“At last the Dodo said, ‘everybody has won, and all must have prizes.’”
- Alice in Wonderland

On Wednesday night American Idol aired its season finale.  The true star of the evening wasn’t the endless parade of aging music groups trotted out to croak medleys of their ancient hits.  Nor was it either of the two finalists anxiously hoping to be crowned the newest American Idol.

No, it was Simon Cowell, the most popular judge on the panel, who is leaving the show.  So integral is he to its success that fans and producers alike worry the show won’t be the same without him.

When American Idol first premiered, nobody would have predicted that Simon Cowell would become its favorite judge.  Instead, they might have pointed to the cloyingly supportive (and creatively medicated) Paula Abdul, who never had a negative word to say to any contestant.

The reason is very simple:  Simon Cowell is the most conservative personality on primetime network TV.  And America is a center-right country, fertile ground for Simon’s point of view. (more…)

So last week, a Muslim protestor who vandalized a war memorial in England, walked free after prosecutors said his crimes weren’t religiously motivated.

His actions? Spray-painting “Islam will dominate the world,” “Osama is on his way” and “kill Gordon Brown.”

Yeah, no religious motivations there.

Apparently the punk, Tosheef Shah, must have just randomly come up with those phrases – perhaps overcome by aerosol paint fumes, which is really the manufacturer’s fault, when you think about it. I smell a lawsuit. He probably wanted to write “Unicorns are awesome” and “Pez is groovy.”

In his defense, his lawyer claims, “He is just an ordinary guy.”

Yeah – ordinary. Which makes one wonder: if those messages are not intolerant, for god’s sake: what is??

I guess there are different definitions of intolerance for different people. (more…)

The Obama administration betrayed our Eastern European allies on the symbolic 70th anniversary of the Soviet invasion of Poland. Many in the media have chalked this up to historical ignorance, just as they claimed that “too great a workload” was responsible for his disgraceful but symbolic insult when, after receiving a pen holder fashioned from the timbers of the HMS Gannet that served for a time as an anti-slave ship, he slighted Gordon Brown with gave a gift of 25 DVDs .

 However, Obama is animated by seemingly crude gestures made powerful by his position.  He and his motivated White House staff, without explanation, used a black painted piece of plywood to cover up the letters IHS (Latin for “Jesus Savior of Men”) when he spoke at a Jesuit University (Georgetown), but while speaking abroad, our president deftly referred to the Koran as “ holy,” a descriptive primarily used by followers who believe in the Islamic faith. Why? (more…)

(Thundering tympanies, swirling spotlights)

Announcer

Live! From the fabulous Turtle Bay Ballroom at United Nations Headquarters, it’s the Rat Pack of Evil All-Star International Celebrity Roast of President Barack Obama!

(orchestra fanfare: ‘Make ‘Em Laugh’)

With Pyongyang funnyman Kim Jong-Il! Borscht Belt headliner Vlady Putin! Queen of Mean Liz Windsor! Saudi Sheik of Schtick King Abdullah! Beijing jokeslinger Hu Jintao! Wacky al Qaeda Caveman Ayman al-Zawahiri! Nick ‘the Knife’ Sarkozy! Sassy Wanda Sykes! South-of-the-border slapstick team Hugo Chavez and the Castro Brothers! Taliban Madman Mullah Omar! Jon Stewart! Lovable Libyan lush Muammar al-Ghadaffi! Grovelin’ Guvner Gordy Brown! Bashar “The Chin” al-Assad! The Hamas Fattah Dancers! And starring your Master of Ceremonies — that suntan man with a plan from Iran — that Persian with a nuclear perversion — Sheckyyyyyy Ahmedinejad!

(applause)

Shecky Ahmedinejad

Okay, okay, pipe down. Let’s get this thing over with, this straitjacket is a rental and my magic carpet is double-parked on East 43rd. Mohamed H. Prophet, will you get a load of the evil on the stage tonight? I haven’t seen this many bombs since Janeane Garofalo played the American Legion convention. (more…)

I have a gift for Obama but I’ll get to that in a minute.

Awhile back I wrote an essay about how the policies of the new administration and comments of leading Democrats had negatively impacted my business. Since my personal economic downturn was directly due to the government I thought I might be able to scam, I’m sorry, receive some TARP money from Uncle Sugar. Twice I wrote to one of my senators, Sherrod Brown (D-OH) requesting a modest bailout. I explain how just a few hundred grand would put me on solid footing and allow me to help stimulate the economy by buying a new pick-up truck and a big screen TV.

Senator Brown ignored my first letter and sent me a form e-mail reply to the second. I may try again but thus far no Tarp money for me. So I am still picking up empty cans, striping copper wire out of abandoned houses, and standing on the corner with my “ I’m like Obama, I just want change!” sign to help make ends meets. I look in the want ads and sometimes I go out and apply for a job as a painter or drywall hanger just to practice my Spanish and see what other jobs are being taken from Americans under the guise that illegals only do jobs Americans don’t want. Does anyone in Washington realize that if we got serious and stopped illegal immigrants from taking jobs from working class Americans our unemployment rate would be zero? Hey, maybe that would stimulate the economy for less than ten gazillion dollars. But I digress. (more…)

I occasionally like to poke around Salon.com for a healing dose of tolerance, inclusion and progressive enlightenment whenever my heathen conservative predilections get the better of me. Imagine my shock when browsing through some reader comments when I saw the sort of lowbrow discourse usually reserved for people who couldn’t get into Swarthmore or Brown and never drove a Saab: “go fuck yourself;” “you’re so full of shit;” “shut up idiot;” “get a fucking clue;” “screwball… crank;” “bitch;” “whore;” and the never encouraging, “cunt.”

What's it going to take to put you in some Hope & Change today?

What was happening here? A good-n-proper reaction to the obligatorily reviled Ann Coulter? Did Sarah Palin say something unacceptably state-schooly on TV again? Did an enemy trollette deposit some right-wing talking point in an otherwise high-minded and compassionate Salon discussion thread?  Alas, something much more catastrophic had occurred: one of the flock strayed and had to be punished.  (more…)

In this episode, NewsBusted covers: President Obama, Rush Limbaugh, Chandra Levy, Prime Minister Gordon Brown, Netflix, Jeopardy!, Teleprompters, McDonald’s, Chicken McNuggets, Dakota Fanning, and R. Kelly.

People are still buzzing about Barack Obama’s apparent “dis” of Gordon Brown last week, when the British prime minister paid his first official visit to the new president at the White House.

Brown presented Obama with the following gifts: (more…)

Michael Sheen has two movies in release this weekend. The classically-trained Welsh actor plays Lucien in the wildly commercial Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (Sony), opening on about 3,000 screens, and he plays David Frost in Frost/Nixon (Universal), expanding to about 800 playdates.

He is a classically-trained stage actor, who has starred in heavyweight UK productions of Romeo and Juliet, Henry V, Amadeus and The Dresser, was somehow overlooked by both Hollywood Foreign Press and Oscar voters when he starred as Tony Blair in 2006’s The Queen. (He was outshined by Helen Mirren, who won every acting prize imaginable). This year, he is in the shadow of Frank Langella’s towering portrayal of President Richard Nixon in Frost/Nixon.

As an aside, The Queen was the second in screenwriter Peter Morgan’s Tony Blair trilogy. The first film was called The Deal for British television and tells the story of the rivalry between Blair and current British Prime Minister Gordon Brown. (This is a great title to put in your Netflix or Blockbuster cue.) The final film will be called The Special Relationship, which will focus on the intimate friendship between the British PM and President Bill Clinton between 1997-2000. Sheen has signed on, but there is no word on who will play Clinton. Morgan says the idea for the third film began to germinate when he heard that Blair and Clinton were alone together when Vice President Al Gore conceded the 2000 election.

In the meantime, Sheen will almost certainly have the #1 movie in America this weekend with Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. This is the third Underworld movie, but it is a prequel set in the dark ages with Sheen as Lucien, a young werewolf, who leads a war against Bill Nighy as Viktor, the leader of the vampire race. (more…)