Reality TV has given us real housewives, wife swaps and biggest losers. Finally, the whole genre may have jumped the shark right here in DC.  The Salahis hadn’t even finished auditioning for Bethesda-based Half Yard Productions when they pulled off the ultimate reality-show stunt.  By gate-crashing a White House State Dinner, one can just hear the director behind the camera: “You got the part, baby!” Now comes news of a third crasher… Salahi friend Carlos Allen, a D.C. “party promoter!” With all these shenanigans at that first State Dinner, it’s a wonder Indian Prime Minister Singh didn’t run screaming — “I’m a Dignitary — Get Me Outta Here!”

Last month, in response to the ‘party crashers,’ an outraged Rep. Diane Watson (D-Calif.) wanted to know what GE’s Jeffrey Immelt knew and when he knew it.  After all, he attended the State Dinner as a confirmed guest, and in an awkward twist, the reality TV show for which Michaele and Tareq Salahi were auditioning, “Real Housewives of D.C.,” is produced by Immelt’s Bravo network.  Watson, who chairs the Congressional Entertainment Caucus, called for a sweeping review of “the conduct and ethics of reality television in general.”  This, from a woman who once praised Fidel Castro as “one of the brightest leaders I have ever met.”  With words like that, she shouldn’t stand in judgement of reality TV, she ought to be on it!

Nary a peep has been heard from Congresswoman Watson and her reality TV investigation lately.  Perhaps Democrats realize they have bigger problems than reality TV.

D.C. is rarely featured in reality television.  Its official image tediously plays out on television every night in households across America.  All political spin, prepared speeches and carefully choreographed sound bites; not the unscripted, spontaneous train-wreck fare familiar to reality TV audiences.  But ‘official’ Washington provides an unmatchable reality show backdrop. Imagine Survivor’s Jeff Probst hosting a show where a handful of lawmakers get voted off Capitol Hill each week.  All the makings of histrionics worthy of an Emmy!

In a distressing quest for fame, the Salahis did what any respectable reality TV star would do and threw common sense right out the window, sashayed uninvited through the door, and hobnobbed with the leader of the free world.  Respect and restraint are words completely unknown in reality TV — so Michaele, acting as a true desperate housewife, posted her White House exploits all over her Facebook page. Perfect!

Ironic that the official entertainment for Obama’s first State Dinner was none other than reality TV star Jennifer Hudson.  Having been booted from “American Idol,” Hudson went on to receive an Academy Award.  Sometimes reality TV stars aren’t always the biggest losers –Hudson’s “Idol” appearance launched an acting and singing career.

For their part, the Obamas don’t seem to have any problem with reality TV. Hosting a White House “Iron Chef” competition for the Food Network that aired just last week, Michelle Obama became the first presidential wife to appear live on a reality TV show. “The Naked Chef,” Jamie Oliver, served the Obamas while they dined in London at the G-20 last year.  The First Lady’s hairstylist, Johnny Wright, inked a ‘docu soap’ reality show deal.  Even the winner of Obama’s “Health Care Reform Video Challenge,” Eric Hurt, was a contestant on the trashy reality show “Temptation Island.”   (More Fun Facts: one of MTV’s “Real World DC” cast members was an Obama delegate).

So, reality TV has finally come to roost in the nation’s capital.

A Salahi storyline would likely be a ratings and publicity bonanza for Bravo’s “Real Housewives” franchise; that is, if someone doesn’t wind up in jail over the whole thing.  But wait – that could make a good episode too. To be sure, a weekly show featuring the Salahi’s would only create an ongoing headache for a White House eager to move on from ‘Gate-Crashers Gate.’  

So, will the Salahi’s star in the new season of “Real Housewives of DC?”  Stay tuned, the series could debut as soon as this spring.

The latest clip sent to me was “Gossip Girl-Staten Island” and was a send up of the smallest NYC borough depicting the residents as “guidos” and loudmouth big-haired, spikes wearing women. There is also a reality show called “Jersey Shore” which has these prototypes being as obnoxious as possible for the small screen.

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I was born in Manhattan and knew little of the outer boroughs and was perfectly content with the daily newspapers ignoring them as well. The only  television reference about the “forgotten” borough was usually on a comedy cop show like “Barney Miller” when a police officer was threatened with being stationed in the boondocks of S.I.

I moved to Staten Island in 1978 right after I had my third child and had outgrown our two bedroom apartment. We bought an inexpensive twelve room Victorian in the soon-to-be gentrified neighborhood of Stapleton Heights.  In all the years I’ve lived here I have never met the likes of the characters parodied on SNL or any other reality show. Perhaps that’s because I live on the North Shore which has a more urban environment where many artists and musicians gravitated to from Manhattan.

The funniest line in the SNL skit is uttered by a “guido” telling his girl that he’s going to take her out for dinner at “some place romantic, someplace tropical, yes, Rainforest café.” Sophisticated New Yorkers may not even know what that is but it’s a franchise of family restaurants with a jungle motif. Note to SNL writers: Staten Island doesn’t have one but Jersey has a few.

The native Staten Islanders I’ve met do not speak with the Brooklynese accents in the SNL skits. Yes, there are many Italian families here but there are also many Africans, Pakistani, Russian, Polish, German, Asian, Irish and many Hispanics from Central and South America. There are also many pizzerias and many are run and operated by Albanians.  So basically, Staten Island is your typical New York City borough or is it and why do the liberal elite find it such an easy target to mock?

Staten Island is probably the most politically conservative of all five counties that make up the Big Apple. It was the only NYC borough that went for McCain last year and it is more akin to the Midwest politically. Its population has the highest median income in NYC and is 77% white.

The view of S.I. from my home.

Although I’ve claimed to have never met the Staten Islanders ridiculed on SNL, my children tell me that the caricatures are dead on. But the big hair, loud mouthed, gold-chained hairy chest Italians were portrayed in “Saturday Night Fever” and those characters lived in Brooklyn. Why pick on Staten Island, you may ask.

Staten Island is heavily Roman Catholic and very family oriented. After receiving so many glaring stares from storekeepers in Manhattan at my expanding brood, it was a relief to find that Staten Island welcomed and accommodated large families.

In 2004, Amy Richards wrote an essay for the New York Times Lives section in which she recounted the dilemma of discovering she was pregnant with triplets. She wrote, “It’s not the back of a pickup at 16, but now I’m going to have to move to Staten Island. I’ll never leave my house because I’ll have to care for these children. I’ll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise.” I’m assuming the reason she aborted two of her babies was so she could still live in Manhattan. Therein lies the liberal contempt for a borough that cherishes and respects family values and human lives.

Well this native Manhattanite loves Staten Island. It is the most beautiful and greenest of all the boroughs. According to the Princeton review, the most beautiful campus is right here in Staten Island. Wagner College has a million dollar view of the skyline of New York City, the Statue of Liberty and New York Harbor as do most of the palatial homes on Grymes Hill.

So if the untalented writers at SNL want to continue mocking Staten Island, so be it. I would like to remind them however that this is also the borough that suffered the greatest personal losses in the 9/11 attack. The residents have shown great resilience and courage since then and will surely weather their puny attempt at humor as well.

Thankfully, these gory details aren’t directly addressed on the program – at least, not yet. Instead, the show attempts to behave as if viewers are still interested in mommy’s camping trip, or her recipe for Moose Munch, or dad’s go-kart race. Hard to believe just a year ago, Jon and Kate were featured giving marital tips, writing a book about touching family moments — even renewing wedding vows in Hawaii. This was actually when everyone might have become suspicious — since when did renewing vows half way around the world become so important to a family of eight kids? Since Mom caught Dad bedding the chick from the biker bar down the street. 

Make no mistake, when the show made its debut, I liked it. In fact, as a father, I was interested to see a family of 8 pulling their hair out over nap times, potty training and family vacations. As the show continued into season two and three, more and more parents tuned in and empathized right alongside those spunky Gosselins. What’s more — kids could watch right along with parents. It was like a slice of their own lives playing out on TV — times 8! It was all fun and games until Jon and Kate took a turn into reality show hell. Big-time bucks were flowing in through major sponsors, Jon and Kate ditched their modest suburban home and traded up to a sprawling 6,500 square foot million dollar McMansion complete with swimming pool and sprawling acreage. Suddenly, the formerly frugal Pennsylvania family was jetting off to meet Oprah, ski out west and sun themselves in Sand Diego. Like many families who hit the lottery — all this overnight good fortune tragically tore the family apart.

“Instead of seeing Jon and Kate together with the kids, you’ll see Kate with the kids, Jon with the kids – and as they all go through a transition, you’ll see glimpses of that transition,” Laurie Goldberg, senior vice president of TLC, said in an interview. Nice try.  By ‘transition’ do you think she is referring to Jon’s prancing around with multitudes of women in front of the world’s photographers — sometimes bringing them home to meet his understandably confused children? Ms. Goldberg’s network has struggled finding a purpose for the program amidst the cheesy way the Gosselins are splaying themselves out before the tabloid press.  The obvious story-line might have been to watch as a single mom struggles to raise her kids. But this is tough when Kate is all too happy to model her new bikini body before the paparazzi lurking on the beach or Jon is busy having a fling with a Us Weekly reporter.

The jury is still out whether all this infidelity, child trauma or viewer distress is bad for business. 9.8 million tuned into the premier episode which was heavily promoted to reveal juicy details of the martial eruption which had been playing out in the tabloids. But as the show slogs on, viewers are seeing less and less of the adult drama and, instead, are being served up heavily staged (and forced) moments with the kids. Perhaps it’s not a shock ratings have been slipping ever since.

Parents we were sucked in to thinking “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ was a family program — placed in prime time TV viewing hours and heavily marketed through family-friendly advertisers. So, what happens when a modern-day Brady Bunch implodes right before the viewer’s eye? “The Cosby Show,” “Family Ties” and the Brady’s were air-tight family dramas the way they were meant to be — scripted, with stars whose personal lives were often strictly controlled by studios and networks. If the actors playing Greg and Marcia were hooking up backstage (they actually did), no one was going to hear about it until decades later — like an imaginary tabloid time capsule that would wait for us all to grow up. Those days are over.

Today, children who watched the Gosselin kids must now be ready to catch a glimpse of their parent’s saucy indiscretions or manipulative motives on an “Entertainment Tonight” promo or on the cover of OK! Try explaining why Maddy’s mom’s own brother calls the show a “snowjob,” or why little Colin’s dad is splayed across the front page hosting a wild pool party in Vegas.  Good lord, the divorce isn’t even finalized (it is widely speculated that is being saved for Season Six)!

In the end, no one really cares about the fate of reality TV show performers. After all, they freely hurl themselves into living rooms to be judged and scrutinized.  But the eight Gosselin kids never asked for this… their parents were all too happy to cash in at their own peril (it’s beyond sad). And the many young viewers are just left scratching their heads.  Even for the families who endure separation and divorce — Jon and Kate are hardly role models. To call Jon and Kate’s behavior ‘trailer trash’ does a gross disservice for mobile home dwelling Americans everywhere.

Hailey Glassman, Jon’s longest lasting girlfriend, and coincidentally the daughter of Kate Gosselin’s plastic surgeon, recently summed it up, ”Jon and Kate have moved on with their lives. It’s only the viewers who haven’t moved on.”

With any luck they will, and this show will be splitsville.

“I definitely thought about it long and hard, about if I wanted to keep the baby or not, and I wasn’t thinking about adoption,” … “I do think every woman should have the right to do what they want, but I don’t think it’s talked through enough. I can’t even tell you how many people just say, ‘Oh, get an abortion.’ Like it’s not a big deal.” …

I looked online, and I was sitting on bed hysterically crying, reading these stories of people who felt so guilty from having an abortion,” she recalls. “I was reading these things of how many people are traumatized by it afterwards.”

After scouring the Internet, Kardashian says she started to realize that an abortion wasn’t an option for her. “I was just sitting there crying, thinking, ‘I can’t do that,’” she says. “And I felt in my body, this is meant to be. God does things for a reason, and I just felt like it was the right thing that was happening in my life.”

Kardashian says she did some intense soul-searching. “For me, all the reasons why I wouldn’t keep the baby were so selfish: It wasn’t like I was raped, it’s not like I’m 16. I’m 30 years old, I make my own money, I support myself, I can afford to have a baby. And I am with someone who I love, and have been with for a long time.”

Not saying I’m right or even that someone hasn’t already done so, but the obvious effect on Kardashian after she learned about women ”traumatized afterwards” only reinforces a long held belief that the most effective anti-abortion documentary would be one involving women living with what must be a terrible burden of regret and guilt — who after some years pass and a little maturity settles in are now faced with the true enormity of a monstrous act that can no longer be rationalized away.

It only makes sense that there are plenty of good and decent women out there who were once young, fell for the feminist line and now live with the horrific realization that for the sake of convenience they killed their own child. In the hands of a compassionate and intelligent documentary filmmaker, the gathering and recording of those testimonials would be a persuasive way to give others a glimpse into their own future and convince them to consider adoption.

Those who believe in legalized abortion but claim to want fewer abortions should find this kind of approach perfectly acceptable, right? Right…?

Most of what springs from our toxic celebrity culture affirms only that the apocalypse is near, so hopefully Ms. Kardashian’s affirmation of life will get the attention it deserves.

Listening to Obama talk about covering the 47 million uninsured sounds great.  It’s the equivalent of saying EVERYONE should be able to participate, to try out for parts, and get treated as well as the top 1% of actors.

Except therein lies the difference.  If the non-union or “uninsured” jump into the pool, everyone on the union job is going to receive less pay, or the insured will receive less health care.

What we really want when we talk about medical coverage for all is what we mean when we say “feed everyone.”  We mean – open enough soup kitchens that no one is hungry.  We do not mean – “lets go eat everyday at the soup kitchen.”

Beggars can’t be choosers.

And SAG actors deserve better treatment than non-SAG actors.  They’ve worked for it.  They’re paid for it.  They’ve earned it.  Do not demean the accomplishments of the insured by giving the same care to the uninsured.  That’s not how Hollywood works.

Neither is mine.

Fortunately Joel McHale & Co. monitor all of these fine programs-and countless others-on my behalf, identify their most absurd moments, then mock them mercilessly in an easy-to-swallow half hour of weekly television fun.  Welcome to The Soup, which airs Friday nights at 10pm ET on E! 

The show, which has existed in various iterations for years, has reached new comedic heights on McHale’s watch.  In a nutshell, it features 22 minutes of distilled television trash; the very worst of what American culture has to offer.  Degenerate attention-seekers looking for “true love?”  Check.  Startlingly self-absorbed celebrities padding their inflated egos?  Indeed.  Washed-up/cashed-strapped stars demeaning themselves for a paycheck?  Oh yes.  The Soup peddles in the lowest- common-denominator programming that’s beamed to cable boxes and satellite dishes from coast to coast every day. 

So why bother to watch? 

First of all, the show is hysterical.  It’s impressive to see what a group of good writers, a charismatic host, a green screen, and a few outrageous video clips can accomplish.  While the humor sometimes falls short (the brief on-camera skits are generally pretty lame), McHale’s sarcastic evisceration of what passes for entertainment these days reliably includes a handful of laugh-out-loud one liners.  Often the clips themselves are so preposterous that they don’t even require an additional punch line, but McHale delivers anyway.

Second, The Soup serves up a convenient Cliff Notes guide to popular culture on a weekly basis.  The fact that it’s so entertaining is gravy.  Like many people with jobs, I have neither the time nor the stomach to watch even a small fraction of the rubbish McHale skewers, but I still value having a basic awareness of the shows that millions of Americans-many of whom are my peers-regularly consume.   Do I care if Spencer (and his creepy flesh-colored beard) and Heidi are still “married” on The Hills?  Of course not.  But approximately 90 percent of high school girls (who will soon be eligible to cancel out my vote) know all about the picayune details of this soulless, made-for-tv couple’s pseudo-relationship.  If conservatives, already panicky about “young people” and how they’ll vote, have no clue what’s relevant to the very group they’re wringing their hands about, it may prove rather difficult to relate to them, no?  Perhaps this is a juicy rationalization I employ to justify watching the show, although point #1 is the only reason I really need.

Finally, the show generally reinforces traditionalist values.  Bear with me here.  Admittedly, when partisan snipes sneak into the script, they’re usually aimed at Republicans.  And yes, I’m aware that Keith Olbermann is a huge Soup fan, which does give me pause.  Nevertheless, the vast majority of The Soup’s content features McHale flogging the entertainment industry for its gutter values.  He repeatedly rips celebrities over their insufferable self-importance-a theme that conservatives can appreciate.  (That McHale reserves a special brand of antipathy for Tyra Banks wins him extra points).  He also blasts the depraved, over-sexed “stars” of reality shows who seem willing to jump into bed with whomever it takes just to extend their 15 minutes of fame by a few seconds.  His frequent references to sexually transmitted diseases are always good for a chuckle, but they also subtly remind the audience of how disgusting promiscuity and its consequences can be.  While many of these dreadful shows actually celebrate the ignorance of those who appear on them, McHale will have none of it; slapping down this type of foolishness with added gusto. 

The implicit message behind the derision is that it really isn’t cool to be myopic, rude, slutty, or ignorant.  The unseemly behavior glorified on these shows may buy someone a few weeks in the limelight, but will serve that person very poorly in the long term.

The Soup is certainly not for everyone.  Its content and humor is often crass and may offend some people.  It also may take a bit of time to grow on certain viewers.  Not everyone will be instantly enamored with recurring segments such as “Chat Stew,” “Let’s Take Some E,” or “Scenes from Home Shopping.”  Still, if your gut impulse is to ridicule, rather than to accept or even applaud, popular culture, you may find an unlikely ally in Joel McHale.  There will be an extensive menu of television options this Friday night.  May I recommend The Soup?

That’s right, not just the rich, famous or politically connected; but your average, everyday working person with some sort of connection to the newly installed First Family could very well be on their way to big-time celebrity.

Because according to The Hollywood Reporter, a company called, ‘44 Blue Productions’ is pitching a reality show to cable networks, starring one Johnny Wright — who has been Michelle Obama’s hairstylist for the past year. I figure this is good news for lots of folks.

For instance, when Tony Rezko is released, he could get his own series. It could be one of those improv shows, called “Who’s Land is it Anyway?” It could be on Fox, right after, “Prison Break.”

And who wouldn’t watch “Blast or No Blast?” with Bill Ayers? One of those hot models opens the wrong briefcase and BAM! Big ratings, but so much for the live audience, eh?

On Thursday nights though, families across the nation would be huddled around the television, because no way are they missing the best show of all: It’s “America’s Next Top Bigot,” starring The Reverend Jeremiah Wright Junior. Contestants spew hatred, bad-mouth the US and then everyone pretends they don’t know who the hell they’ve been hanging out with for 20 years. The winner gets a tax cut, but really – who cares – 95% of us are getting one anyway…