“Troll 2″ is a movie so bad it’s great.  The same holds true for “Plan 9 From Outer Space” and “Showgirls.”

But 99.5 percent of terrible movies are just … terrible. That’s especially evident with the following five features, a quintet which cost millions to produce and yielded very little in return.

Dishonorable mentions include “The Change Up,” “Green Lantern,” “Larry Crowne,” “Sucker Punch” and “A Good Old Fashioned Orgy.” But these five movies went above and beyond the call of duty in draining precious hours from our lives.

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Not that 20th Century-Fox or anyone involved in the production of “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” cares, but earlier in the year as the promotion ramped up, I was very hard on this prequel/sort-of remake. The story looked cheesy, the CGI looked fake, I’m tired of James Franco —  and because of my influence on all things pop culture, upon release a flurry of good reviews came in, as did a half billion dollars in ticket sales. Well, I’ve finally had a chance to see the “Rise” for myself on Blu-ray, and all I can say is…

I was wrong.

And I’m sorry.

The first chapter of how primates inevitably take over the planet and dominate man is far from a classic, but at 110 minutes, the story is briskly told, told well, and satisfying. Director Rupert Wyatt’s direction of the action scenes is first rate, and the screenplay offers up a perfectly plausible scenario that explains how a PETA wet dream might come true.

James Franco plays it straight as Will Rodman, a researcher for the San Francisco-based Gen-Sys, one of those evil pharmaceutical companies that puts profits above all else. But because Will wears a Berkeley t-shirt, we know he’s a good guy interested only in serving humanity. Actually, what drives Will is the fate of his father (the always welcome John Lithgow), who’s slowly disappearing due to the uncompromising ravages of Alzheimer’s. Will’s aggressively working on a cure and is now ready to try human testing with a new virus-based serum he’s developed.

Primates are an important part of the serum’s trial experiments, where the idea is to repair and rejuvenate the brain. The good and bad news is that an increased intelligence is a noticeable result in the apes injected with the drug. Inevitably, something goes horribly wrong, which results in Will taking a baby chimp home to save it from being put down. The chimp is Caesar (brought to life by an impressive motion capture performance from Andy Serkis) and before long, Caesar becomes the rambunctious baby of the house.

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Movie lovers rarely agree on anything, but we’re pretty sure 99 percent of Academy Awards watchers hated James Franco’s performance as Oscar co-host last year.

Fellow actor Seth Rogen is sticking up for his “Pineapple Express” co-star, albeit belatedly.

Rogen, most recently seen in “50/50,” contends it’s the producers’ fault when an Oscar host stumbles. And, in the case of Franco’s ill-fated pairing with Anne Hathaway last year, no one could have saved the show from itself, according to comments from Rogen published at MovieLine:

I think when you agree to do something like that, you put a certain amount of faith in the institution, hoping that they’ll take care of you, and I feel like they didn’t [take care of him]. Why hire James Franco and then give him Billy Crystal’s monologue? It was like, “Oh, we’ll hire these young hosts and then we’ll just do the same sh*t we do every f*cking year.” Which to me was really odd. I think they just approached it wrong. They didn’t think it through, and they were way underprepared. I think they hung him out to dry. So I wouldn’t do it unless they hired some better writers [laughs].

Rogen deserves credit for sticking up for a pal, but his logic is ultimately flawed.

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There were a few images from movies that left an indelible impression on my mind when I first saw them in childhood. One was laughing hysterically upon seeing Woody Allen getting his arm stuck in a gumball machine while running from the cops in “Take the Money and Run.” Another is Darth Vader taking his mask off in “Empire Strikes Back,” revealing the horrifically scarred mound of goo that passed for his face.  And a third would have to be seeing Charlton Heston in “Planet of the Apes,” first because at age six I was stunned that they allowed him to stand naked on TV and then because of the more iconic terrifying image of the collapsed Statue of Liberty at the end of the film. However, that final shot, which helped spark my passion for movies, was ruined by the lame-o series of sequels to “Apes” and especially by Tim Burton’s disastrous remake.

And so it was that I regarded seeing the new “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” about as much as I look forward to seeing torture-porn or Merchant-Ivory costume dramas. Meaning, I thought I’d rather have my eyeballs plucked out.

But every once in a long while, Hollywood still harbors the capacity to surprise me. And it’s with an utterly stunned sense of joy that I am happy to declare “Rise” the most entertaining movie of the summer, a film that is jam-packed with moments that will awe and inspire both young and old alike.  It will have you thinking, “how’d they do that?” over and over.

The film stars Oscar nominee James Franco (“127 Hours”) as Will Rodman, a young science whiz who’s at the forefront of testing a new Alzheimer’s-fighting drug, AZ-112, on apes at a genetic research firm called GenSys. Franco’s presence serves notice that this film is going to be smarter than usual. While he occasionally misfires, like he did in “Your Highness,” his choice of films is usually tied to great writing. (more…)

Rise of the Planet of the Apes can be considered apart from its cinematic forebearers, I think. Possibly you recall them: Planet of the Apes, the provocative 1968 monkey-suit classic, with Charlton Heston and Roddy McDowall; that film’s four silly sequels; and Tim Burton’s inconsequential 2001 remake of the original movie. This latest Apes is a prequel—no shuddering, please—and it does a good job of setting up a whole new franchise. The visual effects, by Peter Jackson’s Weta Digital, are a substantial advance in that field; and the picture’s extraordinary star turn by Andy Serkis, already renowned for bringing Gollum to life in the Lord of the Rings films, raises once again the question of why a superb motion-captured performance isn’t eligible for an Oscar.  

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Serkis is the best reason to see the movie. Playing the lead ape beneath a seductively persuasive digital simian overlay, he conveys exuberance, disappointment, despair and menace with all the emotional shadowing that might normally be expected of an actor unencumbered by computer tracking. It’s a wondrous accomplishment.

The serviceable script, by Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver, starts with genetic researcher Will Rodman (James Franco) conducting experiments with a new serum that has shown promise of being a cure for Alzheimer’s—the dementia with which Will’s father (John Lithgow) happens to be afflicted. The testing program is being funded by a genetics outfit run by a standard corporate greedhead named Jacobs (David Oyelowo). The test subjects, of course, are chimpanzees. The experiments go well until something awful happens, as you know it must, and Jacobs orders all of the test chimps destroyed. But a kindly chimp minder (Tyler Labine) saves one of the animals—a newborn—and gives it to Will for safekeeping. Will takes the hairy tyke home and names it Caesar (played by Serkis even at this childlike stage of the character’s development).

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What’s to Like

As a fan of James Franco, I’m usually interested in seeing him onscreen. He’s made some interesting choices in his career so I’m curious to see why he would sign up for this sci-fi prequel. Hopefully, his role is more interesting than the bland character seen in the trailer spouting cliches. In terms of the visual effects, I’m impressed by the image of the man with two floors of apes rising above him.

What’s to Dislike

Everything else. I don’t think that anyone is clamoring for another “Planet of the Apes” movie and if they were, this one doesn’t look too impressive. The apes just look like smaller versions of Peter Jackson’s “King Kong” and the ape sequences don’t look that exciting. The shot of an ape jumping into the helicopter is particularly unimpressive.

The Verdict

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Last night’s Oscar show was so stunningly awful that even though I had to be up and out of the house by 4 AM this morning, the stink of the whole program couldn’t be allowed to stand before I hit the hay. Washing it off took a double feature of “Annie Hall” and Manhattan” that lasted long after midnight but was well worth it after that embarrassing catastrophe.  To no one’s surprise, last night’s viewership was 7% below an already anemic 2010. Worst still, the youthful 18-49 year-old demographic Oscar hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway were specifically hired to lure, dropped even lower, a full 15%.

The problems with last night’s show were legion, and much of the media agrees that what we might’ve witnessed could well rate as the worst  Oscar telecast ever.  My memory isn’t good enough to say that for sure, but that the show was dreadful isn’t in dispute and while a post-mortem isn’t what this write-up is about, I will say that James Franco’s arrogant, sleepy, cooler-than-thou attitude that forced the usually delightful Anne Hathaway to over-compensate with the cute factor, was only half the problem. The other half was in the producing (and writing). This was a horribly produced three-plus hours. But rather than complain further, I’m going to offer constructive suggestions. No one cares what I think. I get that. But I’m going to offer them anyway.

1. The Host

The host is crucial, not only to the success of the overall show but also to the ratings. The cynical grab of Franco and Hathaway in an effort to attract younger voters was beyond stupid. Neither is a standalone box office draw, neither has captured America’s imagination, and both are inter-changeable as a dozen or so other actors in that same age range. I hate to tell Hollywood this, but (and the ratings back me up) young people aren’t stupid. They really don’t want to “watch people their own age” host the Oscars. Like the rest of us, they want to watch a good show. Upon hearing Franco and Hathaway were hosting this year, even the squealiest of teenagers was likely as confused  by that choice as the rest of us.

There’s two ways to go with a host.

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After all of the talk and the countless award ceremonies that have preceded it, the Oscars ceremony will finally take place tomorrow evening. The 83rd Academy Awards are bound to be exciting with ten best picture nominees and several tight races that could surprise some viewers. I’m hoping for a few surprises and a few well-deserved victories tonight. Here are my predictions as to who will win and who should be taking home Oscar gold in the major categories.

Best Actress:

Will Win: Natalie Portman, “Black Swan”

Should Win: Annette Bening, “The Kids are All Right”

This is the category where I am hoping for the biggest upset. Portman has the momentum but I found both her performance and the film to be disappointing. The plot of “Black Swan” was over-the-top and over-dramatic and the film doesn’t deserve the recognition that it’s been receiving. On the other hand, Annette Bening was in complete control of her character in “The Kids are All Right” and played the part of a woman trying to hold her family together wonderfully. Let’s hope that the Academy agrees and hands Bening her first Oscar. (more…)

Mom, I love you. I wish I’d returned all of your calls, ever. I really have lived this last year. I wish I had learned some lessons more astutely, more rapidly, than I did. I love you. I’ll always be with you.

Other than “Shallow Grave,” “Trainspotting” and the first two-thirds of “28 Days Later,” I have always felt something missing from Oscar-winning director Danny Boyle’s work. His eclectic ability to move in and out of different genres and how he continues to push himself as a vibrant visualist continues to impress, but there’s something about his later work, including the Academy Award-winning “Slumdog Millionaire,” lacking in that all-important element that stays with you once the lights come up.  At their best, movies keep on keeping on as they pull and tug and find their own emotional home in the human soul. Boyle’s simply don’t, and there’s so much right about “127 Hours,” so many impressive pieces, and yet as a whole, this true story of a young man forced to make an awful choice is, in the end, something completely forgettable.

Based on an incredible 127 hours in the life of  Aron Ralston (James Franco), an adrenaline junkie who ends up paying for his solitary ways after he finds his arm wedged between a canyon wall and a boulder while canyoneering alone in the Utah desert, Boyle pulls every trick in the book and invents some new ones in order to turn into cinema what is essentially a one location, one actor drama. Flashbacks that piece together both the practical and emotional reasons that brought Ralston to this perilous situation combined with vivid hallucinations driven by days of exposure, thirst, and hunger, gives a television movie concept a rightful place on the big screen.

Emotionally, “127 Hours” commendably avoids melodrama by focusing on that part of the human condition most of us can relate to. Ralston isn’t a bad person buried by crushing regrets, but once he’s forced to spend a number of harrowing days facing his own mortality and who he is as a person, he awakens to the fact that he could be a better man. Up until now, he’s led the life of someone determined to avoid the emotional entanglements that come with personal relationships. Footloose and fancy-free is Ralston’s motto and the endless solitude of a barren and beautiful desert is his spiritual home. In small ways we’re all guilty of, he pushes people away, good people like his parents who want and deserve a place in his life. But now that he’s dying, those slights that seemed so small at the time, like not returning his mother’s phone call, now carry a weight of regret they wouldn’t to a man with his whole life in front of him. (more…)

James Franco, who recently earned an Oscar nomination for his role in “127 Hours,” briefly appears near the beginning of the new movie “The Green Hornet.” He plays a goofy but ego-maniacal villain who doesn’t realize whose turf he’s stepped on. Unfortunately, Franco’s appearance is the highlight of this otherwise forgettable film about a wannabe crime fighter.

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“The Green Hornet” tells the story of Britt Reid (Seth Rogen), a young playboy whose father James (Tom Wilkinson) runs a major newspaper. “Trying doesn’t matter when you always fail,” James advises Britt early in the story, so Britt stops trying and starts wasting his life. While James spends his time trying to fight corruption in his newspaper’s editorials, Britt spends his time partying and sleeping with beautiful women.

As the story continues, James dies suddenly and Britt decides to vandalize the statue erected for his father. He enlists the assistance of Kato (Jay Chou), a former employee of his father who has a knack for making a delicious cup of coffee. Kato is Britt’s seemingly only friend and the two work together to destroy the statue. Afterward, they witness a crime occurring and they confront a group of thieves. Kato starts fighting all of the members of the group and quickly knocks them to the ground.   (more…)

As I’ve written before, 2010 was actually a good year for movies.  The King’s Speech, The Fighter, Inception, Toy Story 3, Tangled, and How to Train Your Dragon were all great entertainment.  We’ve seen terrific starring roles from actors ranging from the heretofore unwatchable James Franco to the ever impressive Christian Bale, from the magnificent Colin Firth to the chameleonic Geoffrey Rush.  We’ve seen some actresses in supporting roles who have outshone their second-tier parts: Melissa Leo and Amy Adams in The Fighter, Helena Bonham Carter in The King’s Speech.

But when we look at the leading actresses of 2010, the dearth of great performances and great parts is stunning.  The Golden Globe nominees for best actress this year were Halle Berry in the anonymous flick Frankie and Alice, playing a crazy person in her usual over-the-top style; Nicole Kidman in the anonymous flick Rabbit Hole, playing a grieving mother in her usual cold and remote style; Jennifer Lawrence in Winter’s Bone, playing a teenage girl looking for her meth-making dad; Natalie Portman in Black Swan, playing a crazy person with a constipated look plastered on her mug; and Michelle Williams in Blue Valentine, playing a spoiled girl who gets knocked up, married, and presumably divorced.  Has anyone seen any of these women in any of these films?  And if the disastrous Natalie Portman – Queen Amidala masturbating, anyone? – is the frontrunner for Best Actress at the Oscars, how far have female figures fallen?

Far.  Quick, think of the ten greatest living film actors.  It’s not that tough – we have iconic male film stars all the time.  Now think of the ten greatest living film actresses.  Now take away all women over 50.  Still thinking, aren’t you? (more…)

“Aron, do not lose it.” After being trapped alone in a crevice with one hand stuck beneath a boulder, the main character in the new film “127 Hours“ says this to himself while trying to remain calm. He doesn’t know if he’ll survive but he knows that without adequate food and water, he could lose his sense of reality. The captivating story about Aron’s struggle to escape from the boulder that traps him is a beautifully directed, masterfully told story about a man determined not to die.

The story begins with Aron Ralston (James Franco) leaving his apartment to go biking. As he rides off into a desert, he is exhilarated. The music in this scene is energetic and overwhelming, like the sense of adventure that drives Ralston. Aron hasn’t told anyone where he’s going. He’s looking to have fun and he finds exactly that when he befriends two attractive female hikers on a nearby trail. The trio are soon taking turns jumping into a beautiful lake with one another.

After the two girls head home, Aron falls into a nearby crevice knocking a boulder down with him. The boulder lands on one of one hands and traps him in place. Armed with a video camera, rope and a cheap knife, Aron tries to find a way to escape. He calls out for the two girls but no one can hear his pleas for help.

Stuck with a limited amount of water and barely any food, Aron has a short amount of time left to escape before he’ll die.

Most of the movie consists of Aron trying to free his hand. He’s a smart adventurer and he has several ideas about how he can make it out of his difficult predicament.  He tries chipping away at the boulder and he tries moving it with his rope but nothing works as the hours quickly pass. The film is based on a true story from 2003 and so many viewers will likely know how Ralston survives before entering the theater. Even if you know how it ends, however, “127 Hours” is still worth watching. (more…)

Hollywood head scratcher of the day:

James Franco and Anne Hathaway will co-host the 83rd Academy Awards in February, the producers of the Oscars show announced Monday. …

Hathaway, on her fifth appearance when she takes the stage on February 27, is currently in “Love and Other Drugs,” and was nominated for an Oscar in 2008 for her lead performance in “Rachel Getting Married.”

“James Franco and Anne Hathaway personify the next generation of Hollywood icons — fresh, exciting and multi-talented,” said telecast producers Bruce Cohen and Don Mischer.

“We hope to create an Oscars broadcast that will both showcase their incredible talents and entertain the world” when stars and industry chiefs gather for the show at Hollywood’s Kodak Theater.

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Everyone’s got a cocky side about something, a skill in which they’re a little too confident about their abilities and are sure they can do no wrong. For Aron Ralston, that confidence covered his outdoor adventuring skills, and it almost caused his death.

That’s because he went deep into the desert to engage in a day of rock climbing, without leaving a note with his family or friends to tell him where he was going to be. Ralston was absolutely certain he was going to make it back without a scratch, that he never imagined what happened to him instead: a giant boulder fell and landed on one of his arms, pinning it literally between a rock and a hard place and forcing him to fight for his survival for more than five days before finally deciding to amputate the limb as his only hope of breaking away and being discovered.

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That harrowing decision is the most attention-getting aspect of the new film “127 Hours,” resulting in a graphic three-minute sequence in which star James Franco, playing Ralston, cuts through layers of skin, muscle, nerves and bone. While this scene is hardly exploitative and is leavened by cutting away (no pun intended) to reaction shots and flashbacks, it has earned the film some notoriety from reported faintings at screenings nationwide.

But if you could handle a rough episode of “ER,” you’re likely able to handle this, and the rewards for those who do see this remarkable film are plentiful. Resting squarely on the shoulders of Franco in a brave and unique performance that draws on actual handheld-camera footage Ralston made during his ordeal in the hopes that rescuers could someday show his family his final thoughts, the movie actually is much deeper than a medical freak show. (more…)

Nearly every long-term couple hits some rough patches – periods in time where they lose their once-boiling attraction for each other and perhaps even forget what they loved about their partners in the first place. Phil and Claire Foster, a suburban New Jersey couple with two young kids and utterly boring careers, are a perfect example of this marital ennui.

In the new action-comedy “Date Night,” the Fosters (played by Steve Carell and Tina Fey) get a chance to break out of their rut in a big way when they pretend to be a couple called the Tripplehorns in order to snag a table at the hottest new restaurant in New York City. Before their meal is even over, two dirty cops (Common and Jimmi Simpson) have forced them into a back alley and threaten to kill the Fosters because the cops truly believe they’re the Tripplehorns and that the Tripplehorns are in possession of a very incriminating and valuable flash drive.

This case of mistaken identity leads the Fosters into the craziest night of their lives, one in which they’ll engage in a spectacular and hilarious car chase (frankly, one of the best ever staged on film), gunfights, break-ins, burglaries and even stripping (don’t ask) en route to rekindling their spark and realizing they have far more adventurous sides than they’ve ever realized. (more…)

Good news for the Motion Picture Academy. Despite the fact that the five Best Picture nominees had combined to gross less than $300M domestic by showtime, Oscar ratings were up considerably from last year’s all-time low. Early numbers show that the ABC telecast scored a 27 share, surging by 11% overall and by over 14% with TV’s “money demo” 18-49s. Compare that to last year when the show was down 25% in households from 2007 and down 30% among 18-49s.

The credit should go to producers Lawrence Mark and Bill Condon, although I can see why the streamlined show is a bit of a Rorschach test for viewers. If you love movies, and especially actors, last night’s show was respectful and enlightening. If you are inclined to dislike awards shows and actors, then the telecast would be pretty dreary.

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Tyler Perry’s decidedly un-Oscar Madea Goes to Jail (Lionsgate) is the box office story of Oscar weekend selling a massive $14.65M in opening day tickets with a possible $38M in sales expected for the weekend. But what about the Best Picture nominees, the supposed cool kids on the box office block?

Slumdog Millionaire (Fox Searchlight) is the odds-on Best Picture winner, and it expanded to about 600 additional playdates this weekend for a total screen count of 2,224. The other four contenders for Hollywood’s biggest prize, however, are on a combined 2,508 screens. That means that they are essentially done with their theatrical engagements in the US (barring a truly shocking upset). Even if you wanted to see the other four nominees, you might have trouble finding them at your local multiplex – especially if you live outside a major city.
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On Sunday, the Academy Awards will be handed out at the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood, and there are some clear favorites. Slumdog Millionaire, the feel-good Danny Boyle Mumbai opus made for just $14M, is a heavy favorite to win Best Picture. It’s hard to imagine Slumdog missing out on Hollywood’s biggest prize, having won the Golden Globe, the BAFTA Award and just about everything in between.

But, in the world of gambling, you always want to look for value. What are the films and performances with longer odds that would be worth a wager on Sunday? My purpose here is to establish a betting line for each of the six major categories, and then find the value bet in each category.

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There is a phenomenon known as “the Oscar bounce.” When a movie receives Academy Award nominations, especially one of the five coveted Best Picture slots, ticket-buyers generally follow. The Oscar seal of approval used to mean something to the rank-and-file moviegoer, but that seems to have changed.

Only one of this year’s Best Picture nominees has inspired any real passion from the broad public. The almost-certain Best Picture winner is Slumdog Millionaire (Fox Searchlight), and its devotees, including critics and members of the Academy (not to mention yours truly), have made it a word-of-mouth smash hit. The Danny Boyle-directed feel-good Bollywood fusion movie made for a meager $14M added another $2.05M or so on Friday and is charting a 3-day course for about $7.4M. That will give the Slumdog a $77.4M take, and it could reach $90M-$95M before it’s through in American theatres.

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Liam Neeson is officially a full-fledged action star. The Irish-born actor has often played heroes, whether it was Oskar Schindler in Steven Spielberg’s masterpiece Schindler’s List, the wise Qui-Gon Jinn in Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace or determined sex researcher Alfred Kinsey in 2005’s biopic Kinsey, Neeson has always had a knack for playing the earnest-but-flawed good guy. In his new movie Taken (Fox), writer/producer Luc Besson and director Pierre Morel have turned him into a Dad with the “mad skills” of a super-spy – think Mike Brady crossed with Jason Bourne.

The result is a well-reviewed (56% Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes) action film that will help to satisfy blockbuster-hungry audiences waiting for Warner Bros’ Watchmen (due March 6). Taken has scored big on its opening weekend. After grabbing an estimated $9.4M, the movie surged on Saturday to $11.62M (up almost 24% from opening day) and, despite today’s Super Bowl, the film could reach $24.62M according to studio estimates. That will be more than enough to win the Super Bowl 3-day, and positive word-of-mouth could get this one into the $70M-$75M range domestic.

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