I kept that up until last week, when the BH editors asked me to do some digging into the band’s 2004 album American Idiot. Apparently Tom Hanks’ production company has bought the rights to make a film based on this record — no doubt in-between those periods when Mr. Hanks is pondering deeply about the causes of World War II, and America’s racial hatred of the Japanese and Arabs + anyone else who is ‘different.’ 

This is what I uncovered: 

American Idiot is a ‘concept’ album that tells a narrative story throughout its 13 songs. Green Day apparently drew inspiration from The Who, a band that in the 1970s released a couple of concept albums, the most famous of which is Tommy, the nonsensical tale of a deaf, dumb and blind ‘pinball wizard.’ Immediately this set off a red flag because although Tommy contains a few good songs, taken as a whole, it is pretentious to an ear-incinerating degree, while the accompanying film is unwatchable unless you are out of your box on magic mushrooms. 

So that’s not a good start. And the concept of American Idiot- such as it is- is at least as jumbled and embarrassing as anything The Who ever came up with.  According to Wikipedia, there’s this guy called Jesus of Suburbia and he: 

…emerged out of (Billy Joe) Armstrong (Green Day’s frontman) asking himself what sort of person the title of “American Idiot” referred to. Armstrong described the character as essentially an anti-hero, a powerless “everyman” desensitized by a “steady diet of soda pop and Ritalin”.’ Jesus of Suburbia hates his town and those close to him, so he leaves for the city. 

Hm. Difficult to believe this adolescent stuff could have been written by a man in his 30s but there y’go. Anyway, there are some other characters including St. Jimmy  “a punk rock freedom fighter’ and a female character called Whatsername (clever, that) “…who Armstrong describes as “kind of St. Jimmy’s nemesis in a lot of ways.” 

Lost yet? Well, apparently ‘Both characters illustrate the “rage vs. love” theme of the album, in that “you can go with the blind rebellion of self-destruction, where Saint Jimmy is. But there’s a more love-driven side to that, which is following your beliefs and ethics. And that’s where Jesus of Suburbia really wants to go.” 

So anyway, Jesus of Suburbia falls in love with Whatsername, but she breaks up with him. A bit later St. Jimmy commits suicide. Apparently however Jimmy and Jesus may be the same person and Jimmy is “part of the main character that pretty much dies.” Too deep for me, I’m afraid. Finally Jesus loses contact with Whatsername, and “the album ends with Jesus wondering where she is, and how she’s been.” 

OK, so just writing those last three paragraphs I felt embarrassed.

Apparently there’s also some biting social commentary in there, or something. As for the music I listened to the thing the whole way through and it reminded me very much of the pop tunes that bored me ten years ago. Then again, if I understood anything about the popular taste I’d be a much wealthier man, living on a giant ranch populated with peacocks and giraffes instead of an apartment.  American Idiot has sold 14 million copies worldwide, and its preposterous story has already been turned into a successful stage musical. I found a review  from somebody who caught it during the show’s original run in Berkeley last year: 

…not to spoil anything, but by the end of the 90-minute performance, the stage had been witness to half a dozen chugged beers, a couple of joints, several syringes of heroin, one drug-related suicide, one O.D., and one bout of very realistic-looking sex on a futon. 

Here’s the plot (such as it is): 

Jimmy leaves suburbia for the big city, falls in love, gets hooked on dope, hits rock bottom, and ultimately flees back home. One of his buddies goes to Iraq and loses a leg; the other is a loser who doesn’t go anywhere at all. The whole time a bank of TVs plays clips presumably depicting American idiocy: Slurpees and Twinkies at 7-11, night-vision bombing runs from the Middle East, Family Guy. It’s all supposed to represent the hollowness of the American dream, or how life sucks, or something. Anyway. Fight the power” 

Scathing stuff! And yet: 

It’s easy to imagine the kids a few blocks away at 924 Gilman Street, the famed Berkeley punk club where Green Day got their start, laughing at Idiot the way East Villagers in the ’90s mocked Rent—as watered down and cheesed up. The dialogue (what little there is) is all, “What the fuck?” this and “Motherfucker!” that—a 13-year-old Wicked fan’s idea of punk rebellion. And with tickets more expensive than seats at an actual Green Day show, there really doesn’t seem much point. 

And yet in spite of that pointlessness the show has just transferred to Broadway- – hence, no doubt Tom Hanks’ sudden interest. The news of Mr. Hanks’ involvement meanwhile has sparked off a lot of wild speculation.  According to the UK’s NME Hanks will not only produce but also direct — and Julia Roberts may star (doesn’t she always?). MTV however spoke to Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong directly and he sounded a more tentative note when asked if the film would ever become a reality: 

“I don’t know. It’s just talk right now, and it’s really exciting talk…So we’ll see what happens.” 

Indeed we shall. Until it becomes a reality however I am going to resume my decade-plus habit of never thinking about Green Day. And I encourage the rest of you to do likewise.

Of course that’s us.

According to the Army Times, veterans and servicemembers are pissed. They realize, like everyone else, that the US should be proud to fly the flag…anywhere, for that matter. After all, the US is a good place, filled with good people with big hearts and generous resources. It’s not like we’re Belgium.

(I kid the Belgians.)

Well, according to the Obama Administration, raising the US flag will make us look like bad guys. The U.S. government’s Haiti Joint Information Center, says: “We are not here as an occupation force, but as an international partner committed to supporting the government of Haiti on the road to recovery.”

Uh, yeah – We know that. Everyone knows that. The only people who say we are an “occupation force” are idiots like Hugo Chavez. So again, it seems our policies are shaped not by principle, but by placating thugs.

Look, the US isn’t looking for a pat on the back. We get it. We’re good and everyone hates us for it. If the world were a high school, we’d be the captain of the football team.

But the fact remains that we’ve been told by Obama, and his adoring media that our global reputation sucks (all Bush’s fault naturally). It just seems to me, by seeing what America does best, and with a flag there to represent it – maybe that might help.

And there’s the rub. If in your heart, you feel American “exceptionalism” is bunk and that patriotism is silly – then you’d prefer the world think we’re bad, 24/7.

So screw the flag, and put on some Green Day.

No wonder people hate us.

And if you disagree with me, you probably beat up leperchauns.

A great line up, folksy folks from folkland!

The lovely Reshma Shetty!

The also lovely Remi Spencer!

the lovely (if you’re into that sort of thing) Steven Crowder!

and more!

So, was Robert Novak the coolest man on the planet?

Of course not. But in my opinion, he deserves to be in the top 100.
Or, at least, ahead of anyone in Green Day. See, Robert Novak epitomized cool because he never cared about what people thought. Instead he stole the left’s stereotype of conservatism, and made it his own delightful persona. If being a fan of free markets, a strong defense and limited government made him evil, then evil he was.

And so he became the “Prince of Darkness.” And like the devil – he never changed. Novak never moved with the trends: he looked like Novak for a solid five decades short, round, dark, joyfully evil: for all we knew, he could have been an alien marble that survived on puppy souls.

Men like Novak normally don’t have a cult following, but he did. Because he was cool. While others would carry around dog-eared copies of old Hunter S. Thompson paperbacks, and believe nonconformity means acting like a nonconformist, fans of Novak knew that true rebellion meant rebelling against vacant rebellion. Novak, after all, wore a three-piece suit every moment of his life making him more of a badass than a tattooed and pierced Johnny Depp could ever think of becoming.

I met Novak briefly when he came to speak at an intern program in the late 80’s, and he took the time to talk to all of us, personally, afterward. He was both friendly and prickly – a porcupine out on good behavior. During the talk, he spoke about the importance of real reporting: talking to people, taking notes, and talking to more people after you took those notes.

It’s probably a good thing he never really had to deal with blogs, where mockery is easily fomented because so many bloggers rarely talk to anyone. But once you talked to Novak, you liked him. Which is why the left couldn’t stand him.

TONIGHT: Bill Hemmer, Andrew W.K., Ellen Karis, and other stuff too.

In our current culture, here’s what we consider “daring:” barbed wire tattoos around the biceps of scrawny witless musicians, well-abbed unemployed drifters found on various reality shows, pierced, preeny “in your face” dip-wads from pranky stunt shows, spoken word cretins fueled by rage and poor hygiene, performance artists who use their own bodily fluids as both canvas and paint, brain-dead hard-partying actresses with assorted infections, extreme adventurers who require public-funded rescues, animal rights activists with more tics than friends, creepy new age healers who drink their own urine – and of course, Adrian Grenier.

But overlooked as the truly coolest people in America? Those folks who put their lives on the line for their country. These are the people who deserve the reality shows, the fat paychecks, the accolades and the free drinks at swanky clubs. Not the offspring of Hulk Hogan. Not recent Road Rules alumni. Not Green Day.

Especially not Green Day.

Anyway, that’s why “Red Eye” is taking part in this year’s Troopathon, which helps bring much-needed care packages to those people fighting for our freedoms. Go to Troopathon.com to find out what you can do to help the coolest people on earth. They deserve it.

Tonight, my real Gregalogue will be from last night – on Iran, since we bumped it because Adam Carolla was so damn funny. I’ll be doing this one tomorrow.

Tonight we’ve got Congressman Thaddeus McCotter, Carrie Prejean, comedian Steven Crowder, Monica Crowley and (yum) Diana Falzone.

PS: will be also talking about my Gregalogue on Tony Hawk’s skateboarding in Letters, tonight.

Why on EARTH would the United States ever want to be more like Europe? Correct me if I’m wrong, but we left, did we not? Not only did we leave that older, lesser world behind, but we left skid-marks along the way with an entire continent eating our proverbial dust. Those were good times… Not to mention the asskickery that followed suit.

The truth is we’ve been doing things far better than Europe for centuries. We’ve built a stronger military and a much more dynamic economy than any of our European counterparts… And we’ve done it in record time. We left the world’s greatest superpowers one century only to blaze past them the next.

To be fair, times have changed and some European nations have been tremendous allies to the U.S.A. For that, they should be thanked and praised. That still doesn’t change the fact, however, that I don’t see a single country out there to which I could point and say “We need to be more like that!”

One could even argue that the United States is facing its current hardships because we’ve become more and more like old Europe. Even under “Republican” administrations we have continued to relinquish an unreasonable amount of control to the federal government. If there has ever been a bigger power grab reminiscent of old royalty than the one we’ve had in recent months (or years), I’ve never seen it… How’s that been working out for us?

If appeasing other nations means that we need to begin acting like them, you can count me out. Not only will I never be “culturally sensitive” to a people who use their left hand like a roll of Charmin, but I will never adopt a national ideology as my own that includes taking control of private enterprise or removing personal liberties.

For people who seem so hell-bent on multiculturalism, why can’t liberals understand that free enterprise/freedom is a part of the American Culture? I guess as far as leftists are concerned, the United States can’t qualify as a “cultured society” simply because we’ve actually created a society that works. If a civilization fails, it becomes a study of the human condition. If it succeeds (as the United States has), it becomes a culture-less society of capitalist pigs.

This whole “give unto us a king” mentality is really getting old. As for me, I don’t care what Green Day, the tiny Sean Penn, or the rest of the liberal elitists say; I’m proud of everything that has made this country great and I don’t think that we need to distance ourselves from it. But enough about me, what about you? Do you see any redeeming value in “going the way of Europe”? Is the destruction of a distinctively American culture worth the “love” that we’ll supposedly garner from across the globe?

Yeah, I know what he did was “illegal” and all that – but whenever I read about a dude pulling off something like this, I keep thinking an exception needs to be made. Whenever the amount of risk taken to come here far exceeds anything most Yankee chuckleheads would do to stay, then that risk taker deserves citizenship. I mean this guy risked his life so he could work as a cashier at Arby`s. Would Jon Cusack do the same?

Fact is, our country is crammed full with children who think they`re adults, and adults pretending to be children – all handed endless opportunities simply because they were born here. Millions of these Americans squander, mock and abuse the country that other folks would die to get into – and for this reason it`s time to enact a solution I’ve mentioned previously: a human trading system. Mind you: this is not human trafficking. It`s human trading. It`s different. There is no cash or sex involved (yet).

For example, I would gladly give up the entire Hulk Hogan brood, for this Ethiopian dude from the cargo hold. Or better, for every immigrant found in the wheel well of a jet, we forfeit an entire cast of the Real World or Charm School – sending them to whatever country that brave soul escaped from. Then we`d finally populate this great country with people who truly understand why it`s great, while getting rid of anyone who thinks Green Day lyrics mean something.

Of course, this kind of human trading is probably illegal – which is why we`d have to do it at night. I have a panel van and some GHB left over from the weekend.

Wal-Mart has a longstanding policy about not selling CDs that would require a parental advisory sticker, but that doesn’t stop the navel-gazing band from kvetching about what they seem to perceive as censorship:

“They want artists to censor their records in order to be carried in there,” he said. “We just said no. We’ve never done it before. You feel like you’re in 1953 or something.”

Newsflash to the boys in the band: that’s what’s called making a business decision. Wal-Mart’s business decision is to ask bands to create “clean” versions of their albums for sale in Wal-Mart stores. Some bands comply while others, like Green Day, do not – in turn making their own business decision (something that Obama has yet to take away from businesses other than some in the auto industry).

Will Wal-Mart come to regret not putting the album, which has sold some 250,000 copies already and is at the top of the charts, on its shelves? Perhaps, but that’s their problem if they end up losing money. Likewise, it’s Green Day’s problem if they end up losing money because they prefer to stay true to their art and not comply with Wal-Mart’s request.

I’m surprised that they didn’t come out and say that Wal-Mart was violating their First Amendment rights (which would be incorrect, BTW), but reading between the lines, one can guess that this is what they’re thinking.  Yet like most libs, they want to have their cake and eat it too:

But bassist Mike Dirnt said: “As the biggest record store in America, they should probably have an obligation to sell people the correct art.”

Translation: Wal-Mart should be forced to sell their CD, even if it violates the code of ethics to which Wal-Mart adheres.

This is the kind of thinking that ended up with eHarmony.com, a Christian-based online dating service and private business, being sued by a lesbian for discrimination because the site didn’t cater to gays and lesbians. No matter that gays and lesbians had other dating sites they could join; one site was not available and therefore discrimination must be taking place. (eHarmony ended up buckling under pressure.)

No matter that consumers have a number of outlets where they can purchase 21st Century Breakdown in all its unedited, crass glory. The meanies at Wal-Mart won’t carry it, and suddenly budding musicians might become discouraged!

“If you think about bands that are struggling or smaller than Green Day … to think that to get your record out in places like that, but they won’t carry it because of the content and you have to censor yourself,” he said. “I mean, what does that say to a young kid who’s trying to speak his mind making a record for the first time? It’s like a game that you have to play. You have to refuse to play it.”

Here’s a suggestion, boys: take a civics class and read Thomas Sowell’s Basic Economics: A Commonsense Guide to the Economy. You might learn something.

Seeing as the “Green Day Liberals/American Idiots” started the whole “Bush is not my President” schtick and their new album is dropping this week, I couldn’t think of a more appropriate time to issue a retort. Granted, the men of Green Day have had to overcome a lot to attain the success they enjoy today. It’s not every day that a group of legally-declared midgets can produce platinum-selling albums. Folks, I can give credit where credit is due. Rather than accept this success on behalf of the “little people” however, Green Day (along with other generic punk bands) had to start the “not my President” crusade against their commander in chief during a time of war. Punk bands even collectively put out the “Rock Against Bush” album which was eyebrow-raisingly sympathetic towards our enemies. Some would call it treason, I call it “a-bunch-of-uneducated-toolbags-playing-power-chords-in-an-attempt-to-brainwash-the-youth-of-America.”

Considering that “fascism” was the justification for the punk-rock community’s public hatred of the former-president, one has to imagine how they feel today. Their own liberal buddies are in charge of everything from the White House, Congress and Senate to the mainstream media. Combine that with the biggest government takeover of private companies that we’ve ever seen (along with the biggest spending increase, of course), and I’m starting to think that maybe a “Rock Against Obama” album might hold a little more water. I wouldn’t expect to see that from Green Day however, for one reason only; These people are idiots. I’m talking borderline Biden-esque in their level of stupidity.

Folks, I support Barack Obama “the President,” really I do. Whether I voted for him or not, he was elected as our Commander in Chief. When one looks at the actual DUTIES of a president however (which is in short; To preserve and protect the Constitution), anyone with a brain (barring some kind of Sean Penn-type learning disability) can see that Obama has gone far beyond the parameters of his calling.

When Barack Obama tries to continually weasel his ever-expanding government into the private sector or does something like try to sneak the biggest backdoor tax in history into the books, he ceases to be “Presidential.” When Barack Obama acts with complete disregard for the Constitution (and American principles) he is no longer Barack Obama the president, he becomes Barack Obama… “the man.” I would even go as far as to say a very bad one. Yes Napolitano, you heard correctly. Come and get me toots.

Let’s say for a second, that you hired a plumber to fix your sink, only to come home and find that he’d decided to dry-clean your clothes… And did a terrible job of it. Naturally you’d be upset and “unsupportive” of his douchebaggery. You didn’t HIRE him as a dry-cleaner, so why would you have to pay him as such or even commend his work? In the same breath, why do I need to support Barack Obama with his company takeovers and creepily intruding government?

On Presidential issues such as national security, the preservation of life etc., I’ll support Barack Obama with all of my heart.

As for all of his other shenanigans… Well, I think it’s time to “Rock Against Obama.”

Who’s with me?