I’ve yet to meet anyone in my generational sphere who doesn’t have a fondness for and owe a certain mnemonic debt to the old Schoolhouse Rock videos, which aired between Saturday morning cartoons back in the day (1973-1986, and less frequently after that). Honestly, I can’t even think of the preamble to the Constitution without singing it in my head.

According to Wikipedia:

Schoolhouse Rock! began as a commercial advertising venture by David McCall. The idea came to McCall when he noticed one of his sons, who was having trouble in school remembering the multiplication tables, knew the lyrics to many current rock songs. The first song recorded was “Three Is a Magic Number,” written by Bob Dorough. It tested well, so a children’s record was compiled and released. Tom Yohe listened to the first song, and began to doodle pictures to go with the lyrics. He told McCall that the songs would make good animation.

The resulting videos were generally brilliant and the series is still one of the most insanely effective uses of pop culture for educational purposes. True to the “Schoolhouse” theme, the videos helped reinforce important facts and lessons about grammar, arithmetic, science and history…what could go wrong?

I must warn you that the following clips are not suitable for children. And I’ll suggest, (as they always do in the great old films, when bad news is on the way), that you sit down, and pour a stiff drink before viewing:

Promo here:

Carbon Footprint here:

Oh, and that’s but a taste.

Personally, I was particularly saddened by what became of Mr. Morton — the lonely man who taught me about predicates.  Granted the original video is dated (note the antique typewriter), but it’s possible to modernize without trashing content. I’m all for updating and the Skee-Lo rap version of this tune is smart and catchy.  Do listen! But now, thanks to Disney, the already tortured Mr. Morton has lost his mind ENTIRELY, not to mention his charm.

I’m hardly against addressing environmental issues, but bumper-sticker-inspired campfire songs are no substitute for facts. Our society, in which countless children struggle to keep up on the basics, is now making a complete mockery of education. Are the government schools doing such a bang-up job that anyone in a position to educate can waste time instructing children in the fine art of sorting garbage?  Disney seems to think so.

What’s evident and terrifying is that this is exactly what passes for education now, both in and out of the classroom. Schoolhouse Rock, indeed!

These videos become available March 31st.