Stand Up Notes from Flyover Country: Obama Announces New Apology Tour

President Obama has made the rehabilitation of the reputation of our country one of his top priorities. He wants to be the Sally Field of the international politics and know that other nations like us!  They really, really like us. To achieve that end he has apologized for just about every action of the Bush Administration and yet at the UN this past week several of the people the President has been trying to win over still seemed a bit distant. His new BFF Hugo Chavez did give him a nice “smells like hope” compliment, but several other still haven’t gotten the message.

President of all Iranians — both living and dead in the streets — Ahmadinejad still wants to build a few nukes even though Mr. Obama has told him not to. Colonel Qaddhafi, or Gaddahfi or Khaddafi, or Kaddafy or however you spell it, isn’t on board the love train either.

This has not deterred President Obama! Moving swiftly, he said he will name a new Apology Czar, rumored to be either Jimmy Carter or Maxine Waters and set a schedule for more apologies to settle all past wrongs of the United States. (more…)

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Tags: apology tour, czar, Hugo Chavez, Jeffrey Jena, Jimmy Carter
Posted Sep 30th 2009 at 11:36 am in Politics | 23563057 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jjena/2009/09/30/stand-up-notes-from-flyover-country-obama-announces-new-apology-tour/Stand+Up+Notes+from+Flyover+Country%3A+Obama+Announces+New+Apology+Tour2009-09-30+18%3A36%3A30Jeffrey+Jena

‘NewsBusted’ 8/21/09 — Fake News from the Right

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Tags: Billie Jean King, Cap and Trade, Fidel Castro, Global warming, Hugo Chavez
Posted Aug 21st 2009 at 8:47 pm in Political Humor, Video | 20925023 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/newsbusters/2009/08/21/%e2%80%98newsbusted%e2%80%99-82109-%e2%80%94-fake-news-from-the-right/%E2%80%98NewsBusted%E2%80%99+8%2F21%2F09+%E2%80%94+Fake+News+from+the+Right2009-08-22+03%3A47%3A49NewsBusters

Stand Up Notes from Flyover Country: Snake on a Plane!

I don’t want to seem too preoccupied with the past.  I don’t want to dwell on old wrongs. I know we have all moved into the age of Obama where we will all cooperate, have bipartisan government and hold hands with Islamic terrorists, (I’m sorry, I meant to say with Islamic manufacturers of man-made disasters) — and the past is forgiven. Unless your name is Bush or Chaney, in which case you need to be made to pay for screwing up the reputation for weakness and capitulation Bill Clinton took eight long years to build.

Which brings me to my subject; did anyone besides me see the irony in sending Bill Clinton, perhaps the most famous serial philanderer of the past two centuries, to pick up two hot Asian girls in North Korea? Was it the ultimate in Asian carry out!

How did that go down? Was Bill sitting in his Laze-E-Boy while Hillary was talking on the phone to the North Koreans? She hangs up and says, “I got the release all worked out. Now ,if I could just find someone who wouldn’t mind sitting on a private jet for twelve hours with two hot Asian women.” Before you can say Paula Flowers, Bill is on his way to the airport with a blue suit and a bottle of Viagra. (more…)

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Tags: Al Gore, Bill Clinton, Euna Lee, Hillary Clinton, Laura Ling
Posted Aug 12th 2009 at 8:59 am in Political Humor | 20085490 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jjena/2009/08/12/stand-up-notes-from-flyover-country-snake-on-a-plane/Stand+Up+Notes+from+Flyover+Country%3A+Snake+on+a+Plane%212009-08-12+15%3A59%3A32Jeffrey+Jena

Bill and Kim’s Bogus Journey

Hollywood used to be the land of make-believe, but those days are fading fast.  Today, Scarlett Johansson offers debate counseling to Barack Obama (her e-mail pal), and A-listers come and go at the White House as if it’s the Beverly Hills Hotel East (if only they had a better pool scene)!  Now comes word it was Hollywood who staged the dramatic adventures of former President Bill Clinton and his trip to North Korea.

It all played out a little too perfect — a surprise last-minute swoop by Clinton into enemy territory to heroically stare down the world’s most blood-thirsty dictator and rescue two damsels in distress.  The press asked the White House how Bill Clinton became involved in the rescue of the two American women, Laura Ling and Euna Lee, trespassing into North Korea and sentenced to “10 years hard labor.”  They said they had no involvement.  Of course, Bill Clinton’s wife Hillary works for President Obama as Secretary of State; certainly, the press surmised, she must have been responsible.  The response from the State Department was that Bill Clinton was on a “private humanitarian mission.” How does one pull off such an extempore feat without government help?  Why, call a movie mogul — of course! (more…)

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Tags: Afghanistan, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, carlett Johansson, Euna Lee
Posted Aug 8th 2009 at 6:55 am in Celebrity News, Featured Story, Politics | 20089863 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jmeath/2009/08/08/bills-great-hollywood-adventure/Bill+and+Kim%27s+Bogus+Journey2009-08-08+13%3A55%3A49Jason+Killian+Meath

Bill Calls Hillary

(Ringggggggggggggg.)

Todd, the assistant to the assistant of Ms. Clinton:

Mrs. Clinton? Mr. Clinton is on the phone for you.

Hillary:

That’s MS. Clinton. Give me that phone.

Hello…?

Bill: 

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA BWAAA HAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHA! Ho ho ho HOOO HOOO BWAAAAAAAAH HAHA HA HA HA, uh Heee hee heeee………Ohhhhhh hey, Hun! (more…)

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Tags: Bill Clinton, George H.W. Bush, Hillary Clinton, hostages, North Korea
Posted Aug 6th 2009 at 7:03 am in Political Humor | 20034673 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/emannix/2009/08/06/bill-calls-hillary/Bill+Calls+Hillary2009-08-06+14%3A03%3A13Ernie+Mannix

Obama’s Six-Month Report Card

It has been six months since the Administration took office and the far left have taken complete control of the government.  Has our capitalist past been improved upon?  Or, is the socialism we have had thrust upon us making us worse off?  Has the foreign policy of appeasement and apology made the world a safer place?  To put it more simply, are you better off now than you were six months ago?  Unfortunately, the answer is not only “no,” but “much worse.” 

When the President took office in January, the entire world was full of “Hope.”  The far left and moderates that put him there were hoping for “Change.”  Well, they got the change, but I do not think they were “hoping” to get the type of change they got.  (more…)

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Tags: Barbara Boxer, Cap and Trade, Domestic Policy, foreign policy, healthcare reform
Posted Jul 28th 2009 at 10:23 am in Politics | 190542124 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/fdemartini/2009/07/28/obamas-credit-card/Obama%27s+Six-Month+Report+Card2009-07-28+17%3A23%3A01Frank+DeMartini

Remembering Our Veterans: My Best Fourth of July

Our Heroes are everywhere.  They pass by us at the market. They work for us. They walk our streets. I’m talking about the men and women of our Armed Forces who serve and have served our country ably, courageously and without acclaim. We all know one such individual.  They don’t talk much about it, except with hesitation and humility.  And they believe that their unbelievably difficult sacrifices have been forgotten.

Letter of Appreciation [click to enlarge]

And they live across from us.   One such Hero is Adolph Arujo who served in the Korean war as a medic in the 2nd Infantry Division in the Punchbowl.  This area had some of the fiercest fighting of the war such as Heartbreak Ridge.

We have never spoken in detail about the War nor will we.  Courtesy of Hollywood movies, I can imagine the devastation of a friend’s horrible death at your side. I can imagine the onslaught of an attack and gut-bending fear that does not deter one from duty. I can imagine the alienation between a soldier and civilian life. But, of course, I’m still just imagining and not living this role. My words are wholly insufficient. Their valor, courage and service is far too incomprehensible in my experience. (more…)

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Tags: Adolph Arujo, Korean War, Military, North Korea, south korea
Posted Jul 18th 2009 at 3:01 pm in Military, Politics | 18341432 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/mmandaville/2009/07/18/my-best-fourth-of-july-2009/Remembering+Our+Veterans%3A+My+Best+Fourth+of+July2009-07-18+22%3A01%3A14Michael+Mandaville

‘NewsBusted’ 7/10/09 — Fake News from the Right

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Tags: CNN, First Lady Michelle Obama, Fox News, Iraq, Michael Jackson
Posted Jul 10th 2009 at 8:12 pm in Political Humor, Video | 18073810 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/newsbusters/2009/07/10/%e2%80%98newsbusted%e2%80%99-71009-%e2%80%94-fake-news-from-the-right/%E2%80%98NewsBusted%E2%80%99+7%2F10%2F09+%E2%80%94+Fake+News+from+the+Right2009-07-11+03%3A12%3A55NewsBusters

‘NewsBusted’ 7/07/09 — Fake News from the Right

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Tags: Afghanistan, Best Buy, EPA memos, Global warming, Joe Biden
Posted Jul 7th 2009 at 7:57 pm in Political Humor, Video | 1785626 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/newsbusters/2009/07/07/%e2%80%98newsbusted%e2%80%99-70709-%e2%80%94-fake-news-from-the-right/%E2%80%98NewsBusted%E2%80%99+7%2F07%2F09+%E2%80%94+Fake+News+from+the+Right2009-07-08+02%3A57%3A32NewsBusters

Obama and North Korea: Featuring Lil’ KimJong

I’m sure many leftists will assume me a racist because of this one. I shan’t lie… I find Kim Jong Il’s accent incredibly funny, and won’t apologize for it. Also, before you start worrying about the legal ramifications, Lil KimJong signed a release allowing us to use this footage so it’s totally cool.

–

Note: No Koreans were harmed during the making of this video… Unless you count South Koreans. Then there were probably thousands of them hurt through oppression and starvation. Bear witness, folks!

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Tags: Kim Jong-Il, missiles, North Korea, nukes, Obama
Posted Jul 2nd 2009 at 5:28 pm in Political Humor | 17562271 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/scrowder/2009/07/02/obama-and-north-korea-featuring-lil-kimjong/Obama+and+North+Korea%3A+Featuring+Lil%27+KimJong2009-07-03+00%3A28%3A06Steven+Crowder

Principles? Leftists Don’t Need No Stinking Principles

I often find myself thinking that if liberals didn’t have double standards, they wouldn’t have any standards at all. 

For instance, consider the uproar from the left when Don Imus opened his silly yap about the black women on the Rutgers basketball team.  Now compare that to their response when David Letterman made his smarmy cracks about Sarah Palin and the governor’s 14-year-old daughter.  The liberals immediately sprang to his defense, pointing out that Letterman is nothing more than a TV personality and is therefore free to make offensive jokes without fear of censure.  So what do they think Don Imus is?  The secretary of state? 

Or consider how choleric those on the left become any time that Dick Cheney defends the former administration.  Well, if Obama and his cronies didn’t constantly attack Bush and Cheney and their policies, the chances are the ex-vice president wouldn’t feel compelled to set the record straight. Furthermore, Jimmy Carter never stopped bashing George Bush during the eight years he was the president, and yet nobody on the left ever suggested he shut up.  On the contrary, he was hailed at the 2004 Democratic convention, and even had the honor of being seated next to the patron saint of left-wingers, Michael Moore.  Speaking of Carter, how is it that he, who is always volunteering to monitor elections anywhere on earth, including the Westminster Dog Show, wasn’t in Iran, making sure that Ahmadinejad got 110% of the vote?  (more…)

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Tags: "China", Ahmadinejad, David Letterman, Don Imus, george bush
Posted Jun 27th 2009 at 3:03 pm in Featured Story, Politics | 16615423 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/bprelutsky/2009/06/27/liberals-don%e2%80%99t-need-no-stinking-principles/Principles%3F+Leftists+Don%27t+Need+No+Stinking+Principles2009-06-27+22%3A03%3A42Burt+Prelutsky

News That Matters: Iran, North Korea, Perez Hilton?

I consider myself to be a man with my priorities in order.  That’s why I’m so satisfied with the mainstream media’s ability to cover all of the right affairs.  Let’s face it, Iran will always be a quagmire.  Let’s put them on the backburner and “bear witness.” North Korea? … Eh.  Perez Hilton getting punched in the face by the black guy from The Black-Eyed Peas?  There’s your cover story right there.

Note: No gratingly bitchy men were actually harmed during the making of this video.

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Tags: bill whittle, iran, North Korea, Perez Hilton
Posted Jun 26th 2009 at 9:57 am in Political Humor, Video | 1714342 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/scrowder/2009/06/26/perez-hilton-punched-in-the-face/News+That+Matters%3A+Iran%2C+North+Korea%2C+Perez+Hilton%3F2009-06-26+16%3A57%3A46Steven+Crowder

What’s President Obama’s Script For Iran?

You know, people, I really wish I knew what the story was regarding President Obama’s puzzling diplomatic approach to Islamist Iran. Inquiring Minds Want To Know. This ain’t no movie, and I really don’t like the storyline to date. Haven’t since 1979. So what’s the script? White House Productions seems to be holding the storyline in blackout mode, and at this point I’m ready to put former FOX reporter Roger Friedman on the job of rooting it out. He sure did a bang-up job on “Wolverine.”

To be fair, I actually gave the President credit in this March 26th opinion piece entitled “Is President Obama Turning The Tables on Iran?” See, it occurred to me that the President might be undertaking a very brilliant strategy toward the Islamic Republic. If the President offers the Iranian regime nothing but carrots and gets nothing but sticks in return, then the regime is exposed as the hard case it really is. Nobody could say the President hadn’t tried every means at his disposal to make peace. (more…)

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Tags: al qaeda, Ali Khamenei, AMPAS, anti-gay pogrom, Argentina
Posted Jun 8th 2009 at 8:15 am in News, Politics | 1515784 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/06/08/whats-president-obamas-script-for-iran/What%27s+President+Obama%27s+Script+For+Iran%3F2009-06-08+15%3A15%3A14John+T.+Simpson

Lonewolf Diaries: Obama is North Korea’s Little Punk

We all know that Kim Jong-il is “buy-yourself-a-handgun” crazy.  It’s pretty much a given.  That begs the question however: why is anybody (particularly our president) even considering trying to tiptoe around this shady, marionette-looking character? Am I the only one who feels that something serious needs to be done here?

Any man who’s ever spent time in a schoolyard understands exactly what North Korea is trying to pull. They’re shoving us. They are flicking the jab outside by the monkey bars trying to see what we’re made of.  It’s the age-old “alpha male” ritual that every man has come to experience at some point in his life.  The peculiar thing is that North Korea isn’t even big or strong enough to be the schoolyard bully. North Korea is really just the kid who decided he’d be “all out crazy” hoping people would be scared off by the tirades and avoid stepping up to the plate.  The sad thing is it’s been working. Even sadder is that without the proper action, North Korea just might end up being “that kid” who shoots up the school. (more…)

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Tags: Kim Jong-Il, North Korea, North Korea United States United Nations, sean penn, UN
Posted Jun 2nd 2009 at 5:57 pm in Lone Wolf Diaries, News, Political Humor, Politics | 1496143 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/scrowder/2009/06/02/lonewolf-diaries-obama-is-north-koreas-little-punk/Lonewolf+Diaries%3A+Obama+is+North+Korea%27s+Little+Punk2009-06-03+00%3A57%3A14Steven+Crowder

A Republican Platform For The 21st Century

I have been a proud conservative Republican my entire life. My father and Jimmy Carter saw to that. My first vote ever was for Ronald Reagan in 1980, and I have never voted for a Democrat. Ever. Even today, the reasons for my being so have not changed, despite the media’s and liberal Democrats’ tireless efforts to discredit my belief system. Though the times may change, core principles never do. I have also served this nation proudly in uniform for six years, and don’t regret a minute of it.

In the early 1980s, my military service brought me to some of the darker corners of the world. I spent time in South Korea and Marcos’ Philippines when both countries were under martial law. Knowing I could be shot just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time really woke me up to what exactly it is we have here in America. Seeing a thousand Vietnamese Boat People pulled out of the South China Sea in one day only reinforced my belief in America, Sweet Land of Liberty.

Today, the Party of Lincoln and Reagan appears to be in political disarray, which is why I am writing this OpEd now. Yet many promising developments, along with some huge mistakes by Congress and the Obama Administration, have opened many new doors for us. If only we will enter. (more…)

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Tags: abortion, Africa, Al Franken, amnesty, apology tour
Posted May 2nd 2009 at 3:13 pm in Featured Story, Politics | 12196215 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/05/02/a-republican-platform-for-the-21st-century/A+Republican+Platform+For+The+21st+Century2009-05-02+22%3A13%3A08John+T.+Simpson

Hollywood Diplomacy All Around

If you think this is another hit piece on Team Oscar’s abortive soiree to Islamist Iran, I only wish it were just that bad. It’s actually worse. Much worse. It seems the rest of the civilized world, particularly America under the Obamamessiah, are adopting exactly the same failed principles of diplomacy as Team Oscar in Iran.

In short, the world in general, and the Obama Administration in particular, are overlooking every horrific crime known to man, in order to establish ‘peaceful’ relations with fascist totalitarian regimes that not only actively seek our violent demise, but swear it loudly and publicly to the rafters every day.

I would call it Neville Chamberlain diplomacy, but that would be too generous. Even Sir Neville had seen enough of Hitler and Nazi Germany, after Hitler abrogated the Munich Agreement by invading the rest of Czechoslovakia, to know that the policy of appeasement with Hitler had been an abject failure. It seems today that the civilized world can’t get slapped in the face hard enough by Iran, Sudan and North Korea to realize it’s long past due to slap back. Hard. (more…)

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Tags: ballistic missile, Bashir, bush, Chamberlain, Churchill
Posted Apr 11th 2009 at 5:03 pm in Celebrity News, Media Criticism, Politics | 1016264 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/04/11/hollywood-diplomacy-all-around/Hollywood+Diplomacy+All+Around2009-04-12+00%3A03%3A17John+T.+Simpson

Obama Takes on North Korea

Secretary of State Clinton and President Obama warned the North Koreans in the strongest possible terms that if they launched their new ICBM there would be hell to pay! Despite this stern warning they launched their missile April 4th. So now what? What will the Obama administration do to show Kim Jong Il, and other third world nations like, oh I don’t know maybe Iran, how serious they are about controlling their development of nuclear weapons and delivery systems?

The President and the Secretary have outlined a six-step plan that is sure to have Dear Leader so scared he may order his starving people to go out and tear down his uranium enrichment plants. (more…)

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Tags: Hillary Clinton, Missile Launch, North Korea, Nuclear Weapons, President Obama
Posted Apr 7th 2009 at 3:42 pm in Political Humor | 9929847 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jjena/2009/04/07/obama-takes-on-north-korea/Obama+Takes+on+North+Korea2009-04-07+22%3A42%3A59Jeffrey+Jena

“NewsBusted” 4/07/09 — Fake News from the Right

In this episode, “NewsBusted” covers: North Korea’s missle launch, Pep Boys, Queen Elizabeth’s iPod gift, Best Buy, Obama bows to Saudi Arabian King, TelePrompter, Tea Parties, Obama’s illegal alien aunt, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Penn, Madonna, and Miley Cyrus.

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Tags: Best Buy, Bill O'Reilly, iPod, madonna, miley cyrus
Posted Apr 7th 2009 at 1:24 pm in Media Criticism, Political Humor, Video | 994348 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/epeterkofsky/2009/04/07/%e2%80%9cnewsbusted%e2%80%9d-40709-%e2%80%94-fake-news-from-the-right/%E2%80%9CNewsBusted%E2%80%9D+4%2F07%2F09+%E2%80%94+Fake+News+from+the+Right2009-04-07+20%3A24%3A39Eric+Peterkofsky

Obama’s Weakness Endangers Us All

North Korea has taken two American journalists prisoner and charged them with committing “hostile acts” against the regime.

Countries like North Korea, which are the pinnacle of tyranny in the modern world, commit atrocities all the time. What they don’t do is challenge America directly – unless they perceive weakness. The consequence of having a weak president in office is that countries like North Korea are more apt to challenge our resolve. There is no question that by his actions in the last few weeks, taping a message for Iran which legitimized the Islamic government, sending Secretary of State Clinton to Russia with a mislabeled ‘reset’ button, and sending Clinton to Mexico where she blamed the United States for Mexican drug violence, Barack Obama has emboldened all of America’s enemies and emboldened North Korea in this particular case. (more…)

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Tags: American Journalists, kidnapped, missile, North Korea, Obama
Posted Apr 2nd 2009 at 2:02 pm in Military, Politics | 95210190 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/adavid/2009/04/02/the-world-and-barack-obama%e2%80%99s-weakness/Obama%27s+Weakness+Endangers+Us+All2009-04-02+21%3A02%3A54Ari+David

Inside the Head of Hillary Clinton

(THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE from thousands of people on the Washington Mall.)

Announcer:

“And now, ladies and gentlemen, the poet laureate; Maya Angelou.”

(Applause from the masses and inauguration VIPs.) (more…)

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Tags: Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, North Korea
Posted Mar 4th 2009 at 2:24 pm in Political Humor | 7193859 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/emannix/2009/03/04/inside-the-head-of-hillary-clinton/Inside+the+Head+of+Hillary+Clinton+2009-03-04+22%3A24%3A15Ernie+Mannix