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However, my dear wittle wabbits; please to knock me over with a feather (imitation of course, not from a eagle or a dolphin).  The savior of my week was none other than the far-left lady from the great state of Bush-Bashachussetts: Ms. Helen Thomas.

She (for the time being) has undone my jaded eye-rolling hopelessness–she has (for at least this article) turned me into a reporter of sorts. Brava lady. Brava. Okay, it took the longest running member of the White House Press Corps to get any of the mainstream media to actually pay attention and not sweep it away with their “Right Wing Conspirator-Fox News” broom – but hey, whatever dudes! This week the news was the news.

Chip Reid, was questioning Press Secretary Gibbs about stacking the deck and the lack of openness at the Annandale healthcare ‘town hall’ meeting, when Helen ran to his aid. Here’s the transcript:

Gibbs: (Talking to Chip Reid)  “… But, again, let’s–How about we do this?  I promise we will interrupt the AP’s tradition of asking the first question.  I will let you (Reid) ask me a question tomorrow as to whether you thought the questions at the town hall meeting that the President conducted in Annandale…“

Chip Reid: “I’m perfectly happy to…”

Helen Thomas: “That’s not his point.  The point is the control…

Reid: “Exactly.“

Thomas: “We have never had that in the White House.  And we have had some, but not… This White House.”

Gibbs: “Yes, I was going to say, I’ll let you amend her question.”

Thomas: “I’m amazed.  I’m amazed at you people who call for openness and transparency and…”

Gibbs: “Helen, you haven’t even heard the questions.”

Reid: “It doesn’t matter.  It’s the process.”

Thomas: “You have left open…”

Reid: “Even if there’s a tough question, it’s a question coming from somebody who was invited or was screened, or the question was screened.”

Thomas: “It’s shocking.  It’s really shocking.”

Gibbs: “Chip, let’s have this discussion at the conclusion of the town hall meeting.  How about that?”

Reid: “Okay.”     

Gibbs: “I think…“

Thomas: “No, no, no, we’re having it now…”

Gibbs: “Well, I’d be happy to have it now.”

Thomas: “It’s a pattern.”

Gibbs: “Which question did you object to at the town hall meeting, Helen?”

Thomas: “It’s a pattern.  It isn’t the question…”

Gibbs: “What’s a pattern?”

Thomas: “It’s a pattern of controlling the press.”

Gibbs: “How so?  Is there any evidence currently going on that I’m controlling the press…poorly, I might add.”

Thomas: “Your formal engagements are pre-packaged.”

Gibbs: “How so?”

Reid: “Well, and controlling the public…”

Thomas: “How so?  By calling reporters the night before to tell them they’re going to be called on.  That is shocking.”

Gibbs: “We had this discussion ad-nauseam and…”

Thomas: “Of course you would, because you don’t have any answers.”

Gibbs: “Well, because I didn’t know you were going to ask a question, Helen.
Go ahead.”

Thomas: “Well, you should have.”

Reporter: Thank you for your support.

Gibbs: “That’s good.  Have you e-mailed your question today?”

Thomas: “I don’t have to e-mail it.  I can tell you right now what I want to ask.”

Gibbs: “I don’t doubt that at all, Helen.  I don’t doubt that at all.”

Well there’s my report.

Again, thanks Helen. You did good. I actually got excited and smiled at some real news coming out of that appalling room this week. To my regular readers, please stay tuned. I just know Washington will have me rolling my eyes and shaking my head once again real soon, running off to find a brand new Whoopee Cushion.

Please keep reading all of you who hate sports in general or golf in particular because this isn’t about sports or golf. In order to make sure I got the entire finish of the Masters I recorded the next two hours of programming on CBS. When I got home and watched the golf I realized I had inadvertently recorded “Sixty Minutes.”

I was just about to hit the delete button since I gave up watching this leftist propaganda program after Dan Rather flaunted his fake Bush Air National Guard documents. Then I thought what the heck I haven’t seen a good biased program lately and my wife and son were away for the evening. I decided to play a game and count the liberal clichés in the program. 

I wasn’t disappointed. First up, a piece about a Pentagon program for advanced prosthetics with only one mention of the Pentagon and no mention of Obama military cuts that will endanger this program. Second “news” story, a liberal standard: EVIL GUNS! Leslie Stahl and CBS just can’t seem to figure out why anybody would want to protect themselves with a weapon. In their world, if you outlaw guns then criminals will be forced to rob the local convenience store with a rock or a knife. You see, you silly, silly Second Amendment nut jobs, if we just had stricter laws then criminals would obey them!  Then Leslie interviews some college guy who admitted on national TV that he committed a gun felony by conspiring to buy a handgun without proper identification. Of course, he was breaking the law to show how easy it was to break the law! I wonder if any law enforcement agency will track down this gun felon. Here is my question: was CBS news complicit in this man’s crime? Did they encourage him to go into the gun show and buy a gun illegally? Did they give him the money? “I am sure CBS would never do anything like that!” He said, as the sarcasm dripped into the paragraph below.

The show closed with some old guy who reminded me of Andy Rooney but I am pretty sure Andy Rooney died in 1984.  A study at the University of Montreal discovered that Andy wrote his last funny line in 1977. It was a joke about Billy Carter and it almost got him kicked out of the East Coast Liberal Elitist Journalist Society. Since that incident he has been afraid to make any jokes since they might offend someone somewhere. Has anybody in America, left or right, every laughed at Andy Rooney? How does this guy still have a job? What does he have on the execs at CBS that they are afraid to get him a room at the Retired Leftist Home right next to Helen Thomas?

Andy closed out the show with a little global warming piece that hit all of the right liberal clichés. The poles are melting and the world water levels are rising, man is evil and using up all of the natural resources of the planet! We are running out of oil! We are cutting down all the trees! Andy even said that a big iceberg from the South Pole might hit the United States. I would try to dispel all of the eco-leftist lies that were in his piece but I don’t have the time. Come to think of it, Andy probably doesn’t either.

I noticed Helen doze off a time or two during the Presidential presser. She seemed to have this attitude that this whole thing was interrupting her evening. I am willing to kick in a few extra bucks myself to find her a place in a managed care facility. Isn’t there some sort of liberal social safety net for their aging propagandists?

That Helen Thomas is still employed is amazing given the fact that she appears to have passed away several years ago. Employed and dead! This feat had previously only been accomplished by city employees in Chicago’s garbage removal department.

I am not exactly sure what rag employs Ms. Thomas. This is what really amazes me. Somewhere out there is an editor who one day said, “The world needs a ninety year olds’ view of the news. Why just hear about the last depression when we can have somebody who lived through it?” Perhaps this attitude explains the downward spiral of the dinosaur press.

Oh yeah, the President also said something about spending trillions to get the economy moving. I could have sworn I heard him say that his plan was to grow the economy by raising taxes on the rich and charities, and expanding government control of business and health care. I think I also heard him say by omission that if Congress didn’t give the middle class the tax break he promised it wouldn’t be a deal breaker. Do those girls have a puppy yet?

The first was while I was watching a guy I really like, Governor Mike Huckabee on Fox News. After watching Gov. Huckabee do a lot of guest spots on its other shows, Fox decided to give the Governor his own talk show. Being a great guest and an outstanding leader doesn’t mean you are automatically a great host. I watched the show the first time it was on and cringed but figured he was a good speaker and was used to talking to folks after being a pastor so he would grow into the role. After this weekend with the three Miss Americas and Rosie Perez someone should speak to the Governor. Does he know anyone who will tell him he makes a good talking head but if he ever wants to be taken seriously again for any major political office he should stop doing his talk show? Two of the Miss Americas singing “Leaving on a Jet Plane” was ironic in that that it is exactly what Fox should do with this show, send it somewhere on vacation. Does Fox not have a budget for writers? If the monologue jokes were any lamer they would have to come out in a wheelchair. Please, Governor Huckabee, for the sake of all conservatives everywhere stop being a third rate Jimmy Kimmel and start putting your organization together for 2012.

Then we had sweet lovable Helen Thomas making a fool of herself in front of yet another president. My Great Uncle is 93 and the state of Pennsylvania and his step daughter recently stepped in and took his drivers license after he sideswiped three cars on his way to church. Can’t someone who loves poor Helen do the same with her press pass? Isn’t there a nice group of Red Hat ladies she could go to Vegas with? You’d think the rest of the liberal “journalists” might have had a word with her a few months ago when she started spewing all her “what else should a journalist be except a liberal” stuff. But no, Helen Thomas is the AIG of White House reporters she is too big to fail!

Finally, where are the friends of Brett Favre? Why doesn’t his wife or his best hunting buddy take his Internet connection away from him at this time of year? This is the third straight year he has retired from football which I believe moves him ahead of George Blanda on the all-time list. Why didn’t he just let the Jets know he wasn’t coming back and head down to the bayou for some alone time?

I was just rereading this and thought it might be too snarky, I wish my buddy Bill was here to set me straight. Cue the James Taylor and fade to black.