Balloon Boy: The Right of Every American To Be a TV Star
by Kurt SchlichterPeople have it all wrong about Richard Heene. He’s not the perpetrator of a poorly-executed hoax, but a victim, a victim of America’s callous disregard for those who suffer from the silent plague that is Media Absence Disorder (MAD).
Sadly, the dead white males who imposed the Constitution on America enumerated only negative rights that limit the power of the government over its citizens. But if you squint your eyes and look beyond obstacles like the plain text, lurking in there somewhere behind the penumbras and emanations is the positive right of every American to be a TV star. Those with MAD are not cretins to be shunned but civil rights visionaries at the edge of a new frontier of governmental largess and probably a lot of profitable litigation.
It’s obvious that American society has failed the Heene family. After he and his brood’s triumphant appearances on Wife Swap, Heene was left media-deficient and was forced to feed his addiction with crude YouTube videos. In one, he speculated that Hilary Clinton is a shape-shifting space reptile, which would be totally cool if true. In another, he claimed that he spoke to aliens at a local fast food restaurant, which is actually pretty typical, at least at Southern California fast food joints.
This sad state of affairs was a direct result of the deep, black emptiness in Heene’s life that could never be filled by superficial things like work, religion or family. Like all MAD-men, he craves, needs, must have the validation that only comes from having his mug flashing across America’s television screens. He not only wants his MTV, he has to have it. And we owe it to him. (more…)
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