A. Nothing?
B. Anything?
C. A lot?

The answer is C, but we just didn`t see it.

We know that some of our brave troops died fighting for freedom. Protestors in Iran were violently silenced too, fighting for a glimmer of what we have. You can also be certain that the opportunity to actively undermine fascism in Iran has passed – our President choosing “wait and see” over “hope and change.” He also snuck a few hundred pages of climate-bill baloney past us in the dead of night.

No biggie, right?

But I`m not wagging my stubby, sausage-shaped finger. In that same span of time, I probably purchased about 50 bucks worth of music on iTunes. I saw a pile of movies (including “Up,” and “Zoo.” One is about tracking a rare bird; the other sleeping with a horse – please don`t confuse the two when making plans with the kids). I caught up on “Daisy of Love,” “Charm School,” and the clumsy replacement for “Project Runway,” “The Fashion Show.” I now know that Izrah could never replace Heidi.

Not to belittle the coverage of the passing of “the world`s greatest entertainer,” in fact I`m in awe of it. But while Jackson took over the news, Obama made a deal with Russia – signing an agreement to reduce nuclear stockpiles by as much as a third.

Is this good or bad? Who cares? You can`t download nukes or fast forward to their best parts, so what good are they? Never mind that the whole point of having nuclear deterrents is HAVING them. And that by HAVING them, they are effectively a nuclear deterrent, whether or not the shrink wrap is removed.

In a way, nuclear weapons are like Stephen Hawking books. I have one on my coffee table. It`s never been opened, but it serves its purpose (it`s where I place the stromboli).

But here`s what do I know. if we are going reduce our nuclear warheads, let`s at least replace them with something we know can obliterate a city. I`m talking a years worth of “The Hills,” a million “Transformer” DVDs, and of course, the entire Michael Jackson catalogue. I`m thinking the only way to effectively beat our enemies is by making them as aimless and satisfied as we are.

TONIGHT:

GWAR!!!

Kimberly Guilfoyle!

Andrew WK!

Alison Rosen!

Me!

Secretary of State Clinton and President Obama warned the North Koreans in the strongest possible terms that if they launched their new ICBM there would be hell to pay! Despite this stern warning they launched their missile April 4th. So now what? What will the Obama administration do to show Kim Jong Il, and other third world nations like, oh I don’t know maybe Iran, how serious they are about controlling their development of nuclear weapons and delivery systems?

The President and the Secretary have outlined a six-step plan that is sure to have Dear Leader so scared he may order his starving people to go out and tear down his uranium enrichment plants.

Step 1) Go to the United Nations and have them send a strongly worded letter demanding an apology.

Step 2) Secretary Clinton will give several angry speeches denouncing the Bush administration’s policy towards North Korea.

Step 3) President Obama will begin unilateral disarmament of our own nuclear weapons.

Step 4) President Obama will petition both The Royal and Ancient and the United States Golf Associations to continue to not recognize Kim Jong Il’s claimed record score of 54 for eighteen holes.

Step 5) The North Korean ambassador will not be invited to the next four Wednesday afternoon parties at the White House.

Step 6) The United States will no longer ship legitimate DVDs to North Korea forcing General Il to watch pirate copies of his favorite new movies.

President Obama announced that these severe steps could be avoided only if the North Korean leader issued a sincere apology and promised to never ever do it again.