So in case you missed it, the big news in 2010 was in Princeton, NJ where students voted on expanding the schools hummus offerings.

Yes, hummus.

A group, called the Princeton Committee for Palestine, want the school-run stores to sell more than one brand of the chick pea concoction. They claim that the one offered, Sabra, is owned by a business that supports the Israeli military.

And, I think we can all agree: since Jews are bad, a Jewish military is really bad!

And now, the fun part. I want to show you something that may make your eyes explode out of your face, and roll onto the floor.

It’s called the Philly BDS, (boycott, divest, sanction) a group of really attractive men and women who “danced into action” at a local grocery, in order to get the poor clerks to remove the hummus.

You may want to have the children leave the room.

—–

Is every one okay? Does anyone need a bucket?

I haven’t seen anything that hairy since they drained the pool at the Playboy mansion.

Yes, I apologize for scarring your retinas, but it must be done. You need to be reminded how foolish students can be – but also, how entertaining their foolishness is, provided you aren’t close enough to smell their unshaven pits.

So, the gist: in these students misguided brains, hummus is worse than… Hamas.

I only hope that the idiocy they flaunt in that clip is more than matched by the sheer embarrassment of their parents.

Note: If these shameless creatures are your offspring, please stop paying their tuition, and force them to fend for themselves. My guess is any hummus will start looking tasty, for it will be all these hopeless sacks of self-congratulating cretins can afford.

And if you disagree with me, you’re a racist, homophobic hummusaphobe.

Cindy Sheehan, Jodie Evans, Hugo Chavez and Medea Benjamin

The Great Melanie Morgan is putting together a protest for tomorrow and according to Variety’s Wilshire & Washington, it looks as though the protest will also be an opportunity to do a little star-gazing:

Jerry Brown will be at the Venice home of Jodie Evans for a $500-per-person event on Saturday, with a host list that includes Frank Gehry, Sally Kellerman, Bill Press, Stanley Sheinbaum, Hope Warschaw and Gail Zappa.

That’s Pritzker Prize winning architect Frank Gehry…
Oscar-nominee and “M*A*S*H” star Sally Kellerman…
Left-wing columnist and talk radio host Bill Press…
Funder of left-wing causes Stanley Sheinbaum…
Someone named Hope Warschaw…
and Frank Zappa’s second wife, Gail…

Hey, so what if Jodie Evans and her Code Pinksters likes to partner up with Hamas to donate $600,000 in “humanitarian aid” to the same terrorists out on a rampage to kill our military in Iraq? These prominent Hollywoodists and their moneyed ilk are just trying to be open-minded and tolerant. It’s not like she’s Sarah Palin.

Melanie Morgan and her fellow patriots will be at Evans’ home before the event which begins at 4 p.m.Saturday at 757 Palms Blvd., Venice, Calif.

For more information go to www.moveamericaforward.com.

The most rudimentary example is, of course, the pistol in the desk drawer: revealed in Act I, and then in Act II, the gun is used to kill someone.

For an intensive workshop in cinematic setups and payoffs you should screen the Back to the Future series, where setup and payoff are elevated to an entirely new level.

It’s kind of fascinating, watching Obama construct the setup for his Afghanistan policy. He follows a familiar dramatic structure:

1. Anguished self-reflection, all quite public in order to display nobility of character.

2. Striking out at supporting players—Generals Petraeus and McChrystal—for their disloyal behavior.

3. Floating ideas through the court jester, Joe Biden, regarding an alternate—i.e. losing—policy in Afghanistan. The fool is allowed to speak the truth in order to maintain plausible deniability, but actually designed to prepare the great unwashed for a series of radical policy shifts.

It’s all very Will Shakespeare.

But of course this is all a set-up for Obama to do nothing for as long as possible, which is, by the way, doing quite a bit. Inaction on the part of America and her allies benefits the Muslim terrorists by giving them time to recruit, raise funds, regroup, train, and conquer more real estate.

Obama’s next move will be to deploy a few extra troops to Afghanistan, just enough to claim that he’s in the fight, but not enough to shatter his liberal base.

However,  as the body count rises and the tactical and strategic situation in Afghanistan deteriorates, Obama will, in slow motion, bring the troops home, thereby surrendering to radical Islam. And, according to the Democrats, rescuing us from a Vietnam like quagmire.

The blowback will be massive.

1. The Islamists will—rightly—declare victory over the Crusader infidels.

2. Radical Islam will point to a failure of Western resolve in the face of imperial Islam. The propaganda value of this claim cannot be overstated.

3. The Taliban will swallow the entire country and a reign of Islamic terror will spread like the Black Plague.

4. Rapidly, Afghanistan will devolve into a terrorist and drug cartel state, sending out death squads to Europe, North Africa and America.

5. Emboldened, the Taliban will set their sights on neighboring Pakistan, a failed nuclear state ripe for picking. India will be compelled to act or face a nuclear Taliban—dirty suitcase bombs will proliferate—and their non-state Islamist allies, including Iranian proxies. Hamas and Hizbullah.

6. America’s allies will view Obama’s America as an unreliable ally and draw away from America’s orbit.

7. Obama’s fetish for sitting down, in community organizer mode, and yapping away with totalitarian regimes signals massive naivete and weakness. Hence, the Taliban, Iran, North Korea, and Venezuela will stomp all over this administration like a rug. The number one rule of geo-politics is: weakness invites aggression.

Ladies and gentlemen, fasten your seat belts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

Copyright © Robert J. Avrech

Returning once again to the land beneath the Big Hollywood sign for a most important poll question. “The Stoning of Soraya M.” has received powerful rave reviews across the political spectrum. The buzz is hot. From the leftie pundits at HuffPo (who only seem to be discovering the true human rights horrorshow nature of that regime now, most curious) to the Righties at Big Hollywood and elsewhere, SORAYA M. is a must-see movie that will linger with you long after you’ve left the theater.

Strangely enough, Amnesty lnternational’s Elise Auerbach doesn’t like it. Because stonings in Iran are so rare, don’t you know. No suspension of disbelief for Ms. Elsie. I’m sorry, what’s her job again? Oh yeah, Iran Specialist for Amnesty International. Go figure. Personally, I happen to think one stoning is one too many. And it wasn’t the only one, not by a country mile! But that’s just me. I’m not an Iran specialist for AI. Like, say, Ms. Auerbach. Nice work if you can get it, huh, Ms. Elsie?

By the way, did the acronym AI in the context of Ms. Elsie’s employer and thumbs-down review of Soraya M. remind anyone else of Artificial Intelligence? But I digress. To be sure, there are a number of disturbing productions from Thugocracy Studios that have lingered with me for a very long time now. A young woman’s brutal and heart-wrenching Islamic clothing violation arrest I posted last May, which has generated 6000 hits since. The gay executions. The 140 children on Death Row.

The mass hangings. The stonings and executions of a lot more women and young girls than just Soraya M. Here’s a thugocracy twofer, sisters Zoreh and Azar Kabiri, each charged with adultery, already hit with 99 lashes and now awaiting the rock-throwers. Do their husbands want new wives too, like Soraya’s? Who needs a messy divorce when a good clean stoning works just as well? Nice law if you can get it, if you’re a philandering, misogynist God-fearing Islamist, and the fascist women-hating judges give your word as a man twice that of a woman’s in court.

If you want the full bloody extremist Third Reich tour of Iran, here it is. Here’s the regime’s gay-friendly extermination program. Boys In The Band it ain’t. Point being, will SORAYA M. make the AMPAS nominee list next January, even in its now-extended format of ten candidates for Best Picture? Or, will the Academy bury it as a dirty reminder of their collective shame this past March?

First, let us admit that no politics takes place during The Academy’s selection process. FISH HOOK! You people are just too easy. As for me, I’m torn. See, the Academy, particularly the Nine Stooges of Team Oscar, bravely commanded by Academy Prez and Stooge-In-Chief Sid Ganis, may find it embarrassing to rave about a powerful film on a brutal stoning in Iran after producing TEA WITH AHMADINEJAD and praising the regime’s boffo womens rights record, as thugocracy stooge Annette Bening did. Very unfavorable contrast with Soraya M.

Then again, by rallying to the Forces of Good and whitewashing that abysmal affair in now-chaotic Iran, as they’ve already attempted to with their lame website promo The Road To Isfahan (seen the real Road To Isfahan lately? It ain’t no Bob and Bing movie, that’s for goddamn sure!), they can once again proudly don the mantle of human rights champs, the one they so misplaced for their last tea and finger cookies soiree to the gay-slaughtering and women-stoning Islamist butchers of Iran.

So whattaya think, people? Does “The Stoning of Soraya M.” get showered with Oscar praise, and perhaps even Oscar gold, as Academy absolution of their egregious PR sins in Tehran? Or, do the King-Of-Hearts on Wilshire Boulevard put SORAYA M. in the closet, with all the 4000-plus exterminated Iranian gays? You know, the ones they so forgot about to play the roles of Hollywood Diplomats at the Ahmie and Khamie Punking Extravaganza? Or is it just too powerful a film for even the Academy to sweep under the rug as an Inconvenient Truth?

Cast your vote in the Comments section. Assorted woolgathering on the subject will also be welcome. I leave it to you fine folks at Big Hollywood to ward off the trolls. I’ll be too busy working on my Oscar-quality script honoring and paying homage to no less than Oscar himself.

That is not a punchline, either. Truth is stranger than fiction. Started it last year, when I still adored the Academy and all its members beyond measure. So shall it end, in the spirit of that love. I don’t let politics poison my scripts. I guess I now know why they call it La La Land. You really do have to exist in a state of unreality to get anything worthwhile done. Speaking of states of unreality, feel free to cast your own vote here with the Asylum of Motion Picture Airheads and Stooges.

Lastly, the WaPo, and others of the Leftie LibDem persuasion like President Obama, say any help to the people of Iran, or even siding with them, is a bad move. That smells like moral cowardice to me. Such naive and wishy-washy idealists have stood idly by from King George to Adolf Hitler. I personally believe in calling freedom-crushing, blood-drinking, power-grabbing dictators for what they are. To paraphrase Ronald Reagan, Let Iran Be Iran.

Siding with the Iranian people, who are unimaginably oppressed and trying to shake off their Gestapo-like shackles can’t be bad. Besides, should they win this war on ruthless clerical fascism, which has nothing to do with Allah, whose side do you want them remembering YOU being on?

Playing nice never works with the Hitlers of this world. The regime is already blaming us for interfering anyway. Always have. Makes it easy to label people like students and dissenters as Imperialist and Zionist traitors and execute them. Ever read 1984? May as well commit the crime. And it’s not like they’ve been holding Death to America rallies for thirty years to show their affection.

Let’s show some of that love back. I would also add to that love of a free Iran any requests by a future Iranian People’s Resistance, if the bloodshed of innocents mounts to sickening proportions (which it most likely will), to include smuggling arms to them from Afghanistan and Iraq. Let the regime deal with the kind of Islamic-driven insurgency they’ve been fueling in both countries, not to mention Gaza and Lebanon. Sorry, people. I’m siding with the victims here in full measure, not the perpetrators.

I always side with the Resistance against Hitler. I also believe Congress, The White House and the State Department should be made aware of that sentiment as well. Oh, and if you do contact the White House, please have them correct the President in addressing Khamenei. It’s Supreme ASSWIPE. Do we support Hope and Change in Iran? Or do we play nice, so Ahmie can slaughter all the rounded-up protesters with bloodthirsty impunity, then tell us to fuck off as he finishes his shady basement nuclear project, as he’s always done to the UN, the IAEA and every other nation on earth?

As for me, I say DEATH TO THE DICTATOR! FREE IRAN! Good Night and Good Luck, especially to the poor innocent Iranians suffering unimaginably at the hands of Ahmie and Khamie’s Islamist Gestapo goons even as we speak. It’s the Basiji, Hamas and Hezbollah goons that deserve to die. I’ll gladly help with that any way I can. So should we all. Anything less would be uncivilized. Let’s be the Iranian people’s Right Guard, and help eliminate the foul stench of fascism once and for all.

It’s really stinking up the joint, isn’t it? Lastly, I’d like you all to send a shout-out to the stunningly beautiful and incredibly humorous (she thinks I’m funny) Hannah Irani, aka LuvManatee, at her YouTube and Twitter pages. She is an Iranian-American medical student in LA who is spending a lot of her time live-blogging Iran. Tell her a joke to cheer her up, let her know you’re with her and the Iranian people all the way, and ask her how you can help.

I must say, during these tumultuous times, I have truly found out just how incredibly gorgeous Iranian women are. Persian Princesses all. Women that beautiful have to be saved. Just think of the bennies. A lot of hot bennies for you gays, too

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: Here are some protesters in Iran torching the gas lines to a basiji building and blowing it up. It’s at 0:05 on the far right of the screen. Five Islamist Gestapo basiji goons dead, many injured.  It’s the feel-good movie of the summer. Just listen to those cheers! Somebody give that cameraman an Oscar, LOL! You know, I generally don’t like bloodshed. But only if it’s the wrong blood being spilled. Other than that, the Iranian Resistance has carte blanche.

FREE IRAN! DEATH TO THE DICTATOR! Worth a second shout-out, yes? See you at the Oscars!

All it takes is one person to break the ice. Example. Twenty years ago, my brother won tickets to a Journey concert in Worcester, Massachusetts on the radio. We rode a packed WBCN Party Bus out of Boston, but everyone was kind of uptight and kept to themselves, like there were cops in the crowd. So I took a risk and lit up a big fattie anyway. Within minutes, it was like a Cheech and Chong movie. You couldn’t see out the windows. Everyone was laughing, joking, hacking and toking.

So, at the risk of stinking up the joint again, but with the possible reward of jovial comradery and a few laughs, looks like I’ll have to be the first one to light up. The only real question is, will this be the torching that finally gets me arrested?

So be it. Great reward often involves great risk. To be fair, Jimmy Kimmel went to a black barbershop to ask black people what subjects for humor were taboo or not. Very funny stuff. As for me, I’m gonna live a little more dangerously, like Pryor and Bruce. Here goes my comedy career!

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“Did you hear President Obama had to cancel his press conference today? Got his halo stuck in a TelePrompTer!”

“President Obama said he’s unlike all those other presidents we’ve ever had, and he’s right. What other president in American history could fit in at both an NAACP dinner and a KKK rally?”

“Did you hear Newsweek editor Evan Thomas said Obama was like God? In related news, the American Medical Association recommended that journalists covering the President should see their doctors for regular prostrate exams.”

“The Obamas held their first open-to-the-public Easter Egg Hunt today. Thirty thousand guests hid their wallets around the White House grounds for Timothy Geithner to find!”

“In related news, the Obama Administration seized millions of dollars from the accounts of online poker players. Strangely enough, they were all corporate executives who canceled junkets to Vegas on the President’s recommendation. Just goes to show, the house always wins!”

“First Lady Michelle Obama was seen walking around London today wearing a stuffed orange snake around her waist. In related news, former GM Chairman Rick Wagoner was spotted walking around Detroit wearing his ass for a hat.”

“Jimmy Carter was honored by the Palestinians today for his support in helping them toward independence. In this Fourth of July spirit, Hamas revelers set off fireworks on Israel.” (I know that wasn’t about Obama. Just mixing it up, like a good sit-down comedian should. Besides, one Carter’s as good as another when it comes to comedy!)

“Well, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright is back in the news again. Said ‘them Jews’ won’t let him in to see Obama. Seems the Good Reverend is going to unusual lengths to get an audience with his former parishioner. He was last seen roosting like a chicken on the White House fence.”

“Former Obama associate William Ayers is back in the news. Seems he was barred from entering Canada over a forty-year old felony conviction. Fortunately, he was able to catch a ride back with Janet Napolitano, who was just barred from Canada for felony idiocy.”

“As you all know, the President promised to find new homes for the Chinese Uighur detainees at Gitmo. Four are now in Bermuda, and another thirteen will be soon be sent the island paradise of Palau. In related news, the Taliban and Al Qaeda reported a recent upsurge in recruits.”

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I tried to come up with Biden jokes. I really did. But the guy’s a Perfect Storm of Comedy. It’s like trying to make jokes about Curly Howard. How can you top perfection?

So there it is. The ice is broken, and possibly my clean criminal record as well. Oh well. Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true. By the way, if any of you have any great joke ideas, or know any great Obama jokes, please post them in the comments section. It’s not like anyone in Hollywood or the media is going to steal them and cash in on them. Have fun!

And let me make this perfectly clear, even if they do say Jehovah!

Sentence must be read before being carried out. And unlike Soraya M., the board members of the Asylum of Motion Picture Airheads and Stooges will deserve every rock that’s thrown their way. I also believe that, in light of events in Iran today, the following commentary will stand out in much starker prominence than it did when I first started reporting on them in early March, when Team Oscar first set off for the Unfriendly Skies of Islamist Iran.

The backstory. In late February, the decision by AMPAS (as defined above) to send the Nine Stooges to the fascist hostage-taking, women-stoning, gay-exterminating Islamic Republic of Iran (at that time, things may be changing) set me off hotter than a Kim Jong Il nuke. Five days after the gay rights infomercial Oscars, no less! My gay rights heroes.

Somebody give ‘em an Oscar! For what it’s worth nowadays. Sean Penn getting an Oscar for playing a gay rights hero with his sorry track record on the subject is like Yasser Arafat, Jimmy Carter and Al Gore getting Nobel Prizes. They just ain’t worth what they used to be these days.

But I digress. On With The Show Biz Trial.

For ten days and uncounted humiliating punkings in early March, Team Oscar was a national embarrassment and a disgrace to this country and people, and an affront to the innocent Iranians suffering under a yoke of oppression not seen since Hitler’s Third Reich. A yoke which they are desperately and bravely fighting and even dying to cast off even as we speak.

And now, despite all that transpired back then, and all that is happening now in Iran, AMPAS is looking to whitewash the whole affair as a Bob Hope and Bing Crosby Road trip! Not on my watch! Fat fucking chance! Can you imagine how Iranian gays felt, watching the same people who facilitated tearful speeches on “gay rights for everyone” socializing and galivanting around town with the very monsters who were hunting them down, torturing and killing them?

If that alone isn’t a stoning offense, then nothing is.

Some may consider my charges harsh, even unreasonably so. So be it. Brutal Injustice and rank hypocrisy bring out the Zarqawi in me. But I will present to you, Dear Hollywood non-Academy Readers and Fine Fellow Americans everywhere, the foul evidence at hand in toto.

When charges have been read, and sentence is to be passed, I will leave it to the rest of you stoners as to which direction your rocks should fly. But first, to put the matter into Supreme Court-like perspective, look at the precedent law upon which I base my charges and my case.

THE WORLD v. SOUTH AFRICA

In 1985, during the oppressive Apartheid era of South Africa’s all-white fascist regime, actors, artists, producers and many fine musicians like Little Stevie van Zandt and The Boss, Bruce Springsteen, united to make a statement against that racist government, which held Nelson Mandela behind bars unjustly for 29 years, and murdered noted anti-apartheid activist Steven Biko while in police custody. That murder was memorialized in the Peter Gabriel song of the same name.

In conjunction with worldwide sanctions and divestment of business from South Africa at the time, the musical statement made by that group of most talented artists, better know as Artists United Against Apartheid, was immortalized in the song Sun City, which became a smash hit worldwide. We all know the rest of the story. The white South African government eventually folded, and Nelson Mandela was freed and then elected to the presidency.

What were South Africa’s crimes besides just Mandela’s imprisonment and Biko’s murder? Officially enforced racial segregation and subjugation, violent repression and the banning of opposition political parties. Certainly more than enough justification for international outrage, and both official and unofficial sanctions.

Yet compared to the current theocratic Hitlerite thugocracy running the Islamic Republic of Iran, which the world is also widely sanctioning today, South Africa’s Apartheid government was operating an island paradise fit for Chinese Uighurs. In Iran, political empowerment is nonexistent, and has been since the 1979 Islamic revolution.

All the power is in the hands of Supreme Leader Ali Khamanei and the Mad Mullah Guardian Council. Reform was impossible. Any measure passed by Iran’s Parliament, the Majlis, deemed ‘un-Islamic’ by the Mad Mullahs could be overturned on review. The Church is the State in Iran. Like a nationwide Westboro Baptist Church from Hell. Only worse. Much worse.

Examples. Children are routinely executed, gays are hunted down, tortured and brutally exterminated, and women and young girls are stoned and hanged, even for the crime of being raped. Until international outrage interceded, as happened vis-a-vis Roxana Saberi, seventeen-year-old Nazanin Fatehi was awaiting a death sentence for the crime of stabbing and killing one of the three God-fearing Islamists who attempted to rape her and her niece in a West Tehran park.

Here is a 27-minute documentary that re-enacts the attempted rape and the unbelievably misogynist injustice which followed. Had the world not screamed so loud in outrage, Nazanin would have suffered the same fate as that of twenty-year-old Delara Derabi, who was hanged by the Islamic Republic only six weeks ago. Iran has held mass hangings as recently as May 14th. And given the official death penalty announcement for Mousavi protesters, many more may follow depending on the outcome of current events.

This doesn’t even take into account the fact that many in Iran’s terror-sponsoring Islamist extremist leadership, including ‘moderate’ Hashemi Rafsanjani and recent presidential candidate Mohsen Rezai, former head of Iran’s Revolutionary Guard and former ‘diplomat’ to Argentina, are wanted by Interpol for their involvement in the worst terror attacks in Argentina’s history back in 1994. An Interpol warrant was issued for Rezai as recently as May 22nd.

Here is a piece I wrote back in early March, branding the regime as today’s Third Reich. Look at all the horrific and barbaric evidence of crimes against humanity committed both at home and abroad, and you tell me if I’m overstating the case. Keep also in mind that Hamas and Hezbollah terrorists are now in the streets of Iran, beating and killing the same Iranians who have supported and patronized the Islamist groups for decades.

Taking time out from killing innocent Jews to killing innocent Iranians. No surprise there, since the regime already kills its own people on an assembly line basis. Even bloggers. Given all this brutal evidence of the Iranian thugocracy’s bloody track record which spans the globe, I ask you, Dear Readers of jurisprudence and humble advocates of human rights for all, how was the Islamic Republic of Iran worthy of cultural diplomatic exchange, and South Africa not?

They should be forming Artists United Against Insanity to oppose Iran’s theocratic thugocracy, not flying over for tea, fingers cookies, and film seminars! Disgraceful!

Charges as follows. Bear with me. It’s a longer list than you think.

1. THE FIRST PUNKING OF FAR TOO MANY

Even though AMPAS was promised no politics would be involved in the visit, Team Hollywood was no sooner off the tarmac at Khomeini Airport in Tehran than they were totally punked by the best punks in the world, with harsh demands for apologies and submission by Iranian leaders over the films 300 and The Wrestler, or they wouldn’t get to meet their Iranian film buds. Curiously, Team Oscar was allowed to meet with their Iranian counterparts shortly thereafter. My question to the Academy is this: did they apologize or not?

Iif you recall, what so outraged Iranian government stooges over The Wrestler was Mickey Rourke breaking an Iranian flag and tossing it into the crowd. Deliciously ironic, considering the desecration of our flag is a national sport with the regime. There was also a declaration by Iran’s Foreign Ministry spokesman, Hassan Qashqavi, that thirty films currently in production in Hollywood were ‘anti-Iranian.’

Civilized governments don’t act like that. Yet I broke the punking story in America to Drudge and Nikki Finke because I knew something like that was going to happen. I was looking for it. Hell, the regime has been punking us for thirty years! Ahmadinejad had even said Hollywood was devoid of all culture and art. Something’s Gotta Give. I must admit, however, that maybe Ahmie was onto something with that comment. Never thought I’d agree with anything the Little Hitler said.

Academy politics makes strange bedfellows, I reckon.

That infamous Punking Heard ‘Round the World should have proved to all concerned that President Obama’s attempt at diplomacy through Team Oscar was a horrendous failure, as all other efforts since have been. Like the Khamenei-led Death to America rallies in response to Obama’s peace video. Yet Team Oscar suffered that humiliation and degradation only to suffer many more. And the rest of us, since Team Oscar represented us over there as a nation as well.

Some were even worse, if you can believe it. In short, if somebody wrote a script like this, no one would ever believe it. But I already read the book. Been reading it since 1979.

2. TEAM OSCAR’S STOOGES TRAIN IRAN’S PROPAGANDA STOOGES

Iran ‘film industry’ experts, many of whom Stooge Team Oscar no doubt gave seminars to, gave their own previous film seminars on Iran TV on the Ziono-Hollywoodist conspirators for making such anti-Iranian celluloid slanders as Harry Potter, Chicken Run and Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. And let’s not forget the Jew Disney’s cartoon conspiracy, Tom and Jerry. Also deliciously ironic, considering Iran exports child martyrdom cartoons across the Middle East, a business so thriving the BBC called it, in blackly comic Joker-like fashion, ‘booming.’

I can understand the cultural aspect Team Hollywood pursued. I even respect it. But in my opinion, given the circumstances, it was the equivalent of sending a cultural team to Hitler’s Berlin during the Holocaust. The real great Iranian filmmakers were all heel-ground. The ones who aren’t languish in Evin prison or are awaiting kangaroo court religious tribunals, like Iranian-American Esha Momeni, for the celluloid slander of interviewing Iranian women for a womens rights documentary for her master’s degree.

Filmmaker Tehmineh Milani was sentenced to death for her celluloid slander. Again, only international and, in Ms. Milani’s case, even domestic outrage saved her neck from the rope. Another filmmaker, the French-Iranian Mernousche Solouki, was thrown into Evin prison for the crime of stumbling across a mass grave.

Here’s Ms. Solouki’s recounting of the event. She still suffers nightmares from her experience in Evin. I read that, and other horror stories of the Gestapo-like Evin prison when Roxana Saberi was still there. Horrified me. I know her father must have known of that. He’s from Iran. He must know. They all do. I can’t even imagine how he felt with Roxana there. Again, the South Africa analogy.

Yet despite all those goings-on, Annette Bening took time out to tell the world how great women’s rights were in Iran. Which brings us straight to Team Oscar’s next great offense.

3. ROXANA SABERI AND THE SOUND OF SILENCE

Throughout Roxana’s unlawful detention, i.e. hostage status as a political pawn, and bogus conviction on trumped-up espionage charges, Team Oscar couldn’t have been more silent or unheard from than Roxana herself. Not one public message of support for either Roxana or the Academy during her unlawful detention in Evin, never mind anyone else in Hollywood except us right-wing extremists. In fact, the whole human rights-championing left-wing PRAVDA-like MSM and government pulled a complete disappearing act on Roxana right after Hillary demanded her release, like she was bad press for the Obamamessiah to be swept under the rug.

At the time, my linked article above generated twenty times more Google hits than the entire media coverage combined. It’s at over 7300 hits now, more than 100 times the number of hits generated on Google vis-a-vis coverage of Roxana in late March.  I’m still getting hits on it. I don’t think people can believe what they’re seeing still. But I digress. You get the point.

No public statement of support from Team Oscar for Roxana that I can find. Team Oscar member William Horberg’s Iran blog made no mention whatsoever of Roxana’s unlawful captivity, or any plea they might have made on Roxana’s behalf to Iranian authorities. I have to assume none was made. Perhaps the Academy could clear up that matter, too. Inquiring Minds Want To Know.

Knowing the King of Hearts-like unreality that resides in the La La Land of AMPAS HQ, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least to hear any of them claim credit for Roxana’s release in the future, or even for the green revolution going on in Iran today. If they do, just remember Annette praising the regime’s great women’s rights record while Roxana was still in Evin. For starters.

That should clear things up.

What was really depressing to me throughout Roxana’s Hostage Crisis was how few in Hollywood spoke up on her behalf, when no one knew whether she would live or die. That will forever be a black stain on those who profess to be the greatest human rights champs in the world.

4. OF STOOGES FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC

Perhaps the most vocal filmmaker during Team Oscar’s prolonged humiliation in Iran was domestic thugocracy stooge and new Team Oscar BFF Alireza Davudnejad, who wrote an open letter to President Obama claiming that the only road to peace, freedom and justice in this world was for the President to destroy all of America’s nuclear weapons and give up its UN veto.

Mr. Davudnejad also requested a schedule as to when those world-shaking peace, freedom and justice-inducing landmarks would be carried out. This, from a regime that foments war, writes injustice into its penal codes, crushes freedom with an iron boot, and races to build nuclear weapons they swear to Allah and their own people they’ll use on Israel just as soon as they’re built.

Now THAT’S Comedy! Fortunately, the President didn’t fall for it. If he had, it would have been the Punking Of All Time. No punking for Mr. Ali-Duh, but a gold star on the forehead for effort. Mr. Davudnejad did, however, manage to give a closing backhand to his new BFF, Team Oscar:

“My last recommendation is not to follow your previous cultural policies and avoid your Hollywood friends from playing any tricks to dominate the cinemas of Iran. The United States once removed Iranian cinema from the Iranian life with the help of the former dictatorship; and sacrificed our industry with the import of foreign films.

The fallen cinema of Iran has once again regained its footing with the Islamic Revolution and has been fighting to survive for thirty years. We will not forgive the enemies of this cinema wherever they are. By the way, which is harder, to relinquish the veto right, or to forbear the domination of Iran’s cinema again? You have a hard path ahead. I pray for you. Only the right path has no deviation.”

How about neither, Ali-DUH? Over my freakin’ dead body! Go sit on a projector!

By the way, you got all that, Sid, Annette, and the rest of you Ziono-Hollywoodist conspirators? No more tricks! Or they won’t even let you apologize next time!

Q. What was the difference between Team Oscar and Ali-Duh in Iran?

A. He’s a domestic film industry stooge.

Yet another degrading episode Team Oscar let slide. I guess they’re more on the M side of S&M. Seeing as they represented all of us in a diplomatic capacity, so were we. How does it feel? Mr. Ganis also stood by for yet another punking by the Director of Iran’s House of Cinema, one of many he seemed unfazed by. Some people are just gluttons for punishment, I guess.

As a comic relief sidebar, the culture ministers who approved Team Oscar’s trip were summoned before an angry Majlis, Iran’s parliament, to explain who let the Great Satan into their pure Islamist paradise. But that’s how it goes. Nobody is safe in Punkedville. Even the punks! No word on if the ministers apologized, but it was rumored Mr. Ganis couldn’t find his ministerial escort anywhere.

Hell, they’re the liberals in Iran! Fuggeddaboutit!

5. THE BURQA BABES OF BABYLON

It would seem that, as Team Oscar was reeling from their hot-off-the-tarmac punking, the Mad Mullahs used the opportunity to wrap up the goils like mummies in burqas. They may call it a fashion statement or cultural sensitivity, but why didn’t they make a bold statement by wearing Western dress the whole time, instead of looking like every other oppressed woman in Iran?

6. THE GENOCIDE PRIDE PARADES, or BOY, CAN THESE GUYS THROW AN O-BASH!

On March 6th, the same day Iranian authorities promised to release Roxana Saberi ’soon’ after SOS Clinton’s demand the day before, news broke of the ICC warrant issued for Sudan’s genocidal leader, General Omar Bashir. It was an insult, an offense and a crime against humanity (Majlis Speaker Lari Alijani’s words, not mine) against the Iranian regime’s BFF O-Bash.

In response, the entire upper leadership of Iran’s thugocracy, along with their Islamist Gestapo Blackshirt stooges from Hamas and Hezbollah (the same ones beating and killing Mousavi protesters this week), took to the streets of Tehran AND Khartoum, the very streets where the genocide was and is being committed to this day, to throw genocide parades for human vampire and Dear Leader Bashir.

Now, what should you do if you know your host country is officially celebrating the most abominable crime known to man in the streets below your gilded cages? Do you a. speak up in outrage? Do you b. hightail it out of Dodge as fast as you can? My answers are a and b. Team Oscar’s appears to have been c. keep the tea and finger cookies coming, Ahmie! Now I don’t know the law in that situation, so maybe some fine Hollywood lawyer could tell me. Is that being silent accomplices?

See, I believe genocide parades are a crime in themselves, as though other nations were celebrating Hitler in the streets of Berlin and their own streets, had Hitler been charged by the League of Nations for genocide during the Holocaust. But that’s just me.

SUBPLOT: I just read that O-Bash flew to Zimbabwe on June 10th. He’s wanted for genocide. Why is he being allowed to fly all over Africa and the Middle East with impunity? What, we don’t have aircraft carriers out there that could send up a couple fighter jets to escort Blacula to justice?

7. AHMADINEJAD’S WILLIE HORTONS

As a bonus, highlighted by Ahmadinejad’s condemnation of Hollywood as devoid of culture and art, and followed up by the summoning of ministers to the Majlis over Team Oscar’s invite, both Ahmadinejad and Supreme Asswipe Khamenei used Team Oscar as their Willie Horton in the recent elections. You know. Who let the Great Satan in?

So rather than fostering a liberalization of Iran, as they no doubt naively thought, they instead served as a political tool with which hardliners could beat moderates over the head with. Considering the extreme Islamist nature of Iranian politics (as least last week), they made the situation for moderates even worse. The only thing they didn’t appear to do was make the political ads themselves. But they did train the propaganda stooges who no doubt made any, if any were made.

Damage done either way. Hooray For Hollywood!

THAT’S A WRAP!

I suppose I could rummage for even more egregious offenses, and glaring or willfully blind oversights. But I have far more than enough to convict. If you seek more for purely historical reference, feel free to check all my linked articles above. You’ll find ‘em. My problem was trying to choose which offenses and oversights to pick from.

WILLIAM HORBERG FOR THE DEFENSE

Currently posted at the Academy website is the following prosaic account by William Horberg of Team Oscar’s late-term abortion of a trip to Iran: The Road To Isfahan. Let’s hear what he has to say in Team Oscar’s defense before we stone them. That may seem predicative of the outcome, but remember, these offenses took place in Iran. Islamist extremist rules apply. Got it now?

Actually, just check the link above. We’ll stone ‘em now and rule ‘em guilty later. I mean, come on people. Given the evidence, they may as well have been jumping up and down and screaming “Jehovah!” Time to get stoned. And if you’ve misplaced yours, here’s another one.

IN CLOSING

Now, I fully condemn the shooting of Dr. Tiller by lone madman Scott Roeder in Kansas, as all right-minded human beings should. But I would fully endorse the shooting of whatever single-digit IQ Academy PR doctors were behind this afterbirth. They Shoot Horses’ Asses In Hollywood, Don’t They? If anyone at the Academy had any brains, they’d be stocking up on ammunition like a right-wing extremist Timothy McVeigh-like Montana militia for that very purpose right now!

QUALIFIER: Yes, I’m kidding. No need to call DHS just yet, thank you very much. Besides, you’re as likely to find a gun at Academy HQ as you are a hymen on Heidi Fleiss.

Despite the current brain-dead off-the cliff lemming leadership at AMPAS today, I love film. I love Hollywood I even love the Academy Of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences. Always have. Broke my heart to declare war on them. I even told them so. But all the above is Casus Belli. Gloves are off.

The blackest irony of all? I was in the middle of writing a loving screwball comedy tribute to Oscar when the news of their trip broke! By the way, I even warned them that if they tried giving all this Iran shite the Red Carpet treatment, I’d pull the rug out from under them. And I know and they know I’ve caused a lot of PR damage already over their Iran trip, both here at Big Hollywood and elsewhere.

My Iran opeds since the PUNK’D piece on Nikki Finke February 28th are pushing 30,000 hits at one blog alone. Can’t anyone in this business keep their mouth shut? How stupid can you be? Are they total masochistic gluttons for punishment? Oh yeah, I already covered that. Drop that last one off at the Department of Redundancy Department, LOL! In the meantime, I’ll do my best to have the Nine Stooges ejected off the Academy board and into the Pacific.

Now, I’ve had some very juicy tastes of Tinseltown. The Red Carpet A-List circuit in Beverly Hills and Los Angeles. I’m not a Guild Member, but my first screenplay got a number of finalist nods from some of the toughest Emmy-winning and Oscar-nominated contest judges in Hollywood. And I got an option with it. I got some chops. And I’ve only gotten better over the years through hard work, practice and learning. I know that because industry pros doing my coverage told me so.

But you know what? As much as I wanted to trash that story and never write another word in screenplay format again, I love that script. Put a lot of love and time into it. Think it’s my best work so far. So does my writing partner. In fact, I’m going to finish that script very shortly. And I’m going to finish it in the spirit in which I started: with love, tenderness and affection, even towards Academy members I wrote into the script with boundless love that I totally detest now.

How? I call it professional detachment. Like sniping Nazis as I lovingly listen to Mozart. Best of, worst of. I don’t let politics poison my scripts. I’ll leave the Lefties to do that. I’d rather not bomb at the box office. And I’ll have coverage done by someone I know and trust networked into the industry like a spiderweb. If I get a nearly impossible grade of RECOMMEND and it doesn’t move, I know my self-inflicted film industry Hiroshima is complete.

But you know what, people? I’ll take as many of them with me as I can, just like the wounded Mickey Rooney in Ambush Bay offering Japanese soldiers pineapples. He had plenty for everybody. Point being, I won’t stand for this crap and let it slide just to sell a script. This matter goes way beyond film to me. Look at it this way. AMPAS spends four hours championing gay rights at the last Oscars, then flies off to Iran to give that gay-butchering regime its gold-plated PR kiss, even praising women’s rights in the most violently misogynist regime on earth? STUFF IT!

God, how I wished I lived in the era of the Hollywood of an earlier day, when the top stars flocked to the service of their country, instead of the service of thuggish and violent dictators like Chavez, Castro and Ahmadinejad. By the way, Sean Penn holds the Trifecta of Shame on that one.

Let me be explicitly clear that I believe extreme left-wing morons like Sean Penn, Danny Glover and Harry “Bananas” Belafonte are the minority in Hollywood. Squeaky left-wing wheels get all the grease. I know a lot of great people in the industry personally. And I can’t praise highly enough Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Mia Farrow, Jim Carrey, Gary Sinise, Robert Davi and so many great USO supporters like Saddam million dollar bounty-offering Bruce Willis, Scarlett Johansson, Jack Black and Ben Stiller.

There are really too many to name. But you know who they are. As to the distinct minority, I will quote my former Obama-like governor and liberal tank commander Michael Dukakis for the first time in my life: “A fish rots from the head down.”

Tom Hanks dares to call gay marriage opponents un-American? Well, if President Obama, most Americans and 52% of Californians are un-American for not supporting gay marriage, what is Tom Hanks and the rest of the Motion Picture Asylum guilty of for signing off on a trip to a regime that hunts gays online, raids gay parties, tortures them horribly and then hangs them from crane wires to die agonizing deaths that can take up to an hour, as they did with two gay teenage boys?

There’s too much blanket idiocy in Hollywood. Megan Fox, jokingly telling the Transformers to take out all the white trash to save the earth, the irony totally lost on her. The Twitter crowd at afterellen.com. Like Adrianne Curry, who calls Prop 8 a human rights offense, but remains dead silent on the holocausts against LGBTs in Iran and Iraq. Why isn’t Dustin Lance Black screaming to the skies about this stuff? I couldn’t find any evidence of him opposing the AMPAS Iran trip on purely humanitarian grounds. WHY NOT?

No. I, a straight conservative Republican screenwriter, offended to my very core by the savagery of Shiite extremist gay death squads in Iran and Iraq, have to be the one screaming to the skies about LGBT terrorists who engage in atrocities even the Nazis can’t compare to. Like super-gluing gay men’s anuses shut and pumping them full of diarrhea cocktails so the gay killers, some on our tax dime, can catch a few pious laughs as their victims endure unimaginable agony before dying.

No. I am left with the dirty jobs and lonely tasks of networking REAL gay advocates like Michael Petrelis and the Gay Patriot blog over these inhuman gay horrorshows. I am the one who has to research and dispatch gruesome reports to sites like BestGayBlogs.com, and LGBT orgs all over the globe like LGBT Network EU. I am the one left to scrape around for signatures on petitions at Iranian Queer Railroad and Iraqi LGBT to save the lives of Iranian and Iraqi LGBTs, who live in fear of torture and unimaginable horrors the incredibly spoiled toddler-like Hollywood Leftie morons and unmarried gays of California will never know.

As a screenwriter, I now know what it feels like to work under an offensive and idiotic oligarchy that is totally brain-dead and out of touch with the realities of the world at large, and those whom they profess to lead. In that respect, though I do not agree with them, I now understand the passionate outrage Lefties felt during the reign of the Bushitler. Like Michael Moore’s and Al Franken’s bloviations during that dark time, I do not expect my heated rants to impact my Golden Bubble-insulated industry oligarchy one whit.

In fact, I fully expect it to to earn me black marks and disfavor, the full McCarthy treatment they so profess to detest, yet practice every goddamn day. Ron Silver, anyone? But like the aforementioned Twin Towers of Leftie-ism, I care not one whit what the ruling establishment thinks. My anger is righteous and justified. In fact, it could not be moreso. What’s happening in Iran and Iraq are de facto gay genocides. What cause could be more righteous than trying to stop those?

Screw sexual conduct! They’re innocent human beings targeted for extermination. They don’t deserve that barbaric treatment. No one does, except the blood-drinking Islamist Gestapo stooges that are doing it all! If that revolution in Iran goes through and the people win, somebody Tweet them to hang on to all the crane wires. They’re gonna need a lot. For the Hamas and Hezbollah Blackshirts, too.

If my harsh words mean my film career is dead, so be it. In fact, if I came to Hollywood for no other reason than to address the horrific hypocrisy of so-called gay and human rights champs who are anything but (some like Bening and Penn even extremely damaging to those they don the mantle of Human Rights Champs for), or to champion the cause of Iraqi and Iranian LGBTs unlike any cause I’ve ever championed based on purely humanistic outrage, then I will feel that my life will have had meaning.

If I have helped to save the life of only one Iraqi or Iranian gay, I have saved the world entire. I can go to my grave totally at peace with myself. If I must bury my screenwriting career ahead of me, this is a small price to pay. So many others, like those now on the streets of Iran fighting and dying for the freedoms that are as natural to us as breathing, or risk brutal torture and horrific death merely for sexual conduct or being raped, are paying far higher prices than we most likely ever will.

In closing, I am resigning from Big Hollywood. I came here on a mission nearly four months ago to bring attention to all I have highlighted above. All the in-between was a bonus. And I do have a comedy piece in the hopper, which is rare for me. Haven’t had much to laugh about lately. Which is why I want to return full-time to screenwriting as well. There’s enough tragedy on Planet Earth. If I can use my award-nominated humor to inspire laughter and comic relief, then that is my main mission now. The rest I leave to the card deck of fate.

If I return, it will be in the cause of those who cannot speak for themselves. There is no shortage of hacks and pundits flame-throwing politics these days, and there are far too many not flame-throwing at all on issues that should enrage them beyond measure. As I am enraged today. Certainly beyond politics.

I do not need anger management. Like Johnny Rotten sang with Public Image Limited, Anger is an Energy. Righteous anger is what freed South Africa. Righteous anger fills the streets of Tehran as we speak. Righteous anger is why we Americans no longer say to each other, “G’day, Mate! ‘Ow about a pint and some bangers and mash? Got some up in me lorry! God Bless the Queen!”

In closing, God Bless The Queen anyway. And God Bless America. I say that as an agnostic secularist, okay? It’s good luck! And may God look down a lot more kindly on the poor LGBTs in Iran and Iraq. Perhaps, if there is a God, and I’m hedging my bets here, I hope his hand is in events in Iran. Maybe with a youth-driven revolution, LGBTs, filmmakers. students, dissidents, bloggers, and raped women need not fear for their lives anymore, or offered the choice of castration or death if they wish to remain gay.

What? Did you think Ahmadinejad was kidding when he said there were no gays in Iran? He said it with the same certainty Hitler said there were no Jews in Germany. The discussion is moot. I really hope to God that changes, as Iran itself seems to be right now.

We do, however, have a most powerful hand in Iraq. The gay killings must stop. The gay death squads must be disbanded with an iron fist. Just like Al Qaeda. Or, to tell the truth, I don’t care if Al Qaeda takes the place over. I would feel the same way if I were in West Berlin in 1947 and the locals were still hunting down and killing Jews. Let the Red Army move in.

Uncle Joe, they’re all yours! Bin Laden, they’re all yours! Let them ALL share in the terror they love with a religious fervor! OR, they can wise up and join the human race. If not, screw ‘em. Let ‘em go back to Al Qaeda torture houses and eating bombs for breakfast. I may not be gay myself. No, really. But must one be Jewish to be totally repulsed by Auschwitz?

Good Luck and Good Night, all. Peace. I hope

To be fair, I actually gave the President credit in this March 26th opinion piece entitled “Is President Obama Turning The Tables on Iran?” See, it occurred to me that the President might be undertaking a very brilliant strategy toward the Islamic Republic. If the President offers the Iranian regime nothing but carrots and gets nothing but sticks in return, then the regime is exposed as the hard case it really is. Nobody could say the President hadn’t tried every means at his disposal to make peace.

The BusHitler isn’t around for the regime to hide behind anymore. Just the opposite, in fact. President Obama has gone out of his way to accommodate the regime in Tehran, and it is unacceptable for the Iranian government to only respond with continued contempt and hostility toward America and the Obama White House. They then become exposed for all the world to see what they really are: a hard-line extremist dictatorship with absolutely no interest in diplomacy.

Yet if exposing the regime were the President’s goal, it has long been achieved. In the case of Roxana Saberi, the regime promised to release her ’soon’ on March 6th, a day after Secretary of State Clinton’s demand for her release. But instead of a timely let-go as promised, the regime not only continued to hold Roxana in Evin prison in defiance of international law and simple human decency, the charges against her escalated from buying a bottle of wine to reporting without press credentials to trumped-up charges of espionage, for which Roxana was sentenced to eight years in Evin prison in a fifteen-minute lawyer-free religious tribunal kangaroo court.

I’m sure many liberals and lefties consider the Iranian regime’s release of Roxana Saberi as a magnanimous humanitarian gesture and a hopeful sign, an opinion the President himself expressed. Yet there was nothing humanitarian at all about Roxana’s months-long unlawful detention in Evin. I remember the psychological deterioration. The hunger strike. Fears for Roxana’s safety, health, and well-being. The torment of Roxana’s parents throughout the ordeal, never mind for Roxana herself. The worldwide condemnation and outrage.

If Iran has been magnanimous here, it is only in the way an armed robber in Boston was once merciful to me as a teenager, taking everything I owned at gunpoint, but leaving me a dollar so I could catch a train back home to Cambridge instead of having to walk ten miles. And don’t think the regime released Roxana because they’re nice guys. The heat on the regime to release Roxana was nuclear. If there’s one thing dictatorships despise, it’s bad PR. Ruins their image.

For fascist dictatorships like Iran’s, as with Hollywood celebrities, Image Is All.

But Roxana was not the only glaring example of the Islamist Iranian government’s hostility and intransigence. After President Obama personally approved visas for the nine members of AMPAS and their historic cultural and diplomatic mission to Iran, Team Oscar was met fresh off the tarmac with heated and unreasonable demands for apologies and submission, even with complaints that thirty films currently in production in Tinseltown did not meet Mad Mullah standards.

Civilized nations don’t act like this. Olive Branch #1 slapped out of the President’s hand.

On March 20th, even as Roxana was still being held in Evin despite SOS Clinton’s demand for her release two weeks earlier, President Obama sent a video message of peace to the Iranian people. Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei, perhaps the most powerful official in Iran, responded to that diplomatic outreach by throwing Death To America rallies to remind the Iranian people that the Great Satan was just Under New Management.

Meet the new bosses. Same as the old. Olive Branch #2 slapped out of the President’s hand.

And on the day North Korea set off its second nuke, President Ahmadinejad reiterated that the West would receive absolutely no cooperation whatsoever regarding their shady nuke program. The President has since stated that Iran has a right to nuclear power, yet that is not the question here. Every nation should have the right to nuclear power. Even Japan, which has a ‘no nukes’ clause written into their Constitution, is currently operating 55 nuclear reactors for their energy needs.

Yet Japan does not find it necessary to place anti-aircraft missile batteries at their nuclear facilities, as Iran has at their nuclear site at Natanz and elsewhere. Nor has Japan, or any other nation, been caught with its pants down trying to use the New York banking system to finance the smuggling of bootleg nuclear components that have no peaceful purpose whatsoever.

The President has given Iran until the end of the year to comply with international demands to open their shady nuclear program up to inspection. Yet famed Manhattan DA Robert Morgenthau testified to Congress on May 19th that Iran may be within six months of getting a nuke. At that point, the horse is out of the barn.

This takes us to yet another common talking point among liberals and lefties. If the United States and Israel can have nukes, why not Iran? The answer to me is very simple. When it comes to nuclear weapons, Sanity Matters. North Korea would sell nuclear and other WMD technologies to the highest bidder, and if Al Qaeda wins the auction, ka-ching! And Iran’s extremist leaders have sworn up and down that Israel is radioactive history just as soon as they get theirs.

Funny thing about libs, lefties, and Iranian nukes. If a radical Christian nation were racing to build illegal nukes, while at the same time promising nuclear Armageddon on a Muslim neighbor, they’d all be excreting bricks. But even all this is only scratching the surface of the horrors of the Islamist regime in Tehran. At home, they stone and hang women and young girls, murder bloggers, execute minors, hold mass hangings (as recently as May 15th), and hunt down and exterminate LGBTs.

Outside their borders, they fund and arm their terrorist proxies Hamas and Hezbollah to the teeth, and supply heavy weaponry to both Shiite extremist militias in Iraq and the Taliban in Afghanistan. Iranian EFPs alone have killed hundreds of American and British soldiers in Iraq. Yet even despite this evidence of Iranian complicity in the spilling of yet another ocean of American blood, the Obama Administration invites Iran to the Afghanistan Conference in The Hague to discuss security with the regime that is backing all the killing, and undermining every allied effort to stabilize the region.

As a bonus, Iran has now successfully exported their own anti-gay pogrom to Iraq, much as Hitler exported his to Poland. Am I the only one seeing all this? Again, what’s the script? How many times do you have to be beaten and bloodied to realize that the storyline to date just ain’t working?

For those who think the upcoming elections in Iran could bring a new era of peace and democracy to that troubled nation, should a wave of so-called ‘moderates’ win hands-down, you don’t know Iranian politics. Moderates are routinely disqualified from the election process by Supreme Leader Khamenei and his Guardian Council of Mad Mullahs. Party Members in Good Standing only.

Example. Conservative reform candidate Mohsen Rezaei, now running against Ahmadinejad, is wanted by Interpol for his involvement as an Iranian ‘diplomat’ in the worst terror attacks in Argentina’s history. That warrant was issued on May 22nd. That’s the reform candidate? And regardless of any election outcome, the theocrats rule supreme in Iran, and can overturn any government decision or ruling by the Majlis, Iran’s Parliament, if deemed ‘un-Islamic’ by the Mullahs.

No separation of church and state in Islamist Iran. The church, in fact, IS the state.

No Hope for Change on that score anytime soon. Yet despite all the hostility, all the belligerence, all the horrific human rights violations, all the arming and funding of Hamas, Hezbollah, the Taliban and our mortal enemies in Iraq, which is impeding our desire to detach ourselves from that mess, as in Mosul, where Iranian-funded militias are causing all sorts of bloody mischief, the President continues to consider Iran a worthy diplomatic partner. Based on what evidence, I ask you?

And now, he invites them to Fourth of July parties. What does he hope to accomplish with that? Reciprocal invitations of American diplomats to Death To America rallies in Tehran? Hell, the regime’s idea of the Fourth of July is lighting up the night sky with burning American flags and setting off fireworks on the US!

I really just don’t get this story at all, people. The Obama Plan For Iran seems to me a not well thought-out, incredibly naive, and ill-advised production that appears to be headed for a very tragic ending. Though no one in their right minds would advocate war with Iran, the President’s rose-colored glasses approach is leading us straight down that path. You don’t stop crime by taking all the policemen off the streets. You only invite chaos.

By acquiescing to Iran’s demand for ‘peaceful’ nuclear power, despite all the evidence to contrary, the President has practically assured war by leaving Israel no other choice but to attack Iran’s nuclear facilities out of pure self-preservation. Let’s face it, if Mexico were a fascist Islamist regime arming hostile neighbors who attacked us at every opportunity, was working on a shady nuke program, and was threatening our nuclear annihilation on a regular basis, what would YOU do?

President Obama now finds himself in the same position British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain found himself in at Munich in 1938, given all the glaring evidence. He can choose dishonor or war. If he continues to choose the former, he will get the latter. The Iranian regime to date has hit us with enough sticks to tell us in very clear terms that the carrots just ain’t working. Just like Chamberlain got pummeled. More pressure on the regime, not less, is what is called for here.

Hollywood Diplomacy isn’t working. Never has. Given the circumstances, I would even go so far as to demand the regime open up its nuclear facilities to international inspection and put an end to this impending threat of Iranian nukes once and for all, or cut off all their processed gasoline imports. See how fast nationwide gas rioting gets them moving in the right direction.

There are alternatives to war, like squeezing the regime until they cry uncle. But with each passing day, those alternatives grow fewer. You can practically smell the anxiety wafting over from Israel, and newly elected Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has never been one to sit by with his thumb up his ass as an existential threat grows on Israel’s horizon.

The history is clear. When the Osirak reactor posed a mortal threat to Israel in 1981, Israeli jets took it out (ironically, the Iranians also took potshots at Osirak during the Iran-Iraq War). They likewise took out a suspect nuclear site in Syria last year. And I can guarantee you, the Israelis don’t give one hoot about what Obama would think about it. This is a matter of survival to them. Would you?

Even further muddying the storyline here are President Obama’s recent declarations regarding America being a major Muslim nation, and revelations of his own Muslim heritage he found so necessary to deny during his presidential campaign. Just where exactly do his sympathies lie in all this? As an American citizen watching this bizarre story unfold, I think that’s a very fair question.

How will it all end? Who knows what plot twists lie in store? I could be totally wrong, and I hope I am. But I’ve seen enough productions like this in the past to know that happy endings are rare.

Again, I ask you, Mister President: What’s the script? Because if you want me to back this production, I want to know where this story is going. There ain’t a filmmaker or studio in Hollywood that would invest in a Cecil B. DeMille-scale venture like this without knowing the endgame. Israelis aren’t the only ones vulnerable to dispositions of intense anxiety. And if the story ends tragically, like Michael Caine in “Dark Knight,” it will bring me absolutely no joy to tell you, “I told you so.”

But I already read the book.

Announcer

Live! From the fabulous Turtle Bay Ballroom at United Nations Headquarters, it’s the Rat Pack of Evil All-Star International Celebrity Roast of President Barack Obama!

(orchestra fanfare: ‘Make ‘Em Laugh’)

With Pyongyang funnyman Kim Jong-Il! Borscht Belt headliner Vlady Putin! Queen of Mean Liz Windsor! Saudi Sheik of Schtick King Abdullah! Beijing jokeslinger Hu Jintao! Wacky al Qaeda Caveman Ayman al-Zawahiri! Nick ‘the Knife’ Sarkozy! Sassy Wanda Sykes! South-of-the-border slapstick team Hugo Chavez and the Castro Brothers! Taliban Madman Mullah Omar! Jon Stewart! Lovable Libyan lush Muammar al-Ghadaffi! Grovelin’ Guvner Gordy Brown! Bashar “The Chin” al-Assad! The Hamas Fattah Dancers! And starring your Master of Ceremonies — that suntan man with a plan from Iran — that Persian with a nuclear perversion — Sheckyyyyyy Ahmedinejad!

(applause)

Shecky Ahmedinejad

Okay, okay, pipe down. Let’s get this thing over with, this straitjacket is a rental and my magic carpet is double-parked on East 43rd. Mohamed H. Prophet, will you get a load of the evil on the stage tonight? I haven’t seen this many bombs since Janeane Garofalo played the American Legion convention.

(Zawahiri spit-take)

At least there aren’t any Zionist. Hey, wait a minute – there’s Jon Stewart! Oy vey, who let the Jew in? This is a comedy event, for Allah’s sake. Hey Jon, do you know what I have in common with Taco Bell? We’re both gonna give you the gas.

(Jon Stewart mugs Macaulay Culkin ‘Home Alone’ face)

But, hey, enough about these losers. Let’s talk about the man we’re all here to honor tonight: my pal, Barack Obama.

(applause)

What a mensch this guy is. Total sweetheart. As soon as he was elected, he told me he would come to the negotiating table without preconditions. You know what ‘preconditions’ are? That’s Persian for ‘balls.’ Barack, one look at the stars on the stage proves you still have a knack for community organizing. You’ve brought the entire evil community together, in the spirit of international dialog, to ask you one simple question: how does our ass taste?

(rimshot)

But not everybody has a sense of humor. When I was planning this roast, I sent invitations to every bigshot infidel TV comic in Satanland, but they all turned me down. Was it my holocaust one-liners? My ballistic missile schtick? Nope. These douchebags said they couldn’t think of anything funny about Barack Obama. Not a single thing.

(scattered groans, boos)

Yeah, exactly. I mean what the fuck? Maybe I should get my SAG card, because, come on, this clueless pussy is the biggest gift to international insult comedy since Neville Chamberlain. Holy dung, when we heard the infidels elected him, I almost had to shut down my nuke program. My scientists were laughing so hard they kicked over half of our centrifuges!

(Ghadaffi sprays tea on Assad )

But, no-o-o, all these professional comedy dipshits keep telling me Professor Urkel over here is some sort of infidel sacred joke cow. I called up Letterman, and I’m like, Dave how about a couple Obama zingers for the roast tonight? He’s like, “no, no, too controversial. Everybody loves him.” And so I’m like, how about if I just insult America? So he’s like, “yeah, sure, that’s fine.”

Okay then, here’s one: man, that America is one stupid country.

(audience: HOW STUPID IS IT?)

It’s so fucking stupid it elected Barack Obama.

Hey, hey. I kid because I love. In fact, unlike that last mumblemouth infidel asshole, Barack has been a breath of fresh air to the entire evil comedy community. He doesn’t whine about the way we treat broads or homos or journalist hostages or our uranium stockpiles. Nope. He just smiles, and apologizes, and politely asks us to “unclench our fists.” Hey bro, I’d love to, but that’s kinda hard to do when it’s stuck inside your duodenum.

Okay, let’s get this show on the road. Our first roaster comes from England, where she’s the star of a long running one-woman show at the Buckingham Palace Dinner Theater. Ladies and Martyrs, you know her, you hate her, please welcome the Queen of Spleen, Liz Windsor!

(band breaks into God Save the Queen, applause)

Liz Windsor

Thanks for that swell intro, Shecky. By the way, I know how much you love our infidel nuclear technology, but we’ve got another 1940’s invention you should really check out. It’s called deodorant.

(rimshot)

Listen folks, I know you came here expecting me to start hurling some tasteless insults at Barack Obama. But, seriously, I just can’t bring myself to do it. Barack is almost like another son to me.

(audience: awwwww)

Yeah, another jug eared idiot with a hard-on for horsefaced women. Barack was in London a couple weeks ago and rang me up, asked if he could drop by for tea. So he comes in, and I’m thinking, whoa — those Yanks have really stepped up their space program, he’s brought along a real live Klingon. Turns out it was his wife.

(rimshot)

Yep. Then, oh Jesus, in she starts with all the hugging. And I’m like, fer chrissake, somebody hand Lieutenant Worf a planet Earth protocol guide. Then Barack pops off and says, “hey Your Majesty, I brought a gift.” Okay, I’m thinking, car company? Banking system? National Park? Then I open the box. It’s an iPod. A fucking iPod. Preloaded with Barack’s easy listening speech hits.

(stares at Obama amid nervous laughter)

Yeah, way to cement that special relationship, dumbfuck. Jesus Christ, was Wal Mart sold out of Sham Wows? Oh yeah, that iPod is going in the vault with the crown jewels. Right next to that sack of DVDs you bought for Gordy Brown.

Gordon Brown

Now see here, Your Majesty! I thought that was quite thoughtful gesture, and…

Liz Windsor

Oh, shut the fuck up, Gordy. I don’t come to your job and slap Obama’s dick out of your mouth. Listen folks, my time’s up, and this tiara is chafing like a sonuvabitch. Time for me to lie back and think of England. Don’t forget to tip your waitress!

Shecky Ahmedinejad

Liz Tudor everybody! Hey Liz — word to the wise. Stay out of the London subways this summer. By the way, you know the last thing to go through Princess Di’s head?

Liz Windsor

What’s that?

Shecky Ahmedinejad

Her ass. Next up is another monarch who primogenitured his way to the top — give a hand to that Saudi royal with a buttload of oil, King Abdullah!

(applause; ‘Desert Caravan’)

King Abdullah

Thanks everybody! Hey, how about that Shecky Ahmedinejad, ladies and gentleman? What a guy, he’d give you the Zanjeer Zani off his back. Now you know, a lot of people think I got it pretty good being a ruthless hereditary billionaire sitting on top of an ocean of crude oil and the top psycho theme park in the Middle East. But lemme tell you, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. How’d you like to have 37 mothers in-law?

(laughter)

But hey, controlling the world energy supply has its perks. People tend to treat you pretty nice. They offer you thoughtful little gifts and kickbacks. Now, Barack here, for instance, likes to offer blowjobs.

(gasps, ewwws)

What? What? Don’t believe me? Let’s go to the video. Sure, Bush liked holding hands, but he was a total pricktease. But Barack, hey, the guy goes down faster than a fat shaheed on madrassa prom night.

(Putin wipes away tears of laughter as Abdullah slowly pantomimes fellatio)

Now look Barack, I really appreciate the gesture, but regardless of what you might have heard — homie don’t swing that way.

(looks around slowly to banquet table surrounded by burqqa-clad wives)

On the other hand, send me your cell number. I never know when I’ll need a booty call. Good night folks, drive safely! Unless you’re a woman.

Shecky Ahmedinejad

Now that’s what I call crude humor. Our next performer has been called everything from the Andy Kauffman of international relations to the Gilbert Gottfried of the global nuclear club. Gird your loins for the annoying, far-out, certifiably insane comedic stylings of Kim! Jong! Il!

(applause; ‘They’re Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Ha’)

Kim Jong Il

(walks slowly over to Barack Obama and leans into his face)

Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you! Does this bother you? I’m not nuking you!  Does this bother…

Shecky Ahmedinejad

Okay orderlies, cart him away. Jeez, and I thought I was nuts. Let’s bring it down a notch with a set from my dear old friend and original cast member of al-Qaeda’s Friday Night Live, Dr. Ayman al-Zawahiri!

(applause, ‘911 is a Joke’)

Ayman al-Zawahiri

Thank you, thank you. What a panel we got here, huh? I haven’t seen this many sick assholes since I was doing proctology rounds at Cairo General.

(Ahmedinejad spit take)

And there’s our man of the hour, Mr. Barack fuckin’ joke thief Obama. Havin’ fun, buddy?

(Obama smiles nervously)

Listen pal, maybe I live in a cave, but I read the papers. Strafing Manhattan in a 747? Really? In case you didn’t notice, I was doing that routine like eight fucking years ago. I mean, what are you, Carlos fucking Mencia?

(Obama smiles nervously)

What’s the matter? Teleprompter got your tongue?

(Obama smiles nervously)

Holy scimitar, this fuckface couldn’t ad lib a fart. Listen, Barack, I appreciate all the reach-arounds, but if you don’t stop stealing my material I swear to Allah I’m gonna sic a copyright lawyer on your apostate ass. As soon as I can find one who isn’t a Jew. Goodnight folks, you’ve been a great audience! Death to America!

Shecky Ahmedinejad

Ayman al-Zawahiri, everybody! If you’re in Swat this weekend, make sure you catch his act at the Khyber Pass Inn. Our next performer comes from the exotic Orient where he works the Forbidden City Casino. Ladies and Gentleman, the man with the biggest bankroll and smallest dick in international show biz, Mister Hu Jintao!

(applause, ‘Slow Boat to China’)

Hu Jintao

Yeah Confucius say fuck you, you third rate unibrow rug dealer. Don’t make me open a can of one-child-policy on your smelly Persian ass. You’re no Long Dong Wang yourself, and at least mine isn’t covered in camel crap. Hey everybody, how’s it goin’?

(applause)

And how about that Barack Obama. What a prince, huh? The most generous man in show biz.

(applause)

Yep. Generous to a fault. With my money. What? You think all those big tips he throws around come out of his own pocket? Just the other day he called up and said, “hey Hu, how about spotting me a couple trillion till next tax day?” And I’m like, what, does Aunt Esther need another pair of sneakers? And he goes, “no, I got a Social Security payment due.”

I’m like, dude — what happened to that last trillion I lent you? Get this: the stupid fucker spent it on a beat up Cadillac for his union buddies. So I say, look, I’m a little short right now. I’ll catch you at your 30-year treasury bond garage sale. Then the next week he’s like, dude, where were you?” Ah so, round-eye! No tickee, no thirty!

Yeah, that ain’t the half of it. Not only does this asshole expect me to be his personal ATM and pawnshop, he’s always calling up bitching about something. Just the other day, he’s like, “come on Hu, how come you keep busting my balls with your naval drive-bys?” I’m like dude, you’re 3 months overdue on your aircraft carrier payments. Those aren’t Chinese navy boats, those are repo men!

Look folks, I gotta get back home and churn out another load of defective plastic crap for Wal Mart, to make some money, to lend to Barack for some new idiot free bullshit program. Christ, and they call me a Commie! ‘Night everybody, and please remember to thank your designated tank driver.

Shecky Ahmedinejad

Hu Jintao! Toxic Choking Hazard Toy Industry’s Man of the Year, everybody! Hu Jintao. Next we have that crazy Caucasian from across the Caucasus, that Gremlin from the Kremin, 15-time winner of KGB Entertainer of the Year, Vlady Putin!

(applause)

Vlady Putin

Tank yous Shecky! Tank yous very much. Ho boy, it is good to be in America! I love America, is great country. It is land of free! Not like my country. In my country, whole government run by corrupt communist thugs. They ignore the laws. They take over companies and give the money to their friends. America is very totally different! It has 110 volt outlets.

Haha! Vlady make funny everybody! Hey Barack, you teach Vlady how to nationalize the banks, hokay?

Best thing about America is everybody is so very very nice. Especially the President Barack! He is complete pussycat. Pussy, pussy, pussycat. He loves Vlady’s practical jokes. I kick his Air Force out of Kyrgyzstan he say, hokey dokey, Vlady! Then I fly my bombers right over his ships, and he sends fat babushka lady to give me a funny reset button gag gift. I say, hey Barack, what Vlady gotta do to make you mad? He say, “just don’t go to no tea parties, hokay?”

What a country! Because Barack be so nice to me, now I want to sing him a nice American song from the Hoagy Carmichael.

(Vlady pulls out balalaika and tunes up)

Georgia, Geor-or-orgia… no peace can I find… it’s just them old sweet tanks that keep Georgia on my mind.

Tanks everybody! Take it easy on the Vodka!

Shecky Ahmedinejad

Vlady Putin, everyone! Okay, our next performer is a good ol’ country boy from the hills of Waziristan, where he emcees the weekly Grand Ole Stoning show at the Wana Goat Corral. Let’s give it up for Mullah Omar!

(applause; Theme From ‘Deliverance’)

Mullah Omar

Thanks Shecky. When Shecky asked me to do this gig, I was like, what the fuck? Dude, I’m a fucking Taliban, I know as much about comedy as Perez Hilton knows about vaginas. So he says, “don’t worry. I lined up this professional infidel comedian to write your bit.” I’m like, oh yeah? And he’s like, “yeah, her name is Wanda Sykes.” And I’m like, a broad?  And he’s like, “Trust me, Barack loves her. She totally slays the infidels.”

Okay, you know I’m down with that. So then this Wanda shows up at my cave yesterday with a stack of cue cards with her jokes. And I’m like, bitch please — put on a fucking burqqa. So I’m doing the read-through, and every gag is about killing some guy named Rush Limbaugh. So, I’m like, who the fuck is this Limbaugh guy? I thought this gig was supposed to be about Obama. And she goes, “he’s a fat radio Nazi who hates Blacks and Jews and gay people.” And I’m like, hey, sounds like my kinda guy. And she’s like, “exactly!” And I’m like, why would I want to insult somebody I agree with? So she says “because he’s for the war, dumbass.”

And so at this point I’m pretty fucking confused. So I say to her, okay, now I think I get it. This fat guy is funny because (a) he supports Obama’s crusade against us, even though (b) he and I are on the same page, homo-killing-wise. The funny is from the irony or something. And she’s like, “no, idiot! Barack wants to stop the war.” So I’m like, wait a minute… Barack is against the war? Then why is he still running it? Besides, I though he actually likes homos. And she goes, “He does, you retard! That’s why he’s going to end the bombing and leave you alone.”

Now I’m even more confused. So I go, look Wanda, maybe I’m not up on your infidel inside jokes, but this material is really gonna bomb in front of a shaheed audience. So she gives me that look and says, “okay, you cracker ass cracker, why don’t you show me what you people think is funny?” Long story short..

(Omar reaches down behind podium and pulls out Wanda Sykes’ head)

Hey Wanda…here’s your sign.

Alluha Akbar, y’all!

(Omar walks back to his seat, tosses the head to Hugo Chavez who puts it on his hand, muppet style)

Hugo Chavez

Saright?

Wanda Sykes’ Head

Saright!

(Abdullah falls out chair in helpless laughter; Fidel Castro stares in comatose deadpan)

Shecky Ahmedinejad

Mullah Omar, everybody! Now that’s why they call him the king of prop comedy!

Okay folks. Now, it’s time to hear from the man who’s been sitting here all evening, silently absorbing all our insults. Here’s his chance to get a little payback! Ladies and Dictators, please welcome our esteemed man of the hour, leader of the infidel world, and the only man in the room who doesn’t realize he’s way over his head — President Barack Obama!

(standing ovation; ‘Hail to the Chief’)

Barack Obama

Lemme tell ya, I don’t get any respect.

(torrential screams of convulsive uncontrollable sustained laughter; Sarkozy falls backwards in chair; Omar wipes tears away while shooting AK47 into air; Abdullah pantomimes fellatio; Castro stares comatose; Vlady pilots toy airplane above Obama’s head; Kim and Shecky take turns punching gag missile launch button; Jon Stewart mugs look of horror)

Shecky Ahmedinejad

That’s all the time we have tonight! Thanks to all the performers, and Barack Obama for being such a good sport. See you at the next Rat Pack of Evil roast, when we move to the fabulous Boom Boom Room at the Radioactive Crater Resort in Downtown Jerusalem! Goodnight 12th Imam, wherever you are!

Or, by its Hollywood acronym, RATS. Funny. I actually found that startling contraction fitting, not for Roxana (not hardly), but for all of the major black hats and clueless morons who populated this nerve-wracking Thugocracy Studios production, which had civilized people everywhere both riveted and outraged in its most grueling and suspenseful moments.

Not to mention for Roxana and her parents. But before we get to heroes and villains, let us look at the story to date with all its dramatic twists and underpinnings, many with significant international implications. Just like a good Hitchcock drama should. And I caught ‘em all!

By pure happenstance, Your Most Humble Critic and Boy Reporter was already hot on the job covering Iran (unlike some people) and hammering AMPAS for their tea and finger-cookie soirees with these guys, when I saw what Iran was pulling with Roxana and called it for what it was: a hostage crisis. And on the same day HRW called it the same in a press release on March 13th, which I didn’t find out until the 19th thanks to our on-the-ball Vein Stream Media.

Even then I had to look. But HRW called it on the 13th based on international law. I called it the same day from knowing Iran too goddamn well. Why not test Obama? See what he’s made of? They’ve tested every other US president since Carter, and let’s face it. Obama ain’t scarin’ nobody right now.

Fortunately, this particular but not totally unexpected production of Iranian political theater has now ended with Iran’s magnanimous ‘gift’ of Roxana Saberi’s freedom. You know. Like the British getting their Easter ‘gift’ of their own sailors back. My heroes. The Easter Bunny’s got nothin’ on them, huh?

Though President Obama called Iran’s merciful end to this sordid and cruel international affront ‘a humanitarian gesture’, it has been anything but from the beginning. If anything, this tormenting episode of international injustice and flouting of the law should prove just how unworthy a diplomatic partner Iran is. See, diplomacy requires both sides to be civilized to work, and the backstory on Iran’s regime, as with Roxana’s story there, is as uncivilized as it gets.

And let’s be clear here. I am not advocating war with Iran, though what they’ve done and continue to do makes me feel very warlike. But I am advocating that the ugly truths about Islamist extremist Iran be put on display for all to see. Nobody else seems to be interested in covering Iran’s abominable human rights situation. Is that too much to ask from Your Most Humble and Obedient Critic? Despite the nightmare we, Roxana and her parents had to endure, Roxana’s one of the lucky ones.

In order to understand RATS in toto, we must look at the whole backstory of Islamist Iran since 1979 to put Roxana Saberi’s ordeal into its proper context today. I’ve been following Islamist extremist Iran for thirty long years, starting with the US Embassy Hostage Crisis on November 4th, 1979.  See, I knew that date because I was due by legal contract to head for boot camp on November 13th, which I did. You remember things like that. You know. Heading for boot camp, heading for war.

Especially when it was peacetime when you signed up.

It sure looked like war at the time. Yet strangely, war didn’t happen. President Carter was too busy gnawing his nails down to the knuckles for 444 days, with one abortive rescue mission in between gnawings. If I were President back then, I would have at least started taking out Iran’s military facilities with B-52s if we didn’t get the hostages back. Ronnie got ‘em back right away after he became President on January 20th, 1981. I think they knew The Gipper would have bombed them to Hell to free our hostage citizens. He was that kinda guy.

A smart move on Iran’s part. But even Reagan suffered greatly from the Iranian thugocracy’s proxy terror attacks from Hezbollah, like the Marine Barracks bombing in Lebanon that killed 241 US servicemen on an international peacekeeping mission there. See, Iran just moved their terrorization of Americans and others into the shadows, letting their Brownshirt Hamas and Hezbollah goons do all the dirty work outside Iran. You know. Like Hitler’s used to do.

In fact, every president since Carter has been tormented by Iran, Obama no less. Clinton had the Khobar Tower bombings in 1995. For W, it was Iran-paid and trained militias and EFP IEDs in Iraq, killing and wounding hundreds of American soldiers. No Hope For Change with Obama on that score either, it would seem. Or with Iran’s supplying the Taliban with weapons.

And we are far from alone in the category of Iranian death and devastation. Iran’s thugocracy is currently being held accountable for the worst terror attacks in Argentina’s history, including one former Iranian ‘diplomat’ now running for high office and wanted by Interpol for his involvement in the bombing. See, that’s the reform candidate for president in Iran.

Welcome to Extreme Politics in Islamist Iran. Al Capone and The Joker would fit right in.

But why Argentina? I can understand the whole Great Satan thing, but what did Argentina ever do to Iran? Was the Iranian thugocracy pissed about Argentina no longer supplying WMD components and nuclear supplies, which Argentina cut off in 1992, the year the terror attacks began?

Or was it because of Argentine-born Jews? And all Jews everywhere deserve to die, and in the greatest numbers possible? Maybe it was a twofer. You know. Like Death To America and Death To Israel. They love that stuff, at least enough to paint it on all their missiles.

It’s right up there with “Death To The Jews!” Or partying with their BFF O-Bash.

Then again, do terrorists REALLY need a reason? I think they’re more than content to watch the world burn. Look what Iran’s Islamist Nazi thugs do to their own people! Seventeen-year-old Nazanin Fatehi, sentenced to death for stabbing and killing her and her niece’s would-be rapist in a park in Tehran. One thirteen-year-old girl stoned to death for being raped! Gays hunted down and exterminated. As bad as we, Israel, Argentina, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon and the rest of the world have had it from Iran’s terror-loving regime and its proxies, we’re the lucky ones.

Ahmadinejad was right about gays in Iran, you know. Just like Hitler was right when he said there were no Jews in Germany. The discussion’s pretty much moot. And Iran has now successfully exported their own Gay Holocaust to Iraq, which Bush should have stopped and Obama must.

Thus ends the prequel, and leads us straight to Roxana Saberi and today. I have a full recap of Roxana’s story from Day One here, in my BH piece bashing AMPAS and Hollywood over their dead silence and total absence in championing Roxana’s cause. Hell, Team Oscar was IN Iran when Clinton demanded Roxana’s release! You hear a peep out of any of them?

Roxana was BBC and NPR, not FOX! Wait, Mr. Snerdley tells me Roxana DID work for FOX on occasion. Okay, got it. The Hollywood blackout on Roxana all makes sense now. But Roxana is free, and that is all that matters. The rest, lessons learned. And that brings us to a few loose story ends.

What are we and the world now to think of the Iranian thugocracy’s brilliant facade of justice, showing us how merciful they can really be, and that they are truly nice guys after all if only we will be nice to them? Were Roxana the only story here? Maybe. But she isn’t. Not by a damn sight.

Iranian-American filmmaker Esha Momeni still faces her own kangaroo court tribunal for celluloid slanders, for her a women’s rights documentary. And former FBI agent Robert Levinson is nowhere to be found after two years The Iranian government even blocked efforts by the Swiss to track him down at our request. Wouldn’t even let them go to Kish Island to investigate. Hmm. Curious.

Most important of all, Islamist extremist Iran was, is and remains a human rights horrorshow, one of the worst in the world. Even bloggers pay for the wrong words with their lives, like Omid Reza Mir Sayaf, who died in Evin during Roxana’s unlawful detention there. And they seem just a bit too antsy to get nukes. That bothers me greatly. It’s one thing for Israel to have an arsenal. Would you want Hamas or Al Qaeda with a warhead? See, when it comes to nukes, Sanity Matters, okay?

My fear is, the world will look at the merciful end of this obscene miscarriage of justice, and cat-and-mouse toying with Roxana Saberi and us by Iran’s thugocracy, as the light at the end of a dark tunnel, whereas I see a freight train coming at us at full speed. Yet I have no power over those events. I can only report on them to the best of my abilities with what information I have.

Am I biased against Iran? You bet!

But not Iran’s freedom-loving people, who are suffering the most of anyone. The freedom-crushing and terror-sponsoring Shiite Islamist thugocracy is the real problem here. Just as it was with Hitler and his thugocracy of terror.

People need not to lose sight of what Iran’s Islamist thugocracy is really all about. And if you doubt my stern and brutal accusations, go look up the truth yourself. One Google search and you’ll be neck-deep in it. Then think of where this story is really going.

Now, on to the Heroes and Villains.

First up, the Good Guys and Roxana’s true BFF. Freeroxana.net, the North Dakota Legislature with their Free Roxana bill, the CPJ, The BBC, NPR and ABC with their 10,000-plus signature petition and strong words, Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch, Iranian.com and too many others around the world to mention here. Roxana had, and has, no shortage of friends. I will even include the UK Guardian and Huffington Post, both of whom I’ve warred with, but which have long been on the Free Roxana Bandwagon with their peerless reporting on Iran and full support of Roxana.

I know, I know. But credit where credit is due.

Unfortunately, there was also no shortage of villains either, the greatest being the Iranian thugocracy itself, which unlawfully detained Roxana from the start, lied about Roxana’s release to SOS Clinton on March 6th, sent signals to Roxana’s parents as they left for Iran that Roxana’s release was being speeded up, only to land and see Roxana sentenced falsely to eight years for espionage, in closed session and without even a lawyer present. Broke everyone’s hearts.

Hitler had rigged courts like Iran’s that imprisoned and executed the innocent, and freed serial killers. How much further behind the curtain do you have to look to know the wizards are evil?

Yet I fully expect the Iranian thugocracy to use this ‘peace-seeking’ correction of an abomination of justice as a political and diplomatic club, or proof of their divine benevolence. Most likely both. And far too many will fall to their knees in gratitude over Roxana and agree. They don’t fool me. Then again, I’m not a fool when it comes to Iran. I’ve been watching their Islamist horrorshow for thirty long years. I’ll go by what history and my eyes and ears tell me, and not some clueless morons.

Speaking of which, Congress, The President, State, and the Invisible Press all pulled major disappearing acts on Roxana, when she should have stayed front and center after SOS Clinton’s demand for her release. Look at these unbelievable search results from March 20th, two weeks after Iran promised to release Roxana ’soon’. It’s like she was bad press the Obamamedia and government wanted swept under the rug.

No bill submitted to Congress in all that time in support of Roxana that I can find, only statements by Senators Byron Dorgan and Kent Conrad of North Dakota, Roxana’s home state. Too busy cleaning our pockets, I guess. Or calling us racist redneck teabaggers. Roxana who?

This whole sordid production also revealed to me how mile-wide and micron-deep Hollywood’s support for human rights really is. And I don’t mean Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Jim Carrey, George Clooney and the dozens of other real human rights and troop-supporting heroes of Hollywood.

I specifically mean the left-wing Looney Tunes Academy Of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, which fancies itself as human rights champs. Name me one mention of Roxana Saberi from any prominent Academy member to date, even when Team Hollywood was in Tehran. Won’t find her anywhere in Team Oscar member William Horberg’s Iran blogging. No press releases. Yawn.

How about filmmaker Esha Momeni? Nope, no Esha. Or any mention of the Iranian regime’s hunting, party-raiding, online entrapping, torturing and slaughtering of gays that should have outraged them beyond measure but which they seem to have curiously overlooked, and not a week removed from their four-hour gay rights infomercial called the Oscars. They’re still silent about it!

It’s not like you really have to look for this stuff. And I know they know. I’ve told them. Repeatedly.

Wait a minute! Was Team Oscar on some super-secret Mission Impossible Thing for ObamaMan ? You know. “Should any member of Team Oscar be caught or killed, the President will disavow all knowledge.” Are they remaining silent and staying nice so they can infiltrate Iran again? If so, I apologize, guys. My only regret is that you all escaped unharmed. Maybe I should file an FOIA on that one. Why not? Shouldn’t be a problem. They seem to be just giving away secrets these days.

In summary, ‘Roxana: A True Story’ was a riveting, very uncomfortable and all too real life-and-death drama with plenty of ordinary citizen superheroes, Blofeld-like villains, Dr. Smith-like cowards and even a few Judases. Zeroes were Stars, and Stars were Zeroes. Yet this production should never have been staged in the first place. It should have ended after SOS Clinton’s demand. And Roxana’s happy ending is only one of far too few in today’s Iran. Too many play out like ‘Schindler’s List’.

On that note, how about we all start calling cruel, oppressive and violent nations for what they are, instead of what we wish them to be? It ain’t helping those who really need help. But a lot of people speaking up for Roxana helped save her. How about ‘Artists United Against Insanity’? Little Stevie’s still out there!

As to what the future brings, who can say? But Roxana is free now, so today I’m gonna have that symbolic piece of overdue birthday cake, and set aside my reporting for other endeavors. As to Iran, I will say Caveat Emptor to all. But I will spare you, in parting, one inevitable coming attraction to Thugocracy Studios already in production. It’s a sequel, actually. Or is it the third in a trilogy?

Stay Tuned!