–REMAKE “BEWITCHED?” AGAIN?--

Even in the 1960s, the concept for “Bewitched” was impossibly lame. No one, and I mean no one, tuned in to watch the concept. They tuned in to watch Elizabeth Montgomery and Agnes Moorehead — who cannot be replaced.

We were told Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell were the biggest stars on the planet when the 2005 “Bewitched” screen adaptation flopped in every way imaginable. Was no one paying attention?   

–“RESIDENT EVIL 5″ ANNOUNCED–

THE best film franchise currently in production is the ongoing story of “Alice’s” quest against the Umbrella Corporation in a post-apocalyptic world filled with flesh-eating zombies. Unpretentious, filled with action, and starring the tough, sexy and smart Milla Jovovich (who oozes badass without being strident) — with the exception of a “Death Wish 1-5,” I can think of no better way to spend a rainy Saturday afternoon than sitting down for a “Resident Evil 1-4″ marathon.  

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It was the summer of Uncle Buck, of Parenthood, The Abyss, and Honey I Shrunk the Kids; the summer when Harry met Sally, Batman arrived, James Bond once again kept his promise to return and the Ghostbusters simply did.  With my then-fiancée at my side and while settled into the threadbare front seat of a 1972 Buick Riviera (with more miles on it than I can recall), we would watch them all, and many more. 

1989 didn’t just mark the end of a decade. It was also the greatest movie summer of my life. There was Lethal Weapon 2, Field of Dreams, and Star Trek V. But it should be remembered that these were different times in America, the last gasp of the outdoor drive-in movie theatre, that place where films that might not have seemed so great or even good while viewed in a proper cinema, achieved their own special kind of grandeur when watched under the stars through a windshield, and heard through a steel speaker that hung on your car door window. 

So without any embarrassment I will also say that this was the summer of Lock Up, of Turner and Hooch, The Package, Casualties of War, and what might have been the greatest drive-in movie ever made. 

We would be married that September and like most couples starting out and paying for their own wedding and honeymoon, money was tight and frivolous expenditures impossible. Our entertainment would have to come cheap and in the early mornings we would walk, because walking cost nothing but also for the exercise and to enjoy that time together before real-life intruded on our new romance in the form of jobs. As we made our way around the neighborhood, the excited discussion was of the future, our future. Because there is nothing more thrilling than realizing that your whole life lies ahead of you, except in the knowing that you have found someone to share it with.  (more…)

The script of the upcoming remake of the infamous America-conquered-by-Commies movie Red Dawn (1984) raises an intriguing question – can Hollywood actually still produce a movie where it takes America’s side?  The answer is “Sort of.” 

“Wolverines!”

There are some welcome ideological surprises lurking within the script’s 104 pages.  Shockingly, Hollywood actually seems to accept the premise that if the Chinese and Russkies invade the United States we are justified in fighting back with hot lead instead of teach-ins and choruses of Kumbayah.  But the script also displays a bit of the moral illiteracy we’ve come to expect from the Hollywoodoids – naturally, the script has to imply that we kinda brought the invasion on ourselves and that resisting tyranny somehow means becoming just as bad as the tyrants.

The re-imagining of Red Dawn will be released later this year and does very little actual re-imagining of the original’s simple plot.  We first meet some all-American teenagers.  They play high school football, party, and talk and look like CW series cast members – not real bright, but pretty (the pretty part in the script).  For some reason, the Soviets (replaced here by the Chinese with a Russian assist) invade America and seize their hometown.  Their town’s tactical significance appears to be that invading it advances the plot.  Anyway, the teenagers go up into the mountains, score some of the firearms our prescient Founders ensured we’d always have the right to keep and bear despite the best efforts of those gun control-loving wusses, and launch a bloody guerrilla war against the invaders.  (more…)

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Terrible news. Fox News just reported that actor Patrick Swayze lost his fight with pancreatic cancer today at the age of 57.

Swayze arrived on the scene in a big way in 1983, with a starring role in Francis Ford Coppola’s “The Outsiders.” Distinguishing yourself among the likes of Tom Cruise, Ralph Macchio, Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez and Matt Dillon in that film was no small feat. And while all would go on to enjoy very successful careers, none would star in “Road House” and “Red Dawn.”

My definition of a great actor is one who convinces in the role; one who doesn’t take you out of the story with all the tics and technique. By that standard Swayze never disappointed. A trained dancer, his physical abilities sold the action, his sincerity brought heart to the romance and a complete lack of pretension made him accessible — made him something that is all but extinct today: a real-live movie star.

Time is what creates the classic film, not critics or box office, and time has made clear that Swayze made a mark on cinema few might have expected twenty years ago. “Road House,” “Point Break,” “Dirty Dancing” and “Ghost” live endlessly on cable television and DVD players everywhere.  They are a immortal part of our culture and … they are Patrick Swayze movies.  (more…)