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Levi is the Kevin Federline of American politics, a good-looking, not-too-bright guy catching a break by impregnating a rising star, or at least one’s daughter, then basking in the reflected glow.  When things went south with Bristol Palin, he found, in a mainstream media eager for anything that might derail the Sarah Palin express, an opportunity to go farther than he ever thought he could.  Movies, modeling, memoirs – anything was possible, they assured him.  Just tell us what we want to hear, Levi – the good stuff, the juicy stuff, the stuff too good to fact check.  Oh, and hand over your dignity while you’re at it.

But Levi’s antics are about more than just manufacturing ammunition to fire at Governor Palin.  The minstrel shows of the past were calculated to demonstrate white superiority through the employment of the most degrading stereotypes and the ritualized humiliation of the African-American performers.  This shameful circus is no different.  Levi’s mindless brand of masculinity, his dropping out of high school, his troubled home life – these are all the hyper-exaggerated cultural touchstones the bicoastal liberal elite imagines define the rest of our country. 

Levi Johnston is what they want to see when they look at Middle America.  They don’t want to see the young heroes like Track Palin, an Iraqi Freedom vet.  They don’t want to see Americans whose commitment to a better world is manifested by their putting their lives on the line instead of pasting a “Hope & Change” bumpersticker to the back of their Prius.  They want – and need – clowns, and Levi is only too happy to oblige them.

Most young people today, looking on the things they did in their youth, will have only an ill-considered tattoo to regret.  But Levi’s kid needs him, yet Daddy is busy far away performing like a court jester for people who will slam the door on him the second he stops being useful. 

Can he really be so dumb as to think they actually care about him?  Does he really expect to get a call from Kathy Griffin to accompany her to next year’s Teen Choice Awards?  He’s like the nerd in one of those high school movies who the bad kids make-over as part of a bet – except there’s no happy ending here unless Levi comes to realize that this is all a big joke to them and he’s the punch line.

Despite the fervent desire of some, like the bloggers at the circulation whirlpool called Newsweek, that “as long as there is Palin, there’ll be Levi Johnston,” they have to concede that “Levi’s 15 minutes are almost up.”  Neither GQ nor Vanity Fair will be calling him back for another photo spread anytime soon.  Larry King and Tyra Banks have wrung him dry of slime.  He’s off CBS’s speed dial.  The Celebrity Dysfunction Complex has moved on.

His big achievement is a 19-second TV spot selling some obscure brand of pistachio nuts.  They don’t even let him talk.  He’s also going to go nude in Playgirl – providing fantasy fodder for lonely cougars and randy gay men.  Levi, pinch yourself cuz you’re living the dream.

But Levi is a symptom, not the disease.  Levi’s being a fool, and it’s sad to see him put a discount price tag on his dignity and his family.  Considering his background with a mother who is allegedly involved with drugs, one can see why he does these things, though a lot better folks came from a lot worse.  His background is an explanation, not an excuse. 

The ones exploiting him are the real villains.  People, even dumb ones, aren’t to be used up then discarded like garbage when you’re done with them.  Those pulling his strings ought to be ashamed of themselves, but they aren’t. This minstrel show is too delightful, too much fun, as it promulgates the most condescending stereotypes imaginable of those unworthy wretches living outside the bi-coastal elite bubble. 

And what of Levi?  He’s burned the one bridge that could lead him home to people who might actually still care about him when he finds himself on the wrong side of the velvet ropes again, when the only opportunities he has left are reality kickboxing matches with Vanilla Ice and bit parts in Skinemax epics about horny stewardesses.  He’s a father who, if he ever sees his son again, is going to have to answer one of the most brutal, heart-rending questions a child could ask:

“Why did you choose them over me, Daddy?”

Levi Johnston’s weakness of character will lead him to sorrow after those who are using him today have moved on to other victims.  It’s not too late to make amends – I suspect the Palins would forgive him if he sincerely asked them to - but he won’t do it.  He can’t.  He thinks the elite loves him.  He thinks he will never wear out his welcome.  So he will keep on dancing, playing the fool, the minstrel, for the transitory amusement of those who hold him in nothing but contempt.

Since putting a “fatwa” on my head seems to be in vogue, I’m banking on getting my face on the cover of “GQ”. Get lost, Jude Law.

Sure, following the massive influx of violent threats, I could have opted to remove the most recent video. Everyone else (YouTube officials, in particular) seem to be kowtowing to these crazy Islamic cyber-fear-mongers.  I’d rather be keel-hauled.

With this post I’m hoping to finally expose and open a discussion (the term “brainstorm” might be more appropriate) on how to deal with cyber-terrorism. No, I’m not talking about the dramatic, “hack into the Federal Governments computers (a la Mafiaboy) and destroy the system” type of cyber-terrorism, but rather the type of online intimidation that occurs in our living rooms every day, making us afraid to speak out.

God forbid you insinuate the religion of Islam is anything short of peaceful. It only results in responses such as these:

“DEATH WILL FIND YOU NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE EVEN IF YOUR ON THE MOON WITH WALLS BUILD UP HIGH DEATH WILL STILL COME AND FIND YOU”

“ur a freaken racist pig… otherwise u wouldnt be making any sarcastic remarks…u just got the worst reputation amoungst muslims that I showed that video to…they were cursing u like crazy….take my advice and remove that racist video”

“you should actually post a new video, correcting the mistakes you made in this video, and im sure you know which ones you made, because that’s the only way that’s gonna save you from a freak accident.”

“FYI, i am glad, because if u said this to my face, u would be on the floor. simple. u come here and disrespect me, forget me, u disrespect the prophet pbuh, u expect me to just sit by, u disrespect the quran and then u try to play it off. u r a joke. a joke. dont EVER do this again. EVER.”

“your a jew ISLAM WILL TAKE OVER THE WHOLE WORLD”

“u should make a video apologize to the muslim community. thats the only option u have.”

Charming.  In their defense folks… My video IS classified as hate speech. At least, that’s what thousands of Muslims said whilst flooding YouTube with constant “flagging.” In case you haven’t yet heard, there are actual online Muslim networks that exist solely for this purpose. The minute anything even remotely critical of Islam pops up online, thousands of members are notified and are commanded to flag, spam and utilize comment suppression techniques that ultimately result in the video’s removal and permanent banning of the user.

The frightening part is that their “Denial of Service” tactics are devastatingly effective, extremely covert and easily mobilized.  I guess that a nation of people who can’t fire their Kalashnikovs without blowing out a shoulder socket have finally found a way to level the playing. Allah Akbar!

Multimedia sites are becoming a playground for liberal propaganda and unfair censorship… All in the name of “tolerance.”  My question to you is this: What can you do to help stop it? What can we ALL do to counterbalance the growing offense that’s been mounted?

Whereas the Colt revolver once served as the great equalizer, the personal computer has taken its place. We can either add it to our own arsenal or fall by the wayside and let the “Sentenza Angel Eyes” of the world ride off into the sunset.

…Oh, and Sean Penn sucks.