Three times this century the Peace Prize has been given to someone for the simple reason they are not George W. Bush. Perhaps they should rename the Noble Peace Prize the “At Least He’s Not George W. Bush Prize.” Maybe the “Liberal Socialist of the Year Prize,” might be better.

Let’s look at some recent winners and see how they have brought peace to the planet. Al Gore (2007) and Wangari Maathai (2004) both scored the “peace” prize for environmental work. I won’t get into the science behind so-called “global warming,” (AKA: “climate change,” and here in the Midwest “the weather”). Nice and very touchy-feely, but exactly how does that help bring world peace?

Perhaps the biggest joke of all was the awarding of the 2001 prize to the U.N. and Kofi “The Embezzler” Annan. This was followed by the 2005 award to the IAEA and Mohamed ElBaradei for stopping the spread of nuclear weapons.

The most important reason I am happy that Mr. Obama won the Nobel is that it shows I am not out of the running for next year’s Nobel Prize in Physics. I would like to send the following announcement to the Nobel Committee: In the next four years I intend to write a unified field theory, explain the nature of all sub-atomic particles and produce endless free energy from cold fusion.

The fact that I have said I intend to do these things makes me as qualified to win the Physics prize as Obama was to win the Peace Prize. In fact, time may show that I am more qualified to win my prize because in the next three years and one half years I will do nothing to set the world of physics back. Can President Obama make the same claim in relation to world peace?

Here’s the problem with good intentions: they don’t accomplish anything. This has been, thus far, the legacy of the Obama Administration. Last week he stood before the folks gathered in Washington D.C. for the gay rights rally and pledged to end “Don’t ask don’t tell.” The only thing is you can’t ask him when he will do this because he can’t tell you!

The President said he would do many things and has done very little except to continue the irrational policy of George W.  — that if you spend enough money people will like you. History has shown us that if you throw money at people the only thing they will do is want it to continue.

Dear   BARACK OBAMA  :

Congratulations! On behalf of the selection committee, I am pleased to announce that you have been named a 2009 recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize, in recognition of your tireless efforts to   STRENGTHEN INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY AND COOPERATION    .

I am also pleased to tell you that as a winner, you have been pre-approved for membership in the Nobel Peace Player’s Club, offering exclusive money-saving benefits available only to laureates like you. Please take a few minutes to look over the enclosed enrollment materials. At only $299.95 per year, I’m sure you’ll agree that membership is a bargain at twice the price! Here are just some of the benefits you’ll receive:

• A handsome 14-karat gold membership crest badge to display proudly on the grille of your limousine or official state aircraft
• A framed, hand-calligraphed certificate (add $19.95 for gold leaf)
• Special discount shopping bargains for for you and your family
• Great travel packages to the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro
• Listing in “Who’s Who of Global Salvation” ($49.95 per copy)
• Great coupons for Olive Garden, P.F. Chang’s, Six Flags Theme Parks, and more!

Plus, you’ll receive the exclusive Nobel Peace Player’s Club GoldCard entitling you to discount air travel and 5-star hotel accommodations from Kyoto to Darfur. But don’t take our word for it! Listen to these testimonials from some of our current members:

“My career as an international peace activist means lots of air travel — and dealing with pushy Zionists and rude natives. With my Nobel Peace Player’s Club GoldCard, I finally get the respect I deserve – and it makes getting through Gaza airport security a snap!”
– Jimmy Carter, 2002 Laureate

“Whether we’re patrolling the Congo, Sudan, or Bosnia, one thing’s for sure — chicks can’t resist a Nobel Peace Prize Player!”
– United Nations Peacekeeping Forces, 1988 Winners

“My Players Club GoldCard lets me treat my friends and family to great perks.”
– Kofi Annan, 2001 Laureate

“I’m a take-action kind of guy. Whenever I fly to Tehran or Pyongyang, the first thing I pack is my Players GoldCard.”
– Mohamed ElBaradei (2005)

“I have to write a lot of honorary doctorate acceptance speeches, and writer’s block can be a problem. With the Player’s GoldCard I got great discounts at TermPapersLab.com!”
– Rigoberta Menchu (1992)

“The Player’s Club GoldCard is recognized everywhere — even in hell! I redeemed my Players GoldPoints at Club Satan for an exciting eternity of getting pounded up the ass. Thanks, NobelCo!”
– Yasser Arafat (1994)

“Don’t miss the boat like I did, comrade! I forgot to enroll, and now I’m spending eternity pounding Yasser Arafat up the ass.”
– Le Duc Tho (1973)

So what are you waiting for,    BARACK OBAMA  ? Enroll today and start enjoying the privileges of membership. Enroll today, and we’ll throw in a deluxe leather bound CIA intelligence report worth $1000!

Sincerely,

Ůmläut Ťïldëqvist, Chairman
The Nobel Peace Player’s Club Selection Committee