For weeks after, we reenacted that “one small step for man” from our backyard tree house, descending the steps in Super-Slo-Mo onto the lunar crabgrass. Then we bounded out in search of our dog Buster’s steaming “moon rocks” for “moon rock fights.” Eventually Dad would yell at us to get out the moon-mower, but it did little to dent our enthusiasm for space exploration. Maybe it was just the model airplane glue talking, but for that brief moment we actually believed we were Armstrong and Aldrin and Collins. But did I ever get to be Armstrong? No-o-o-o, Dave, you stupid baby, you have to be Collins. Shut up and orbit in the tree house while we drive around in the moon buggy. Sometimes if my brother had his stupid 5th grade friends over they would make me be Walter Cronkite or Jules Bergman and do the news report with Mom’s hairbrush.

Our moonwalk fever lasted for several weeks, until Dad took us to see the Joie Chitwood Auto Thrill Show at the Woodbury County Fair in Moville. Afterwards we got out our Stingrays and re-enacted those historic ramp jumps and T-bone crashes with our brave friends, like the late legendary 4th grade daredevil Marty Snitker. But nothing would ever again stoke our fantasies and imaginations like Apollo 11. Okay, maybe Lori Culbertson showing up to school in a halter top in ‘74.

Today, America still has a space effort, but sadly it just doesn’t inspire like it once did in the heady days of Apollo and Gemini. Unmanned probes and orbiting space labs are fine, I guess, but where is the glamor? Where are the crewcut astronaut he-men with names like ‘Deke’ and ‘Buzz’ and ‘Gus,’ driving around Houston in matching big block Corvettes and Ray-Bans? Nowhere, that’s where. They’ve all been outsourced by space computers and floaty-haired National Junior High Science Teacher of the Year nerds. You tell me — do we really want dorks like these as Earth’s first line of defense against invading intergalactic aliens? No wonder my brother and I have to be half-blotto before we play pretend astronauts anymore.

If America wants to get back on the right track, scientific space mission-wise, we need to once again pick an inspiring, audacious goal, and man it with the kind of inspirational crew to make it happen. At long last, let us realize mankind’s most cherished dream — sending the entire United States Congress to the Moon by 2010.

When I mention this proposal to my space engineering friends at Meier’s Tap, they are often skeptical. They’ll argue it’s impossible, that even NASA’s most powerful booster rockets never anticipated a payload of 535 people including Charlie Rangel and Jerrold Nadler. Look man, I’m just the idea guy, and I’m sure those details can be worked out. When John F. Kennedy first proposed going to the Moon in 1961, did you people expect him to already have a formula for Tang? The beauty of my proposal is that our Astro-Congress is already on payroll — and chock full of crisis tested problem-solving engineers. If they can take over the entire US auto industry and re-engineer the American heath care system in two weeks, surviving a Moon mission will be a snap!

Yes, there are potential risks. Especially with Chief Flight Engineer Ted Kennedy at the controls. But did fear of the unknown stop Lewis and Clark? Did a couple of minor impalings scare us away from playing Lawn Darts? If Congress is going to be a bunch of sissies about it, I guess we could start out with a test flight of Astro-Congress test chimpanzees. When they splash down safely, we can then send up the real Congress, while their replacement chimpanzees debate pressing national legislative issues. As for Congressmen who still refuse to join the mission, I have one word: chloroform.

Make no mistake, my proposal is not some crazy pie-in-the-sky “because it is there” stunt. Just as the Apollo mission resulted in Teflon and freeze-dried ice cream and finding my dad’s stash of Playboys, my Moon Congress project will result in scientific knowledge and concrete benefits for all mankind. For example, we will learn how high-mass continuing resolutions and earmarks react to extreme low-G conditions, and whether the Moon Congress will use seniority to decide seats on the cannibalization subcommittee. Who knows? Our brave Astro-Representatives and Senators may even encounter friendly Moon creatures who will help them adapt to the harsh lunar fundraising environment.

If this mission is successful — and I am confident it will be — it will pave the way for further bold manned missions to the stars. It will be important that our marooned Moon Congress gets the press coverage it needs, so we should begin working immediately for a follow-up launch of the one-way Moon Media Shuttle by mid-2010. This will result in improved chloroform technology that will help us in planning the 2011 Executive Branch on Mars mission, and the 2012 Supreme Court Venus probe. By 2013, we will be ready for our most audacious space goal yet — sending the entire Internal Revenue Service rocketing to the Black Hole of Antaraes.

Go ahead and accuse me of living in a utopian sci-fi dream world, but I believe that if we act now America’s families and its elected chimpanzees will soon gather around the Quasar console TV and cheer our triumphant return to the Final Frontier, once again inspiring a new generation of our kids to bold backyard space adventures. Just to be safe, I would probably change the locks on your liquor cabinets.

Moon rocks the imagination as it presents a totally plausible, realistic way of utilizing space for practical purposes — in this case, mining for eco-desirable Helium 3 energy from the lunar surface.  Jones strove for science-fact over fiction in researching many minute details of the script.  He even screened the film before a panel of NASA scientists — many of whom are working on making fantasy into fact. 

Before reading any further — be advised: don’t see Moon to learn about science, but DO see it! It’s a fascinating film featuring an Academy Award-worthy performance by Sam Rockwell. 

Now, back to reality… In 2004, President George W. Bush called for a return to the Moon to build a base — it would be a prelude to something even greater: a mission to Mars.  He noted words from astronaut Eugene Cernan, who traveled with the last Apollo mission: “We leave as we came and, God willing, as we shall return, with peace and hope for all mankind.” With that, scores of engineers, scientists and experts made headway designing, building and planning America’s next endeavour to explore space, they were ready to accomplish the mission. 

Should President Obama decide to continue with the 2004 Bush plan, enterprising Americans would need to invent many of the things featured in Jones’ film.  And for Obama, who is presiding over one of the worst economic crisis in history, an invigorating Kennedy-esque call to space would present a granddaddy of a stimulus package — jobs created, factories built, innovation; to say nothing of stimulating the truly priceless things like learning, inspiring a generation and advancing the species. 

But don’t pack your moon boots quite yet – Obama has organized a committee to review the entire space program and make recommendations sometime in August. He has left many to guess his agenda for America’s space program.  What would have happened if Columbus or Magellan stood around waiting for a group of consultants to return findings?  Thank goodness President Kennedy didn’t wait to hear committee recommendations of his idea — we would have never made it to the Moon.  So, we’re left to wait — along with the rest of NASA — while this committee discusses, studies and contemplates.  Call it the community organizer’s guide to the galaxy …  it just might get us going nowhere fast. 

Moon writer-director Jones is a self-described sci-fi nut having been inspired as a child by great films such as Stanley Kubrick’s 2001 and Ridley Scott’s Alien.  Those films, like many other 60’s, 70’s and 80’s sci-fi fare, helped feed the world’s growing appetite for all things space — I know, because my younger brother and I grew up in the Lucas/Spielberg-golden age of sci-fi.  With the 1969 Moon landing, and the Apollo missions thereafter, a huge milestone was met, and imaginations exploded — people wanted to learn what else could be ‘out there?’ How could we travel into space in the future? What would life in space be like? 

Moon portrays the same questions NASA faces building a moon base, or traveling to Mars — loneliness, mental stamina, human endurance.  To say nothing of imagining real-life possibilities such as fusion power, mining for clean energy and living in artificial environments (as well as some truly mind-blowing plot twists). 

It should come as little surprise that Jones thought up this film.  After all, he is the son of David Bowie — the man who gave us “Space Oddity” and Ziggy Stardust.  Bowie was fascinated by humans landing on the Moon and translated that into brilliant art and music.  Come to think of it, without the Moonshot, we never would have Elton John’s “Rocket Man,” cell phones, microwave ovens — or juice bags for the kids!  The demonstration of American grit and ingenuity instilled the nation with pride, confidence and solidified American technology and willpower as the envy of the world.  We could use a little bit of all that right about now… 

So, what will it be President Obama: One giant leap… forward or backward?

The people who start these wacky ideas cherry pick facts, statistics, and other information to suit their theory. If you present any facts or ideas which contradict the theory you are either too dense to see the obvious or maybe you are one of “them.”

The problem with most conspiracy theories is the incredible number of people who would have to be in on at least part of the plot in order to make it work.  I don’t want to rile up too many folks who are holding onto a recent theory, so let’s look at one that has been fairly well disproved. Even as I type that line, I can see apoplectic comments from those who still think we didn’t land on the moon. Look at what it would take to pull off the “we never went to the moon” theory.  Beside the three astronauts and hundreds of NASA technical personal, there would have to be camera people, set dressers, broadcast personal, and who knows how many other to put off a round the clock production for eight days. Keep in mind they would have had to repeat this process every time we did an Apollo mission. 

So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m starting my own conspiracy theory. I will withstand any challenge to my theory and support my theory with facts and figures. I may write a book and go on that late night wacko radio talk show with Art Bell. You ready? Here is my theory: The President is not the real Barack Obama. Look at the pictures of him from college; it’s not the same guy.

A secret society of far left activist led by George Soros and Fidel Castro planted an actor in place of the real Mr. Obama twenty years ago. The real Barack Obama was kidnapped by the secret society and is now being held on a private island in the South Pacific owned by Soros. They are all in on it! Michelle, David Axelrod, Greg Holder, Joe Biden, Rev. Wright, Hugo Chavez, Bill Ayers and many more. It is a plot to change us to a world currency which would make Soros the richest man in the world. It would also give far leftist a way to take America into radical socialism.

Look at how many people who could identify the real Barack Obama are now dead! His biological father dies in a car accident and his mother dies at a young age. His grandmother was going to spill the beans so she had to be eliminated! This theory also explains the reason a birth certificate can’t be produced. Wake up and see the truth! Go ahead and try to “prove” me wrong.