Let’s be clear – the upper echelons of Hollywood are dominated by weirdos, losers and mutations.  I’m not judging – I live in LA, so naturally some of my best friends are weirdos, losers and mutations.  I’m simply pointing out a fact.  Most of the normal, hardworking, all-American folks in Hollywood are crew – and they showed it with their heartfelt booing of Michael Moore when he removed the muffin from his pie-hole just long enough to run down our country during the 2003 Oscar ceremony. 

But these great Americans are generally not members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, and they don’t get to vote for who takes home the Oscar.  People like Sean Penn do.  And Tim Robbins.   And tranny vomit recipient Susan Sarandon.  

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These are the kind of folks who make up the majority of Oscar voters, so it’s no wonder that the Academy Awards show is so often a festival of nitwittery that leaves normal Americans scratching their heads wondering, “Um, what the hell was that?” 

Oscar has more than its share of astonishing failures, of crazy-uncle-locked-in-the-attic nods that the Academy sorely regretted about the time the after-party coke bowls ran dry.  The terrible Oscar choices listed here are only from the last few decades since the sting of choosing How Green Is My Valley over Citizen Kane and The Maltese Falcon has presumably faded since 1941– well, for some of us.  Oh, and you won’t find Marisa Tomei on this list – she rocks.  Deal with that, haters. 

So, in no particular order of insanity, here are Oscar’s 10 biggest recent screw-ups: ]

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As a kid, I wanted to be James Bond. Sneaking into villainous volcano lairs in-between hayloft romps with the likes of Pussy Galore is very appealing to a twelve-year old … and a forty-two year old. For a lucky few, that glamorous life may be somewhat of a reality but as someone intimidated by both violence and pretty girls, the life of a super spy was not to be. However, had the world been my toy box, had the power and influence to shape my environment to my liking been available to me, right now I’d be slugging it out with faceless henchmen on a nuclear sub.

Good thing for me that’s not reality. Because if it were, I’d be a fool unaware the whole world was laughing at the effort that went into my self-important delusion.

Which brings me to Keith Olbermann. (more…)