After all, then-Sen. Barack Obama campaigned in 2008 alongside Greek columns and promised his election would be the moment “when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal …” And let’s not forget the plethora of broken campaign promises, battalions of straw men and class warfare that have come to define the last three years.

Instead, The Onion serves up faux news stories like this:

Obama Openly Asks Nation Why on Earth He Would Want to Serve for Another Term

Yes, the media narrative regarding Obama has officially arrived at a newspaper dedicated to political satire. Liberal humorists would rather protect their own than make us laugh and speak truth to power.

PITTSBURGH—Citing three years of exhausting partisan politics, constant gridlock in Congress, and an overall feeling that the entire nation has “completely lost it,” President Barack Obama openly asked a campaign-rally crowd Tuesday why he’d want to serve another term as president of “this godforsaken country.”

“My fellow Americans, I come to you today to ask, why?” Obama said to 1,200 people gathered inside a gymnasium at Taylor Allderdice High School. “Why can’t our congressional leaders work together to create jobs? Why can’t Wall Street ever be held accountable? And most important, why on God’s green earth would I voluntarily subject myself to this nonsense for another four years?”

Didn’t Obama campaign as a non-partisan healer who would rise above congressional gridlock? And didn’t he enjoy a Democratic Congress for his first two years in office that allowed him to pass virtually anything he pleased?

Now, here come the delusional talking points that could have been uttered by Bill Press or any other reality-challenged liberal pundit.

“I have a pen and some paper right here,” Obama said Wednesday morning at a town hall meeting in Ohio. “Let’s list the pros and cons of being president. Con: There are people out there who literally want to shoot you dead. Con: We live in a country seriously considering a Newt Gingrich White House. Con: You can help 40 million Americans receive health care, sign legislation that regulates a financial system run amok, give the order to kill Osama bin Laden, help topple Muammar Qaddafi’s tyrannical regime without losing the life of one American soldier, end the war in Iraq, repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, stave off a second Great Depression, take out more than 30 top al- Qaeda leaders, and somehow everyone still calls you the next Jimmy Carter.”

And what’s the video link currently at the bottom of the story page: Did the media treat Bachmann unfairly because she’s an insane woman?

Expect much, much more of this as the presidential elections come into sharper focus.

“It’s the first time I can really be uncensored and [audiences] can see a nice chunk of me,” the Boston native says of his new Showtime special “Raw Nerve.”

Well, there were a few bits snipped away.

*Language warning*

“I mentioned Cialis in a joke, and Showtime is owned by Viacom that’s part of CBS and [the Cialis company] advertises on CBS. ‘We have to take that out,’” Di Paolo says of their reaction.

Another bit involving racial humor, which he calls “a bit too scary … but nothing outrageous,” also got sliced.

“When the DVD comes out after the broadcast will put it all back in,” he says.

Still, “Nick Di Paolo: Raw Nerve,” debuting at 9 p.m. EST April 30 on Showtime, lets the public see a rare species of Standupitus Comicus. Di Paolo is unapologetically to the right of center and was mocking President Barack Obama long before folks like Jon Stewart realized the president might not heal the world as advertised.

Di Paolo isn’t surprised his first hour-long special ended up on Showtime, not HBO.

“Their comedy hero is Bill Maher. My ideology and comedy sensibility is completely different … they never really gave me a sniff,” he says.

True to form, “Raw Nerve” showcases Di Paolo strafing the mainstream media for its liberal bias in ways that can’t be repeated on a PG-rated site. The special also lands a few blows against the current White House occupant. But Di Paolo doesn’t consider himself a political comedian. Nor does he see many of his peers getting political these days.

“I don’t think they stay away from it intentionally,“ he says, adding he spends plenty of time talking politics with his fellow comics all the same. Those debates likely fueled a segment of FX series “Louie” where Di Paolo, playing himself, gets into a physical confrontation with the show’s star over ideology.

“We don’t get that heated,” says Di Paolo of his liberal pal, Louis C.K., the star of the FX show. “We would never come to blows over politics … he’s so smart, he sees both sides. He admits to watching ’The O’Reilly Factor.’”

It’s just one misconception he wouldn’t mind clearing up about being a right of center comic.

“People say, ‘you must kill in Atlanta and all those southern cities,” he says, adding folks still think the south is full of racists. In fact, Di Paolo is much more likely to encounter political correctness, not race hatred, when he plays cities like Austin.

“These kids come off the college campuses and they’ve been poisoned, they’ve been scared of certain stuff,“ he says. Yet some of his gags cut right through the PC haze, like when Di Paolo cracks about Obama being the first black president.

“C’mon, this guy makes Bryant Gumbel look like Flavor Flav,“ he jokes.

The 1980s saw the rise of stand-up comedy, but Di Paolo thinks 2011 isn’t too shabby for his chosen career.

“The social media thing is really helping us,” he says, pointing to the rabid Twitter following of fellow comics like “Parks and Recreation” star Aziz Ansari.

“He’s actually funny, but some comics are just good at marketing themselves,” he says.

Di Paolo wouldn’t mind marketing himself to a radio programmer sometime soon. He had his own 3-hour show for a short spell on 92.3 Free FM four years ago, and he currently sits in for Dennis Miller and Dan Patrick on their respective shows.

“I love radio as much as stand up,” he says, adding he thinks he’d be a good fit for an outfit like SiriusXM where he can spout off without censorship. He saw how fellow comic Artie Lange benefited from having a steady SiriusXM radio gig on “The Howard Stern Show,” literally seeing the checks Lange received for his weekend comedy gigs.

For now, going the podcast route isn‘t in the cards.

“It’s too much of my time for not getting compensated for it,” he explains.

Di Paolo is clearly happy to have “Raw Nerve” hitting the small screen, especially since the one-hour stand-up special puts comics in the big leagues. He just thinks the move was “way overdue.”

“I think I should have had a couple of these under my belt [already], in my humble opinion,“ Di Paolo says.

Mr. Waldman postulates that this lack of Obama material is because Obama is so cool, so intelligent, and so unflappable that he is immune to being made the butt of any jokes! He actually says, “…our current political leadership isn’t all that funny.”  I assume he includes the Vice President in that statement – so apparently he and I hear different Joe Biden sound bites. I strongly doubt he has ever listened to Rush or Glen who daily skewer Obama, Reid and Pelosi.

Mr. Waldman, like Ms. Kael suffers from having a limited circle of exposure.

Before I get further into that, let me just say a big “thank you” to Mr. Waldman for reinforcing a concept that I have written about several times: Conservatives have a better sense of humor and are more willing to be self-deprecating than lefties. You see, my fellow right-wing nut jobs, in Walden World, Bush, Rush, Palin and anyone else who isn’t hastening the “Marxization” of America is a moron who should be belittled for their obvious lack of intellect. Leftist, on the other hand, never do anything foolish. All of their causes are above mocking.  Let me illustrate:

Q. What do you call four feminists at a protest march?

A. That’s not funny you chauvinistic, racist right wing moron!

Anyway, Mr. Waldman claims two things that I find absolutely amazing. One is that the lack of “Obama” material the general public is exposed to isn’t the result of the ideology of the “mainstream” comics. He says:

There was an assumption that since they’re a bunch of liberals, the comedians wouldn’t go after Obama. But if comedy has an Obama problem, it doesn’t have much to do with ideology. The guy is just difficult to mock.

Can anyone name a major mainstream comic beside Dennis Miller who is conservative? How about a late night talk show host?  Letterman? Leno? Fallon? Kimmel? Mr. Waldman points to Jon Stewart for doing a credible job of taking on Obama.  When Stewart does take a jab at the President it is usually because Obama for not being ”progressive” enough! In Waldman World the only thing about Obama that’s funny is that he is such a centrist!

The second is that he doesn’t see any way to mock the President:

Politicians who make good targets for humor tend to have a personality feature or physical characteristic, like a particular accent or a distinctive set of gestures that are easily identifiable and thus can be exaggerated to make the politician look foolish, because exaggeration is what impressions and satire are built on.

Alright, you knuckle-dragging, mouth breathing right wingers; here is a quick comedy quiz. I know that none of you are as smart as Mr. Waldman, after all he works over at Soros’ funded Media Matters, but let’s see if you can name a physical trait of Mr. Obama’s we could mock. Anyone say “ears?” Those Dumbo-sized, suicide-door lookin’ Prince Charles mud flaps. Oh my! I said “mud” in a sentence referring to the President, that’s not funny! I must be a racist!

Now let’s turn our attention to personality features. “Arrogance” ring a bell, Mr. Waldman? How about stammering when off prompter?  How about being oblivious to the economy while your wife spends millions on a vacation in Spain? How about trying to convince the American public that the cost of two first class tickets covers the cost of that vacation? In comedy this type of humor is known as “true story,”  just the facts as they happened are funny.

Finally, Mr. Waldman asks:

“But what’s the joke about Obama?”

With the help of a few comic friends, I will give Mr. Waldman some samples which I am sure he won’t find funny.  Feel free to add your own in the comments:  

“What is the difference between Osama Bin Laden and Barack Hussein Obama?  One is an anti-capitalist who hates America and wants to destroy Israel, and the other is hiding in Afghanistan.”  –Mark Klein

“All during his campaign, Obama’s claim to fame was that he was a community organizer on the South Side of Chicago. I was just on the South Side of Chicago – it ain’t too organized.”  –Drew Hastings

“The new Obama economy game show: “American Idle.” –Sam Griesbaum

“If we could harness the wind generated by Obama’s ears and mouth we would have energy independence!”  –Jeff Jena

“People were once comparing him (Obama) to Jesus Christ. On the economy he seems more like Moses; wandering around aimlessly, blaming everything on the Bush.” –Tim Slagle

“If you cast a ballot for Barack Obama are you voting Democrat or Demigod?” –Gregory Peterson

“He is called ‘Vice President Biden’ because the phrase “hot air balloon” was already taken.”  –Mark Klein

“Obama inspired class envy: The original green job.”  –Sam Griesbaum

Q. Why is Barack Obama running for office as a Democrat?
A. The Communist Party didn’t have enough voters.  –Author Unknown

“In reaction to Iran launching a new missile and starting a nuclear reactor, President Obama is going to ratchet up the pressure. This time he is sending them a very strongly worded letter.”  –Jeff Jena

Obama puts the “dip” in Diplomacy.  –Sam Griesbaum

“Obama would have had an opinion on the gulf oil spill earlier but his prompter was in the shop.” –Jeff Jena

 ”President Obama announced $118 million in stimulus monies to increase high-speed Internet in Ohio. Presumably, so he can get all the bad news to us faster.”  –Drew Hastings

Mad Magazine reigns supreme in creating a satirical crucible through which all subjects, social, cultural, political, artistic and philosophical typically pass.  The difference between valid satire and mere mockery being, of course, the elements of truth contained therein, it is sometimes difficult to rule out former as as being buried so deeply in the latter as to be inconsequential, particularly during political campaigns.  The editors of Mad would likely say that if such a line is drawn, they erase it, but nonetheless credibility rests on facts in satirical endeavors, humor being in the manner of delivery. 

Ignorance Is Strength...

All this comes to mind partially as a result of hearing, for the umpteenth time, that horrid, superciliously intoned little chant that goes “Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm, Barack Hussein Obama…” as sung by the children in that “unauthorized” Burlington Township School District video that is making the rounds.  The message being obvious and well-analyzed elsewhere, let us not forget how disturbingly cloying and memetically insidious the song is, in and of itself.  Even the 1910 Fruitgum Company, acknowledged masters of the form, would be hard-pressed to corkscrew such a tenaciously mind-numbing ditty into the listener’s skull.

–

The mind reels.  The brain, in a desperate attempt to exorcise the alien and excruciatingly insufferable mental loop, invents its own lyrics to alleviate the suffering, at least temporarily:

Ooooo, Ooooo, Ooooo
Barack Hussein Obama
Ooooo, Ooooo, Ooooo
I’ll tell my daddy and momma

Two, four, six, eight
Let’s build a liberal fascist state

Ooooo, Ooooo, Ooooo…

The President of the United States is
Black so all dissent is racist

Ooooo, Ooooo, Ooooo…

Remember all that you are taught
His problems all are Bush’s fault

Ooooo, Ooooo, Ooooo…

Little ones to him belong
We are weak but he is strong

Ooooo, Ooooo, Ooooo…

Redistributive justice rules
So we will be our Leader’s tools

Ooooo, Ooooo, Ooooo
Barack Hussein Obama
Ooooo, Ooooo, Ooooo
I’ll tell my daddy and momma

But not even Weird Al Yankovic would touch that one.  Better to catch a chunk of concrete upside the head at a G20 protest in the act of dissent than go there, such dissent, contrary to the President’s own honest assessment, being instantly equated with the evils of race-hatred by those who would silence opposing viewpoints.  Well-heeled anarchists can surely yell “no borders, no banks,” block traffic and hurl garbage all day to further the destruction of capitalism.  That’s healthy, and double-plus so for those who favor the particular dissent that would herald the end of  the aforementioned economic system.

Thus, the temptation to round up a gaggle of youngsters to sing the horrid little satirical ditty of unknown origin mentioned above, record it on a cell phone, and snag a cheap zillion hits by posting it to YouTube is quashed.  Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm.

But, really, nobody does it better than these folks:

We have always been at war with Eastasia, er, Westhollywood...

The People’s Cube – Correct Opinions for Progressive Liberals – Political Humor & Satire

Funny stuff, highly recommended, and fans of Thomas Jefferson will likely approve.

President of all Iranians — both living and dead in the streets — Ahmadinejad still wants to build a few nukes even though Mr. Obama has told him not to. Colonel Qaddhafi, or Gaddahfi or Khaddafi, or Kaddafy or however you spell it, isn’t on board the love train either.

This has not deterred President Obama! Moving swiftly, he said he will name a new Apology Czar, rumored to be either Jimmy Carter or Maxine Waters and set a schedule for more apologies to settle all past wrongs of the United States.

The President is planning a public World Apology Tour for the interventions, imperialism and mistakes the United States has made in the past. The President believes that only then will everyone hold hands with us and join in a rousing chorus of “Kumbaya.”

The Tour Schedule

November 1st – The President will travel to Berlin, Germany to make amends to the German people for our interference in domestic European politics during the First and Second World Wars. Our nation building efforts were unwarranted and resulted in unforeseen liberty and economic development. The President will recommend the return of Poland and France to German control in reparation.

November 4th – The President will stop in Pyongyang, North Korea to offer our apologies to Kim Jong-il for getting involved in what was basically a civil war. The unintended consequence of this action left half of the Korean people living a comfortable and successful lifestyle while their country stole untold millions of car sales from the Japanese.

November 5th - In Tokyo the President will announce the return of the Philippines and Hawaii to the Japanese for our unwanted interference in Asian-Pacific affairs in the 1940s.

November 11th – Set to coincide with Veteran’s Day celebrations, the President will travel to Appomattox, Virginia to apologize to the former Southern states for the Civil War.  He will apologize to the South for imposing the morality of the North and imposing their Judeo-Christian view of slavery on Southern plantation owners.

TBA - Trip to France for apology for taking advantage of them during the Louisiana Purchase.  Date for apology to the British for the American Revolution…

————————–

THE UNITED STATES BUREAU OF JOLLITY AND HUMOR ADMINISTRATION
EVERETT DIRKSEN FEDERAL MERRIMENT CENTER
3000 JAMES EARL CARTER PARKWAY SOUTH
WASHINGTON, DC

FORM US/BJHA-1106(d) : AARA Budget Procurement Code LOL-431[ROFL]

APPLICATION FOR HUMOR CONSULTANT / CONTRACTOR

This space for official use

SYNOPSIS:

The purpose of this announcement is to seek qualified private contractors to provide amusement and humor-related services to career employees within a wide range of federal agencies, including but not limited to the Treasury Department, Department of Education, The US Census Bureau, and USDA Mohair Subsidization Board. Winning applicant(s) shall perform presentation program demonstrating mirth as defined herein and in BJHA document (k)670-110, “FY 2009 Federal Levity Handbook.” In particular, guidelines specify services rendered by applicants shall be funny “ha-ha,” not funny “peculiar.” 

STATEMENT OF PURPOSE:

Recent studies have shown that appropriate levels of workplace humor and supervised jokery provides organizational benefits in areas of employee stress reduction, enhancement of communication flow, and greater regulatory throughput metrics (BHJA document C-11-k.101.t). Two year implementation of described program is forecast by analysis staff to reduce federal employee stress and random murder sprees by 14% over FY2009 benchmarks.

ADDENDUM: pursuant to EO guideline [6.09(vt)-5], explanation of solicitation of bids from outside contractor 

Understaffing; current Undersecretary for Mirth Training Affairs on administrative leave until completion of murder spree trial.

DATE(S) OF CONTRACT: 10-01-09 : 09-30-11

SOURCE(S) OF FUNDS: AARA section 351(t), National Humor Recover and Funnybone Stimulus Fund

Read and fill out all sections as completely as possible. Write legibly in black ink or fixed width font not to exceed pica 10 pitch. Mail 3 (three) completed application to the BHJA, attn: Office of Jocularity Assessment.

–

You can read the rest of this post here.

I am not sure what makes me angrier, that absolutely bogus attitude or their overwhelming incompetence, but that’s not what I want to write about today. I’m not going to write about a lot of stuff here. I am not going to write about fact that Chris Dodd wrote the rule that allowed these bonuses and then in perfect Clintonese quasi denied it when he said, “I can’t point a finger at someone who was responsible for putting those dates in. I can tell you this much, when my language left the Senate, it did not include it. When it came back, it did.” Then when confronted with his lie, he owned up to it. I won’t spend time on the fact he took a ton of campaign dough from AIG, headquartered in his state.

Let’s forget that while a number of people who are living large on the largess of the American taxpayer are clutching their chests in their best Fred Sanford impression for the TV cameras they continue to throw untold trillions into the nation debt and continue to fill legislation with pork and earmarks while they think we are distracted. Maybe Senator Grassley and a few of his friends could resign or commit suicide over that.
I haven’t got time to write about these same grandstanding politicians who pass unconstitutional laws and waste time while real issues need attention, like finally reading the stimulus bill and seeing what else is lurking in there. I will not bring up the fact that Obama could create five million jobs for American citizens by simply making employers follow Federal law.

Today I will focus on Mr. Timothy Geithner, the Secretary of the Treasury. This is the guy who was supposed to be so brilliant that we needed to overlook the fact he cheated on his taxes. Without him we had no chance of recovery from this black hole of an economy! After hearing how he was the only person in America who could save us I was praying he didn’t have a heart attack or stroke for then we would be lost. If he died who would replace this irreplaceable man? Perhaps America would simply vanish without him. It seems all his friends have vanished rather than take a job alongside him. Then again the may have used the same tax system the Secretary used.

I will focus on something he said that is often used by public figures that have either failed miserably or been caught with their hand in the cookie jar, “I take full responsibility!” Sometimes they use the “personal responsibility” variation. If they want you think they are really serious they will take “full and personal responsibility.”

In a move that is a favorite among incompetent politicians, failed and greedy CEOs and religious leaders caught with their pants down, Mr. Geithner has stepped up and taken, “full responsibility” for this AIG mess. Just once I would like a reporter to ask any of these scumbag CEOs, politicians, and assorted others who run to this position to explain exactly what that means. Does it mean you were the one who committed the acts and you are now ready to face the consequences? Does it mean that these acts were committed by those who you are supervising and since you did not or were not able to do your job you are stepping down?

Generally speaking it means; “I have been caught and there is so much evidence against me that only the feeble of mind would buy my defense, so I admit it was my fault. Can we now forget about it?”

Perhaps, the only thing phonier is when someone above the person taking “full or personal responsibility” states that they have “full confidence” in the person who is under fire. Usually the axe falls a few days later. Mr. Geithner, I think AIG is hiring but the bonus structure sucks, you might want to try Fannie Mae.

The humor publication has been tap dancing wildly to avoid any articles that could so much as pierce the skin of the new president. But they took off the gloves when it came time to mock Limbaugh in the newest edition, now available everywhere.

To say the “Rush Limbaugh Returns” infographic isn’t funny is to be kind. It’s cruel and assumes both the worst about Limbaugh and his legion of fans. Humor needs to be based on a kernel of truth to work, but only a rabid left winger would think the material here is knee slapper stuff.

Here’s a sample of the faux incendiary comments Limbaugh has made, according to the publication:

“What is it with these black presidents anyway?”

“America should be terrified of Barack Obama’s skin color – whoops, I mean socialist agenda.”

“Now, I’m not saying Barack Obama’s a Muslim. But I do think he masterminded the 2004 Madrid terror attacks.”

Laughing yet?

I suppose the bit drew snickers in the halls of Onion headquarters, but it’s hard to imagine anyone else laughing at these pathetic gags.

Here’s a tip – cruel isn’t funny. And Limbaugh isn’t a racist. At least he doesn’t make offensive jokes about Indian-Americans operating convenience stores like some Democratic politicians we know.