Howard Stern didn’t have former presidential candidate Herman Cain on his program today as promised.

Instead, Stern had a Cain impersonator on for a faux interview.

Nothing wrong with that, per se. Impersonators are the coin of the realm for comics, and it isn’t the first time Stern has used them for his shtick. Some of his best bits featured an Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator – although the real Ah-nold himself has also been on the radio show.

But when Stern announced that Cain would be in-studio yesterday, it seemed like the real deal, straight face and all.

No dice.

Mediabistro, one of the few sites which originally reported Stern’s Cain announcement yesterday, revealed that a Cain impersonator got the grilling instead.

Had the impersonator appeared on the show via a random call-in, the gag would have been grand. Instead, by announcing the bit as a real radio moment, it shows Stern longs for the days when his radio blatherings mattered.

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Former presidential candidate Herman Cain is going where no politician should go – the lion’s den known as “The Howard Stern Show.”

Cain, who recently suspended his campaign following accusations of both sexual misbehavior and a long-term affair, will sit down with the shaggy shock jock tomorrow, according to an announcement Stern made on the program earlier today.

It’s satellite radio, so the language could get spicy. But the bigger question is how Cain will handle one of the more curious interviewers in the industry. Stern, who leans left but can be hard to categorize politically, has been vociferous in his defense of Cain against the various charges. That won’t stop Stern from asking more challenging questions on the subject than most mainstream journalists.

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The King of All Media is really better off sticking to one format – radio.

Howard Stern briefly conquered books and music thanks to his best-selling autobiography “Private Parts” (and its sequel, “Miss America”) and the soundtrack to its big-screen adaptation. He remains uniquely suited for radio, and even there he seems disinterested of late if his voluminous vacation schedule is any indication.

Now, Stern is talking up a possible role as the new “America’s Got Talent” judge. Of course, he says he’d be great at the gig:

“Let me tell you — if I was a judge on ‘America’s Got Talent,’ there would be no nonsense. I’ve been on network TV many times. It’s a different animal when it comes to talent and running a business.

Stern may indeed have an eye for talent – just look how he turned a gaggle of misfit listeners into his infamous “Wack Pack” of supporting players. But TV isn’t his strong suit, a fact that’s been clear since his amateurish TV show back in the ’90s. He also struggled to prove his worth on several Pay-Per-View spectacles as well as his numerous late night talk show appearances. He comes across as uncomfortable, his usually nimble mind curbed by the format.

His best TV work came courtesy of the E! Network, which essentially trained its cameras on Stern while he conducted his morning radio show.

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The film industry is getting a lesson on morality from … shock jock extraordinaire Howard Stern?

The self-described King of All Media lashed out via his SiriusXM radio show at the pressure put on director Brett Ratner to abandon his perch as the Oscar telecast producer after Ratner used the word “fags” in public.

Stern, who learned of Ratner’s “fag” slur from The Hollywood Reporter, said he stopped using that word a while ago, but that Ratner wasn’t gay-bashing when he used it, therefore he shouldn’t have lost his job as producer of the 84^th Academy Awards telecast …

Then he laid into Hollywood, calling it “a town where people have to run around closeted for many different things.”

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What a straw man response. No one is accusing Bennett of not loving his country, we’re criticizing his insulting, provably false, and immoral statement that what happened on September 11, 2001, was our fault — that we brought it on ourselves.

Man alive, you spend 70 years building a legacy and then do something like this.

ABC News:

One day later, the 85-year-old singer took to his latest stage, Facebook, and wrote, ” There is simply no excuse for terrorism and the murder of the nearly 3,000 innocent victims of the 9/11 attacks on our country.”

Bennett also cited his World War II experience as shaping his position that “war is the lowest form of human behavior.

“I am sorry if my statements suggested anything other than an expression of my love for my country, my hope for humanity and my desire for peace throughout the world,” he said.

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Prepare to be horribly disappointed.

One comment I read put it best: Too bad Frank Sinatra isn’t alive to kick his ass.

ABC News:

[On his radio show, Howard] Stern then asked Bennett about how America should deal with terrorists, specifically those responsible for the 2001 attack on the World Trade Center.

“But who are the terrorists? Are we the terrorists or are they the terrorists? Two wrongs don’t make a right,” Bennett said.

In a soft-spoken voice, the singer disagreed with Stern’s premise that 9/11 terrorists’ actions led to U.S. military involvement in Iraq and Afghanistan.

“They flew the plane in, but we caused it,” Bennett responded. “Because we were bombing them and they told us to stop.”

Following seconds of silence, Stern said that his guest was “making some good points.”

Before leaving, Bennett recalled an evening in 2005 when he was honored at the Kennedy Center. Meeting President George W. Bush at the event, the singer said that the commander-in-chief shared his opinion about the Iraq War.

“He told me personally that night that, he said, ‘I think I made a mistake,’” Bennett said.

Bennett believed that the president made this revelation because “he had a special liking to me.”

Bush told a lib crooner he made a mistake in Iraq?

Looks like Bennett also left his credibility in San Francisco.

Yeah, this will sell albums.

USA Today:

This is a new low for Andy Dick.

The often legally troubled comic started an all-out war with Howard Stern this week, launching into an antisemitic rant while a guest on the “Greg Fitzsimmons Show” Tuesday. A shocked Stern fired back hard on his Sirius satellite radio show.

So what exactly did Dick say? You won’t believe what came out of his mouth.

On Fitzsimmons’ show, Dick spewed that the radio legend was a “shallow, money-grubbing Jew” with a “big fat hook nose.”

Where’s all this coming from? That’s exactly what Stern asked on his show, sounding disappointed and angry when he replayed the shocking interview on his own show.

“Wow. Woweee,” he said. “This is bad, bad for society.”

The radio host played more of Dick’s interview, during which Dick went off on Stern for not going to bat for him when his own Sirius show was canceled years back.

“Legally troubled” is an interesting way to describe a man currently being prosecuted for felony sexual abuse. 

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If Kathy Griffin wasn’t an asshole, would anyone pay attention to her?  

Today on the Howard Stern Show, Kathy Griffin, aka the ‘50-year-old adult bully… has-been comedienne’ (gawd, I love Sarah Palin) remained defiant after Governor Palin requested that she leave Willow, her 16 year-old daughter, alone. No one should be surprised. After all, this is what 50-year-old adult bully, has-been comedienne’s do. They target anyone to get attention — even children. It’s also what those lacking in talent do — gin up the outrage for attention at any price. 

Griffin’s excuse for publicly bullying Willow Palin? Supposedly Willow called someone a faggot on her Facebook page — you know, because she’s the only 16 year-old to ever lose her temper and use such a taunt. Griffin also condescendingly claims that she must defend her friends the gays against this menacing child. Well, if true, that doesn’t say much for the decency or courage of her friends the gays. But I doubt it’s true. There just aren’t a whole lot of bullies in this country despicable enough to publicly hold children up for humiliation — there just aren’t a whole lot of Kathy Griffins.

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When Piers Morgan was chosen to succeed Larry King at CNN, liberals believed his (overplayed) British persona might finally be the ticket to cutting into Sean Hannity’s domination of the same time-slot at Fox News.  After all, Morgan is a man of the world with all the open-mindedness mainline liberalism can promise while Hannity is a man of this nation who’s not ashamed to be mentioned in the same sentence with close-minded “bigots” like Rush Limbaugh and Mark Levin.

Looking at things on paper, it appeared it wouldn’t be long before Hannity would be forced to come begging and pleading for a menial position on Morgan’s staff.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the actual squaring off of Morgan’s show with Hannity’s: namely, Morgan’s guest lineup betrayed the fact that he believes the American people want to spend another hour of their night watching Hollywood elites get tossed softball questions by a host who’s consumed with reminding us he came here from across the pond.

In other words, to date, Morgan’s plan to beat Hannity includes interviews with Oprah Winfrey, George Clooney, and Kim Kardashian, among others. When we consider the fact that Hannity’s offerings have included salt-of-the-earth folks like Sarah Palin and down to earth commentary from the ever-present “Great American Panel,” it’s little wonder that Morgan is getting shellacked in the ratings. (Yes, Morgan is beating MSBNC’s Rachel Maddow, but that’s no feat.) (more…)

It’s time for the King of All Media to relinquish his throne.

This New York native followed Howard Stern from his early days at W-NNNN-BC all the way to his current perch atop SiriusXM Satellite Radio. But it becomes more clear every day his best broadcasts are behind him. He’s done all he can to promote satellite radio, and his impact on the culture, much to the dismay of social conservatives, is secure. The longer he lingers, the more his legacy fades. Stern may have precious little in common with “The Tonight Show” legend Johnny Carson, but the silver-haired talker knew how to exit show business gracefully – near the top of his game.

It’s odd that a man who talks about lesbians, sodomy and bodily excretions can stain his own career simply by talking, but that’s what’s happening on the days Stern is heard live via satellite. Being King must have its perks, since in addition to taking every Friday off Stern’s current vacation schedule would make Carson blush.

The modern version of “The Howard Stern Show” reveals a performer far more concerned with navel gazing than skewering sacred cows. When Stern savages a subject now, it’s more often because he or she dared to cross his path. Today’s Stern seems disinterested in lampooning the powerful. Yes, he still swats Oprah Winfrey whenever the chance appears, but he barely lays a glove on a vulnerable president or the stars in his expanding inner circle.

The young Stern gained our trust because he was one of us, a workaday father and husband who understood what it’s like to sit in traffic, deal with inept co-workers and field complaints from an irate spouse. The modern Stern is part of the media power structure, and he knows it. That air of entitlement seeps into every monologue, distancing himself from us in ways that can’t be mended. (more…)

So, during that week while the world was fixated on “important” matters like trapped miners and political debates, a more monumental event took place: David Arquette and the chick from Friends separated.

Yep. This news sent shock waves through my soul, as I could only wonder if a drill bit existed that could extricate Mr. Arquette from the deep, deep hole his mouth dragged him into.

I speak of his interview with Howard Stern a few days ago. In it, Arquette spilled the beans on his marital troubles. He told the world that his wife initiated the separation, quoting her telling him, “I don’t want to be your mother anymore.” He then confessed they didn’t have sex for five months and that after they split up -he had casual sex with “the girl in the paper.” He differentiated sex with her and sex with his wife, in a manner that did him no favors.

You can find what he said, here. 

And so the disarming, goofy actor made the biggest mistake a married man could ever make: he was honest. (more…)

I must have missed the groundswell of support and the public clamor for the return of Rosie O’Donnell to the daytime airwaves.  It seemed that her time in the cultural spotlight had passed following her notorious 2008 variety show failure (It was hailed by one merciful critic as “dead on arrival”) and her exile to a daily Sirius XM radio show that caters to creepy shut-ins and those unlucky listeners who can’t figure out how to tune-in to Howard Stern.  But like some sort of loudmouthed, frumpy, left-wing vampire who just won’t stay in the ground, she is threatening to rise again with a terrifying plan to replace Oprah once the Queen of Daytime TV retires in 2011.  Someone in Hollywood, please – break out the garlic.

Of course, I’m hardly Rosie’s daily television show target demographic.  I work for a living instead of sitting at home staring slack-jawed at the succession of Sham-Wow commercials and ads for shyster lawyers promising big payouts for the imaginary injuries of their deadbeat clients that fill the time between inane segments of mindless yak.  And while the social parasite demographic seems to grow larger after every freebie, hand-out and pay-off the Administration and its Congressional flunkies issue in favor of their employment-averse constituents, Rosie O’Donnell still seems like a bad economic bet.

This is no longer the same country as it was back in 1999 when Rosie was honchoing her first daytime gabfest and hassling Tom Selleck over his support for the Second Amendment of the Constitution.  It’s not even the same country as it was in May 2007, when the former “Queen of Nice’s” anti-conservative bile culminated in her slandering American fighting men and women as terrorists on The View: (more…)

“Intellect loses its virtue when it ceases to seek truth and turns to the pursuit of political ends.” – Robert H. Bork 

In a “Big” way, Andrew Breitbart has injected into our modern cultural/media zeitgeist a foundational reminder of why it is so intellectually critical, even fun, to inspire and embrace the notion that “there’s nothing better than having convivial relations with people with whom you disagree.”

To that end, may I humbly share my own ideological apostasy and second thoughts that began in 1989. 

In that year, my oldest child was born and I found myself – as do many Los Angeles parents — driving around the city to various ‘play-dates’, supermarket excursions, pediatrician visits, and the 12-miles-distant playground of the ‘progressive’ pre-school where my wife and I intended to enroll our children. (I also began more closely scrutinizing and fearing the withholding taxes from my paycheck increasing the governmental intrusion into my young family).  (more…)

“It’s such a fine line between stupid and clever.” –David St. Hubbins, Spinal Tap (1984) 

When it comes to humor I’m super picky. I physically cringed at all but one of the multiple fart jokes in Pixar’s Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs. I still don’t get The Three Stooges. Call me uptight. Slapstick without redeeming intellectual humor, toilet jokes, sexual references, and ”shock” scenarios do nothing for me.  So how is it possible that I laughed myself sick while watching Bruno? That’s easy. Because, goofy as it pretends to be, it is a pretty smart film. 

You’ve probably heard that this film is about homophobia, but the story arc is about what it takes to become a celebrity.  Frankly, both facets are hilarious. 

This satire has real teeth, and it’s also fair. I completely disagree with the reviews that claim it mocks middle America, puts “innocent” people on the spot or casts them in a bad light. If anything this film ruthlessly savages Hollywood. The scenes with stage mothers are so appalling that the audience collectively gasped and groaned. One hopes that this exposure will, at the very least, lead to interventions from Social Services and cause us to rethink some of the “entertainment” exemptions from child labor laws. Cohen introduces us to women who are willing to have their babies/toddlers strung up on crucifixes, dressed like Nazis, subjected to bees/wasps, and driven in cars at high speeds without restraints. (Personally, I hope this leads to actual arrests). One toddler’s mother adds that she’s okay with all of that, “if he’s got the job.”  (more…)

YouTube Dave Konig Roasts George Takei

As usual, Dick Cheney is right and Barack Obama is wrong.

It’s time to wave the pink flag and drop opposition to gay marriage.

I’ve changed my thinking on this one. Personally, I admit my opposition to gay marriage has always been on the same level as my opposition to the death penalty: I understand and appreciate the arguments against both intellectually – but in actual practice, I simply don’t lose any sleep over either. With the death penalty, I sympathize with moral opposition – but when a Ted Bundy takes that final ride on “Old Sparky” (or that final big sleep on “Old Lethal Injectiony”), my only real objection is that it isn’t televised. (more…)