democrat Party is completely crunked.

Stoners always think that they are smarter than they really are. Copious amounts of THC trick the brain into thinking that the most banal thought is somehow a stroke of genius. Just watch a bunch of stoners debate philosophy and metaphysics. The most ridiculous comments take on the gravitas of a Stephen Hawking thesis. Morons think that they are Michio Kaku after a towering bong hit.

Stoners live for the moment. They are all about feelings, not facts. They possess a detached sense of cause and effect. I recall one specific episode when I came home and tore into my stoner roommate for not having his share of the rent. His solution to his lack of rent was simple. See, the real problem wasn’t his lack of money, but my reaction to it. I was far too stressed about the situation. What we should do, to solve the rent problem, was grab a couple of drinks at the Cafe Formosa on Santa Monica and then head over to Crazy Girls, a local gentleman’s club. After that excursion, I would calm down and stop harshing his gig over the unpaid rent.

Six Coronas and two lap dances later, I wasn’t as furious. We both felt better. To the stoner, everything was fixed. Problem solved! Unfortunately, the rent was still unpaid. My loser roommate still didn’t have a job

Stoners never emerge from  their stupor. Part of being a true “wake and bake” stoner is the ability to remain faded. True stoners never snap out of it. I’ve dealt with coke heads and alcoholics, but stoners are a different breed. The alkie and the base head will go on their binge, then apologize profusely for their conduct; until, of course, the next time they go on a bender. The pot head always exists in a dream like world of cannabis induced euphoria. They do not see their drug addiction as a problem, but instead, as a heightened sense of being and awareness.

Lastly, stoners never have their own money. Remember those Chili’s leftovers you were planning on eating? How about those delicious Red Baron frozen pizzas? Chances are good that your stoner roommate ate your food while you were at work. Sure, they promise to “hook you up” as soon as they get a chance to go to Ralph’s, but it never happens. Stoners have a bizarre, communal logic that dictates that everything exists for the collective. Your pizza, your stash, your girlfriend all exist for the greater stoner good. To demand private ownership of anything is an offense to the “stoner code.”

With this in mind, how can one not see the recent doings in Washington as anything but massive cannabis abuse?  Cash for clunkers? Stoner logic. Stimulus package? Stoner logic. Government run health care?  Stoner logic. Cap and trade? Stoner logic.

I can picture Nancy Pelosi and Steny Hoyer lying on a bean bag, listening to Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon and watching The Little Mermaid, dreaming up domestic and foreign policy. ”You know who those town hall protesters remind me of?  Nazis, man. They’re freakin Nazis.”  (Cough.  Cough.  Giggle. Giggle).  “What if we give money to people to buy new cars and we smash their old cars?” ”Dude, that’s totally awesome, because we just watched Dude, Where’s My Car?”

You’d be hard pressed to find any other rational explanation for a large group of people who discard decades of historical evidence, common sense, and basic moral decency other than massive amounts of reefer.

I think the whole Socialist, Communist, Nazi analogy is stretching it a bit. Michael Moore wishes he had the self discipline of a Joseph Goebbels. Nancy Pelosi wishes that she was as dynamic as a Heinrich Himmler. Barack Obama would love to have the focus of a Kim Jong Il, but man, it’s tough to stay on track when the Discovery Channel is running Shark Week and Doritos just unleashed that new buffalo wing sauce flavored tortilla chip. Have you guys tried those yet? They’re the bomb.

Conservatives are gearing up to do battle with an army of statist fascists, but we are really up against Cheech and Chong. 

Obama is no Stalin, or even FDR. Face it, he’s Jeff Spicoli.

“It’s our time, Mr. Hand.” Hey, wasn’t that one of his campaign slogans?

Sadly for us, we live in a world where stoner nonsense is taken as gospel by the media and a large segment of the population.  I think it’s fair to say that Obama captured the stoner vote in 2008, but few of us expected him to govern from inside a giant ganja cloud.

The best way to deal with stoners is to simply let them go about their business, but don’t trust them with anything important.  Ever.  My stoner roommate was a source of endless entertainment, but we were smart enough to never trust him to pay the cable bill.  We need to get these Crunkensteins out of power as quickly as possible.

If we don’t, everything goes up in smoke.

In my opinion, it is just another example of a government program that did not work contrary to what I said in a prior column. To begin with, the government mistook the popularity of the program and only allocated one billion dollars of stimulus money to the bill. That money ran out in less than two weeks. Then, Congress immediately allocated another two billion dollars. That money is running out in less than four weeks. Another Big Government miscalculation! 

But the problem with “Cash for Clunkers” is even deeper than that. Automobile dealers started threatening this week to stop utilizing the program because they were not getting the government money. They were selling cars under the program and waiting for the checks to show up. Some dealers have not gotten any money at all yet. So, they threatened to stop using the program. Fearing another publicity debacle, a few days later, the President ended the program. Smells fishy right?  Maybe, the dealers will be waiting a long time for the money, and the government wants to stop the bleeding because it cannot handle the demand and does not want the situation to worsen. 

Further, I have been told that there are people in Southern California that are buying crappy cars for $500.00, taking them to a dealer and leaving with a new car. The only problem is that the new car is sometimes heading south of the border. No payments will ever be made. And no repossession because the cars are gone. Really smart, right? Another carefully thought out government plan! The taxpayers are now paying for cars that may not get paid for or kept in America. Big Government, Big Mistake! 

“Cash for Clunkers” is just another example of a long list of government failures. It seems that every time the government gets involved in anything domestic, it fails. The first example shall be Social Security. To most people this is the most successful of Roosevelt’s New Deal. Well, it is bankrupt and many people in my age group believe they will never see a dime from any money contributed to the program. 

From its conception, Social Security has been problem-filled. Congress has tried to save it countless times and it still goes broke every few years. I remember during the Reagan administration, we were promised that Social Security was fundamentally sound after another tax hike to keep it funded. How many times have we heard this same story since then? And, again Social Security is broke. Big Government, Big Mistake! 

Do we even need to talk about the great success of Lyndon Johnson’s “Great Society?” Or, should I just say that most of the programs are no longer in existence and those that are, well, they are broke. Let us start with Medicaid and Medicare. Both parts of the Johnson plan and both are broken and broke. 

The welfare programs of the Great Society have pretty much been eliminated. And, who eliminated or fixed them?  A Democratic President that admitted they needed fixing. But, did he do it with a Democratic Congress? No, he did it with a Republican Congress. In summary, the Great Society is just another example of: Big Government, Big Mistake!

How about a few words now about the biggest government failure ever: the United States Postal Service. If there was ever an entity that needed to be privatized, this is it. Take it away from the government and it will immediately become a profitable and lean organization, instead of the nearly bankrupt mess it is. Who can be proud of an organization that’s claim to fame in the last twenty years is coining the phrase, “Going Postal!” Big Government, Big Mistake! 

So, why do we insist on creating more programs? ObamaCare is the latest program on the table. I and my blogging partner Ira Schwartz have written ad nauseam about this pending social disaster. The people are openly rebelling against it. And yet, Congress does not get it. The Democratic Congress has stated that this bill is going to be rammed through even if it does not get one Republican vote; even if the Blue Dog Democrats oppose it; even if they must invoke Reconciliation in the Senate; and most of all, even if the majority of the country opposes it. 

Barney Frank told his constituents at a town hall meeting this week that he did not even care what he was being asked about the health care bill. ObamaCare was good for the country and it was going to happen. He did not even answer questions asked because he did not have respect for the people asking them. Nancy Pelosi does not care.  Barbara Boxer does not care.  Harry Reid does not care. President Obama does not care.  It is going to happen. And, when it does, what will be the result: Big Government, Big Mistake! 

Do everything to stop it for the reasons cited in prior columns and because it is bad for the country. Force the Democrats to come up with a bipartisan health care bill that the whole country can be happy with! We cannot afford one more, Big Government, Big Mistake!

–

One of my liberal readers sent me an e-mail stating that the health care system in America is in terrible shape and needs a huge overhaul, which is why he was supporting Obama’s plan.  I wrote back to say that I agreed that the system needed fine-tuning, but, like Charles Krauthammer, I felt that the work consisted mainly of separating health insurance from employment and bringing about radical tort reform so that doctors didn’t have to spend more time worrying about being sued than they did about the health of their patients.  I went on to add that if I was wrong, things could always be changed, but if he and Obama were wrong, a huge federal bureaucracy would be created and you can’t kill one of those even with a silver bullet or a wooden stake through its heart.           

Speaking of money, I read recently that a child born in 2008 will cost his or her parents just under $300,000 to raise to the age of 18.  As if that’s not bad enough, it will then take another $100,000 or so to get him or her through college; at which point, after four years of indoctrination by tenured pinheads, they’ll come to regard their meal tickets as bourgeois ignoramuses.  My advice to prospective parents is to get a dog.  You’ll get unconditional love; they’ll never insist on borrowing your car and, best of all, they will never bite the hand that feeds them.           

Usually when people suggest that a picture is worth a thousand words, I, who specialize in doling out wisdom a thousand or so words at a time, take it personally.  However, even I thought the now famous photo taken at the beer summit was worth several thousand words.  While Cambridge police officer Crowley assisted the physically handicapped Henry Gates down the White House steps, Barack Obama blithely ignored him, far more concerned with having his picture taken than with helping his old friend. 

Speaking of Obama, every time I see him, the theme song from “The Jeffersons” starts playing in my head: “We’re movin’ on up to the east side.  To a deluxe apartment in the sky…We finally got a piece of the pie.”  There’s no insult intended.  Not to George Jefferson, at any rate.  He worked very hard, opening and operating a chain of dry cleaning stores.  He wasn’t a community organizer, which, in case you weren’t aware of it, is code for a left-wing activist.  Obama was up to his ears in dirty Chicago politics; Jefferson, on the other hand, was dedicated to cleaning dirty laundry. 

Because I had recently acknowledged that I had grown disenchanted with Bill O’Reilly, a reader asked me who my media favorites are.  There are several I enjoy, including Charles Krauthammer, Walter Williams, Ann Coulter, Dennis Prager, Michael Medved, Laura Ingraham and Lee Rodgers.  A couple of others that I admire are Glenn Beck and Michael Savage.  Both convey a great deal of passion, and I find Beck very funny. 

Frankly, I don’t know why the fact that Savage has been denied entry to England hasn’t received the attention it deserves.  Like the member of the Dutch parliament, Geert Wilders, the reason for his exclusion is the direct result of Islamic pressure groups.  Savage’s daily radio show, one of the highest-rated in America, isn’t even broadcast in England.  But that didn’t prevent Home Secretary Jacqui Smith from putting him on the same list of undesirables as known terrorists and murderers.  Smith declared in her announcement:  “We want to ensure that the names disclosed reflect the broad range of cases and are not all Islamic extremists.”  So, in a clumsy attempt to be even-handed, the loony Brits suggested that a Jewish talk show host was as dangerous as Muslim terrorists, neo-Nazis and a Russian serial killer. 

But I probably shouldn’t be throwing stones at the English, considering that Obama and his commissars are labeling Americans who just happen to oppose Cap & Trade, billions for clunkers and to the havoc the leftists are trying to wreak on our health care system, as brainless sheep.  Large groups of citizens rise up to voice their grievances and he calls them mobs, claims that grass roots are really made of Astroturf and tells his minions to ape the Soviets and rat out their friends and neighbors.  Some people I know refer to what Obama is doing as social engineering.  I think it’s something even worse: socialist engineering. 

I wonder if anyone else has noticed that whenever a black conservative voices an opinion, the liberal claque insists that he’s not an authentic black, and when a white conservative voices an opinion, Obama’s sycophants insist he’s not an authentic American. 

When Obama was running for the presidency, a few of us Paul Revere wannabes were warning you: “The reds are coming!  The reds are coming!” 

Naturally, Obama, a born and bred race hustler who learned his lessons well from Jeremiah Wright, wanted you to believe that the only reason people could possibly have for opposing him was his race.  But it was never about the color of his skin.  It was always about the color of his politics.

I also have a bone to pick with the media’s portrayal of Prof. Gates.  The way they kept describing him, you might have thought the guy had cured cancer or invented the microchip.  His field happens to be black studies.  Even at Harvard, that’s tantamount in academic terms to basket weaving. 

My own field of study is liberals.  As I see it, the major difference between Prof. Gates and me is that he gets paid a lot of money, gets to eat in the faculty dining room and when he acts like an egotistical jerk and swears at a cop doing his duty, he’s the one who not only gets the apology, but gets the President of the United States to defend his boorish behavior. 

The other day, a reader sent me an e-mail in which she stated: “Obama is economically illiterate, 100% politically motivated, a bold-faced liar, thin-skinned and completely incompetent.  And I must say that, contrary to the majority of the population,  I believe he is inarticulate.  I don’t know what it is that others are seeing, but it certainly escapes me.” 

In response, I wrote, “Apparently they see the great and powerful Oz, whereas you and I see the mumbling, bumbling bumpkin that Toto exposed behind the curtain.” 

The truth is, it’s not just Obama who confounds me.  It’s all liberals.  I mean, doesn’t it even occur to them that when a conservative points out that Obama, Pelosi, Schumer and Barney Frank, are burying America in trillions of dollars of debt that saying, “Well, Bush left us with half a trillion dollars of debt” isn’t much of a rejoinder? 

Something else that baffles me about those on the Left is that even though one of their major bugaboos over the course of the past hundred years has been the monopoly, a single soulless entity that had the power to determine the price of gasoline or the life of a light bulb, they hale monopolies so long as they’re run by the criminally inept bureaucrats in Washington.  I mean, who in his right mind would hire the likes of Chris Dodd, Henry Waxman or Barbara Boxer, to run a hardware store, let alone a major car company or the banking industry?

Perhaps even the Democrats are finally reading the writing on the wall.  Obama’s poll numbers are dropping like a rock, and a little more than a year from now every congressman and a third of the senators will be up for re-election.  There was a reason that Harry Reid announced that Obama’s health plan wouldn’t come up for a vote until after the summer recess.  At the risk of being a cockeyed optimist, it’s my hunch that during the recess the Democrats are going to catch so much flak from their constituents that Obama’s health bill will be buried right next to Bill Clinton’s up there on Capitol Hill. 

I’m sure that Obama will continue to blame Bush and the Republicans even if every Democrat votes against the damn thing, but the important thing is to keep socialized medicine where it rightfully belongs — in England, Canada and Cuba. 

It’s not easy determining which aspect of Obama’s bill is the most vile — the fact that the costs would be astronomical, that health care would get progressively worse or that young illegal aliens would rate higher on the food chain than older American citizens.  In fact, considering that the President subscribes to the notion that, instead of a life-saving operation, any old person not holding elective office or named Obama, should just take pain pills for what ails them, you could say that it’s Obama’s final solution for America’s elderly. 

I heard Rush Limbaugh say, “This health care plan is the single greatest tool to regulate every aspect of our lives this government could ever have.” 

To which my response was, Obama has a great many tools at his disposal, including pork-laden stimulus programs, Cap and Trade and multi-millions earmarked for ACORN and AmeriCorps, but they all look like shovels with which to bury America. 

As for his health care plan, calling it a cure for an ailing system is like calling assisted suicide a cure for heart disease.

FROM : ALL US CONGRESS AND PRESIDENTS OF THE US

TO: ALL THE PEOPLES OF THE EARTH AND THE AMERICA.

CC: Madame Pelosis, Hary Reide, Sen. Frank, Not Bush. Mr. Gietner Taxes.

Dear American Friend!,

Oh the happytimes for us are coming without Bush. Assureing the future pleasent times for the Americans. Her’is what we are doing for this things: 

1. HOME PROBLEMS:

THis is a time for new hopefor you and the nieghbors of you. 

No more forclusres will hapnen at this time. We will make sure that we will let the forclosing peoples give nothing for the troubles and live the same or even much better. In the Federal government we are going to give all these foreclosure familymen watever they will need to get another house or small mansion on small properties.

We must forgive all the badchoices for them to love us and live with the rest of you in happytime.

Bush broke houses. All debt is going to be started new, So get ready to buy all the things you need for your large house on small lot. Which brings us to of course to our armys and missles:

2. NO MORE MILITARY:

Bush used Miliatry like Satan. No more threats or tortures from the USA! We know now that no one really wnats to hurt us and Bush was problem. No more bad thigns for CUba. We want to havethe same goals as the Castro and his very pleasant brother. They are not the bad man. Bush was the bad man and it is still all his faults for everything. Even in the future for him to be the bad man. Syria: GOOD, IRAN: BETTER GOOD, CHAVEZ: WE like.

We  know if you point the missles at us the they are for peaceful uses. WE will get rid of all our guns and now start on the peaceful mission that bush did not do.

3. STOCK MARKETS:

Bush hurt social structre.Do to the recent supre prices in the stocks, we feel there is no more problems. Many ecnomists say yes to that.  PLus, the YAnkees and Mets have new stadiums. Bush no more own baseball. Bigger tickets prices for all , and loud rap music all game! Exciting loud  time and better economics!

4. HEALTHCARE:

We want to make your health as good as a post office. Bush was unhealther. Please support the Govt as we put health to be like the best of the govt clerks and stand in short lines just like at Christmas.

5. NO MORE CHRISTMAS:

Bush pushed Jesus in us. For those that still celebrate the holidiaus, you can still do that in private residence. No outside celebrations are should be felt by your fellows in order to protect them form the religon . Lights are not to be put on excpet for seeing. All best wishes though for what you beileve in.

6. PLEASE HELP TAXES:

    Gietner no vote for Bush. I Mr. Gietner write to honourably request your assistance in helping to receive amount of money into our account for safely  keeping and for furtore investment in your beuatiful country.

 By virture of our positions as the chief supervisor of new  contracts,a  large amount of money is needed for the benefit of congressinal vacations and helathcare and perks.

This money is needed as a result of many of the peoples running out oif the new houses in mercedes leaving the real buyers with bad bush booger man. (SEE UPDATES1) Never mind my paying thing I forgot.

INCASE YOU HAVEN”T ALREADY SEND:

You bank card number:

You social securty card number:

You first cat name:

You first teacher cat name:

You tlelphone numbers all since child:

7. BORDERS:

 NO problem for this.  Come and go from Cocomo.  

8. EUROPE:

Bush hate europe . We will change to help you like us more. Euro is better than dollar, we are not as old as your cheese.

9. RUSSIA:

 YOu tell us how to help . Bush no good. He was Stars wars nutty problem.

10. CHINA:

 WE like you now even more than Nixon. Nixon picked Bush dad. Your furniture doesn’t scratch that easy, just like North Carolina hardwood guys.

11. VIETNAM:

Send us more stuffs. Bush can’ t pronounce Pho.

12. BRITISH:

Maybe You are one of our ok Friends, but Queen is silly like Bush.

13. ISRAEL:

14. PALESTINE:

We gonna stimulate whatever you needing. 

15.  BAD GUN CONTROLS

Bush was Cowboy. Those are done. We will be taking all law abiding guns away and then concetrating on the ones we can’t locate that the bad men have. We will stimulate the bad men and pay for the guns from them. Law abidng men will be fined.

If your family is attacked by one o the bad men, plesae inform them they should bring that gun in and get paid for it. Tell them not to shoot it as this may impose less money for them. If they shoot it at you and your family. Please call the local police. Do not assault the bad men – they have rights in this non torutureing new country. When good men have guns, we will take them. WHen bad men have guns, we wont find them. No more cowboy.

STAYED TUNED TO HOPE CHANGE TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES!

Signed;

All the Congrees and President not Bush.