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Great films need great actors and great actresses. Unfortunately, Hollywood doesn’t do great actresses anymore. . . it does Barbies. In truth, Hollywood never was great with actresses, but it’s gotten much worse lately. Talent, apparently, no longer matters when casting actresses, just looks. To be a modern “actress,” you need to be under 35 years of age and look like every other Hollywood ditz. What’s worse, Hollywood is now trying to pass off sexual exploitation as “strong roles” for women.

Megan Fox adjusts her "talent" before their next scene.

1. Dear Hollywood: Stop The Age Discrimination

Age discrimination is a problem in Hollywood. Seriously, what is the fascination with jamming twenty-somethings into every role? It doesn’t work. These young girls simply don’t have the maturity or the depth to play the parts of women. It strains credibility beyond the breaking point when they cast some silicon enhanced girl to play the nuclear scientist or the head of a corporation or. . . well, any woman in a position of authority. I know powerful women, professional women, and women with a great deal of maturity, and none of them look or act anything like Hollywood seems to think.

And please stop casting girls as the wives of old, old, old male actors. It’s creepy. Teri Garr and Richard Dreyfuss worked in Close Encounters because they looked like a couple. Septuagenarian Harrison Ford married to Megan Fox doesn’t. Not only can we not see them getting together in the first place, but we can’t see them as a “normal, loving couple.” Instead, the words “gold digger” and “cradle robber” and even “grave robber” come to mind. And holy cow, stop casting “mothers” who are only a year or two older than their movie “daughters.” Was there a plague in Hollywood that wiped out all the women over 40?

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As I’ve written before, 2010 was actually a good year for movies.  The King’s Speech, The Fighter, Inception, Toy Story 3, Tangled, and How to Train Your Dragon were all great entertainment.  We’ve seen terrific starring roles from actors ranging from the heretofore unwatchable James Franco to the ever impressive Christian Bale, from the magnificent Colin Firth to the chameleonic Geoffrey Rush.  We’ve seen some actresses in supporting roles who have outshone their second-tier parts: Melissa Leo and Amy Adams in The Fighter, Helena Bonham Carter in The King’s Speech.

But when we look at the leading actresses of 2010, the dearth of great performances and great parts is stunning.  The Golden Globe nominees for best actress this year were Halle Berry in the anonymous flick Frankie and Alice, playing a crazy person in her usual over-the-top style; Nicole Kidman in the anonymous flick Rabbit Hole, playing a grieving mother in her usual cold and remote style; Jennifer Lawrence in Winter’s Bone, playing a teenage girl looking for her meth-making dad; Natalie Portman in Black Swan, playing a crazy person with a constipated look plastered on her mug; and Michelle Williams in Blue Valentine, playing a spoiled girl who gets knocked up, married, and presumably divorced.  Has anyone seen any of these women in any of these films?  And if the disastrous Natalie Portman – Queen Amidala masturbating, anyone? – is the frontrunner for Best Actress at the Oscars, how far have female figures fallen?

Far.  Quick, think of the ten greatest living film actors.  It’s not that tough – we have iconic male film stars all the time.  Now think of the ten greatest living film actresses.  Now take away all women over 50.  Still thinking, aren’t you? (more…)

For an industry peopled by so-called progressive types who love to bash their ideological opposites as racist bigots who want to oppress anyone who doesn’t check the “Caucasian” box on those obnoxious affirmative action questionnaires on employment applications, it sure seems funny that …

…there’s a real possibility that for the first time since the 73rd Oscars 10 years ago, there will be no black nominees in any of the acting categories at the February ceremony. In fact, there are virtually no minorities in any of the major categories among the early lists of awards hopefuls.

What the liberal media might call a “predominantly white” crowd…

I mean, we have the likes of Cher wondering why anyone who isn’t white, rich and Christian would want to be a Republican. Brilliant political mind John Cusack supports the idea of a “Satanic death cult center” outside of Fox News headquarters. Actor John Hamm agreed the Tea Party is a racist institution – on the show hosted by a guy who is upset that President Obama doesn’t act like a “real black president” with a “gun in his pants.” And white comedienne (?) Joy Behar says that only the majority (read: white people) can be racist. Well, I guess as a white chick, she should know. Plus, she studied sociology in college and everything!

Yes, these are the people who believe they set the social narrative in America. And yet…and yet…they don’t seem to live up to their own hype! I mean, here we have what might be the first Oscar night in 10 years with no ethnic minority actors/actresses nominated for an acting award. My goodness, what will George “Smug” Clooney have to say about it?

Actually, considering the high amount of tripe coming out of Hollywood lately, I should think that those excluded from the nominee list would be thrilled by their narrow escape. (more…)

By now, you’ve probably heard about what Politico is billing as a potential “October surprise” – a “Rally to Restore Sanity,” planned for October 30th on the Mall in Washington and hosted by the brilliant comedians Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

The day before Halloween? I’m sure it’ll be a solemn occasion, where people intend to reflect upon the real problems that face our nation, dressed up in costumes mocking conservative movers and shakers like Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck. In fact, I can just imagine the oh-so-clever people who will be dressed up like Christine O’Donnell as a witch. (Funny, isn’t it, how when a conservative admits to “dabbling” in something like witchcraft as a teenager it’s a big scandal, but progressive, leftist PC dictates that we should be sensitive to the beliefs of those who declare themselves pagans and Wiccans.)

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert – your hosts

Oh, but I’m being cynical. The Comedy Central guys don’t really “mean” anything by the whole thing. It’s just a big joke, doncha know:

“We’re not provocateurs, we’re not activists; we are reacting for our own catharsis,” Stewart tells [New York magazine's Chris] Smith. “There is a line into demagoguery, and we try very hard to express ourselves but not move into, ‘So follow me! And I will lead you to the land of answers, my people!’ You can fall in love with your own idea of common sense. Maybe the nice thing about being a comedian is never having a full belief in yourself to know the answer. So you can say all this stuff, but underneath, you’re going, ‘But of course, I’m f*cking idiotic.’ It’s why we don’t lead a lot of marches.” (emphasis mine)

Perhaps that’s why the Comedy Central overlords have asked Craig Minassian, former Clinton administration press aide who is now a consultant to Comedy Central, and Chris Wayne, a former Clinton White House event organizer who works on large-scale media events and promotions, to help them file their permit for the October 30th event. But I’m sure they won’t be helping them actually run the event… (more…)

“Eventually a man’s got to decide if he wants to do what’s right. That choice cost me more than I bargained for.” So says Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin), title character in Warner Bros.’ DC Comics adaption of “Jonah Hex.” 

This dark, cliché quote reflects the film. Hex was a Confederate soldier, not because he believed in slavery but because he opposes government control. While serving, Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich) – the father of his best friend – orders him to burn a hospital filled with women and children to the ground. He refuses. This event disillusions him from the Confederate cause, and in his ensuing side-switch, he kills his friend. The vengeful Turnbull tracks Jonah down and forces him to watch as he murders his family, then brands his face so he won’t forget. Jonah swears vengeance. When Turnbull dies in a fire he thinks he has it – until he hears from President Ulysses S. Grant that Turnbull is still alive, and plans to terrorize the country during its bicentennial celebration. Grant begs Jonah to find Turnbull and stop him before it’s too late – a request Jonah is only too happy to oblige. 

As a comic book adaptation, the beginning of the film plays out episodically like the beginning of a TV show, with cartoon images showing the transition in Jonah’s life from a soldier to a man whose near-death experience gave him the power to talk to dead people.  (more…)

None of these Funny or Die videos are funny. They’re on-the nose, heavy-handed, and at times so awkwardly unfunny that you kinda hafta supply your own rim-shot in order to gut your way through the worst of it. You can’t say the people behind the videos aren’t talented. They are. But this stuff is just lazy. Really, “Terminator” music over the closing PSA?

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But isn’t all celebrity masturbation lazy? No one’s trying to do anything more than feel good about themselves. So because that’s the real goal no serious thought goes into the sketch and of course no thought goes into the issue at hand.

Schools aren’t working? Throw money at them! Wow, I feel so much better about myself, so self-gratified, and look at how easy it was to show how much I care about kids. (more…)

Someone call the waaahmbulance: Megan Fox’s starring turn in the movie “Jennifer’s Body” didn’t do as well as she’d hoped and she’s looking for a scapegoat. Naturally, she turns to the unwashed masses in Middle America:

The actress tells The New York Times that her movie “Jennifer’s Body” tanked because “the movie is about a man-eating, cannibalistic lesbian cheerleader, and that pretty much eliminates middle America.”

Actually, Megan, that pretty much eliminates anyone with an ounce of taste. Here’s more on the movie’s plot via IMDB:

Nerdy, reserved bookworm Needy and arrogant, conceited cheerleader Jennifer are best friends, though they share little in common. They share even less in common when Jennifer mysteriously gains an appetite for human blood after a disastrous fire at a local bar. As Needy’s male classmates are steadily killed off in gruesome attacks, the young girl must uncover the truth behind her friend’s transformation and find a way to stop the bloodthirsty rampage before it reaches her own boyfriend Chip.

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“Marriage is just a title,” “It’s a prejudice institution,” or my personal favorite, “I don’t need a piece of paper to prove my love.” We hear these nice little soundbytes from the cowardly men of Hollywood time and time again. Even more sadly, is that all too often, their leading ladies are conned into going along with it. Women, what are you thinking?! Don’t you realize that these chumps are playing you like a fiddle?

I was a groomsman at one of my best friend’s wedding this weekend. As I gazed across at the Bridesmaids all teary-eyed with an air of longing, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Man, Johnny Depp’s a douche.” The truth is that behind every anti-marriage sermon given from a Hollywood hubby, there’s an incredibly disappointed lady. I don’t care how much of a “strong, independent woman” you are; all little girls dream of their perfect wedding day. Before the feminists get upset, let me tell you that none of this comes from a place of sexism. It comes from an endeared heart. It’s why little boys would rather play “Space Aliens” and little girls would rather play “House.” Your inherent ability for compassion and nurturing is what makes you the best among us. (more…)

I should say right off the bat that I can’t just blame Brad Pitt. The plague of closed-mindedness permeates every corner of Hollywood… Brad Pitt just happens to be the one who’s most recently crystallized it so perfectly. Much like the time Megan Fox tipped Tinseltown’s hand when she said that if given the chance, she’d urge Megatron to only murder the “white trash, hillbilly, anti-gay, super bible-beating people in Middle America,” Brad Pitt had a tongue-slip with his anti-Christian comment this weekend. However, I must give credit where credit’s due folks: he made the comment on the Bill Maher show. It takes guts to take such a stance on that program. Doesn’t at least a part of you admire his moral fortitude?

To start with, Brad Pitt said that he was thinking of running for mayor of New Orleans, on an “Anti-religion, pro-legalization of marijuana and pro-gay marriage” platform. I know, I know… What a risky position to take in Tinseltown, right?

After Brads continued “anti-religion” commentary, Bill Maher decided to step up the game with his uniquely hateful brand of bigotry that’s made him oh so popular with 13-year-old atheists everywhere. In a display of “compassion,” Pitt went on to say, “Well I don’t think any Christians watch this show anyway.” (more…)

There’s not a whole lot to say about Michael Bay’s “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” From the first shot to the last, the whole affair is such a mess that for 151 minutes you just wait for the end. Not a single scene, not one, is coherent or capable of holding your attention. The humor is juvenile in a potty mouth kind of way, the performances don’t mean much because no one’s playing anything other than a cartoon, and the action is no more stimulating than watching kids play with action figures.

Numbing doesn’t begin to describe the experience. The movie is simply awful, Bay’s worst since “Bad Boys 2.”

Sam (Shia LeBeouf) and Mikaela (Megan Fox) are still together, but he’s on his way east to college and a long distance romance via webcam looms. His first day at school, Sam’s brain starts to go haywire just as the Decepticons ready some kind of comeback that can only be accomplished with what’s in Sam’s head. With the help of Optimus Prime, Bumblebee and a number of “comic-relief” Autobots, Sam and Mikaela outrun explosions as big robots fight over something that could kill the sun or something. (more…)

The crime is complete. Judgment has been passed. The killing stones are in hand. As per the harsh stoning penal code of Iran’s Islamist thugocracy (for however long that lasts) where the crime took place, my stones are not so big as to kill right away, not so small you can’t call them stones. And I’m winding up like Nolan Ryan. Feel free to pick up a stone of your own. But wait for it!

And let me make this perfectly clear, even if they do say Jehovah!

Sentence must be read before being carried out. And unlike Soraya M., the board members of the Asylum of Motion Picture Airheads and Stooges will deserve every rock that’s thrown their way. I also believe that, in light of events in Iran today, the following commentary will stand out in much starker prominence than it did when I first started reporting on them in early March, when Team Oscar first set off for the Unfriendly Skies of Islamist Iran. (more…)

Megan Fox recently stated that her solution to a real life evil Transformer invasion would be to negotiate and ask, “instead of the entire planet, can you just take out all of the white trash, hillbilly, anti-gay, super bible-beating people in Middle America?”

I also found these quotes from Ms. Fox:

“I don’t want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single S.A.T. word I’ve ever learned, to prove, like, ‘Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.’ I don’t want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I’m not a retard.”

And… (more…)

There have been liberal movies stars for as long as there have been movie stars. The list of left-of-center Golden Age-era giants is a mile long. My admiration for an actor has ZERO to do with personal politics, but as Skip Press pointed out in his terrific piece last week, class is a big factor. Many of the greats didn’t share my beliefs, but few ever went out of their way to hurl insults at me and mine, either. Undoubtedly, someone could Google up a statement that contradicts me, but I would argue in return that human beings slip, even big-screen immortals. What can’t be argued is that once upon a time movie stars walked the earth who defined themselves, not with elitist, flame-throwing political rhetoric, but with dignity and class.

 
Sinatra and Ava for Democrat Adlai Stevenson

Where classic Hollywood mostly held their activism to advocating for their causes, too many of today’s classless breed defines their activism through the hurling of invective at the other side - at 50% of the customers. They do it up on the screen and they do it while hiding behind a Hollywood media-machine owned and operated by sycophants who mostly agree. There’s nothing wrong with passion, humor, disagreement and debate, that’s what Big Hollywood is all about, but ad hominem that dehumanizes is the tactic of a new generation eager to fit in with the A-list.   (more…)

I make silly, fun movies.  Stuff you pick up at your local Blockbuster or watch on the Sci-fi Channel.  I’ve always said that most of my films, because of budget limitations, end up being “two star” movies, but with a six pack and some friends, they become exceedingly enjoyable experiences.

One source of endless enjoyment for me and my co-workers is watching how the various buyers (DVD, television, and international) market the films.  The trailers, posters, and commercials  are wildly different depending on who the intended audience is.  As an example, in the U.S. my latest film is called “Chrome Angels.” It’s a sci-fi/action/comedy about a female biker gang that runs into a town populated by evil cyborgs. At the Cannes Film Market, the distributor is calling it “Cyborg Conquest.”  The trailer and poster don’t even reference female bikers, motorcycles, or comedy.  They, instead, are selling it as a serious action film centered on CGI cyborgs that don’t actually appear in the film. (more…)