Michael Jackson!

OK, no matter how you feel about Jackson personally, the man made some awesome music in his lifetime, which is why I was uber excited for this week’s episode of “Glee”… the Michael Jackson episode!

Yup, lots of cool cover songs were there, accompanied by fantastic dance numbers, but this episode bit at me on a personal level. Do you remember the last time we watched “Glee” together (and by that I mean I watched it, and you read about it here), when Finn proposed to Rachel? Well, this week we saw her answer.

Throughout the episode, we saw Rachel hemming and hawing as she tried to make a decision as to whether or not to tie her life to one man for the remainder of her time on earth. For some reason, she decided to go to her boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend Quinn for advice. Because, of course, the best place to go for relationship advice is your current boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend (insert eye roll here).

This is where my issue with tonight’s show began and ended. Quinn told Rachel that she shouldn’t marry Finn. Rachel interjected with, “I know he and I haven’t lived together or anything, but, you know, I love him, and he’s the one, I know it.”

What the heck? Why are we sending a message to young people that it’s not only acceptable but also necessary to live together before marriage? No, I’m not a prude; I’m practical. Studies show that couples that live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced than those that don’t co-habitate.

Quinn also gave Rachel such awesome advice as, “We hardly know what we’re going to want in 15 years,” and “If you really want to be happy, you’re going to have to say goodbye.”

Who the heck knows where they’re going to be in 15 years? I sure don’t. One thing I know is that I will be standing next to my husband, because no matter what this life throws at us, we are a team. We are holding hands, weathering the storms, and coming out the other side, caring for each other’s wounds.

I said yes when I was 18 years old. I said I Do seven months later, when I was 19. We’ll celebrate our 10^th anniversary next July, and while it’s been quite a ride, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Do you want to know why? It’s because we don’t treat marriage as some feeling — we treat it as a commitment.

Of course there will be feelings involved, but the thing that gets you through the rough spots is that enduring commitment to one another. I hope my darling hubby doesn’t mind me sharing this, but during one pivotal fight in our relationship several years ago, he turned to me and said, “You’ve changed!”

I responded with, “You married a TEENAGER; what did you expect?”

The fact of the matter is that marriage is special, and not just about that squishy-lovey feeling. People change; they always will. I am not the same person that I was when I walked down the aisle, and my husband is not the same person who stood there waiting for me. But we’ve come to recognize that despite our differences, our shortcomings, and our successes, it’s amazing to share your life with another person.

What ticked me off about tonight’s “Glee” was that it made it seem like Rachel had to make a decision between her own life and her boyfriend. Life is what you make it, and I say that it’s much better when you face it with a partner in crime.

I adore my husband, and “Glee” made me sad that so many young people will only hear that marriage ends your dreams and ambitions. None of mine would have come true without him.

Rachel did eventually say yes to Finn when she thought she was rejected from her performance college of choice. When she got her letter saying she was a finalist, we got to see the fear in her eyes over her realization over what she had done.

Because, according to “Glee,” marriage ruins your life.

Or something.

I guess I’ll have to keep on watching and reporting back to y’all on how Glee treats the issue of teenagers getting hitched!

Celebrities make strange bedfellows, and rising starlet Olivia Wilde may be one of the few souls rushing to defend Kim Kardashian after the reality star’s blink-and-you-missed-it marriage.

Wilde, recently divorced herself, tried to shush the commoners from being too critical of Kardashian’s 72-day marriage.

The “Butter” star, who finalized her own high-profile divorce from Italian aristo Tao Ruspoli last month, told us at a Standard Hotel after-party for “Another Happy Day,” “I empathize. It’s not easy. It’s the hardest thing in the world. People judge you because divorce is seen as failure. [Kim] took a risk. No one should be attacking her. Our attention should be focused on things that are truly scandalous.”

Hmmm. Wilde’s marriage, while not the “Happily Ever After” variety, did last for eight years. That’s an eternity in Hollywood. The bigger question is, why can’t we judge a woman who treats the institution of marriage like another insipid reality show plot?

Marriage is hard. Divorce is even harder, and we should all take a pregnant pause before climbing up on our moral high horses. But it often should be done, and if not to castigate Kardashian for a sham marriage, then when?

From the recent split between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries to Ashton Kutcher’s alleged affair(s), it’s almost expected most celebs will call it quits after a few years. But why?

Do their jobs keep them from spending time together? Is it jealousy of success in one’s career? Does someone else come along? Is there major money involved after filing for divorce? Or do the fantasy elements of their jobs keep them from making the right decisions at perhaps the most important times in their lives?

Marriage isn’t just a relationship; it’s an oath you take in front of God that you love this person and want to be with them forever. The fact that Kim K said this oath in August and is now filing for divorce makes me and many other conservatives sick. Okay, Kim, you didn’t want to marry the guy? Then don’t! Don’t listen to your PR person, your agent or the E! Network when it comes to the matter of marriage. Now you are a 30-year-old who has been divorced twice, so if this was a PR stunt (which I suspect many people think it is), it was the worst possible thing you could do for your image.

And believe it or not, I was a fan of Kardashian. She had a pretty rocky start with the whole sex tape thing and the fact that her father, the late Robert Kardashian, got a lot of hate for defending the disgusting O.J. Simpson. Now, she has made herself millions through branding her name, the success of her family’s reality show, endorsing products, and recently launching the Kardashian Kollection at Sears with fellow sisters Kourtney and Khloe. You may not like her personality, but she’s a darn good businesswoman.

What makes my stomach turn is the fact that she and Humphries didn’t even try to make their marriage work. A person doesn’t divorce someone after 72 days and then say they “married for love.” If every couple got divorced over a few arguments, then no one would be married.

However, Hollywood isn’t completely full of phonies and fake marriages. There are a few power couples that bump up the average span of a Hollywood marriage. A few that come to mind are Martin Sheen and his wife, Janet Templeton, who recently hit their 50^th anniversary; Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman are going on 30 years; actors Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson and Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick both celebrated their 23^rd anniversary this year; Warren Beatty and Annette Benning are about to celebrate their 20^th anniversary; and Freddie Prinze Jr. and Sarah Michelle Gellar are going on 10 years.

I understand that they cannot help being in the public eye, but even with the stress of stardom, it looks like these couples are happy and value their marriage how it should be valued.

Kardashian has been on Cloud 9 with her recent boom in success these last few years. I think the change from working in her family’s retail business to now being Miss Superstar has really altered her judgment. Maybe she did make a bad decision at one of the most important times in her life, but I hope this experience can teach her that marriage isn’t something to be taken lightly, and you should always fight for your relationship if it’s what you really want.

TMZ reports that Kim booked a last minute flight to Minnesota over the weekend to “talk things over” with Humphries face to face, so it seems like the relationship hasn’t come to a full close.

Here’s my advice to Kim, since she says she is looking for real, true, passionate, extraordinary love:  get off your high horse, get back down to earth and get to know your next fiancé longer than six months. That wedding was a typical “Kardashian event,” and the fact that her ex-hubby said on the E! wedding special, “This is your wedding and you can just fit whoever in it,” screams trouble in paradise.

Here’s to hoping Kim’s next relationship lasts longer than a year and E! doesn’t make a Kardashian divorce special. Let SNL handle that.

Relationship expert Cameron Diaz felt moved to share her opinions with the boys of Maxim magazine.  This time she said marriage is a “dying institution.” Ms. Diaz, who’s seen more home runs than her current beau Yankee third baseman Alex Rodriguez has seen in his whole career, said “I think we have to make our own rules.  I don’t think we should live our lives in relationships based off old traditions that don’t suit our world any longer.”  

You remember Cameron – she’s the one who bragged about her promiscuity: “I can be attracted to a woman sexually, but it doesn’t mean I want to be in love with a woman. If I’m going to be with a woman sexually, it doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian. We put these restraints and definitions on people, but it’s hard to define.” 

Cameron Diaz was described by the international men’s magazine as a “rarefied creature even by Hollywood standards,” but to vulgarity aficionados Ms. Diaz is a woman full of “beauty, intelligence, and humor witha 4.0 in Potty Mouth.” Evidently, for consumers of “soft pornfor male adolescents,” Diaz’s coarse language elevates the ‘Vanilla Sky’ actress to the position of matrimonial philosopher and discerning harbinger of “new rules.” 

Summing up her marriage insights with advice that is sure to strengthen the fabric of society, theorist Diaz said: “Guys need women who challenge them and don’t let them get away with their s**t. Women, conversely, need to not be crazy bitches who blow up when their guys tell them something that scares them.” 

Diaz’s thoughts on traditional marriage were a perfect promotional segue for her new movie “Bad Teacher.” After demeaning a God-ordained institution, wanton schoolmarm Diaz set her sights on glorifying her role as a bawdy middle school teacher who probably makes child predator/stellar educators Mary Kay Letourneau and Debra LaFave both look like Teacher of the Year. 

“Lying seductively across a desk in a thigh-high miniskirt and red stilettos in a clutter-filled classroom,” Cameron graced the pages of the rude men’s magazine.  Referring to the movie “Bad Teacher,” the publication declares: “It’s not every day that one of the world’s biggest movie stars offers to fulfill your schoolboy fantasies. But then Cameron Diaz is not your average movie star… Miss Diaz, we’ve been bad, bad boys!” 

In the movie’s car washing scene, Cameron resurrects the spirit of the rather scandalous Van Halen hit single “Hot for Teacher.”  The 1984 video depicted a bikini-clad teacher parading around in front of a gang of lecherous, barely pubescent 7^thgraders who apparently had it ‘bad’ and were ‘hot for teacher.’  Twenty-seven years later, Diaz ratcheted it up a few notches with raunchy language, vodka-swilling and breast enhancements. 

In addition to dissing marriage, the not so angelic‘Charlie’s Angel’ continues to make her “own rules” and feels comfortable promoting a movie where she slithers all over a soapy car in hot pants during a car wash scene full of junior high school children.  Irreverent Diaz said the best part about the movie was that she enjoyed“being allowed to be rude to kids during the filming.”  Diaz joked, “The best thing was getting to abuse children, none of whom were harmed during the filming.” 

Ask Diaz about her romance with A-Rod: “It’s really awesome.” Her feelings on marriage: “Marriage hasn’t been important to me.”  On having children: “We don’t need any more kids. We have plenty of people on this planet.” 

Cameron Diaz is convinced that when it comes to marriage, family and education, “We should [not] live our lives in relationships based off old traditions that don’t suit our world any longer.” Which means the world Cameron endorses is immoral, corrupt, disrespectful, and depraved. 

So there you have it – Cameron Diaz, is just another in a long list of left-wing Hollywood social engineers who seem to believe American society is bettered by way of morally bankrupt musings.

That being the case, you have to wonder why in so many other areas, they go out of their way to ignore or even deride the values and beliefs of most Americans. When it comes to such things as same-sex marriage, tax-funded abortions or the alleged villainy of the U.S. Military, Hollywood is consistently out of step with the majority and they’re darn proud of it.

Often the funniest lines delivered by these celebrities occur when they exchange marriage vows. The most appropriate musical accompaniment isn’t Mendelssohn’s “Wedding March,” but a couple of rim shots after the “I do’s.” On occasion, the marriage is over before the gifts have been unwrapped, sometimes even before the cake has been cut.

For instance, Julia Roberts/Lyle Lovett (21 months); Michael Jackson/Lisa Marie Presley (19 months); Charlie Sheen/Donna Peele (14 months); Jennifer Lopez/Chris Judd (7 months); Pamela Anderson/Kid Rock (5 months); Renee Zellwegger/Kenny Chesney (4 months); Nicolas Cage/Lisa Marie Presley (4 months); Drew Barrymore/Jeremy Thomas (6 weeks); Carmen Electra/Dennis Rodman (9 days); Dennis Hopper/Michelle Phillips (8 days); and, a drum roll, please: Britney Spears/Jason Alexander (55 hours).

Some of these ceremonies no doubt took place at Las Vegas chapels, but a couple of them, I suspect, occurred at local In-N-Out Burger stands, where the marriage certificates came with an order of fries.

There are a few things we can take away from all this. One is that hope springs eternal. Another is that lust, at least when combined with a great deal of alcoholic consumption, trumps common sense and more red flags than you’d see in Moscow, on May Day.

But the most important lessons of all are, one, if you are ever invited to a Lisa Marie Presley wedding, try not to sit near the front if you’re going to giggle and, two, when shopping for a wedding gift, don’t bother springing for the top of the line toaster oven.

Then along came “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?,” a devastating cinematic portrait of poisonous marriages and repressed lives that featured Elizabeth Taylor shrieking her way to winning one of the film’s five Oscars. But even as that 1966 film presaged the social revolution and decades of divorce to come, it seems that it also resulted in any serious portrayal of marriage being filled with hatred and negativity, in which “’til death do us part” became as much of a fairytale concept as “once upon a time.”

—–

This week marks the release of another low point in movie marriages, as “Blue Valentine” hits theaters with the red-hot indie-actor coupling of Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams. The film has already stirred up reams of headlines because of the battle surrounding its rating, which originally was NC17 for a graphic sex scene that appeared to border on rape, but which the film’s head distributor Harvey Weinstein successfully appealed to be released with an R.

Weinstein won his battle without having to cut a frame of film, and now is advertising “Valentine” as “uncut and uncensored,” no doubt hoping to draw in couples looking for sexy shenanigans. But unlike the much more enjoyable and vastly sexier recent release “Love and Other Drugs,” the scene in question here is beyond depressing and will prove to be more of a turnoff than turn-on to anyone with a healthy sexual attitude.

The plot of “Blue Valentine” – or what little there is of one – follows the relationship of Dean (Gosling) and Cindy (Williams) as they meet, fall in love, marry, and fall out of love over the course of six years. Director Derek Cianfrance and his co-writers Joey Curtis and Cami Delavigne jump back and forth in time throughout in what really appears to be an attempt to mask the fact that the story is so threadbare and often unpleasant.

The biggest problem with “Blue Valentine” isn’t the fact that an unhappy marriage is depicted, for of course there are plenty of those and cinema needs to reflect all aspects of life. The problem is that if you’re going to put the audience through an emotional wringer, then the characters involved should all have their good points and bad points, or the “bad guy” in a relationship should really be bad.

Here, the couple’s core problem seems to be that Dean is a blue-collar guy with simple ambitions who loves to play with his young daughter on her level. Cindy, meanwhile, used to have bigger dreams of medical school and feels like she’s the more responsible party raising two children including her husband. The guy may have his childish moments, but considering the epic sacrifices he makes for Cindy early in their relationship, it’s easy to demand that she cut him some slack and put more work into the marriage.

Everything deteriorates to the point that Cindy is so dispassionate about sex that she appears to be squeamishly resigning herself to it during a one-night attempt at a romantic getaway. The scene itself isn’t that much more graphic than plenty of other “R” films, but the emotions it lays bare are extremely awkward and uncomfortable to encounter.

Kind of like the movie as a whole. Which makes one wonder: does Hollywood really think the masses are going to want to see a story like this on date night, after a hard week at work? And after seeing miserable people suffer in miserable movies that always bomb, such as the also-current Gosling film “All Good Things” or the massive Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet misfire “Revolutionary Road,” when are the millions of Americans who are still happy in their home lives – or heck, even those who escape to the theater with dreams of happiness – going to get a positive portrait of a marriage gone right again?

As a long-time fan, it pains me to open this article talking about Urban’s demons and but for their impact on his musical direction it would be none of my business.  It is also too bad that it was under this cloud that his name became more recognized outside his original fan base, for this is a man who has struggled harder, suffered more setbacks, and yet all along possessed more raw talent and musical virtuosity than most artists in any musical genre, let alone country music.  That he was a transplanted Aussie trying for years to break into the parochial Nashville scene beyond doing session work (for which he was renowned), and all the rejection and frustration this implies, makes his ultimate achievement of music super-stardom that much more worthy of praise.  It also explains his tortured past where drugs and alcohol were often all he could turn to during the lean, lonely years. The contrast of his years of clawing his way to the top of the music scene vis-à-vis the coronation of twenty-something American Idol insta-stars needs no comment.  I mean no disrespect to Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood among others, for they deserve their accolades.  But Keith’s success has come through the old-fashioned dues-paying route and so garners more respect in my book.

One can follow his personal journey of ups and downs through his many albums, starting in 1999 with his eponymous first solo release that contains such soul-searching tunes as Out on My Own and his first hit But for the Grace Of God.  His work is, in fact, a mirror held up to himself.  He even tackles his own battle with addiction in the haunting You’re Not My God (from his second LP, Golden Road).  Urban’s anthology also offers us happier glimpses of the bubbling optimism that exudes from his persona in Live to Love Another Day, Better Life and the wonderful God’s Been Good to Me (my favorite tune from my personal favorite 2004 album, Be Here).

A rather dramatic moment came in February of 2007 when Urban, fresh out of rehab, appeared on Saturday Night Live. He stood before us a contrite looking, humbled man, with a genuine desire to right any pains he’d caused those closest to him.  Belting out his passionate rendition of  Sarah Buxton’s  introspective Stupid Boy from his aptly titled Love Pain & The Whole Crazy Thing it was clear that this was a man on a mission to live a better life.

And so he has.  Urban has shown that indeed love conquers all.  He will tell anyone who cares to listen that his wife Nicole “saved his life” and he means that quite literally as well as metaphorically.  His latest release, Get Closer, is a series of love letters to her.

Get Closer is a solid album with great guitar work (naturally) and some pleasing melodies, but it is not without demerits. Mainly, after three or four songs in a row in which he professes his love for his wife, and, well, just being in love, it gets a little much.  Certainly I would caution diabetics to listen at their own risk.  I mean, it wouldn’t have killed him after finishing Put You In A Song, Without You, and All For You to lay down a few tracks that talk about trucks, trains, or antlers, would it?  He is, after all, a country singer.  Even such a cool tune as Georgia Woods, in which he echoes the Marshall Tucker Band in his wailing guitar work, is somewhat diminished by it being, yet again, a love song.  Come on bro. You’re still a man, man!  Hit me with another Where The Blacktop Ends or Who Wouldn’t Wanna Be Me once in a while. Don’t forget your fans who still got a pair.

Maybe I’m just not a hopeless romantic, but in this latest CD which seems an extension of his penultimate Defying Gravity (they could have been a two-record set even) I sometimes wonder if he’s putting himself too much out there.  A man has to keep a little bit of himself for himself… if anything to prevent from being too vulnerable during the inevitable rough patches that all relationships encounter.  Life can still be harsh as Urban of all people should know.

But Keith has defied the odds his entire adulthood so if anyone can make what he describes as a “happy place in my life” last, it’s him.  He owes his wife a life debt and he knows it.  This is a powerful incentive to put her above himself, which he clearly does if his music is any guide.  And she in turn seems to have found serenity in the arms of a man who, by all accounts, is a very affable guy who has found true love after all these years.

It is rare to encounter such talent, humility, and decency among the super-star elites.  Perhaps that is the medium of Country Music, which by its nature is more approachable, but I think it’s just the way Keith Urban rolls.  So keep rolling on, brother, and enjoy the well-earned ride.  Good on ya, mate.

—–

[On a personal note: my wife and I can attest to what a  down-to-earth guy he is.  During her birthday present concert, Urban took time out from his set to acknowledge her special day and even give her a congratulatory hug while a very secure husband (so she thinks) looked on in gratitude.]

Which is sordid.

Bishop Eddie Long, the well known mega-church pastor, has been accused by two young men from his church of forcing them into private “covenants” involving gay sex. The pastor, of course, claims he’s innocent.

But for the sake of this Gregalogue, what if he isn’t?

That makes him a creepy creep from Creepeville. Population: creep.

Now people in the media love these stories because it allows you to point out the hypocrisy found in religion. This is a pastor who is against gay marriage, but allegedly likes the gay sex. But this is so predictable, boring and easy.

Me, I’d rather argue that it’s okay to hate something, while still engaging in it.

Most people call that “life.”

Examples abound. I hate porn. It’s vile. I often write about it being vile. But when I travel I dabble. Don’t get me wrong – I despise it. But for 3 to 7 minutes a month, I really love it.

Same with drugs. I find addicts to be pathetic burdens on their families and society as a whole. But catch me at a bar at three a.m., and there’s a chance that it’s not the wine causing me to massage the shoulders of a troubled garbageman.

(hey Phil)

So that’s why a man who condemns homosexuality while being gay makes sense to me.

That’s not to say, I agree with his beliefs. The way I look at it, if there is no God then gayness is just an expressed pattern like everything else. And if there is a God, he must love gays because he made so many of them.

And if you disagree with me, you’re a racist homophobic cyclophobe.

Tonight:

MIke Baker!

Lauren Sivan!

John Phillips!

“I’m not against marriage, but it’s just not for me…” 

That’s an entirely reasonable position. Not every person is suited for marriage. 

But then she pitched intolerance: 

“I think it’s gross and [bleep]-ing crazy.” 

Not a follower of gossip tweets, I do however recall a not so private break-up from a certain late night talk-show host that may have played a role here. 

We can presume President Obama and family would object.  During his campaign and term as president his proud advocacy of traditional marriage and family has coincided with the vast majority of Americans. 

Any honorable married person could easily find Ms. Silverman’s remark offensive.  To be labeled as both “gross” and “F-ing crazy” by a vulgarian is ironic. Perhaps irony was the comedienne’s intention, then again maybe not.   

Exploiting the “gay marriage” hot button, she said, “If you’re getting married today, it’s the equivalent of joining a country club that doesn’t allow blacks or Jews.” That fashionable meme crudely diminishes the centuries of slaughter, persecution, desperate hardships and struggles of both blacks and Jews the world over. 

The analogy is also clumsy and humorless. 

Ms. Silverman would’ve done better to echo Groucho Marx, who once famously quipped: “I don’t want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.” 

Our family of five has for years found Ms. Silverman’s R-rated humor mostly hilarious, and we will continue to be fans of her work. 

On a personal note, I once had the pleasure of meeting her while participating in an informal screenplay “table read.” She was nothing short of charming and professional. 

There’s no accounting for taste when it comes to humor, but it’s nearly impossible to see how this politically charged insult against marriage by Ms. Silverman will endure. 

Hopefully she’ll reconsider her anti-marriage bigotry, or come up with a better punch line.

She also says men don’t cheat because they stopped loving their wives, but because they just need room to breathe – making me think the book must have been ghost written by Bill Clinton or Tiger Woods.

Anyway, she adds that forty percent of French men cheat (sometimes with cheese) and that infidelity is “inevitable.” In a beret-shaped nutshell – against such odds, why bother? The secret to a good marriage, is to make it a bad marriage!

Now, we need to put this in perspective. The author is French, so we know she has a funny accent. Also, she probably hasn’t seen a good film in years. But I wonder how she’d feel if I applied the logic to making French bread – and said that sometimes the dough doesn’t have to rise to make it edible. That makes the exact same sense as advocating pro-adultery marriage. It’s the product of relativism: remove standards, masquerade failure as success, and success will always be yours! As for those idiots left to defend monogamy, you only open yourself up for accusations of hypocrisy once you inevitably screw up. Come on: just say you never meant to be faithful, and you’re fine.

It’s an easy win for cads – getting a female shrink to agree with you. But poor Maryse. I’m sure her husband can’t wait for her book tour.

When the cat’s away, and all that.

And if you disagree with me, you’re probably a racist.

Tonight’s guests:

author Anna David!

comedian Will Durst!

pollster Frank Luntz!

And Phillip McSorely, the badass lead singer of the awesome metal band, Cobalt! Currently, he’s a staff sergeant in the Army and rocks something like really rocks!