So that former South Carolina state worker who won nearly 260 million bucks says he doesn’t think the money will change him. That’s right, retiree Solomon Jackson also vows to do good with the money, perhaps supporting education programs and other nice stuff like that.

I salute Jackson – he seems like a nice guy and I wish him the best.

But in my opinion, it’s all poop.

See, for once I would like someone to really speak their mind after winning a quarter of a billion dollars.

Enough with “I’m still the same person.”

Instead, just admit that, “Hell yes- this is going to change me! In fact, I’ve already changed. I’m a rich bastard! So for the next six months – I’m going to be knee deep in coke and concubines. And if it’s possible to purchase an elephant – and then graft wings onto its back – you can bet I’m doing it. And here’s a notice to all my relatives I haven’t heard from in ages: if you even try to call me, I’m going to hire Chuck Liddell to break all your limbs, while having him wear a French maid’s outfit (yes, I can afford it).

Look, the lotto is not a marvelous mosaic of happy endings like Jackson’s. Far from it. Instead, the lottery consists mainly of people in desperate situations being nudged into a deeper well of debt. I see it everyday at the bodega near my place – folks shoveling their mounds of change and crumpled dollars – all for that big win that will change their lives forever. At least I know if they ever win, it won’t all go to supporting education programs – unless the education involves a case of Bud, a few hookers and a weeks supply of crystal meth.

Which actually sounds like a program I can totally get behind.

Tonight we have

Andrea Tantaros!

Remi Spencer!

Allen Covert!

Dr. Michael Baden!

Other stuff!