Bill and Kim’s Bogus Journey

Hollywood used to be the land of make-believe, but those days are fading fast.  Today, Scarlett Johansson offers debate counseling to Barack Obama (her e-mail pal), and A-listers come and go at the White House as if it’s the Beverly Hills Hotel East (if only they had a better pool scene)!  Now comes word it was Hollywood who staged the dramatic adventures of former President Bill Clinton and his trip to North Korea.

It all played out a little too perfect — a surprise last-minute swoop by Clinton into enemy territory to heroically stare down the world’s most blood-thirsty dictator and rescue two damsels in distress.  The press asked the White House how Bill Clinton became involved in the rescue of the two American women, Laura Ling and Euna Lee, trespassing into North Korea and sentenced to “10 years hard labor.”  They said they had no involvement.  Of course, Bill Clinton’s wife Hillary works for President Obama as Secretary of State; certainly, the press surmised, she must have been responsible.  The response from the State Department was that Bill Clinton was on a “private humanitarian mission.” How does one pull off such an extempore feat without government help?  Why, call a movie mogul — of course! (more…)

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Tags: Afghanistan, Al Gore, Bill Clinton, carlett Johansson, Euna Lee
Posted Aug 8th 2009 at 6:55 am in Celebrity News, Featured Story, Politics | 20089863 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jmeath/2009/08/08/bills-great-hollywood-adventure/Bill+and+Kim%27s+Bogus+Journey2009-08-08+13%3A55%3A49Jason+Killian+Meath

My Weekly Date with a Liberal – ‘Emotional Redistribution’

The article will begin shortly.

Thank you for your patience.  Let’s begin.

Although facebook has been the gift that keeps on giving in terms of confirming whether or not a prospective date is or is not a liberal, for this installment I thought I’d put my instincts to the test by participating in the very underrated process of “stereotyping.”

I think, and rightfully so, that many Americans feel that Los Angeles is a place bankrupt of spirituality…not to mention just plain bankrupt. However, there is a spiritual movement among Angelinos that folks may not be aware of, largely because it is a faith so self indulgent it would be difficult for the average hard working American to fathom.  This movement is called “Spiritual Psychology.”

Let me just say this for fear of being labeled judgmental: I have nothing against spirituality or psychology; in fact, I actually saw a Medicine Man on an Indian reservation in the Jemez Valley to help me with a “problem” I’d prefer not to discuss here. It was an extremely spiritual, dare I say magical experience, after which my “problem” did not improve in the least. (more…)

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Tags: Ana Gasteyer, boba, breitbart, Carpet Fresh, facebook
Posted Jul 28th 2009 at 5:02 am in Culture, Featured Story, News, Religion | 193070100 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jdavid/2009/07/28/my-weekly-date-with-a-liberal-emotional-redistribution/My+Weekly+Date+with+a+Liberal+-+%27Emotional+Redistribution%272009-07-28+12%3A02%3A30Jon+David

‘NewsBusted’ 7/24/09 — Fake News from the Right

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Tags: 2010 Census, Al Gore, bailout money, California, Democrats
Posted Jul 24th 2009 at 8:02 pm in Political Humor, Video | 19121810 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/newsbusters/2009/07/24/%e2%80%98newsbusted%e2%80%99-72409-%e2%80%94-fake-news-from-the-right/%E2%80%98NewsBusted%E2%80%99+7%2F24%2F09+%E2%80%94+Fake+News+from+the+Right2009-07-25+03%3A02%3A52NewsBusters

Obama and North Korea: Featuring Lil’ KimJong

I’m sure many leftists will assume me a racist because of this one. I shan’t lie… I find Kim Jong Il’s accent incredibly funny, and won’t apologize for it. Also, before you start worrying about the legal ramifications, Lil KimJong signed a release allowing us to use this footage so it’s totally cool.

–

Note: No Koreans were harmed during the making of this video… Unless you count South Koreans. Then there were probably thousands of them hurt through oppression and starvation. Bear witness, folks!

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Tags: Kim Jong-Il, missiles, North Korea, nukes, Obama
Posted Jul 2nd 2009 at 5:28 pm in Political Humor | 17562271 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/scrowder/2009/07/02/obama-and-north-korea-featuring-lil-kimjong/Obama+and+North+Korea%3A+Featuring+Lil%27+KimJong2009-07-03+00%3A28%3A06Steven+Crowder

Act of War: North Korea Holds American Hostages

The tin-pot dictator, Kim Jong-Il (who has turned his entire country into a Communist Gulag) has snatched a couple of American journalists, dragging them across the border from China to be tried on trumped-up spy charges and sentenced to twelve years of hard labor.  Here is how the North Korean news agency reported it: “The trial confirmed the grave crime they committed against the Korean nation and their illegal border crossing as they had already been indicted and sentenced each of them to 12 years of reform through labor.” Isn’t that a great line, “Reform through labor…”?   Given that almost everyone in North Korea is already starving, I suspect that Euna Lee and Laura Ling are not likely to survive twelve years of “reforming” big rocks into gravel.

At the same time, dictator Kim Jong-Il rattles his puny saber and threatens that if any of his ships carrying nuclear materials to other rogue nations are stopped on the high seas, he will consider it an “act of war.”  Well, gee… There was a time not too long ago when the kidnapping of American nationals would have, in itself, been considered an “act of war.”  I imagine that had Teddy Roosevelt or even Ronald Reagan been at the helm when Kim Jong-Il took two American nationals hostage, the response would be quite different.   More likely it would have gone along the lines of: “You have 24 hours to return our citizens before we start obliterating your military bases – one every hour until the hostages are set free.  If we run out of military bases and you still continue to hold them then, unfortunately, we’ll have to start on your cities.  Have a nice day.”  Then, like any good parent, we would follow through with our pledge. (more…)

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Tags: "China", Al Gore, Current TV, Euna Lee, Hiroshima
Posted Jun 18th 2009 at 8:16 am in Music, Politics | 1635303 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/ebalogh/2009/06/18/163530/Act+of+War%3A+North+Korea+Holds+American+Hostages2009-06-18+15%3A16%3A58Endre+Balogh

Obama’s ‘New Tone’: A Victory of Astounding Trivia

So much was said of Obama during the election, and for all of the promises of healing America’s divide, reaching across the aisle with a new kind of politics, creating new jobs and improving on “the failed policies of the last 8 years” I don’t see anything getting better.

The shame for Bush’s whatever-he-did-every-day was palpable by the left. Ask your favorite lefty what Bush did right and they’ll likely only talk about his help with the Africa AIDS epidemic, and even then it was probably just to look good to all of those voters who are Africans with AIDS. They were ashamed of his Texas-ness, his swagger and for the first time we declared that “go-it-alone” wasn’t an American quality. Somehow, Kim Jong-il would be better under Obama. We would talk together, and he would listen. But Kim Jong-Ronery has upped his missile launches since Bush left office. (more…)

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Tags: Ahmadinejad, bush, cheney, Kim Jong-Il, Obama
Posted Jun 10th 2009 at 1:24 pm in Politics, Religion | 154950No Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/dtennapel/2009/06/10/healing-our-global-reputation/Obama%27s+%27New+Tone%27%3A+A+Victory+of+Astounding+Trivia2009-06-10+20%3A24%3A50Doug+TenNapel

Lonewolf Diaries: Obama is North Korea’s Little Punk

We all know that Kim Jong-il is “buy-yourself-a-handgun” crazy.  It’s pretty much a given.  That begs the question however: why is anybody (particularly our president) even considering trying to tiptoe around this shady, marionette-looking character? Am I the only one who feels that something serious needs to be done here?

Any man who’s ever spent time in a schoolyard understands exactly what North Korea is trying to pull. They’re shoving us. They are flicking the jab outside by the monkey bars trying to see what we’re made of.  It’s the age-old “alpha male” ritual that every man has come to experience at some point in his life.  The peculiar thing is that North Korea isn’t even big or strong enough to be the schoolyard bully. North Korea is really just the kid who decided he’d be “all out crazy” hoping people would be scared off by the tirades and avoid stepping up to the plate.  The sad thing is it’s been working. Even sadder is that without the proper action, North Korea just might end up being “that kid” who shoots up the school. (more…)

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Tags: Kim Jong-Il, North Korea, North Korea United States United Nations, sean penn, UN
Posted Jun 2nd 2009 at 5:57 pm in Lone Wolf Diaries, News, Political Humor, Politics | 1496143 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/scrowder/2009/06/02/lonewolf-diaries-obama-is-north-koreas-little-punk/Lonewolf+Diaries%3A+Obama+is+North+Korea%27s+Little+Punk2009-06-03+00%3A57%3A14Steven+Crowder

Obama: The Great Disappointer

There have to be millions of American liberals, gays and left wingers totally disappointed with President Barack Obama today. It would seem that he, like they, were the idealists running headlong into the brick wall of harsh realities, and will now be running headlong into each other.

Even the Mighty KOS can’t hold them at bay.

You won’t find any of that disaffection in the Vein Stream Media, of course. Just as you’ll find none over people eating tree bark in Kim Jong-Il’s PR machine, and for the same Dear Leader reasons. But the press can cheerlead President Obama all it wants. It is the political base that matters, the grassroots networks upon which all fundraising, canvassing and voting is dependent.

And unless I’m completely mistaken, the President’s grassroots political base is, and will be, experiencing a number of earth-shaking political tremors in the days, months and years to come. Pick an issue, any issue. Gitmo? Having trouble there. Military tribunals for detainees? Ran against them, supporting them now. You know. Kinder, gentler violations of international law. (more…)

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Tags: Barack Obama, Congress, Daniel Choi, detainees, Don't Ask Don't Tell
Posted May 23rd 2009 at 5:38 pm in Politics | 1400223 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/05/23/obama-the-great-disappointer/Obama%3A+The+Great+Disappointer2009-05-24+00%3A38%3A55John+T.+Simpson

I Guess You Had To Be There: The Barack Obama Celebrity Roast

(Thundering tympanies, swirling spotlights)

Announcer

Live! From the fabulous Turtle Bay Ballroom at United Nations Headquarters, it’s the Rat Pack of Evil All-Star International Celebrity Roast of President Barack Obama!

(orchestra fanfare: ‘Make ‘Em Laugh’)

With Pyongyang funnyman Kim Jong-Il! Borscht Belt headliner Vlady Putin! Queen of Mean Liz Windsor! Saudi Sheik of Schtick King Abdullah! Beijing jokeslinger Hu Jintao! Wacky al Qaeda Caveman Ayman al-Zawahiri! Nick ‘the Knife’ Sarkozy! Sassy Wanda Sykes! South-of-the-border slapstick team Hugo Chavez and the Castro Brothers! Taliban Madman Mullah Omar! Jon Stewart! Lovable Libyan lush Muammar al-Ghadaffi! Grovelin’ Guvner Gordy Brown! Bashar “The Chin” al-Assad! The Hamas Fattah Dancers! And starring your Master of Ceremonies — that suntan man with a plan from Iran — that Persian with a nuclear perversion — Sheckyyyyyy Ahmedinejad!

(applause)

Shecky Ahmedinejad

Okay, okay, pipe down. Let’s get this thing over with, this straitjacket is a rental and my magic carpet is double-parked on East 43rd. Mohamed H. Prophet, will you get a load of the evil on the stage tonight? I haven’t seen this many bombs since Janeane Garofalo played the American Legion convention. (more…)

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Tags: "without preconditions", Ahmedinejad, al qaeda, American Legion, Andy Kauffman
Posted May 13th 2009 at 5:57 pm in Entertainment, Featured Story, Media Criticism, News, Political Humor, Politics, Religion | 1346345 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/dburge/2009/05/13/i-guess-you-had-to-be-there-the-barack-obama-celebrity-roast/I+Guess+You+Had+To+Be+There%3A+The+Barack+Obama+Celebrity+Roast2009-05-14+00%3A57%3A28Iowahawk

A Republican Platform For The 21st Century

I have been a proud conservative Republican my entire life. My father and Jimmy Carter saw to that. My first vote ever was for Ronald Reagan in 1980, and I have never voted for a Democrat. Ever. Even today, the reasons for my being so have not changed, despite the media’s and liberal Democrats’ tireless efforts to discredit my belief system. Though the times may change, core principles never do. I have also served this nation proudly in uniform for six years, and don’t regret a minute of it.

In the early 1980s, my military service brought me to some of the darker corners of the world. I spent time in South Korea and Marcos’ Philippines when both countries were under martial law. Knowing I could be shot just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time really woke me up to what exactly it is we have here in America. Seeing a thousand Vietnamese Boat People pulled out of the South China Sea in one day only reinforced my belief in America, Sweet Land of Liberty.

Today, the Party of Lincoln and Reagan appears to be in political disarray, which is why I am writing this OpEd now. Yet many promising developments, along with some huge mistakes by Congress and the Obama Administration, have opened many new doors for us. If only we will enter. (more…)

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Tags: abortion, Africa, Al Franken, amnesty, apology tour
Posted May 2nd 2009 at 3:13 pm in Featured Story, Politics | 12196215 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/05/02/a-republican-platform-for-the-21st-century/A+Republican+Platform+For+The+21st+Century2009-05-02+22%3A13%3A08John+T.+Simpson

Hollywood Diplomacy All Around

If you think this is another hit piece on Team Oscar’s abortive soiree to Islamist Iran, I only wish it were just that bad. It’s actually worse. Much worse. It seems the rest of the civilized world, particularly America under the Obamamessiah, are adopting exactly the same failed principles of diplomacy as Team Oscar in Iran.

In short, the world in general, and the Obama Administration in particular, are overlooking every horrific crime known to man, in order to establish ‘peaceful’ relations with fascist totalitarian regimes that not only actively seek our violent demise, but swear it loudly and publicly to the rafters every day.

I would call it Neville Chamberlain diplomacy, but that would be too generous. Even Sir Neville had seen enough of Hitler and Nazi Germany, after Hitler abrogated the Munich Agreement by invading the rest of Czechoslovakia, to know that the policy of appeasement with Hitler had been an abject failure. It seems today that the civilized world can’t get slapped in the face hard enough by Iran, Sudan and North Korea to realize it’s long past due to slap back. Hard. (more…)

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Tags: ballistic missile, Bashir, bush, Chamberlain, Churchill
Posted Apr 11th 2009 at 5:03 pm in Celebrity News, Media Criticism, Politics | 1016264 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/04/11/hollywood-diplomacy-all-around/Hollywood+Diplomacy+All+Around2009-04-12+00%3A03%3A17John+T.+Simpson