Seriously, someone in comedy please please PLEASE make a Democrat the punchline of one of these our-leaders-are-stupid jokes.  Why is it that these two beautiful, accomplished conservative women are the only Americans in public life subject to a constant stream of lines like this?  Oh, right…

How many of you know that Michele Bachman has not just a Bachelor’s degree and a Juris Doctorate, but also an LL.M. (that’s a Masters of Law)?   Is Harry Reid moonlighting as a rocket-scientist or something?  Did I miss the memo that Joe Biden is a foremost authority on biblical hermeneutics?  But why would comics rib these intellectual giants when they can make Bachmann and Palin the punchline for the eleventy-billionth time?

By all means, Hollywood, poke fun at our leaders, but why not test-drive some new targets?  We guarantee you’ll win over a broader audience.  Besides, you’ll allow for at least a shadow of a doubt that you aren’t the partisan shills you are. -AM

In a June 22nd CNN interview, actor and director Tom Hanks proudly announced he will be voting for Barack Obama in 2012. That’s fine, because that’s his prerogative as a voter. As a matter of fact, I’m going to go ahead and announce right now that I won’t be voting for Obama in 2012: that I wouldn’t vote for him if someone took my dog hostage and threatened to make me listen Al Gore speeches from here to eternity unless I supported Obama.

But the important part of Hanks’ interview wasn’t the announcement about voting for Obama, it was the way in which he actually presented Obama as an accomplished president: as a president who really had brought hope and change instead of harm and economic disarray.

For example, Hanks said Obama had saved “about a billion jobs” at GM and Chrysler via the passage of the stimulus package. (I’m just going to go ahead and say Hanks is too intelligent to truly believe this. He was either talking tongue-in-cheek or he is a full blown victim of Obama-mania: a feverish disease which I thought had ceased to exist once the economy tanked a year into Obama’s presidency.)

Contrary to Hanks’ claims, Obama hasn’t added jobs to our economy. Rather, he has destroyed them. Thus, Obama’s promise in early 2009 that unemployment would never rise above 8% if the stimulus package was passed turned into unemployment as high at 10% (even with the stimulus package), and which now sits at 9.1% (thanks to Obama).

As a matter of fact, the damage Obama has done to our economy is so great that no less a liberal outlet than CBS News took time in October 2010 to point out: “The National Debt has increased by more than $3 trillion since President Obama took office.” (For those of us who’ve never thought about it, $3 trillion written out looks like this: $3,000,000,000,000.)

Need more proof of the damage Obama has done?

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According to Variety, the amount of political money from the entertainment industry is split about 73-27, with the majority going to the Democrats. That is a startling statistic. 27% of showbiz dollars go to REPUBLICANS? Are there really that many of us? Either something screwy is going on, or there are a LOT of Industry Republicans hiding out.

By raw statistics, that would indicate over a quarter of the entertainment business is Republican. Now it could just be that Republicans are more generous.  Democrats are notoriously cheaper than a Barney Frank ferry ride. Al Gore spent more money on harassable masseuses than he gives to charity. Bill Clinton’s idea of charity is giving away used underwear (though in fairness, some of the clothing he soiled is now considered museum quality). Joe Biden spends more on polishing his tooth marks out of his shoes than he routinely gives away.

Democrats are as hypocritical as Leonardo DiCaprio’s private jet. They talk all the time about the uncaring rich not helping the poor, but come tax time, the charitable giving recorded on their Schedule As is dwarfed by their mortgage interest on their luxurious abodes. Democrats think their public service and undying support of a powerful state is tantamount to charity. (more…)

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A Muppet Christmas Carol is of course elevated, as all things are, by the presence of The Mighty Michael Caine, who wisely plays the role of Ebeneezer Scrooge perfectly straight amongst all the Muppetry and shenanigans that goes on around him. But it works on more levels than just an inspired bit of casting. Within seconds you completely buy into the world and tone created by Brian Henson, who doesn’t miss a step picking up where his father Jim left off.  Naturally, the Muppet characters are wonderful, but the film mainly benefits from a lean, very funny, and moving script that perfectly incorporates the famous Muppet personalities we’ve come to love into a classic story we love just as much.

The movie completely won me over during an early scene when Scrooge threatens his Muppet office workers if they dare to be cold. Instantly they put on a Hawaiian luau setting the irreverent and witty tone that will carry the remaining 85 minutes. 

This is also a perfect holiday film for small kids. Above-average songs, a faithfulness to the source material, a lot of heart, and an important lesson about the difference between Democrats and Republicans. (more…)

The other day I was asked if I thought I would ever come face to face with writer’s block.  I had to laugh.  Inasmuch as I generally write about things that annoy, frustrate or just plain drive me nuts, running out of material or losing the impulse to complain in print are among the very least of my worries. 

When you factor in that Barack Obama is my president, Joe Biden is my vice-president, Nancy Pelosi is next in line, Dianne Feinstein and Barbara Boxer are my senators, Brad Sherman is my congressman, Antonio Villaraigosa is my mayor and Jerry Brown is lurking in the wings to be my governor, do you really think I’ll be turning my pen into a plowshare anytime soon?    

But at least now you might have a better handle on why I look back so fondly on what I have come to regard as the good old days when an American’s major complaint was that he had taxation without representation. 

On top of everything else, I live in Los Angeles and have spent most of my adult life laboring in Hollywood, a place that some people regard as less an actual location than a state of mind.  I agree it is a state of mind in the same sense that paranoia and schizophrenia are states of mind.  (more…)

Long-time listener, first-time blogger…

Back in April, Vice President Biden uttered dire warnings about catching Swine Flu in subways and commercial airplanes.  Per the usual pattern, the White House quickly apologized for “Amtrak Joe’s” remarks.  But now, just a few months later, the President also has declared a national emergency.  The H1N1 is spreading, and instead of 120 million expected doses, only 11 million shipped last week. In a few weeks, the vaccine may become widely available, but it hasn’t yet.  Even the Obama children reportedly haven’t received the vaccine (although I hope they get immunized if that’s what their family decides).  

Balboa Park, The United States of America

Personally, I think the Swine Flu hysteria is a bit over-hyped.  But on the other hand, I’d rather not get sick if I can avoid it.  This year is particularly important for my family because my wife is pregnant with identical twins.  That type of pregnancy comes with risks already, and the H1N1 can be rough on expectant mothers.  So, after doing our research, we decided she would get immunized at the first opportunity, which was this past week.  In the process, we saw one possible future outcome of health care “reform” – rationing.  (more…)

Skillfully written screenplays are frequently structured around a series of setups and payoffs.

The most rudimentary example is, of course, the pistol in the desk drawer: revealed in Act I, and then in Act II, the gun is used to kill someone.

For an intensive workshop in cinematic setups and payoffs you should screen the Back to the Future series, where setup and payoff are elevated to an entirely new level.

It’s kind of fascinating, watching Obama construct the setup for his Afghanistan policy. He follows a familiar dramatic structure:

1. Anguished self-reflection, all quite public in order to display nobility of character. (more…)

SNL finally took on Obama in earnest this weekend:

This sketch wasn’t aimed at Rahm Emanuel, Joe the Biden, or Tim Geithner… it was targeting the Man himself.  But did SNL really turn over a new leaf?  Nope.  The criticism leveled at Obama was that he is failing to execute the brilliantly conceived left-wing aspects of his agenda as stated in his campaign.  Of course, there is no casting judgment on those ideas and no mention that most of America doesn’t actually support them.

This is a tactic Bill Maher has mastered.  He has repeatedly leveled humorous critique at Obama, but the arguments always hinge around Obama not behaving like the left-winger we thought we elected. (more…)

The Obama administration betrayed our Eastern European allies on the symbolic 70th anniversary of the Soviet invasion of Poland. Many in the media have chalked this up to historical ignorance, just as they claimed that “too great a workload” was responsible for his disgraceful but symbolic insult when, after receiving a pen holder fashioned from the timbers of the HMS Gannet that served for a time as an anti-slave ship, he slighted Gordon Brown with gave a gift of 25 DVDs .

 However, Obama is animated by seemingly crude gestures made powerful by his position.  He and his motivated White House staff, without explanation, used a black painted piece of plywood to cover up the letters IHS (Latin for “Jesus Savior of Men”) when he spoke at a Jesuit University (Georgetown), but while speaking abroad, our president deftly referred to the Koran as “ holy,” a descriptive primarily used by followers who believe in the Islamic faith. Why? (more…)

On August 29th, 2008, I woke up and, like almost every other American, was stunned by the news that Sarah Palin had been chosen as John McCain’s running mate. It was not that I had never heard of her or didn’t want her to be the pick (I had publicly called for her consideration numerous times), but because it was so clearly a very bold and risky maneuver and a true surprise in an era when we seemingly know everything well before it happens.

Moments after I heard the news I did a radio interview and predicted that the news media would destroy her in their transparent quest to pave the way for Barack Obama’s historic election. I had no idea just how right that “blink” calculation would be and I certainly never would have guessed that I would become a small part of that story by dedicating my life and fortune to documenting just how unbelievably bad it would get.

The last twelve months of Sarah Palin’s life truly bring new meaning to the phrase “what a difference a year makes.” I strongly believe that no public figure in modern America has ever endured more stress, pressure and unfair scrutiny in a more dignified fashion than she has over the past year (though what George W. Bush tolerated over the last three years of his presidency probably comes in a close second).

On August 28th of last year Sarah Palin was a largely unknown governor considered to be a rising star largely because of her willingness to take on Republicans in a way that had endeared her to Democrats. Today she is an ex-governor wrongly perceived by most of the country and virtually all of the news media as an erratic, unqualified, lightweight and ultra-partisan Republican who can’t even mange her own family.  (more…)

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Michael Jackson died and the media cried. But don’t worry; they were tears of joy, not despair. After all, what better time to sacrifice journalistic integrity for the sake of high ratings and bloated ad revenues?

In the weeks following Jackson’s death, the level and scope of coverage was and continues to be mind-numbing. Sure, MJ’s death was tragic, but tragedy doesn’t warrant the widespread disengagement of American media outlets, nor does it permit the dumbing down of pertinent information. To borrow from John Ziegler, the obsessive coverage of Michael Jackson’s death is yet another glaring symptom of the malpractice that is all too common amongst today’s media elite.

It’s no surprise that CNN and others are jumping on the bandwagon. Jackson’s collapse and subsequent death fueled increased viewership and network interest. According to CNN co-founder Reese Schonfeld:

“Jackson’s death brought all sorts of new viewers to the cable news networks, and it’s obvious that most of them turned to CNN. CNN is still seen, by most people who are not news junkies, as the place to turn to for news they really care about.”

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For those of you who take it as an article of faith that Dan Quayle was the dumbest, most out-of-touch vice president who ever served this nation, I’m afraid I have some bad news for you. 

Yesterday, Independence Day, Vice President Joe Biden attended a naturalization ceremony at Camp Victory in Baghdad, Iraq.  During the ceremony 237 U.S. servicemen from 59 countries, including Iraq, were sworn in as citizens of the United States of America.  At the conclusion of this solemn, undoubtedly moving and inspirational occasion, and in the presence of his own son Beau (currently serving in the 261st Theater Tactical Signal Brigade, Delaware Army National Guard), this is what the Vice President of the United States had to say: ”As corny as it sounds,” he told the troops, “Damn, I’m proud to be an American!” 

Where to begin?  

OK, if you were really proud to be an American, Mr. Vice President, you wouldn’t find it necessary to preface that declaration with the words, “as corny as it sounds”.  If you were really proud to be an American those words wouldn’t sound corny to you.  Then again, if you were really proud to be an American you wouldn’t be serving under a President who spent his last trip overseas apologizing to the world on behalf of America.  You wouldn’t be serving under a President who either doesn’t recognize or simply doesn’t understand the concept of American exceptionalism.  You wouldn’t, it could be reasonably argued, be a member of the current Democrat Party.  (more…)

After a week that will go down in history as the moment Republicans finally stood up for themselves, comics are not laying off John McCain’s former running mate just yet. Bill Maher said that Iran was propped up by oil revenue and run by a religious whacko, just like Alaska. Letterman, despite frequent jokes about the amount of hate mail he has been receiving, couldn’t help mentioning that Gay Pride week was the only time of year when you can see hundreds of men dressed up like Sarah Palin.

The big topics of the week were Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and the presidential fly killing:

The election of Mahmoud was compared by the talk show hosts alternately to the 2000 Presidential and the 2008 Minnesota Senate elections. Fallon claimed that now that his opponent lost, he’ll go on to make a documentary about Global Warming.  David Letterman actually did a joke almost every single night, changing the punchline from Florida voting machines, to Pat Buchanan, Al Gore, Al Franken and Jeb Bush.  Bill Maher used Norm Coleman then criticized his audience for not knowing who he was talking about. The funniest line was Ferguson’s who claimed that Iranian politics have finally gotten as corrupt as Chicago. (more…)

You know, people, it’s a damn shame. I remember when great comedians like Richard Pryor and Lenny Bruce held nothing sacred. I know I don’t. And so many comedians, especially late-nighters, are really missing the boat with President Obama. There’s a wealth of material just waiting to be tapped, and I’m really not looking forward to four more years of lame Bush and Palin jokes. Are you?

All it takes is one person to break the ice. Example. Twenty years ago, my brother won tickets to a Journey concert in Worcester, Massachusetts on the radio. We rode a packed WBCN Party Bus out of Boston, but everyone was kind of uptight and kept to themselves, like there were cops in the crowd. So I took a risk and lit up a big fattie anyway. Within minutes, it was like a Cheech and Chong movie. You couldn’t see out the windows. Everyone was laughing, joking, hacking and toking. (more…)