Jim Treacher reports that former child actor (and pride of the Evanston Township HS English Department) John Cusack has discovered the joys of Twitter, with somewhat predictable results.

Crueler folks have already analyzed Mr. Cusack’s 140-character musings and theorized the poor fellow has finally cracked under the pressure of living in the shadow of his more popular and talented sibling Joan; a clear misdiagnosis, in my opinion, as these armchair psychologists understand neither method acting nor the inner workings of the film industry. Rather than a cry for help, any fool can see that Mr. Cusack’s curious tweeting is a cleverly disguised request for new script pitches from Hollywood writing professionals. Like myself.

Well, this is one aspiring screen scribe who knows an opportunity when he sees one! So I quick put together a few sure-fire plot treatments designed at relaunching Mr. Cusack’s moribund career. Synopses below.

And John, if you’re reading this? My option (and spell-checking) fees are very reasonable. Let’s do lunch. (more…)

The Guardian’s Hadley Freeman:

“I have always been interested in what I call actor-speak – and when I say “interested”, I mean “intrigued in the way you might be by a man talking to himself, without having any desire to go over and engage him in conversation”. However, while I continue to march past muttering men on park benches, I am, thanks to my job, an unwitting expert on actor-speak, having spent many hours of my life listening to actors bang on about their “love of the craft” and “the thing about [insert name of director] – he takes you on an emotional journey”.

“Some may call this argument prejudicial, but those who do have never spent a morning with Helen Hunt, listening to her expound on her skills. This has nothing to do with lack of respect for actors; just a lack of respect for the language they learn – perhaps at acting school – to describe what they do.

“The New Yorker event sounded promising: its panel of pleasing scene-stealers included John Turturro and Joan Cusack. But when – just 10 minutes in – panel member and actor Richard Kind (you’ll know him, look him up), said actors do theatre “to nourish themselves”, I knew I’d made a grave tactical error. The verb “nourish” should only be used in a culinary context, and even then with restraint. (more…)

“Wax on, wax off.” “He slimed me.” “Fortune and Glory, kid.” “I’ll be back.” “Don’t get him wet. Keep him out of bright light. And never feed him after midnight.”

It’s hard to believe that a quarter century has passed since that magical movie summer of 1984. The calender year of George Orwell’s dire dystopian nightmares had arrived, but instead of a nation writhing in servitude to Big Brother, America was delighting in the prosperity engineered by Big Gipper. Throughout the summer of ‘84, the greatest president of the twentieth century was cruising to the single largest electoral total ever amassed by a presidential candidate in our history, and “It’s Morning Again in America” commercials were playing on TV’s across the land to widespread approval. (more…)