The researcher’s conclusion: That while this doesn’t mean mercury can make humans gay, there are enough reasons “why cleaning up the environment for birds also reduces risk for humans.”

So let me get this straight (no pun): are the researchers suggesting that if we don’t clean up the environment, birds will turn gay? If so, this implies that preventing gay birds is an incentive to going green.

Now, isn’t this homophobic? I mean, who’s to say gay birds are any less valuable than straight ones? If anything, having gay birds around can only mean one thing: fabulous nests. And that can only drive up real estate prices in your neighborhood.

But regardless, here you have environmental science slamming head first into a politically correct cul de sac. You can’t say pollution is bad, because it causes homosexuality. Because homosexuality, isn’t bad. In a way, this study seems to be telling me that pollution is, like, totally awesome! And simply by discarding mercury thermometers into rivers and streams, we will help create a more cosmopolitan wetlands.

Can’t hurt. Have you seen a wetlands lately? Frankly, they could use makeover.

And if you disagree with me, you’re a racist homophobic ornithophobe.

Tonight’s guests:

Kimberly Guilfoyle!

John Devore

Newcomer, and comedian, Wali Collins!

Catch me on O’Reilly tonight!

Now, I don’t care what religion you follow: if it compromises your job, and the safety of others – that blows. I mean, if Catholicism required that you wear a crucifix over your left eye at all times – I’m not hiring you as a pilot. Or a table dancer.

This decision to sacrifice hygiene to appease religion arrives just as our own government decides to remove the terms “Islamic extremism” and “jihad” from national security policy. Obama feels that linking Islam to terror is hurtful to non-terrorists. My philosophy is simple: I don’t care what you call homicidal maniacs, as long as you kill them.

Which Obama’s been doing, so cool.

But here’s the thing: in British Hospitals, it’s not generic extremism that’s raising the risk for death. It’s not violent radicals walking into ER’s with bombs strapped to their chest. No – these are followers of Islam choosing not to follow sanitary rules, which raises risk for death. It’s not as dramatic as a bomb, but it still can kill.

So, what do you call that?

In a way, it is a deadlier form of superbug – an idiotic political correctness running rampant in England, infecting every facet of life. Ultimately people die, because we’re so afraid of hurt feelings. It’s a sad state of affairs, which is why I’m boycotting crumpets.

And if you disagree with me, you’re a racist homophobe who doesn’t contribute to PBS.

AN amazing line-up tonight: 

-Jim Norton

-Ann Coulter

-Oderus Urangus of GWAR, our interplanetary correspondent

and…if that’s not enough,

Isaiah Mustafa, from the audaciously awesome Old Spice Commercials. (yep, he’s a God)