I can never hear Frank Sinatra’s version of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” without  hearing it as the music playing in the background while a WWII deserter was executed on Christmas Eve before battle weary soldiers watching stoically.

The film is episodic and loaded with cameos of great European actresses like Jeanne Moreau, Romy Schneider, Melina Mercouri, Elke Sommer, and Senta Berger in memorable and poignant vignettes. I had a mini crush on Albert Finney whom I had just seen in Tom Jones but he doesn’t appear until the end of  The Victors and portrays a drunken Russian soldier in Berlin confronting George Hamilton one of the main American characters. George Peppard, Eli Wallach, Vince Edwards, Jim Mitchum, and Peter Fonda round out the excellent cast.

This was Carl Foreman’s first and only stint as a director. He had a formidable career as a scriptwriter for classics like High Noon; Bridge on the River Kwai; Guns of Navarone and others too numerous and notable to mention here.

As I said, The Victors is not anti-war but rather a “War is hell but still necessary” film. This is evident in a moving scene where the soldiers have liberated a concentration camp and the prisoners are overwhelmed by their rescue, kissing the hands of their saviors. Mr. Crowther may have found this movie to be overly sentimental and trivial but any film that demonstrates the terrible sacrifices made by our military deserves a wider audience. 

What has always puzzled me is why this film has never been made available for the public in either videotape or DVD format. There are no scenes from the film available on YouTube that I know of and only posters of the film are online. Can anyone in Hollywood answer that?

So, all hail the new A-Team.  I just hope they’ve fixed the one hackey sucker punch aspect – the lame use of U.S. contractors as, once again, the villain du jour.

Now, anyone who at any point in the 1980s was unable to legally drive knows The A-Team and its mythology.  Basically, a bunch of Vietnam War commandos are falsely accused of a crime, escape from a stockade and dodge the military police while acting as soldiers of fortune.  George Peppard was their leader Hannibal Smith, Dirk Benedict was Face, the good-looking con man, Dwight Schultz was “Howlin’ Mad” Murdock, the resident wacko, and Mr. T portrayed, well, pretty much himself.

Every week they crashed a lot of cars, shot millions of bullets without ever hitting anything, made smartass remarks and issued memorable catchphrases.  This was all highly entertaining – particularly if you were a college student like me who enjoyed accepting creative drinking game challenges.  Here’s a hint – designate not just a driver but a stretcher-bearer if you dare join in a round of “Let’s Watch The A-Team and Down a Brew Whenever Something Explodes.” 

The remake updates the story and amps up the action.  Liam Neeson is the new Hannibal, Bradley Cooper is Face, some guy I never heard of named Rampage Jackson (was that his given name?) is Mr. T, and that dude who morphed into a shrimp in District 9 is Murdock.  The new A-Team is now composed of Iraq war vets falsely accused of a massive theft of artifacts from the Baghdad Museum.  They get arrested, convicted, bust out and then – oh hell, you can watch the trailer yourself, but here’s a plot summary anyway:  

Bang, pow, punch, “I ain’t getting on no airplane,” BOOM, cigar, “I love it when a plan comes together,” BOOM, vroom, pow, crash, more and bigger BOOMS, bang, bang, bang, set up for the sequel, the end.

This is quality entertainment.  Plus Jessica Biel is in it and she’s on fire.

Now, the script does provide some moments of humor, some intentional and some unintentional.  The unintentional stuff probably derives from the screenwriters’ (and there are lots of them, credited and uncredited, on this project) complete ignorance of the military.  I like how the script has a C-130 carrying two M1A1 Abrams tanks and a Blackhawk helicopter in its hold.  The Hercules can do a lot of things, but not defy the laws of physics. 

But don’t get me wrong.  I’m all for this kind of summer rollercoaster big screen insanity.  In the trailer, we see them fall out of the plane inside one of the tanks while lighting up an attacking Predator drone with a Ma Deuce .50 cal on the drop down.  My departures from military aircraft in flight were not quite so colorful, but if you’re heading to The A-Team expecting the vivid realism of a cinema verite documentary you need to substantially recalibrate your expectations.

The action is suitably over the top both on paper and even more so in the trailer, but there are a couple of scenes on the printed page of surprising harshness.  I’m hoping the tone gets smoothed out in subsequent drafts, and the trailer looks as if it did.  There’s nothing wrong with tough, brutal acts in some films, but that is kind of the antithesis of The A-Team aesthetic.  This shouldn’t be the Omaha Beach scene from Saving Private Ryan.

Alas, there is a sucker punch of sorts, in that it appears the villains are that hoariest of current clichés, military contractors.  James Cameron has been a pioneer in trashing American military members without the guts to just come out and do it with his “But those weren’t American Marines we were slaughtering – they were mercenaries” dodge in the unwatchable Avatar.  Give me a break.  The mere notion that American soldiers become evil the moment their camouflage fails to read “U.S. Army” on the nametape is as insulting to the audience’s intelligence as it is offensive to everyone who has served or is serving today.

Let me be real clear about something – U.S. military contractors like Halliburton protected me, fed me and did a bunch of other chores for me while I’ve been deployed, and today they are doing the same for hundreds of thousands of other American service members overseas.  Many of them died doing it, killed by the same sons of bitches that shoot at our troops and murder civilians.  Are contractors perfect?  Nope.  Neither are service members. 

The fact is there is a real enemy out there.  Can you Hollywoodoids guess who that might be?  Here’s a hint: They killed 3000 Americans in 2001.  Sure, portraying our real enemies as, well, our enemies, might cost you a few cocktail party invitations, but maybe you hacks might want to make them the bad guys once in a while and see what happens at the box office.

The fact is that American contractors are the current villain of choice for many in Hollywood because many industry types are too gutless to come straight out and trash our troops in the wake of the utter failure of every film that’s done it since we liberated Iraq.  Come on, have the courage of your lack of convictions – you know you want to say it, just like your unwashed hippie mommy used to do to Vietnam vets before she sold out, showered off, and went mainstream in 1977: “Baby killers!  Baby killers!” 

The spitting on the troops is optional, but I’d strongly advise against it unless you love the idea of undergoing substantial dental reconstructive work.

Not only does trashing American contractors let them get in some punches against the troops they are too gutless to admit they hold in contempt but it’s safe too.  No contractor will be parking a ticking SUV outside of their studio; even abject cowardice and submission didn’t keep Comedy Central’s parent company safe from that guy Mayor Bloomberg and the media hoped was just mad about health care reform.

Perhaps I’m overthinking it.  Hell, with The A-Team, any thinking is overthinking it. 

Now, based on the script and the trailer, it seems unlikely that the writers of The A-Team have any conscious agenda beyond making things go boom in the most spectacular way possible.  Their sin is most likely mere laziness; it’s too bad that their laziness happens to correspond with the very real loathing some in the industry feel for our troops and even our country.  It would be nice, in a world full of real bad guys, for a movie to have the intestinal fortitude to actually name one of the real bad guys instead of trashing proud, brave Americans by falling back on the cheesiest and most tiresome of clichés.

Will I see The A-Team when it hits theatres June 11th?  Well, as always, I’ll wait for the Big Hollywood review of the movie’s final version before plunking down the $12.50(!) a ticket they want.  Hopefully, the contractor sucker punch will be nothing more than a sucker jab that is overshadowed by the smoke and flames and flying catchphrases.  And all will be forgiven if they roll out Mr. T for a cameo.  But if they don’t, well, I pity the fools.

Creepy, right? I have not seen Haunting and will probably wait for DVD or pay cable, but that is a weird, startling, attention-grabbing image. As a movie junkie, I love good movie art. The best movie posters are evocative. They capture what a movie is all about without giving away the mystery. There are certain movie posters that instantly put me back in that theatre experiencing the film for the very first time. The best movie posters are not just promotional tools. They stand as a work of art on their own. These are my favorites, buit it is by no means a definitive list. Feel free to add your favorites (and subtract any of mine).

#1 – JAWS
I saw this all-time classic as a 9-year-old on opening day, and saw it a second time at the Saturday matinee. To this day, I am afraid to swim in the ocean. That shark is always there in my imagination. The poster is literal, but haunting.

#2 – CHINATOWN
This is truly a work of art. The smoke shrouding the ultimate mystery of Evelyn Mulwray, and the stylized version of Jake Gittes (played by Jack Nicholson), the hard-boiled detective who unravels it all.

#3 – THE DARK KNIGHT
Impossible to separate Heath Ledger’s death from his remarkable interpretation of The Joker. This is an amazing image. In 30 years, I will look at this poster and immediately feel the impact of Christopher Nolan’s masterpiece.

#4 – BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S
You can almost hear Audrey Hepburn warbling “Moon River” at the sight of this iconic poster. Every woman wanted to be her and every man wanted to be with her.

#5 – SECRETARY
The 2002 cult classic about a sadomasochistic relationship between a demanding lawyer (James Spader) and a submissive secretary (Maggie Gyllenhaal). The movie is an under-appreciated gem. The poster may be even better.

#6 – UNFORGIVEN
This is my favorite poster made for Clint Eastwood’s masterful revisionist Western. Simple. Classic. Tells you everything you need to know about Clint’s Bill Munny character.

#7 – AMERICAN BEAUTY
A beautiful image that suggests the perversity that lies just beneath the surface of the suburban neighborhood created by screenwriter Alan Ball and director Sam Mendes.

#8 – SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
“You will let me know when those lambs stop screaming, won’t you?” You can almost hear Dr. Hannibal Lecter say it. The Death’s-head moth “lodged” in Clarice Starling’s throat. Brilliant image.

#9 – VERTIGO
An ode to acrophobia as Detective Scottie Ferguson (as played by Jimmy Stewart) battles his fear of heights while becoming obsessed with Madeleine Elster (the stunning Kim Novak). This kaleidoscopic design immediately brings the strains of Bernard Hermann’s amazing score into my head.

#10 – PULP FICTION
Uma Thurman as Mia Wallace in all her swagger. Yes, she does wind up with a sharpie circle on her chest and a shot of adrenaline, but the whole gritty movie is captured with this image.

HONORABLE MENTION
- in no particular order -
A CLOCKWORK ORANGE
SWEENEY TODD
MEAN STREETS
AMADEUS
GONE WITH THE WIND
METROPOLIS
KING KONG (1939 Fay Wray version)
CLOVERFIELD
THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY

Steve Mason is on Facebook and now also on Twitter@LAMase.