2012
by Bosch Fawstin
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Posts Tagged ‘humor’
Promising Pre-Med Wins Nobel Prize in Medicine
by Andrew LeighSeptember 10, 2010
The Nobel Prize Committee announced today that it is awarding the Prize in Medicine to Jimmy Duncan, a senior at Horace Greeley High School in Chappaqua, New York, for getting a 97 on his bio-chem final.
“The Committee felt that Master Duncan has shown great promise with his outstanding grades,” said Dr. Leif Quisling, chairperson of the Nobel Prize Committee. “It is our fervent hope that this award encourages him to do great things in the future, such as find a cure for cancer.”
The committee was first alerted to Jimmy Duncan when they came across a YouTube clip of Duncan’s class presentation on his career goals.
“We were particularly struck by his unbridled optimism,” said Dr. Quisling. “Duncan closed his passionate talk with these inspiring words: ’And we can end cancer in our lifetimes if we all work together really, really hard!’ It is exactly those kind of empty platitudes that impress this committee. Far more so than anything so gauche as actual achievement.” (more…)
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The Most Dangerous Infidel In the World
by Bosch Fawstin
And to “The Most Interesting Man in the World”, you’re welcome.
For more of my work, please visit my blog.
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‘60 Minutes’: Let Me Count the Liberal Clichés
by Jeffrey JenaI was watching the Masters Golf tournament on CBS over the weekend. Before you guys that go apoplectic when any conservative watches the evil CBS I will state for the record that some things are more important than politics and for me the Masters is one of them. Anyway, I have a regular meeting I attend on Sunday nights at my church and we meet every Sunday, the Masters notwithstanding. Some things are even more important than the Masters, but not many. So when the tournament went into sudden death I had to turn on the recorder and beat feet.
Please keep reading all of you who hate sports in general or golf in particular because this isn’t about sports or golf. In order to make sure I got the entire finish of the Masters I recorded the next two hours of programming on CBS. When I got home and watched the golf I realized I had inadvertently recorded “Sixty Minutes.”
I was just about to hit the delete button since I gave up watching this leftist propaganda program after Dan Rather flaunted his fake Bush Air National Guard documents. Then I thought what the heck I haven’t seen a good biased program lately and my wife and son were away for the evening. I decided to play a game and count the liberal clichés in the program. (more…)
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Og, The Original Forgotten Man
by Veronica DiPippoPerhaps it went something like this…
Og, Bog, and Grog were out hunting mammoth one day somewhere in the mountains of Prehistoric Europe. Grog’s job was to select the most succulent, Grade A Prime Mammuthus primigenius available in the Mesolithic grocer’s aisle and herd it towards his spear-bearing buddies who were hidden in the brush. Grog made his choice and, using his trusty, flaming torch, chased the big woolly one brush-ward. Unfortunately, in the midst of all the excitement, Grog forgot the cardinal rule of torch-bearing hunters everywhere: always stay at least ten stone lengths away from the back end of a mammoth after it’s eaten a fir tree for lunch.
Over Grog’s ashes, Og ponders the lesson of his friend’s untimely incineration and thinks: “I’m gonna recommend the Chief hold a hunter’s refresher course and change it to twenty stone lengths.” Meanwhile, Bog, though he has access to the same information, processes it differently. He ends up dismissing the whole episode as a fluke and decides that, even if the conditions were similar, the same result could never happen to him. As Og is busy absorbing the cause and effect of Grog’s sudden demise, Bog thinks: “Let’s see, I had half a bison for breakfast, eighteen crow eggs, hand full of pine cones, pig fat smoothie with a scoop of roe deer hoof powder…which means, if I jog back to the cave reallyreally fast I can eat that entire pit of flame-broiled grubs.” (more…)
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And If This Were Gerald Ford or George W. Bush?
by John LottThese pictures were obtained here. If Gerald Ford had hit is head, I somehow suspect comedians would have had a field day with it. When Ford slipped on some wet steps while deplaning Air Force One, that single incident was fodder for political comedians such as Chevy Chase for years. If George W. Bush had hit his head, I suspect that the same thing would have occurred. Remember Bush passing out because he choked on a pretzel in January 2002? There were a huge number of political jokes about it.
It will be an interesting academic exercise to see how many late night jokes there will be regarding Obama hitting his head while leaving Marine One. Obama is essentially the same height as George H.W. Bush (6′ 1″ to 6′ 2″) and Ronald Reagan (6′ 1″). (more…)
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Every Man Has A Right to the Left (and other revisionist neo-proverbs)
by Oleg AtbashianIowahawk hit the paremiology on the head with his collection of proverbs last week, aptly enlightening American audiences about the truths and practical precepts of various Third World tribes, whose proverbial collective experiences are infinitely more liberating and inspiring than those of the so-called Dead White European Males (DWEM) – the useless inventors of an offensive culture with dull, dysfunctional proverbs.
Yet we would like to offer a small correction. The above view utterly disregards the recent progress made in our culture, most recently allowing the Western civilization to catch up with the more advanced tribes of the multicultural community. Obsessive revisionism and self-loathing, sacrificing the individual to the collective, consolidation of power in the hands of a strong central government, and the cult of a godlike leader have rightfully made us an equal member among the wonderfully diverse Third World countries. Miracles abound. One of them is the spontaneous supplanting of the misleading ex-proverbs of the shameful past, with correct neo-proverbs that properly reflect the current truth in accordance with the regularly updated political context. (more…)
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First Name in News You Can Use
by Tom ShillueThis CNN video shows us that in these tough economic times, there is only one place to turn for tips on how to live well–Communism.
Watching this report from Havana, it almost seems fun living under totalitarian rule–Cubans are certainly “free” to work long hours on their cars. Communism also teaches you to make do with less, helping you to be more creative and resourceful, and affording you the opportunity to tool around in a classic Chevy or Caddy. Just look at that grill–living in Cuba is like being in the movie “Grease!”
CNN forgot to mention the other way that Cubans love to tinker with their vehicles.
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