HEADLINE NOT FROM 40 YEARS AGO: NEW TV SEASON DELIVERS ‘MUNSTERS,’ ‘BEWITCHED,’ ‘FLINTSTONES’

Outside of the mainstream media, who can roast in hell, I never wish failure on anyone. So I wish all those involved in these reboots luck, but that doesn’t change the fact that this is pretty weak. And that’s not so much a comment on the individual programs as much as it makes clear how bereft of ideas the industry is.

Seth McFarlane of “Family Guy” fame is handling the “Flintstones” reboot and has a real affection for the original, so that could be interesting. And no, I don’t think he’ll go crude with it. Hopefully.

NEW SAMSUNG DVD PLAYER MAKES DIGITAL COPIES

There is no way on God’s green earth studios are going to allow this to happen. And the final point made here is a good one. If you can rent a flick for a buck and copy it, you have no incentive to purchase:

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This weekend offered a more dramatic example than usual of how Hollywood is running out of ideas. There are actually two new remakes in theaters now – updates on ’80s favorites ‘Footloose’ and ‘The Thing.’

The main difference between the two ‘Footloose’ features lies in the fact that one has Kevin Bacon and one, well, doesn’t. And there is a surprising similarity between ‘Footloose’ and ‘The Thing’: both have jaw-dropping visuals, with ‘The Thing’ offering up an impressive monster and “Footloose” offering up Julianne Hough. Both are guaranteed to make men ogle the screen like characters in a Tex Avery cartoon.

The new ‘Thing’ features a female scientist (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) as its star instead of Kurt Russell and is directed by a Norwegian with an unpronounceable name (for the record, it’s Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.) rather than horror maestro John Carpenter. It’s still set in Antarctica, and the filmmakers do score some impressive snowy visuals from Canadian locations without lecturing viewers about the demise of the polar ice caps.

I don’t remember a whole lot from the Carpenter version, other than that a dog wound up a gory mess and that Russell looked like he could handle the freezing temperatures a lot better than Winstead, who in one scene here actually runs outside to wave down a helicopter without putting on gloves or a scarf. If you think that’s silly, then consider the fact that the monster here is an alien that looks like a cross between a crab and an ostrich and that the film isn’t so much scary as it is goofy.

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You think I contaminated myself, you think I did that? 

Why it’s a left-wing film

For my money, nothing exposes the left for the anti-capitalist, anti-progress socialists they really are more than their opposition to nuclear power. Here’s an energy source that overcomes all their objections regarding safe, clean, and renewable and still they vehemently oppose it with the worst kind of hysterical scare tactics. In this respect you can’t even label them “European Socialists” because there are nearly 200 nuclear power plants currently powering Europe, over 50 in France alone, and yet here in America — thanks mainly to environmental fear-mongering — we only have a little over a hundred.

The same leftists opposed to this provably safe answer to many of our energy problems somehow have no problem social-engineering all of us into the rolling coffin of a Smart Car, and if given the personal choice between living next to an enviro-wacko approved hydroelectric dam or an evil nuclear power plant, give me Three Mile Island any day. The failure of dams and levees feels like an annual event, whereas Chernobyl (which was really a failure of socialism) happened over 25 years ago.

Director Mike Nichols’ “Silkwood” is obviously a Hollywood broadside in favor of the anti-nuke movement, making a folk hero out of a personally troubled labor union activist who supposedly was just about to dramatically deliver the final blow to her employer, real-life energy company Kerr-McGee, before being involved in a fatal but “mysterious” car accident. No documents were found on her at the scene, but the legend of Karen Silkwood tells us that just before she died on the evening of November 13, 1974, this brave whistle-blower was just miles away from delivering documents to the New York Times that proved all kinds of corporate misdeeds involving missing weapons-grade plutonium, faulty nuclear reactor fuel rods, and a number of employee safety issues. (more…)

#22: The Thing (1951 & 1982)

The actual title of the Howard Hawks’ produced (and possibly directed) original is “The Thing From Another World,” and it is by far my favorite of the two and easily one of the best horror films to come out of the fifties. Set in a remote and isolated Arctic research station staffed with scientists and Air Force personnel, Captain Hendry (an absolutely superb Kenneth Tobey) and his men come across a crashed alien spaceship and its traveller, both frozen in the ice from the heat of the crash. After accidentally blowing up the ship (an act that will become a running joke in a film filled with quiet, intelligent humor), the men drag the block of ice containing the alien back to base with no intention of thawing out the scientific find of the century without orders from on high. Obviously, those best laid plans don’t work out and soon a blood-hungry piece of plant life, The Thing (James Arness), is on the loose.

On top of its creepy, claustrophobic atmosphere and slow-tension scares, the real pleasure of Charles Lederer’s script (loosely based on John Campbell’s short story “Who Goes There?”) is the inter-action between the characters as heard through a uniquely charming and casual banter that quickly establishes the various relationships and allows for a ton of necessary exposition if we in the audience are going to understand what’s going on and why.

At the center of the action is our hero Hendry, a strong-jawed American leader who’s not above making mistakes (like blowing up the spaceship) or asking those around him who know better any number of questions necessary to make the best decisions. His willingness to do everything possible to try and accommodate a visiting reporter who’s desperate to report the story and the station’s lead scientist, Dr. Arthur Carrington (an excellent Robert Cornthwaite), who’s even more desperate to study and protect the marauding alien, go a long way towards establishing the character as the kind of man we’d all like follow. He’s not weak, far from it — just willing to listen, do what he can, and ultimately take full responsibility for the end results. (more…)

“Marriage is just a title,” “It’s a prejudice institution,” or my personal favorite, “I don’t need a piece of paper to prove my love.” We hear these nice little soundbytes from the cowardly men of Hollywood time and time again. Even more sadly, is that all too often, their leading ladies are conned into going along with it. Women, what are you thinking?! Don’t you realize that these chumps are playing you like a fiddle?

I was a groomsman at one of my best friend’s wedding this weekend. As I gazed across at the Bridesmaids all teary-eyed with an air of longing, I couldn’t help but think to myself, “Man, Johnny Depp’s a douche.” The truth is that behind every anti-marriage sermon given from a Hollywood hubby, there’s an incredibly disappointed lady. I don’t care how much of a “strong, independent woman” you are; all little girls dream of their perfect wedding day. Before the feminists get upset, let me tell you that none of this comes from a place of sexism. It comes from an endeared heart. It’s why little boys would rather play “Space Aliens” and little girls would rather play “House.” Your inherent ability for compassion and nurturing is what makes you the best among us. (more…)

Before he turned to tedious Oscar-bait and incomprehensibly dull “thrillers” with Tom Hanks, Ron Howard used to tell a pretty solid story every now and again. Howard’s best film will always be the timeless “Music Man,” but we’re looking at his turns behind the camera today: (more…)