Of course, our enemies do the best they can on the killing front as well, and at one point it was widely believed that the Soviets were engaged in training soldiers in psychic warfare. British journalist Jon Ronson stumbled across America’s response to those mental-murder programs and wrote about them extensively in his humorous nonfiction book “The Men Who Stare at Goats.” 

Now, with the help of screenwriter Peter Straughan, who has invented a streamlined story in which to connect the book’s hilarious and almost impossibly wild anecdotes, “Goats” has hit the nation’s movie screens. Fast-moving, funny, and supremely subversive entertainment of a kind that Hollywood rarely takes chances with anymore, it also arrives at a rich historical moment, as President Obama’s own decision on whether to surge or pull troops out of Afghanistan hangs in the imminent balance. 

In the film, Ewan McGregor heads off to the Mideast in the hopes of awakening the boring slumber of his life as reporter Bob Wilton in a small-city daily paper by crossing into Iraq and covering the war there. But all his efforts actually leave him stranded outside the country, until one night when he meets a man named Lyn Cassady (George Clooney), who claims he was part of an experiment program training for psychiatric warfare years before. 

The goal was to create a group of “warrior monks” called the New Earth Army, which would be able to read an enemy’s thoughts, walk through solid walls and  even kill goats by staring at them. The leader of this improbable mission was Bill Django, a former hippie turned military official who truly wanted to find a less deadly way to engage in battle and who is brought to vividly hilarious life by Jeff Bridges in a role akin to his lovably shaggy stoner in “The Big Lebowski.” 

Wilton and Cassady eventually discover that Django is being held, along with other former psychic soldiers, in a secret training camp run by renegade fellow psychic Larry Hooper (Kevin Spacey). Wilton must ultimately figure out how to get out from between Django’s forces of oddball goodness and Hooper’s nefarious intentions. The result keeps the dialogue snappy and the twists coming fast, as Clooney’s producing partner Grant Heslov proves to be a steadily creative hand at the wheel of the film. 

The result is a film that enlightens as well as entertains, giving viewers a look at one of the strangest movements in American military history while making sure they have plenty to laugh about along the way. All the performances are expertly shaded at just the right level to avoid becoming over-the-top farce, and things move along at an exciting clip. 

Take a look at the track record of Clooney and Bridges, and it’ll be easy to surmise that the film takes a left-leaning slant on the events at hand. But enter with an open mind , people of all political persuasions will have a rowdy night at the movies while having plenty to talk about afterwards.

My apologies for bringing up old crap, but Clooney’s statement, especially the part about how he’s so proud to be out of touch, is one of the most bafflingly odd things I’ve ever heard coming from Clooney, who’s also famous for telling anyone who’ll listen that everybody tells him all the time how brave he was for making a black and white movie about the red scare. It’s very revealing that Clooney would say this, to cheers, a mere three years after a child-rapist was handed an award by that same Academy.

Cut to the present, the child-rapist is caught, and much of Hollywood is outraged. “He should be allowed to live his life,” wrote Peter Bart, his words practically streaked with tears. Hey, guess what, Pete? He has been allowed to live his life. They’re all like Clooney, proud be out of touch. But why? To answer this question, we turn to the genius of one George Costanza.

They’re different than the rest of us. They’re “delicate geniuses.”

Back to the Academy Awards, who can forget Sean Penn humorlessly, smugly, embarrassingly chiding Chris Rock for poking fun at fellow delicate genius Jude Law? Rock’s offense? A joke, dripping with truth, which pointed out that Jude Law is not a box office draw. The box office doesn’t matter to them. Hell, look at the movies they nominate nowadays. They’ve grown more out of touch than ever. You think “The Sting” would get nominated for Best Picture today? Much less win? Or “Jaws”?

And then there’s David Cross (of “Arrested Development” fame), who brags that he snorted coke near Obama. If you don’t think that’s super-cool, then you’re probably a stupid Christian. He’s one of those atheists for whom it’s not nearly enough to just not believe in God, he has to build a stand-up career out of his atheism. He’s always been strangely uninformed about Christianity, but that doesn’t stop him from cracking hipster jokes about Christians. Back in 1999, he joked that he couldn’t wait to make fun of Christians when Y2K turned out to be a global non-factor. In this hilarious segment, Cross discussed Y2K more than my Southern Baptist Pastor did in an entire year.

Cross’ cocaine story, coupled with the story last week about Academy Award fixture Hilary Swank–the she sashays around the house nude in front of her boyfriend’s six-year-old kid–illustrates what’s gone wrong with the delicate geniuses.  Hilary, please, put us on a need-to-know basis. You were way cooler when you were the underdog, the “Next Karate Kid” made good. We simply know too much about the delicate geniuses. The delicate geniuses would be more respected and adored by their audiences if they embraced a little mystery. Remember when Sean Penn crazily demanded privacy? He was sooooo much cooler then. We all knew Paul Newman was a liberal, but I never got the impression that he thought that made him smarter than his audience.

But that’s exactly how the current stars sound when they take credit for the Civil Rights Movement, or wish shame on the grandchildren of people with different opinions than their own (that’s you, Mr. Penn), or indulge us with their stories about getting a snootful of Bolivian Marching Powder while in the company of The Savior, or traipsing around nekkid in the company of kids. They’re enlightened, you see, and we’re the uneducated masses.

With so many tales of military heroism left to tell, Clooney and Company choose this…

“But “The Men Who Stare at Goats” is inspired by a “true” story,” they’ll say…

But why is it always these kinds of “true” stories that get picked?

UPDATE: A message to you “C’mon lighten uppers”:

Want to know when I’ll stop being a wet blanket about these “‘c’mon, lighten up, it’s just a” comedies? When for every 5 of these where I’m told “Relax it’s just a movie,” there’s ONE that treats these incredible men and women with the respect and reverence they deserve.

One of five, 20 measly percent, that’s all I’m asking for.

Then I’ll lighten up.

In the meantime, Hollywood can go to hell.

My pretty fourth-grade teacher, who taught us everything from math and history to a dash of entomology (study of insects), didn’t think so.  One day, unprompted, she told her class of 10-year-olds that she wasn’t really concerned about the Biafran babies because mass starvation was just nature’s way of controlling overpopulation.  (My parents were mortified.)

Margaret Sanger

Hard to fathom how, less than three decades after the Holocaust, any educated person could harbor such cold acceptance of the cruel suffering of fellow human beings - much less voice it (and to children, no less).  But whoever said the human race is on a one-way path to progress?

It’s widely assumed that, in every moment we’re alive, we’ve reached a new pinnacle – of modernity, experience, knowledge, enlightenment – that we always move forward, never back.  But what if we don’t?  What if we’re fated to make the same mistakes (disguised with innocuous new names) over and over again?

Fifty years before my lesson in urban savagery, Margaret Sanger, the Saint of Planned Parenthood, advocated beliefs that were not dissimilar to those of my twisted teach.  The fabled women’s rights activist was all about negative eugenics – meaning making sure ”social misfits” and other undesirables never got the chance to repulse the right people, by making sure they never got born.

“Birth control,” she declared in 1923, “is nothing more or less than the facilitation of the process of weeding out the unfit, or preventing the birth of defectives or of those who will become defectives.”  Her mission: to stop ”keeping alive thousands who never, in all human compassion, should have been brought into this world.”

Sanger was ambitious.  She actively advocated for sterilization of the great unwashed – the “feeble-minded, insane… deaf, deformed and dependent,” including “orphans, ne’er-do-wells, tramps, the homeless and paupers.”  Talk about a hard knock life.

Before she came along, President Teddy Roosevelt had responded to a drastic drop in the national birth rate with a more positive (but equally elitist) message.  He encouraged turn-of-the-century yuppies to do their primitive best and reproduce – to, in theory, bring more of the “right” kind of people into the world.  But the goddess of “choice” found hope only in curtailing options for the disenfranchised.

“I hated the wretchedness and hopelessness of the poor,” Sanger wrote, “and never experienced that satisfaction in working among them that so many noble women have found.”  Indeed, her whole life seems to have been spent rebelling against the devout Roman Catholicism of her parents; Sanger’s mother got pregnant a whopping 18 times (which probably explains a lot).

Yes, thanks to Sanger’s one-woman crusade, 8300 people were sterilized in the state of Virginia alone.  Her most famous casualty was a young rape victim named Carrie Buck, whose tubes were ultimately cut – against her will – because she was allegedly promiscuous and mentally “challenged” with a rocky family history.  “Three generations of imbeciles are enough,” Supreme Court justice Oliver Wendell Holmes famously wrote of the case.  Snip snip.

Betty Friedan

Forty years later, feminist Betty Friedan picked up the Puritanical, less-is-more torch and hailed the American family a “comfortable concentration camp.”  Easy to dismiss such a statement as cheeky rhetoric.  But even in our seemingly advanced society, fascism still seethes just beneath the surface - behind a smile, an empathetic word, a good intention.  People like to control people.

As Paul Johnson points out his absorbing bestseller, Intellectuals, “social engineering has been the salient delusion and the greatest curse of the modern age.  In the twentieth century it has killed scores of millions of innocent people, in Soviet Russia, Nazi Germany, Communist China and elsewhere…. It is the birthright of the totalitarian tradition.”

In the popular countdown, the number one eugenicists were obviously the Nazis, who took social engineering to nightmarish new heights.  But after the post-War baby boom of the 1950s, we got soft – resting on our liberators’ laurels and blindly trusting in the assumption that, as a species, we were finally evolving and growing.

In fact, revolving and shrinking is more like it.  As a good friend once said, “People don’t live long enough to learn anything.”

Gays and lesbians, for instance, were once an invisible minority in America.  In the 1950s, they were labeled mentally ill, often forced to undergo electro-shock therapy or sent off to asylums along with the rest of Sanger’s degenerates.  Yet in 2009, out and proud American LGBTs – exalted and protected by the media and endowed with all the legal rights to form civil unions (and, in some states, marriages) – march naively alongside the covert Stalinists of International ANSWER, whining that they “can’t breathe” in the redneck USA.

Never mind that we live in a country where even the former Republican Vice President – the father of an openly gay daughter - has publicly declared that “People ought to be free to enter into any kind of union they wish, any kind of arrangement they wish.”  (Which is a more forthright statement than any the Democratic President has said.)

Meanwhile, in the heterosexual paradise known as Iran, gays who dare to exist (or get caught doing so) continue to be executed, to the tune of about 15 deaths per month – with barely a peep of solidarity from the most powerful and affluent gay community in the Western world.

Recently, violence exploded in Tehran over the rigged re-election of murderous homophobe Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.  Students and others were inspired by the daring and unusual sight of the opposition candidate – gasp! – holding his wife’s hand in public.  As protesters were bludgeoned and shot in the streets, what did the gay community here do?  They donned green (once upon a time done only on Thursdays), brazenly equated the Iranian riots with their armchair petulance over Obama’s (unsurprising) neglect - and courageously withheld checks from the DNC.

Newsflash: West Hollywood is not Tehran.

And sadly, Mir-Hussein Mousavi ain’t Michael Jackson.  The minute the King of Pop stopped breathing, the gays dumped their Iranian brethren to attack Perez Hilton on Twitter.  A few days later, President Obama officially killed gay solidarity with Iran: he distracted the griping gays with an overdue bone, hosting a Stonewall anniversary party in the East Room of the White House – and proclaimed “June 2009 as Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Pride Month.”  (What about June 2010?)

The LGBT community proved its collective attention span is no better than the average teenager’s.  Riots?  What riots? Memories of atrocities perpetrated against mankind no longer get passed down generation from generation; they end up on T-shirts.  Not even the gay community can remember its darkest days anymore – though God knows, they still love the drama!

As long as there are celebrity train wrecks, oppressed people will remain diversions.  Which makes me wonder: how will gays - or any Americans – react when faced with the next imminent threat?  Deadened by trendy moral relativism, will we even be able to recognize such a thing anymore?

If comfy, urban gays think they can’t “breathe” now, wait until they really start suffocating – not from the widely promoted ”fact” of greenhouse gases, rising seas, and over-population – but from a rapid rise in religious fundamentalism brought on as a direct result of the hardcore secular, anti-family, anti-life legislation most “progressives” support.  The gays will wish they could turn back time and vote for John McCain!

In his book, The Empty Cradle: How Falling Birthrates Threaten World Prosperity (and What to Do About It), author Phillip Longman presents demographic evidence that over-population is, like global warming, a myth (that the scientific community and the media can’t afford to give up).  Rather than growing, world population is actually shrinking, and at alarming speed - a concept that does not bode well for gays or any other “liberal” minority.

Why?  Because, writes Longman, unless people start having more babies – and fast - ”unsustainable trends end.”  Current global fertility rates are half what they were in 1972.  According to the Census Bureau, by 2050, one out of every five Americans will be over 65.  Imagine the seismic cultural shift Madison Avenue will have to make in order to attract that hot new 55-99 demographic!  You’ve come a long way, granny.

Yet our culture continues to promote endless, sexy images of successful, attractive, single individuals who are always in complete control of their personal choices and surroundings.

“Population growth underlies our modern concept of freedom,” Longman declares.  “Not since the fall of the Roman Empire has the world ever experienced anything on the scale of today’s loss of fertility.”  And when people die off, fundamentalism blossoms – to keep the species going.  Many of the attitudes we associate with the Victorian Era - religious revivalism, moral rigidity, gender role conformity, intolerance of birth control, glorification of motherhood – were actually rooted not in religion, but in demography.

The Industrial Revolution threw people into the cities, where children suddenly became economic burdens and obstacles to upward mobility.   Husbands and wives no longer worked together at home, the number of single women and prostitutes skyrocketed – so late Victorian housewives took it upon themselves to march the streets as moral crusaders for the good of society.

Yes, lesbians and gays (and suburban swingers) can look forward to a whole new generation of PC-resistant Anita Bryant mutations, fighting sin to save the children.  Escalating national debt – check! – and a soon-to-be-massively-overburdened ObamaCare bureaucracy – check! – could help Puritanical thrift and temperance make monstrous comebacks.

Previously gay-friendly friends and neighbors could become more suspicious of “alternate lifestyles,” not because the Bible or the Koran demands it – well, maybe the Koran - but because they would no longer be able to afford the luxury of such conduct.  “Those who reject modernity,” says Longman, ”seem to have an evolutionary advantage, whether they are clean-living Mormons, or Muslims… ”

To quote Turkey’s Prime Minister, Recep Tayyip Erdogan:  “Have babies – Allah wants it.”

According to the London Times, the number of Muslims living in the UK grew by half a million between 2004 and 2008 alone – a growth rate 10 times that of the rest of the country’s population.   And this isn’t by accident.  In Australia, for instance, British-based Sheik Abdul Raheem Green exhorted Muslim couples to have no less than four children each - to ensure that the land down under becomes a pure Islamic state.

Today, there are no less than 85 Shariah courts operating in the UK.  As columnist Peter Whittle recently pointed out in the Telegraph, a ”survey by Policy Exchange… showed that 72 percent of young Muslim men thought that homosexuality should be recriminalised,” reminding that “there are some pretty disturbing things being said by some Imans about what is best for gays, i.e. death.”  (Could it, perchance, be time for American gays to rethink their hostility towards the Mormons?  Just asking.)

So-called “youth gangs,” contemptuous of infidels – that’s us - have made cities all over Europe increasingly dangerous for women, Jews and gays.  The upside is that the rise in gay-bashings by young Muslims has caused many hitherto left-wing Dutch gays to vote conservative by a nearly 2-to-1 margin.

Yet good American progressives continue to shill for a nanny state, willfully ignoring the fact that socialism in Sweden and the Soviet Union failed miserably to maintain even replacement-level fertility rates – never mind the gaping holes a shrinking populace puts in the sails of the environmental windjammer.  What a concept: mankind might actually be part of Mother Gaia, after all; without resorting to killer tax hikes, health care rationing, or concentration camps, we may just destroy ourselves naturally!  So recycle while ye may!

And fasten your seat belts, boys – or start hooking up with some surrogate moms quick.  Because unless we actively try to keep the species going, we’re ushering in what Longman calls “the fundamentalist moment… a fundamentalist future.”  As the saying goes, everything old becomes new again – be it positive eugenics, the Jackson Five, or the Islamic Caliphate.

So the next time you’re up in a plane, looking down at the earth, and you see a bunch of tiny dots moving across the landscape like ants, remember that’s all we are: bugs on a rotating ball.  Mother Nature has a plan for us, and she’s in no hurry to tell us what it is.

In the meantime, don’t get too comfortable, because it only takes a moment to step out of line, fall out of favor – and get smushed.

I was at the Houston airport the other day and I couldn’t find my baggage carousel. I asked the employee there where it was:

“What does it say on the screen?” he asked grumpily.

“Well, it says Carousel 2 but…”

“Then that’s what it is. You should be old enough to know that,” he said as he went off mumbling about how they weren’t paying him enough. 

Anyway, it turned out that Carousel 2 wasn’t working and I had to pick up my luggage at Carousel 3, but I digress.  I had two more run-ins with airport employees, all of whom were putting out the same vibe that the crumminess of their jobs was somehow my fault.  In this country, people are of such an entitlement mentality that they want to blame everybody they comes across, requiring them to legitimately do their job and serve a purpose. I hate to say this but…

More often than not, people who are poor…. are right where they should be.

Nobody likes being broke. As somebody who’s had to live out of a 1982 Datsun, trust me, I know. I also understand that the first step to improve your situation is to fix the problem that landed you there in the first place.

The mistake that all “long-term poor people” make is putting others under a microscope in an attempt to set blame. That right there is a true loser’s mentality (or “poppycock” if you will).

When a great fighter loses a fight, he analyzes his loss extensively to look for possible fixes. He’ll watch tape, review the footwork and counter-punches, but most importantly, he’ll take a good, long look inside of himself. He’ll figure out which possible repairs are within his control and take charge of it. That’s what separates the champions from the “bums,” as Burgess Meredith so eloquently put it.

The same applies to life. If you’re unhappy with your circumstances, then change them. Don’t blame the government or your boss or the guy down the street who’s better looking than you (exceptions include Hugh Jackman and George Clooney).  Just take some Pepto-Bismol and be a man (or woman, for all of you bullish feminists).

Until then, how about shutting your mouth and doing the job you’re paid to do?  We don’t need any more Sean Penn’s running around.

Doing your job and doing it well may result in long-term success. What a concept!

And let me make this perfectly clear, even if they do say Jehovah!

Sentence must be read before being carried out. And unlike Soraya M., the board members of the Asylum of Motion Picture Airheads and Stooges will deserve every rock that’s thrown their way. I also believe that, in light of events in Iran today, the following commentary will stand out in much starker prominence than it did when I first started reporting on them in early March, when Team Oscar first set off for the Unfriendly Skies of Islamist Iran.

The backstory. In late February, the decision by AMPAS (as defined above) to send the Nine Stooges to the fascist hostage-taking, women-stoning, gay-exterminating Islamic Republic of Iran (at that time, things may be changing) set me off hotter than a Kim Jong Il nuke. Five days after the gay rights infomercial Oscars, no less! My gay rights heroes.

Somebody give ‘em an Oscar! For what it’s worth nowadays. Sean Penn getting an Oscar for playing a gay rights hero with his sorry track record on the subject is like Yasser Arafat, Jimmy Carter and Al Gore getting Nobel Prizes. They just ain’t worth what they used to be these days.

But I digress. On With The Show Biz Trial.

For ten days and uncounted humiliating punkings in early March, Team Oscar was a national embarrassment and a disgrace to this country and people, and an affront to the innocent Iranians suffering under a yoke of oppression not seen since Hitler’s Third Reich. A yoke which they are desperately and bravely fighting and even dying to cast off even as we speak.

And now, despite all that transpired back then, and all that is happening now in Iran, AMPAS is looking to whitewash the whole affair as a Bob Hope and Bing Crosby Road trip! Not on my watch! Fat fucking chance! Can you imagine how Iranian gays felt, watching the same people who facilitated tearful speeches on “gay rights for everyone” socializing and galivanting around town with the very monsters who were hunting them down, torturing and killing them?

If that alone isn’t a stoning offense, then nothing is.

Some may consider my charges harsh, even unreasonably so. So be it. Brutal Injustice and rank hypocrisy bring out the Zarqawi in me. But I will present to you, Dear Hollywood non-Academy Readers and Fine Fellow Americans everywhere, the foul evidence at hand in toto.

When charges have been read, and sentence is to be passed, I will leave it to the rest of you stoners as to which direction your rocks should fly. But first, to put the matter into Supreme Court-like perspective, look at the precedent law upon which I base my charges and my case.

THE WORLD v. SOUTH AFRICA

In 1985, during the oppressive Apartheid era of South Africa’s all-white fascist regime, actors, artists, producers and many fine musicians like Little Stevie van Zandt and The Boss, Bruce Springsteen, united to make a statement against that racist government, which held Nelson Mandela behind bars unjustly for 29 years, and murdered noted anti-apartheid activist Steven Biko while in police custody. That murder was memorialized in the Peter Gabriel song of the same name.

In conjunction with worldwide sanctions and divestment of business from South Africa at the time, the musical statement made by that group of most talented artists, better know as Artists United Against Apartheid, was immortalized in the song Sun City, which became a smash hit worldwide. We all know the rest of the story. The white South African government eventually folded, and Nelson Mandela was freed and then elected to the presidency.

What were South Africa’s crimes besides just Mandela’s imprisonment and Biko’s murder? Officially enforced racial segregation and subjugation, violent repression and the banning of opposition political parties. Certainly more than enough justification for international outrage, and both official and unofficial sanctions.

Yet compared to the current theocratic Hitlerite thugocracy running the Islamic Republic of Iran, which the world is also widely sanctioning today, South Africa’s Apartheid government was operating an island paradise fit for Chinese Uighurs. In Iran, political empowerment is nonexistent, and has been since the 1979 Islamic revolution.

All the power is in the hands of Supreme Leader Ali Khamanei and the Mad Mullah Guardian Council. Reform was impossible. Any measure passed by Iran’s Parliament, the Majlis, deemed ‘un-Islamic’ by the Mad Mullahs could be overturned on review. The Church is the State in Iran. Like a nationwide Westboro Baptist Church from Hell. Only worse. Much worse.

Examples. Children are routinely executed, gays are hunted down, tortured and brutally exterminated, and women and young girls are stoned and hanged, even for the crime of being raped. Until international outrage interceded, as happened vis-a-vis Roxana Saberi, seventeen-year-old Nazanin Fatehi was awaiting a death sentence for the crime of stabbing and killing one of the three God-fearing Islamists who attempted to rape her and her niece in a West Tehran park.

Here is a 27-minute documentary that re-enacts the attempted rape and the unbelievably misogynist injustice which followed. Had the world not screamed so loud in outrage, Nazanin would have suffered the same fate as that of twenty-year-old Delara Derabi, who was hanged by the Islamic Republic only six weeks ago. Iran has held mass hangings as recently as May 14th. And given the official death penalty announcement for Mousavi protesters, many more may follow depending on the outcome of current events.

This doesn’t even take into account the fact that many in Iran’s terror-sponsoring Islamist extremist leadership, including ‘moderate’ Hashemi Rafsanjani and recent presidential candidate Mohsen Rezai, former head of Iran’s Revolutionary Guard and former ‘diplomat’ to Argentina, are wanted by Interpol for their involvement in the worst terror attacks in Argentina’s history back in 1994. An Interpol warrant was issued for Rezai as recently as May 22nd.

Here is a piece I wrote back in early March, branding the regime as today’s Third Reich. Look at all the horrific and barbaric evidence of crimes against humanity committed both at home and abroad, and you tell me if I’m overstating the case. Keep also in mind that Hamas and Hezbollah terrorists are now in the streets of Iran, beating and killing the same Iranians who have supported and patronized the Islamist groups for decades.

Taking time out from killing innocent Jews to killing innocent Iranians. No surprise there, since the regime already kills its own people on an assembly line basis. Even bloggers. Given all this brutal evidence of the Iranian thugocracy’s bloody track record which spans the globe, I ask you, Dear Readers of jurisprudence and humble advocates of human rights for all, how was the Islamic Republic of Iran worthy of cultural diplomatic exchange, and South Africa not?

They should be forming Artists United Against Insanity to oppose Iran’s theocratic thugocracy, not flying over for tea, fingers cookies, and film seminars! Disgraceful!

Charges as follows. Bear with me. It’s a longer list than you think.

1. THE FIRST PUNKING OF FAR TOO MANY

Even though AMPAS was promised no politics would be involved in the visit, Team Hollywood was no sooner off the tarmac at Khomeini Airport in Tehran than they were totally punked by the best punks in the world, with harsh demands for apologies and submission by Iranian leaders over the films 300 and The Wrestler, or they wouldn’t get to meet their Iranian film buds. Curiously, Team Oscar was allowed to meet with their Iranian counterparts shortly thereafter. My question to the Academy is this: did they apologize or not?

Iif you recall, what so outraged Iranian government stooges over The Wrestler was Mickey Rourke breaking an Iranian flag and tossing it into the crowd. Deliciously ironic, considering the desecration of our flag is a national sport with the regime. There was also a declaration by Iran’s Foreign Ministry spokesman, Hassan Qashqavi, that thirty films currently in production in Hollywood were ‘anti-Iranian.’

Civilized governments don’t act like that. Yet I broke the punking story in America to Drudge and Nikki Finke because I knew something like that was going to happen. I was looking for it. Hell, the regime has been punking us for thirty years! Ahmadinejad had even said Hollywood was devoid of all culture and art. Something’s Gotta Give. I must admit, however, that maybe Ahmie was onto something with that comment. Never thought I’d agree with anything the Little Hitler said.

Academy politics makes strange bedfellows, I reckon.

That infamous Punking Heard ‘Round the World should have proved to all concerned that President Obama’s attempt at diplomacy through Team Oscar was a horrendous failure, as all other efforts since have been. Like the Khamenei-led Death to America rallies in response to Obama’s peace video. Yet Team Oscar suffered that humiliation and degradation only to suffer many more. And the rest of us, since Team Oscar represented us over there as a nation as well.

Some were even worse, if you can believe it. In short, if somebody wrote a script like this, no one would ever believe it. But I already read the book. Been reading it since 1979.

2. TEAM OSCAR’S STOOGES TRAIN IRAN’S PROPAGANDA STOOGES

Iran ‘film industry’ experts, many of whom Stooge Team Oscar no doubt gave seminars to, gave their own previous film seminars on Iran TV on the Ziono-Hollywoodist conspirators for making such anti-Iranian celluloid slanders as Harry Potter, Chicken Run and Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. And let’s not forget the Jew Disney’s cartoon conspiracy, Tom and Jerry. Also deliciously ironic, considering Iran exports child martyrdom cartoons across the Middle East, a business so thriving the BBC called it, in blackly comic Joker-like fashion, ‘booming.’

I can understand the cultural aspect Team Hollywood pursued. I even respect it. But in my opinion, given the circumstances, it was the equivalent of sending a cultural team to Hitler’s Berlin during the Holocaust. The real great Iranian filmmakers were all heel-ground. The ones who aren’t languish in Evin prison or are awaiting kangaroo court religious tribunals, like Iranian-American Esha Momeni, for the celluloid slander of interviewing Iranian women for a womens rights documentary for her master’s degree.

Filmmaker Tehmineh Milani was sentenced to death for her celluloid slander. Again, only international and, in Ms. Milani’s case, even domestic outrage saved her neck from the rope. Another filmmaker, the French-Iranian Mernousche Solouki, was thrown into Evin prison for the crime of stumbling across a mass grave.

Here’s Ms. Solouki’s recounting of the event. She still suffers nightmares from her experience in Evin. I read that, and other horror stories of the Gestapo-like Evin prison when Roxana Saberi was still there. Horrified me. I know her father must have known of that. He’s from Iran. He must know. They all do. I can’t even imagine how he felt with Roxana there. Again, the South Africa analogy.

Yet despite all those goings-on, Annette Bening took time out to tell the world how great women’s rights were in Iran. Which brings us straight to Team Oscar’s next great offense.

3. ROXANA SABERI AND THE SOUND OF SILENCE

Throughout Roxana’s unlawful detention, i.e. hostage status as a political pawn, and bogus conviction on trumped-up espionage charges, Team Oscar couldn’t have been more silent or unheard from than Roxana herself. Not one public message of support for either Roxana or the Academy during her unlawful detention in Evin, never mind anyone else in Hollywood except us right-wing extremists. In fact, the whole human rights-championing left-wing PRAVDA-like MSM and government pulled a complete disappearing act on Roxana right after Hillary demanded her release, like she was bad press for the Obamamessiah to be swept under the rug.

At the time, my linked article above generated twenty times more Google hits than the entire media coverage combined. It’s at over 7300 hits now, more than 100 times the number of hits generated on Google vis-a-vis coverage of Roxana in late March.  I’m still getting hits on it. I don’t think people can believe what they’re seeing still. But I digress. You get the point.

No public statement of support from Team Oscar for Roxana that I can find. Team Oscar member William Horberg’s Iran blog made no mention whatsoever of Roxana’s unlawful captivity, or any plea they might have made on Roxana’s behalf to Iranian authorities. I have to assume none was made. Perhaps the Academy could clear up that matter, too. Inquiring Minds Want To Know.

Knowing the King of Hearts-like unreality that resides in the La La Land of AMPAS HQ, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least to hear any of them claim credit for Roxana’s release in the future, or even for the green revolution going on in Iran today. If they do, just remember Annette praising the regime’s great women’s rights record while Roxana was still in Evin. For starters.

That should clear things up.

What was really depressing to me throughout Roxana’s Hostage Crisis was how few in Hollywood spoke up on her behalf, when no one knew whether she would live or die. That will forever be a black stain on those who profess to be the greatest human rights champs in the world.

4. OF STOOGES FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC

Perhaps the most vocal filmmaker during Team Oscar’s prolonged humiliation in Iran was domestic thugocracy stooge and new Team Oscar BFF Alireza Davudnejad, who wrote an open letter to President Obama claiming that the only road to peace, freedom and justice in this world was for the President to destroy all of America’s nuclear weapons and give up its UN veto.

Mr. Davudnejad also requested a schedule as to when those world-shaking peace, freedom and justice-inducing landmarks would be carried out. This, from a regime that foments war, writes injustice into its penal codes, crushes freedom with an iron boot, and races to build nuclear weapons they swear to Allah and their own people they’ll use on Israel just as soon as they’re built.

Now THAT’S Comedy! Fortunately, the President didn’t fall for it. If he had, it would have been the Punking Of All Time. No punking for Mr. Ali-Duh, but a gold star on the forehead for effort. Mr. Davudnejad did, however, manage to give a closing backhand to his new BFF, Team Oscar:

“My last recommendation is not to follow your previous cultural policies and avoid your Hollywood friends from playing any tricks to dominate the cinemas of Iran. The United States once removed Iranian cinema from the Iranian life with the help of the former dictatorship; and sacrificed our industry with the import of foreign films.

The fallen cinema of Iran has once again regained its footing with the Islamic Revolution and has been fighting to survive for thirty years. We will not forgive the enemies of this cinema wherever they are. By the way, which is harder, to relinquish the veto right, or to forbear the domination of Iran’s cinema again? You have a hard path ahead. I pray for you. Only the right path has no deviation.”

How about neither, Ali-DUH? Over my freakin’ dead body! Go sit on a projector!

By the way, you got all that, Sid, Annette, and the rest of you Ziono-Hollywoodist conspirators? No more tricks! Or they won’t even let you apologize next time!

Q. What was the difference between Team Oscar and Ali-Duh in Iran?

A. He’s a domestic film industry stooge.

Yet another degrading episode Team Oscar let slide. I guess they’re more on the M side of S&M. Seeing as they represented all of us in a diplomatic capacity, so were we. How does it feel? Mr. Ganis also stood by for yet another punking by the Director of Iran’s House of Cinema, one of many he seemed unfazed by. Some people are just gluttons for punishment, I guess.

As a comic relief sidebar, the culture ministers who approved Team Oscar’s trip were summoned before an angry Majlis, Iran’s parliament, to explain who let the Great Satan into their pure Islamist paradise. But that’s how it goes. Nobody is safe in Punkedville. Even the punks! No word on if the ministers apologized, but it was rumored Mr. Ganis couldn’t find his ministerial escort anywhere.

Hell, they’re the liberals in Iran! Fuggeddaboutit!

5. THE BURQA BABES OF BABYLON

It would seem that, as Team Oscar was reeling from their hot-off-the-tarmac punking, the Mad Mullahs used the opportunity to wrap up the goils like mummies in burqas. They may call it a fashion statement or cultural sensitivity, but why didn’t they make a bold statement by wearing Western dress the whole time, instead of looking like every other oppressed woman in Iran?

6. THE GENOCIDE PRIDE PARADES, or BOY, CAN THESE GUYS THROW AN O-BASH!

On March 6th, the same day Iranian authorities promised to release Roxana Saberi ’soon’ after SOS Clinton’s demand the day before, news broke of the ICC warrant issued for Sudan’s genocidal leader, General Omar Bashir. It was an insult, an offense and a crime against humanity (Majlis Speaker Lari Alijani’s words, not mine) against the Iranian regime’s BFF O-Bash.

In response, the entire upper leadership of Iran’s thugocracy, along with their Islamist Gestapo Blackshirt stooges from Hamas and Hezbollah (the same ones beating and killing Mousavi protesters this week), took to the streets of Tehran AND Khartoum, the very streets where the genocide was and is being committed to this day, to throw genocide parades for human vampire and Dear Leader Bashir.

Now, what should you do if you know your host country is officially celebrating the most abominable crime known to man in the streets below your gilded cages? Do you a. speak up in outrage? Do you b. hightail it out of Dodge as fast as you can? My answers are a and b. Team Oscar’s appears to have been c. keep the tea and finger cookies coming, Ahmie! Now I don’t know the law in that situation, so maybe some fine Hollywood lawyer could tell me. Is that being silent accomplices?

See, I believe genocide parades are a crime in themselves, as though other nations were celebrating Hitler in the streets of Berlin and their own streets, had Hitler been charged by the League of Nations for genocide during the Holocaust. But that’s just me.

SUBPLOT: I just read that O-Bash flew to Zimbabwe on June 10th. He’s wanted for genocide. Why is he being allowed to fly all over Africa and the Middle East with impunity? What, we don’t have aircraft carriers out there that could send up a couple fighter jets to escort Blacula to justice?

7. AHMADINEJAD’S WILLIE HORTONS

As a bonus, highlighted by Ahmadinejad’s condemnation of Hollywood as devoid of culture and art, and followed up by the summoning of ministers to the Majlis over Team Oscar’s invite, both Ahmadinejad and Supreme Asswipe Khamenei used Team Oscar as their Willie Horton in the recent elections. You know. Who let the Great Satan in?

So rather than fostering a liberalization of Iran, as they no doubt naively thought, they instead served as a political tool with which hardliners could beat moderates over the head with. Considering the extreme Islamist nature of Iranian politics (as least last week), they made the situation for moderates even worse. The only thing they didn’t appear to do was make the political ads themselves. But they did train the propaganda stooges who no doubt made any, if any were made.

Damage done either way. Hooray For Hollywood!

THAT’S A WRAP!

I suppose I could rummage for even more egregious offenses, and glaring or willfully blind oversights. But I have far more than enough to convict. If you seek more for purely historical reference, feel free to check all my linked articles above. You’ll find ‘em. My problem was trying to choose which offenses and oversights to pick from.

WILLIAM HORBERG FOR THE DEFENSE

Currently posted at the Academy website is the following prosaic account by William Horberg of Team Oscar’s late-term abortion of a trip to Iran: The Road To Isfahan. Let’s hear what he has to say in Team Oscar’s defense before we stone them. That may seem predicative of the outcome, but remember, these offenses took place in Iran. Islamist extremist rules apply. Got it now?

Actually, just check the link above. We’ll stone ‘em now and rule ‘em guilty later. I mean, come on people. Given the evidence, they may as well have been jumping up and down and screaming “Jehovah!” Time to get stoned. And if you’ve misplaced yours, here’s another one.

IN CLOSING

Now, I fully condemn the shooting of Dr. Tiller by lone madman Scott Roeder in Kansas, as all right-minded human beings should. But I would fully endorse the shooting of whatever single-digit IQ Academy PR doctors were behind this afterbirth. They Shoot Horses’ Asses In Hollywood, Don’t They? If anyone at the Academy had any brains, they’d be stocking up on ammunition like a right-wing extremist Timothy McVeigh-like Montana militia for that very purpose right now!

QUALIFIER: Yes, I’m kidding. No need to call DHS just yet, thank you very much. Besides, you’re as likely to find a gun at Academy HQ as you are a hymen on Heidi Fleiss.

Despite the current brain-dead off-the cliff lemming leadership at AMPAS today, I love film. I love Hollywood I even love the Academy Of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences. Always have. Broke my heart to declare war on them. I even told them so. But all the above is Casus Belli. Gloves are off.

The blackest irony of all? I was in the middle of writing a loving screwball comedy tribute to Oscar when the news of their trip broke! By the way, I even warned them that if they tried giving all this Iran shite the Red Carpet treatment, I’d pull the rug out from under them. And I know and they know I’ve caused a lot of PR damage already over their Iran trip, both here at Big Hollywood and elsewhere.

My Iran opeds since the PUNK’D piece on Nikki Finke February 28th are pushing 30,000 hits at one blog alone. Can’t anyone in this business keep their mouth shut? How stupid can you be? Are they total masochistic gluttons for punishment? Oh yeah, I already covered that. Drop that last one off at the Department of Redundancy Department, LOL! In the meantime, I’ll do my best to have the Nine Stooges ejected off the Academy board and into the Pacific.

Now, I’ve had some very juicy tastes of Tinseltown. The Red Carpet A-List circuit in Beverly Hills and Los Angeles. I’m not a Guild Member, but my first screenplay got a number of finalist nods from some of the toughest Emmy-winning and Oscar-nominated contest judges in Hollywood. And I got an option with it. I got some chops. And I’ve only gotten better over the years through hard work, practice and learning. I know that because industry pros doing my coverage told me so.

But you know what? As much as I wanted to trash that story and never write another word in screenplay format again, I love that script. Put a lot of love and time into it. Think it’s my best work so far. So does my writing partner. In fact, I’m going to finish that script very shortly. And I’m going to finish it in the spirit in which I started: with love, tenderness and affection, even towards Academy members I wrote into the script with boundless love that I totally detest now.

How? I call it professional detachment. Like sniping Nazis as I lovingly listen to Mozart. Best of, worst of. I don’t let politics poison my scripts. I’ll leave the Lefties to do that. I’d rather not bomb at the box office. And I’ll have coverage done by someone I know and trust networked into the industry like a spiderweb. If I get a nearly impossible grade of RECOMMEND and it doesn’t move, I know my self-inflicted film industry Hiroshima is complete.

But you know what, people? I’ll take as many of them with me as I can, just like the wounded Mickey Rooney in Ambush Bay offering Japanese soldiers pineapples. He had plenty for everybody. Point being, I won’t stand for this crap and let it slide just to sell a script. This matter goes way beyond film to me. Look at it this way. AMPAS spends four hours championing gay rights at the last Oscars, then flies off to Iran to give that gay-butchering regime its gold-plated PR kiss, even praising women’s rights in the most violently misogynist regime on earth? STUFF IT!

God, how I wished I lived in the era of the Hollywood of an earlier day, when the top stars flocked to the service of their country, instead of the service of thuggish and violent dictators like Chavez, Castro and Ahmadinejad. By the way, Sean Penn holds the Trifecta of Shame on that one.

Let me be explicitly clear that I believe extreme left-wing morons like Sean Penn, Danny Glover and Harry “Bananas” Belafonte are the minority in Hollywood. Squeaky left-wing wheels get all the grease. I know a lot of great people in the industry personally. And I can’t praise highly enough Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Mia Farrow, Jim Carrey, Gary Sinise, Robert Davi and so many great USO supporters like Saddam million dollar bounty-offering Bruce Willis, Scarlett Johansson, Jack Black and Ben Stiller.

There are really too many to name. But you know who they are. As to the distinct minority, I will quote my former Obama-like governor and liberal tank commander Michael Dukakis for the first time in my life: “A fish rots from the head down.”

Tom Hanks dares to call gay marriage opponents un-American? Well, if President Obama, most Americans and 52% of Californians are un-American for not supporting gay marriage, what is Tom Hanks and the rest of the Motion Picture Asylum guilty of for signing off on a trip to a regime that hunts gays online, raids gay parties, tortures them horribly and then hangs them from crane wires to die agonizing deaths that can take up to an hour, as they did with two gay teenage boys?

There’s too much blanket idiocy in Hollywood. Megan Fox, jokingly telling the Transformers to take out all the white trash to save the earth, the irony totally lost on her. The Twitter crowd at afterellen.com. Like Adrianne Curry, who calls Prop 8 a human rights offense, but remains dead silent on the holocausts against LGBTs in Iran and Iraq. Why isn’t Dustin Lance Black screaming to the skies about this stuff? I couldn’t find any evidence of him opposing the AMPAS Iran trip on purely humanitarian grounds. WHY NOT?

No. I, a straight conservative Republican screenwriter, offended to my very core by the savagery of Shiite extremist gay death squads in Iran and Iraq, have to be the one screaming to the skies about LGBT terrorists who engage in atrocities even the Nazis can’t compare to. Like super-gluing gay men’s anuses shut and pumping them full of diarrhea cocktails so the gay killers, some on our tax dime, can catch a few pious laughs as their victims endure unimaginable agony before dying.

No. I am left with the dirty jobs and lonely tasks of networking REAL gay advocates like Michael Petrelis and the Gay Patriot blog over these inhuman gay horrorshows. I am the one who has to research and dispatch gruesome reports to sites like BestGayBlogs.com, and LGBT orgs all over the globe like LGBT Network EU. I am the one left to scrape around for signatures on petitions at Iranian Queer Railroad and Iraqi LGBT to save the lives of Iranian and Iraqi LGBTs, who live in fear of torture and unimaginable horrors the incredibly spoiled toddler-like Hollywood Leftie morons and unmarried gays of California will never know.

As a screenwriter, I now know what it feels like to work under an offensive and idiotic oligarchy that is totally brain-dead and out of touch with the realities of the world at large, and those whom they profess to lead. In that respect, though I do not agree with them, I now understand the passionate outrage Lefties felt during the reign of the Bushitler. Like Michael Moore’s and Al Franken’s bloviations during that dark time, I do not expect my heated rants to impact my Golden Bubble-insulated industry oligarchy one whit.

In fact, I fully expect it to to earn me black marks and disfavor, the full McCarthy treatment they so profess to detest, yet practice every goddamn day. Ron Silver, anyone? But like the aforementioned Twin Towers of Leftie-ism, I care not one whit what the ruling establishment thinks. My anger is righteous and justified. In fact, it could not be moreso. What’s happening in Iran and Iraq are de facto gay genocides. What cause could be more righteous than trying to stop those?

Screw sexual conduct! They’re innocent human beings targeted for extermination. They don’t deserve that barbaric treatment. No one does, except the blood-drinking Islamist Gestapo stooges that are doing it all! If that revolution in Iran goes through and the people win, somebody Tweet them to hang on to all the crane wires. They’re gonna need a lot. For the Hamas and Hezbollah Blackshirts, too.

If my harsh words mean my film career is dead, so be it. In fact, if I came to Hollywood for no other reason than to address the horrific hypocrisy of so-called gay and human rights champs who are anything but (some like Bening and Penn even extremely damaging to those they don the mantle of Human Rights Champs for), or to champion the cause of Iraqi and Iranian LGBTs unlike any cause I’ve ever championed based on purely humanistic outrage, then I will feel that my life will have had meaning.

If I have helped to save the life of only one Iraqi or Iranian gay, I have saved the world entire. I can go to my grave totally at peace with myself. If I must bury my screenwriting career ahead of me, this is a small price to pay. So many others, like those now on the streets of Iran fighting and dying for the freedoms that are as natural to us as breathing, or risk brutal torture and horrific death merely for sexual conduct or being raped, are paying far higher prices than we most likely ever will.

In closing, I am resigning from Big Hollywood. I came here on a mission nearly four months ago to bring attention to all I have highlighted above. All the in-between was a bonus. And I do have a comedy piece in the hopper, which is rare for me. Haven’t had much to laugh about lately. Which is why I want to return full-time to screenwriting as well. There’s enough tragedy on Planet Earth. If I can use my award-nominated humor to inspire laughter and comic relief, then that is my main mission now. The rest I leave to the card deck of fate.

If I return, it will be in the cause of those who cannot speak for themselves. There is no shortage of hacks and pundits flame-throwing politics these days, and there are far too many not flame-throwing at all on issues that should enrage them beyond measure. As I am enraged today. Certainly beyond politics.

I do not need anger management. Like Johnny Rotten sang with Public Image Limited, Anger is an Energy. Righteous anger is what freed South Africa. Righteous anger fills the streets of Tehran as we speak. Righteous anger is why we Americans no longer say to each other, “G’day, Mate! ‘Ow about a pint and some bangers and mash? Got some up in me lorry! God Bless the Queen!”

In closing, God Bless The Queen anyway. And God Bless America. I say that as an agnostic secularist, okay? It’s good luck! And may God look down a lot more kindly on the poor LGBTs in Iran and Iraq. Perhaps, if there is a God, and I’m hedging my bets here, I hope his hand is in events in Iran. Maybe with a youth-driven revolution, LGBTs, filmmakers. students, dissidents, bloggers, and raped women need not fear for their lives anymore, or offered the choice of castration or death if they wish to remain gay.

What? Did you think Ahmadinejad was kidding when he said there were no gays in Iran? He said it with the same certainty Hitler said there were no Jews in Germany. The discussion is moot. I really hope to God that changes, as Iran itself seems to be right now.

We do, however, have a most powerful hand in Iraq. The gay killings must stop. The gay death squads must be disbanded with an iron fist. Just like Al Qaeda. Or, to tell the truth, I don’t care if Al Qaeda takes the place over. I would feel the same way if I were in West Berlin in 1947 and the locals were still hunting down and killing Jews. Let the Red Army move in.

Uncle Joe, they’re all yours! Bin Laden, they’re all yours! Let them ALL share in the terror they love with a religious fervor! OR, they can wise up and join the human race. If not, screw ‘em. Let ‘em go back to Al Qaeda torture houses and eating bombs for breakfast. I may not be gay myself. No, really. But must one be Jewish to be totally repulsed by Auschwitz?

Good Luck and Good Night, all. Peace. I hope

Look at his life. Borgnine was born to Italian immigrant parents in 1917, spent 10 years in the Navy, including all of World War II, then bummed around as a second string character actor for another decade before snagging an Oscar in his first major role. The closest thing to life experience one of today’s stars has is a three week stint at $5,000-a-day rehab resort getting seaweed facials and talking about how his daddy never told him he loved him during group therapy while secretly gobbling the vicodins he smuggled in inside the liner of his Louis Vuitton cosmetics case.

You want retro cool? Forget posers like George Clooney and his pathetic attempts to relive the Old School dream with his Ocean movies, skinny ties and succession of cocktail waitress girlfriends. Ernest Borgnine is a 33rd Scottish Rite Mason, was in From Here to Eternity with Frank Sinatra, and was married to Ethel Merman. He married Ethel Merman! Try and top that for retro cool, George. Borgnine not only founded the Old School but is a Professor Emeritus.

What are his politics? Who knows? While his most recent political contribution was to George W. Bush in 2004, Borgnine comes from a time when actors concentrated on acting. He is very active in supporting Navy veterans, but you won’t hear him spouting off about his specific views. He’s a generic patriot – there’s probably a yellow ribbon on the back of his Caddy (you just know he drives a Cadillac) and anyone he sees messing with the flag can probably expect to feel one of those meaty Borgnine paws hard across his pie hole.

But can he act? Hell yes. There is that aforementioned Academy Award for 1955’s Marty. Marty is the heartbreaking story of a homely 30-ish meat cutter and his delicate romance with a plain-Jane schoolteacher. Borgnine is fearless as Marty, lashing out at his own looks and his inability to connect with women in a way no modern star ever could or would. It is a brave performance in a way you simply do not see today, and a performance that is a credit to both Borgnine’s talent and lack of ego.

Marty is about real people and real love, but if it were remade today – and lacking either vampires or a graphic novel pedigree it never would be – you can just imagine the Hollywood weasels’ notes:

Instead of this lonely butcher thing, which is a downer, how about making Marty a swinging TV reporter looking for The One?…And can we rename him Gavin? And let’s make the girl a model – is Kate Hudson busy? We’ll need a non-threatening gay friend for her. And let’s get Gerard Butler as Marty, I mean Gavin. Awesome. I think these changes are really going to test well.

Borgnine’s ten minute supporting role as the general who gives Lee Marvin his suicide mission at the beginning of The Dirty Dozen is like a master’s class in acting. In just a few minutes, he shifts from deadly serious to comic and back while holding his own against arguably the toughest guy ever on screen. Watch his face and his expressions and reactions, then compare his technique to that of today’s actors, whose “performances” seem to consist largely of them standing there staring vacuously and radiating their unnatural beauty. No contest.

–

Ernest Borgnine has been in classic Westerns like The Wild Bunch and Bad Day at Black Rock, got capsized in the original Poseidon Adventure and even showed up on SpongeBob SquarePants. Sometimes he was a maybe bit too versatile – this Italian-American portrayed “Ragnar” in The Vikings. Still, he epitomizes the concept of the working actor, with roles ranging from big budget films to parts in what only one grading on a generous curve would label as B movies. He’s had several TV series and a ton of guest shots, including a part in the finale of ER and a memorable appearance in a classic episode of The Simpsons. And if you check out his IMDB site, you’ll find over 200 entries and see that he has three more movies coming out. The dude is 92!

You can have the soulless, polished Berluti loafers that are the stars of today – I’ll take the scuffed character of the old bowling shoes reeking of spilled Budweiser and the feet of a hundred guys with names like Sal and Bob that is Ernest Borgnine.

I’ll get to that somewhat nervy assertion in a bit, but first a little background.

Among the cinematic slew released during those years of cold, are two of my favorite films, Dr. Strangelove and Fail-Safe. Both dealt with strikingly similar themes, unintentional nuclear holocaust, yet in entirely different tones.  But cold war themes weren’t that varied by their very nature, since inevitably the worst case scenario was the best case plot device and nothing brings down the house like bringing down the house.

With that said, still, there’s so much similarity between the two stories that law suits were indeed filed and production schedules slowed. This worked out to Stanley Kubrick’s advantage as his Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb was released almost a year ahead of Sidney Lumet’s Fail-Safe. In my opinion Kubrick’s is a better film than Lumet’s and not due to slowed schedules, either. But both are magnificent, and because of their approaches to the topic, very different  and essential part of the genre.

Based on Peter George’s novel Red Alert, Dr. Strangelove is, if there’s anyone alive out there who still hasn’t seen it yet, a comedy. The novel, however, is not satire and does not even contain a Strangelove at all, since Terry Southern who worked on the script with Kubrick and George, added that character during pre-production.

Fail-Safe, based on a novel by the same name, was written by two gents who do not have the same name, namely Eugene Burdick and Harvey Wheeler. When George Clooney re-enacted this story in LIVE television format, which I personally think was a marvelous idea, he enlisted the help of veteran broadcaster and news legend Walter Kronkite to introduce the landmark teleplay. Kronkite brought weight and nostalgia to the production, he also brought a big flub. As he concluded his up to then flawless introduction of ‘what you are about to see’, he awkwardly stumbled and stammered with the authors’ names. Well, that’s LIVE television, warts and all. Nobody’s perfect, least of all television icons. And it didn’t harm the presentation at all. It probably even made it more enjoyable, if one can use that term with a story about nuclear holocaust. Judging by Dr. Strangelove, that’s exactly what Kubrick wanted us to do.

By a strange coincidence both of these films were foolishly screened one after the other at Harvard Square’s famous Brattle Theater. I had seen them both before several times each, so I knew them backwards and forwards. I also knew one was a comedy and one was decidedly not, though the endings were not all that different, in fact, the comedy turned out a whole lot worse in the end.

The folks that work at the Brattle, probably still to this day, are a smug lot. Using the current vernacular, snarky might even be a way to describe them. Naturally, most are students at Harvard and quite confident in making profound statements they’ve overheard (that one I borrowed from Gene Kelly in An American in Paris, if anyone’s checking). When I saw the lineup with Dr. Strangelove scheduled first, I knew then what many of you who know these films are thinking now, that the staff at Brattle either hadn’t yet seen the films, or they had and were just smug and snarky enough to think it would be cool in this order. For either error, they deserved to be gingerly removed from their employment with the finesse of a General Ripper or a ‘Bat’ Guano, warts and all.

Now, there are very few times when I’ve felt the need to walk out of a movie before the credits finished. Much fewer times due to reasons other than the quality of the film. Well, one such occasion happened here in Japan. At approximately the same time that the quite serious staff of the Tokyo International Film Festival scheduled a screening of Lawrence of Arabia an earthquake was scheduled by the even more serious staff of mother nature. Colonel Lawrence, having just seen the horrors left by the Turks at Tafas was about to echo his famous “No prisoners!” yawp, when the screen went black, then white, then the chandeliers in the theater started swaying like we were on an ocean liner in the wrong part of town. All I could think of was The Poseidon Adventure.  I knew, prisoners or no, it was time to get out of that cavalcade of stars. The last person I would want to be was that guy hanging from an upside down dining room table who ended up in the stained glass. That was one time I left a screening early. The other was at the Brattle. It was during Fail-Safe after Dr. Stranglove had already played.  Their clever lineup. No, there was no earthquake and only one prisoner. Me.  I opted to stay and slog it out. Maybe the overly snarky crowd, I thought, which had laughed way too loudly in classic ‘look at me, I get it’ fashion with the subtle humor of Kubrick’s  would settle down a bit with Lumet. Well, so much for that idea. What followed was constant, again, much-too-loud snickering and feigned muffled laughter by the Ivy proud crowd. I couldn’t take it, so I left. The fools, the mad fools let the comic tone of Dr. Strangelove poison the same serious message that Fail-Safe emitted with fatal solemnity. The horror was negated by the association. I was pissed. And I’m pretty darn sure Henry Fonda – as the President – would’ve been, too.

Dr. Strangelove, enjoyable masterpiece that is it, was of course not intended to frighten. Well, not really. You could say it was intended to frighten about as much as 2001: A Space Odyssey, the most expensive movie about religion ever made, was intended to evoke prayer. The story goes that Kubrick was making Dr. Strangelove as a serious narrative when he felt that it was just so absurd and yet so very possible, that he had to make it a comedy, the irony of it was just too funny.

Fail-Safe was another matter, though. Not filled to the brim with over the top characters with clever names, it very clearly laid out the ease with which a nuclear war could be started, not by purposeful insanity, nor tampering with bodily fluids, but by accident, and even with the best intentions and correct safe guards in place. To human eyes, working flawlessly, by the numbers.

The U.S. Air Force had a disclaimer on the film stating that what you have seen could not happen.  Dr. Strangelove had a similar disclaimer that Kubrick was all too happy to include feeling it lent even more gallows humor to his already hilarious film. He was right. It did.

Well, let me stop for a second. I have a confession to make. I lied. There’s another cold war film that I was fully planning on mentioning and is of particular interest here. In fact, it’s the reason for the whole darn thing. So, I apologize with the sincerity of a Merkin Muffley. This film is not a comedy, nor a drama but rather a TV documentary. It’s called The War Game.  It was made by Peter Watkins and originally scheduled to be released in 1966 on the BBC. It’s what could be described as a docudrama or dramatization. But, we’ll call it a documentary because if [Ray Bradbury's Stolen Title] 9/11 is called a documentary, then this certainly is. And like all documentaries, it’s meant to sway.

For those who haven’t seen it, I won’t spoil it. But I will say, what happens to us, to England specifically, isn’t pretty.

In documentary fashion, and using an omnipresent “voice-of-God” narration the film shows what precautions and procedures are in place in the event of a nuclear emergency, in this case, an exchange of hostilities with tactical nuclear weapons between NATO and those forces of communist Soviet Union and China. It interweaves man-in-the-street bits, creating a very realistic portrayal of then contemporary English urban and suburban life as only a Richard Lester could appreciate. These go on to show what the average person was thinking in terms of perceived threat.  Experts are interviewed – civil defense and emergency services workers, politicians and theologians. Many of the ‘expert’ interviews, particularly the ones that keenly show the message of disparity between wishful thinking and reality, do not provide us with real names, but rather titles to match their out-of-place statements such as ‘the war of the just’  by ‘an Anglican Bishop’ or the American nuclear strategist’s belief that both sides in a war would refrain from destroying cities. These staid interviews are contrasted effectively with the fire, flying debris and screams as well as with the narration that shares information with us such as, ‘in this car a family is burning alive’ or ‘these men are dying’, as if we didn’t know already.

There’s a wide range of citizenry shown, rich and poor, educated and not. A lot of opinions are expressed, some sound, others not, and none of them are from experience. The film then goes on to graphically provide that.

The ensuing chaos and horror is remarkably realistic in its incoherence. When Kubrick made Dr. Strangelove, he wanted the defensive missile strike on Major Kong’s B-52 to be incomprehensible, chaotic, out of focus and over modulated. Going against conventional filmmaking, Kubrick didn’t want us to know what was happening. He wanted real.

With exception to the narration, much of The War Game mirrors Kubrick’s approach and philosophy as if he had been lobbing grenades at the cameraman himself.

The film was met with tremendous resistance from within BBC, a thoroughly more responsible outfit in those days, and from the British government itself, keen not to highlight the fact that nuclear war is not something that can be mopped up quickly and that no nation can adequately prepare for war, conventional or nuclear.

The director Watkins resigned over this resistance and the film was not shown on that network until 1985. It is noteworthy that it is during the Reagan and Thatcher years, not the liberal and labour party administrations of the 1960s and 1970s of Britain and the U.S., that the ban was lifted on this harshly critical-of -government, distinctly anti-nuclear film and finally allowed to be shown to the public. However, it did get limited private exposure during the banned years of Liberal party administrations by making the college circuit rounds and being shown to film critics by prints provided by Watkins himself. His work would go on to receive not only accolades but awards by these same critics, most likely enjoying the privilege of seeing something banned by the government and the BBC.

From the outset, the film, like all film, is designed to influence thinking. That it was scheduled for the anniversary of the bombing of Hiroshima makes this fact no secret at all.

The film’s fictional deadline of when the festivities were to occur if we didn’t disarm in 1966 came and went. So did ‘76, ‘86, ‘96 and 2006. A lot of years has passed since this warning of imminent extinction if we didn’t act immediately to disarm. 43 years in fact, have passed. So have a few other things like the Berlin Wall and the Soviet Union. Ronald Reagan had a lot to do with those. A very big heaping ‘a lot’, if you ask me.  But whether you want to debate that or not, like the end of the world, it’ll have to be postponed for another doomsday. What’s important, to paraphrase Reagan himself, is not who takes the credit for preventing nuclear holocaust, but that it was prevented. The super power nuclear exchange did not happen. The film’s message was a misfire. We all know, however, that the new threats we face today are just as possible and just as destructive as the previous ones that The War Game effectively addressed. I’m afraid, as horrible as The War Game suggests, in reality, it will be a whole lot worse.

There is a lot of emotion connected with any discussion of a war more nuclear than conventional. And that’s as it should be, I suppose. Because unlike any other weapon system, nuclear weapons have lingering effects that are unparalleled in our history.

As long as such arsenals exist, the horrors of Dr. Strangelove, Fail-Safe and The War Game could become reality. Will they? Who knows? No one certainly wants it to happen. No sane person anyway. But the sane aren’t always calling the shots, both government and freelance.

We’ve all seen what much smaller atom bombs were capable of. The fission bombs used at Hiroshima and Nagasaki are in essence the detonators for the awesome fission/fusion thermonuclear devices in most stockpiles now. We’ve all watched the grainy footage from New Mexico, Bikini atoll, and the incineration of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. We’ve watched with passing car wreck fascination the horrors of the children maimed, the shadows burned on the walls and the few remaining structures that withstood hell. It’s all unforgettable and very emotional.

But there are some points that get misplaced in all this emotion. Many people are aware of them, but many more are not, it seems. Anyway, let’s see if we can touch on a few right now.

1. The U.S. using atomic weapons targeted two Japanese civilian cities: Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Not entirely correct. Certainly the U.S. dropped atom bombs on those two cities, practically destroying them entirely and killing tens of thousands to hundreds of thousands of people. But, a point often overlooked is that neither city was strictly ‘civilian’ as we know it. Both Hiroshima and Nagasaki were industrial, armament, military producing centers that contained both residential and industrial components, often side by side.

Japan was a cottage industry culture at that time. Businesses that you or I might think of as ‘war industry’ firms, such as Ford, GM, Boeing, etc, were unheard of in Japan. Small shops built everything. Well, almost everything. Some large conglomerates, powerful family samurai shogunate holdovers, called Zaibatsu, did exist, welding tremendous influence in shipping, construction, manufacture and practically all of the large scale design and development of war industry business. Mitsubishi, yes, the same one as the car maker, produced the A6M Zero-Sen , Zero or Zeke as it was referred to by many American fighting men who crossed swords with the formidable aircraft. Mitsubishi made many of their aircraft in Hiroshima. From the start of the war, the Mitsubishi shipyards in Nagasaki were heavily involved in contracts for the Imperial Navy. The Japanese military relied on Hiroshima for the supply of its aircraft and on Nagasaki for its ships. The region was used as a center for other industrial construction as well, by other smaller Zaibatsu and the aforementioned cottage industry houses. In other words, both cities could be considered military targets.

2. Only Japanese were killed in Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Wrong again. There were tens to hundreds of thousands of P.O.W.s and foreign slaves in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Many of the slaves were Koreans and Chinese used as labor in these war industry factories. None of those who perished in the atomic bombings are mentioned in the casualty lists for that city, nor on any plaque within Hiroshima Peace Park where all other honored names are displayed. The city and governor consistently refused to permit it. Those killed are considered unmentionables. Like the ‘comfort women’, sex slaves conscripted from other nations such as Korea, China, Philippines, Singapore, to service Japanese military, they simply never existed. Not even in death. Recently, there has been acknowledgment and changes to this official stance, but it has come very slowly and with a long fight.

3. The United States was eager to test the atom bomb on a population.

Still wrong. The use of the then-new atomic bomb on a city, was an absolute last resort for the Americans. To have to use it on two cities was beyond last resort. There is no one living or dead who wished to use it on anything but a weathered steel tower if there was any chance in not having to. Unfortunately, the last resort became an option after the Battle of Okinawa demonstrated that the Japanese would not only fail to surrender, but would execute the civilian population as well, as they did with impunity on Okinawa. It’s worth considering that to this day, the only military the people of Okinawa despise more than the still occupying forces of the U.S. is the Japanese military, and that’s after several high profile rape incidents involving American military against local Okinawan children. Even with that, the Japanese of Okinawa still despise the Japanese military more.

The Battle of Okinawa displayed in stark relief what Guadalcanal and Iwo Jima had earlier hinted at. That it would take Operation Olympic, a total land invasion by Allied forces, planned and readied by hundreds of thousands to millions of veteran and new troops in staging areas across the Pacific, to stop the Asian nation. The astronomical amount of logistics and enormous cost, financial and human, in support and training alone would not have been expelled had the U.S. always intended to use the atomic bombs as many critics suggest.

The total deaths at the Battle of Okinawa have never fully been studied. But estimates show that more died there than in both Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined, including those who died after the initial blast from radiation related illnesses. The figures that are often associated with Hiroshima and Nagasaki are almost always those in the most upper range of the estimates. In any case, many, many people died in Hiroshima, Nagasaki and places like Okinawa. No one can deny that. Yet, do we cringe at the mention of the Battle of Okinawa? No, we do not. Why not? Because it’s conventional war and conventional death. But more importantly, I believe, the primary reason is because there are very few images to evoke our emotion. So, it becomes a mere statistic. Numbers not images. Math not art. Faces move us far more than figures.

4. The bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki saved Japanese lives.

It is a sad and strange truth that in the end the atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki actually saved Japanese lives.  This is not an unsupportable claim. For if Operation Olympic was to proceed there is no denying that millions of Japanese would have died, along with millions of Allied soldiers all in the name of getting the Emperor to sign a piece of paper.

Number 4 is a hard pill to swallow. Because of the images of nuclear war, and the effects of it, we tend to regard such an event as the complete and utter end of the world.

But it did not end the world. Hiroshima and Nagasaki were bombed, leveled, incinerated. Yet, combined, they don’t add up to the casualties suffered in Okinawa. But many might argue that Okinawa was not leveled, it’s towns were not stamped flat. No, they were not. But this discussion is about life, not things. People, not buildings. Humanity not machinery. So, we must not veer off our humanitarian quest only to pick up broken shields and count structures razed. This is about loss of life, human life. It is the heart targeted message of The War Game and all other anti-nuclear statements that life is what we are fighting for.

In previous wars, whole populations were decimated, entire nations were removed from existence, wiped off the map. In relative terms of populations, it would be like the earth opening up and swallowing all of North America, or Africa, or Europe in one single messy gulp. We’re talking mind numbingly large scale destruction. But the difference is, there were no cameras to record such horrors, no witnesses to give any heart wrenching accounts. No screaming children, no frustrated doctors applying salves to blackened, shiny skin. None of that. Because nothing lived.

Years ago, I had the good fortune to meet one of the last remaining members of the First Motion Picture Unit of the U.S. Army Air Force and the American in charge of the U.S. Strategic Bombing Survey which went in days after the Hiroshima and Nagasaki detonations to record and film what was left of those former cities. Any footage you have seen is most likely the footage that group and their Japanese counterparts took. He remarked that they had a few armed soldiers with them as they drove into the flattened city. He and his colleagues were scared to death about going in. Not because of the radiation. They were certain that they were going to be torn limb from limb by whatever survivors were remaining and with whatever strength those poor souls had left in them.

But they were not. They were saluted.

Those cities were sacrificed, perhaps we can look at it this way, to save the world from further and almost certain nuclear death. It is their example in the pictures and film which were taken, also with sacrifice, which can remind us what horrors are possible in our own time if we allow them. Images.

Thanks to those men who went in after the bombs, we have that visual legacy to consult. But think for a moment of those images of nuclear war, in footage and in films like The War Game and the power it commands. Certainly, the horror deters us, makes us think. So consider this. Isn’t it possible that we might have had another tragedy like the Nazi Holocaust, for example, if there were no pictures or film of Auschwitz, Treblinka, Buchenwald to shock us, to remind us what we as humans are capable of? Films like The War Game were made for just this purpose. To remind. To fill in what is missing in our visual library of real horrors. Yes, let them be reminders, but not propaganda.

The image is a remarkable thing. None of us would be sharing our thoughts here if images didn’t move us, didn’t sway us. Places like this site exist because images affect us. But we must remind ourselves that there are many horrors, different, but perhaps equally horrible and inconceivable to Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and the events depicted in The War Game, but which we have no image to relate to, to recoil from, to get sick looking upon.

If you have seen someone’s head explode from pressure applied into the ears, or an armless woman stumbling down the street with her forced-birth child dangling behind her legs, still attached by its umbilical chord and dragging on the road looking like a dirty, old shoe, except it’s screaming – or a naked man, standing in sub zero temperatures, having water poured on his arm, freezing it, and then having it intentionally smashed off like delicate glass with the blow of a hammer – or children hung on poles in the sun, being flayed alive, their skin peeled off them slowly as they try to scream but cannot because their vocal chords were cut out – or seen animal limbs sewn onto humans in place of the perfectly healthy ones that were chopped off – or the insertion of germs and disease into patients wide awake during operations – or the cannibalism of prisoners of war, the beheading for amusement, or any of the other myriad of tortures that went far beyond what the Nazis ever did, then you have seen war BEFORE the atom bomb, before the nuclear age. You have seen the Japanese in China.

War is horrible. All forms of it. Whether it is nuclear or non nuclear. It is horrible. Human beings can be the most – let me correct that – are the most horrible creatures on the planet. We have proven this time and again. We are the most dangerous creatures, because, as the Orson Welles’ Zaroff confesses in The Most Dangerous Game, we can reason.

If you ask an older Chinese, Indonesian, Southeast Asian, Singaporean or Filipino about whether or not the A-bomb was necessary to stop the Japanese, you will get a very different answer than the one usually given by most western college students. Very different, indeed. I’ve been to Hiroshima several times. On more than one occasion as a a teacher on a class trip. Visiting the Peace Park Memorial during one of these occasions,  I was accompanied not only by fellow Japanese teachers who were old enough to remember World War II, but by a survivor of the Hiroshima blast, an old Japanese gentleman, who was a small boy when that B-29 made its run, and who has seen things, horrors, none of us could dream up in our worst nightmares. Many of the people who come to visit the Hiroshima Peace Park and other places like it are Japanese school children taken there by their schools. This makes me wonder how many schools in America conduct similar visits to places where Americans perished in war. I can only hope that they do, because I think it would be more worthwhile for them than Disney Land or the Philadelphia Zoo. Foreigners, many of them from the United States, Canada, Europe also visit the memorial in great number. Many of them leave without understanding why the bombs were dropped, though. They see evidence of the horror and destruction, but very little in terms of explanation of what led up to that day. Images. Emotion. Ironically, it is the Japanese school children who are taught in school at least a small measure of the horrors of Nanking, about the gas and germ weapons tested on civilians, about the flaying in Burma and the beheading and torture at Bataan. Westerners are generally not taught this. And yet westerners are the biggest critics of the U.S. for the atomic bombings at Hiroshima and Nagasaki, aside from those who lived through them of course. But even there, such as my elderly friend pointed out to me, ‘we Japanese brought it upon ourselves’.

Even a single warhead in today’s nuclear arsenal dwarfs the initial three detonations (including Trinity) as a Howitzer would a spitball made and spit by an ant. I think most people agree that total disarmament would be an ideal situation, but, like gun ownership, only if it was unilateral and guaranteed. But neither of those two conditions can be met with the degree of certainty needed for the stakes at hand. Today, it would only take one bullet, so to speak, to stop the world.

So, where does it leave us? Stuck in M.A.D. status until a clever person develops something that can disable nuclear warheads remotely, making them obsolete.

In The War Game man-in-the-street interviews it was quite clear that the filmmaker intended to show exactly how uninformed both the citizenry and experts were. The gap between what they thought they knew and what they actually knew was so great once the chaos started, like the absurdity of Dr. Strangelove, it would have been humorous if it wasn’t so tragic. Looking back on 1965 when The War Game was made, we think we are not uninformed as they were. We look at those people with skeptical eyes, marveling at their naivety. We think our parents and grandparents generations were so gullible, so foolish to think the way they did. Now, we’re certain we’re different. We think we have tons of data because of the internet, because we read this article or that book, follow this podcast or that blog, we think we have reams of inside information. We’re informed. We’re in the know. Like the Brattle audience, we’re savvy, sophisticated and knowledgeable. Nothing can harm us that we’re not prepared for, neither comedy nor horror.  We’ve smugly laughed the danger away. We’ve whistled past the graveyard and we’re fine.

But the reality is it won’t matter if we’re laughing or not. Because relatively speaking, we are those same people who were depicted in The War Game, those foolish folk, bumbling around in the dark, with simpleton plans and childish things. We distance ourselves from that lot.  We think we know as much as is knowable minus only a small fraction, a negligible amount. This is fantasy. It is the inverse that is true. We know very little compared with what can happen. And very few of us have experience beyond the images or emotion, neither of which can prepare us.

But what can happen? We’re making friends around the world, aren’t we? We’re beloved again, right? We’re on the right track, are we not? There’s no U.S.S.R. and no Berlin Wall. The missiles have been out of Cuba for a long time and all is well.

I sincerely hope so. But, in the warm and sometimes wet blanket of good relations we can also misplace other kinds of things, like the historical fact that we were friends, good friends with Japan in the years preceding the attack on Pearl Harbor, that we were allies with the Soviets, even war buddies just prior to the outset of the Cold war, and that we had agreements with China prior to the Korean war.

Only the foolish don’t hope for peace while remaining prepared for war. Even organisms in nature, from bacteria to orangutans, are linked to the concept that the defenseless perish. Period. Except those in captivity, that is.  But of course, as human beings, we believe we have evolved to a stage where ruthlessness and barbarity are no longer useful, no longer needed, and no longer effective. Yet, how many times has Captain Kirk had to confront that issue with powers greater than his Enterprise? Plenty.

In the magnificent film Ben Hur, Hugh Griffith’s character Ilderim disagrees with Balthasar’s plea for pacifism. He voices it to Judah Ben Hur, who will soon fight his nemesis in the arena of the chariots:

ILDERIM: Balthasar is a good man. But until all men are like him, we must keep our swords bright!

JUDAH BEN HUR: And our intentions true!

ILDERIM: One last thought… there is no law in the arena. Many are killed. I hope to see you again, Judah Ben-Hur.

Films like The War Game, Dr. Strangelove and Fail-Safe were made to sway us, to warn us, not of the Soviets nor the Chinese, but of ourselves, each of us. Of what we are capable of and what we can’t control. They may look antiquated and evoke surly chuckles in all the savvy places but each, in its own way, is no less real now than when they were made.

Though anachronistic, they are also timeless because they speak about our fears, and that never goes out of style. The dangers, now different, do exist and have always existed. Facing the different horrors of war, cold or hot, conventional or nuclear should be done equally and indiscriminately with the same even and steady hand that we choose to hold a candle by.

The atom and hydrogen bombs are not the most powerful weapons ever devised by man. The image is.

Aside from the many frustrating projects making demands on his time Schizoid Mann has begun work on a thriller about the cold war.

The War Game at Google Video.

Fail-Safe at Google Video.

Daniel A. McGovern at IMDB.

In the early 1980s, my military service brought me to some of the darker corners of the world. I spent time in South Korea and Marcos’ Philippines when both countries were under martial law. Knowing I could be shot just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time really woke me up to what exactly it is we have here in America. Seeing a thousand Vietnamese Boat People pulled out of the South China Sea in one day only reinforced my belief in America, Sweet Land of Liberty.

Today, the Party of Lincoln and Reagan appears to be in political disarray, which is why I am writing this OpEd now. Yet many promising developments, along with some huge mistakes by Congress and the Obama Administration, have opened many new doors for us. If only we will enter.

I know not all conservatives and Republicans will agree with my recommendations. But perhaps by throwing this all out there, you will realize as I do that a major debate on the direction of the party, in this exciting and danger-fraught age of the New Millennium, is not only necessary but vital if we are to survive as a viable political entity in America. So, On With The Show.

LOVE OF AMERICA: I don’t know about you, but I was totally disgusted with President Obama’s shameless Apology Tour around the world. Apologize to Europeans, on whom we’ve spent untold oceans of blood and treasure to rescue and defend over a century? Apologize to banana republic dictators like Chavez and Ortega in Latin America? To allow them  to slander us as Imperialists, even as they oppress their own peoples? How am I supposed to feel proud as an American now?

Spike Spencer’s OpEd “When In Rome, Fight Anti-Americanism” really sums it up for me. We Republicans and conservatives need to be a lot more vocal on what we and America really stand for and represent, i.e. the “Shining City on a Hill,” as Reagan so eloquently put it. We are not the Great Satan. Not by a damn sight! Liberals may be content to prostrate themselves contritely before dictators. I am not, as I am sure many of you aren’t. I certainly know now Spike Spencer isn’t.

We need more Spikes! And we need to be a lot more specific and vocal on exactly why it is we all love America. Those words and specificity will stand in stark contrast to the relentless America-bashing by liberal Democrats and the Left. Don’t just tell people we love America. Tell them why.

There really is no shortage of reasons. The Marshall Plan ring any bells? Indonesian Tsunami aid, which our Marines even disarmed themselves to deliver, going above and beyond the call? And forget the Left and the Obamamedia. Most Americans really do eat that stuff up. It’s called pride, love of America and self-respect, character traits that are as foreign to Lefties as clean underwear.

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BIG GOVERNMENT: James Madison famously stated “if men were angels, government would not be necessary.” Conversely, if governments were angels, detractors like us would not be necessary. But big government is far from angelic. In fact, it is outright demonic in many ways, trampling the rights of citizens over the most trivial and insignificant of matters. The larger government grows, the smaller we become, and the more government becomes our master instead of our servant.

We need to promote the outright slashing of the black hole money pit that our government has become, as well as its wholesale reduction. It is also a major sore spot with many Americans when Democrats like John Murtha get massive funding for airports in the middle of nowhere that just happen to bear his name. We need to root out all those pork projects, put them on full public display, and slam the President and the Congress without mercy or relent on them

Make them campaign issues. Voters are not partial to politicians who glut themselves at the trough of our tax dollars in order to aggrandize themselves. We need to hammer Democrats on this issue without quarter, as they slam us on so many issues. The recent Tea Parties were a very good start, but that shotgunning approach now needs to be focused on specific targets.

It seems a very good time to me to resurrect Sen. William Proxmire’s Golden Fleece Award in full measure. Don’t just tell the public the Democrats are wasting public tax dollars. Slow them where. Sen. Proxmire’s own prime example of the Department of Education spending $219,592 in a “curriculum package” to teach college students how to watch television is a real model of what to do.

Let’s use those examples as needles with which we can pin liberal Democrat butterflies under the political glass for all to see. Like the deserted and overfunded John Murtha Airport, they won’t be very hard to find. The real difficulty will be deciding on which outrageous pork projects to choose!

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FOREIGN POLICY: I am a total Reaganite in this regard. Yet it is Democrat John F. Kennedy who summed up my feelings best on this subject in his Inaugural Address:

“Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty.”

President Obama’s may as well have read like this:

“Let every nation know that we are sorry, and do not wish them ill, no matter how much ill they wish on us. We will pay any price in pride and self-respect, bear any insult, befriend any mortal foe, in order to assure my reputation as a nice guy. I’m not like the other one. And thank you for not blaming me for things that happened when I was three months old.”

The current Obama Administration is dropping the ball everywhere on this, particularly Sudan. Not only is George Clooney unhappy with the present inaction by the government, Mia Farrow is now on a 21-day hunger strike over the situation in Sudan. Even rank liberals have expressed a desire to use whatever means necessary to stop the Sudanese genocide in Darfur, including military action.

I say we oblige them. Omar Bashir is now an international fugitive, and is still committing his genocide unabated and with impunity. We should demand the Sudanese government turn Bashir over to the ICC and stop their genocide or face all-out war. And if we must go it alone, or in tandem with other willing nations, it wouldn’t be the first time. There is right and there is wrong.

Which would be worse in the end? Wiping out Sudan’s genocidal regime and military infrastructure? Or standing by while yet another quarter-million Darfurians are exterminated? Some things are far worse than war. Like Auschwitz, for example. And Darfur.

Iran also needs a spanking over Roxana Saberi. If I were president now, I would give Iran’s thugocracy 72 hours to turn over Roxana, or we cut off their gasoline. See how fast they act when they’re looking at more gas rioting. And if that don’t work, warm up the B-52s and start wiping out their terrorist training camps and nuclear facilities, for starters.

Here’s how a REAL American president should speak and act with regard to the safety of American citizens abroad. Not that you’ll ever hear it from Carter II. Speaking of which. Hollywood Diplomacy isn’t working. Never has. And even liberals at HuffPo are now wondering why President Obama isn’t protecting American citizens abroad. How bad is that?

Neither should we. If dictatorships want to play, let them know that they’ll pay. That won’t happen with this government, of course. But it doesn’t mean we can’t express our vehement opinions on the subject, in stark contrast to the president’s. As I’m doing here. And have been.

We must also continue to win allies and new friends around the world with our generous aid, friendship and even protection. Though the press didn’t cover it much, President Bush was welcomed as a hero in Eastern Europe and Africa. Conversely, Poland, once very happy with Bush, is not in the least with the reneging Obama.

A strong Republican president can make an impact where it really counts. We can do nothing about those nations and people that despise us, even in our own country, except to point out how wrong they are. Repeatedly. And with the force of our convictions, and the overwhelming evidence of American generosity, good will and even heroism that cannot be denied.

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GAY RIGHTS: The Democrats are absolutely murdering Republicans on gay rights. The GOP’s vehement opposition to the recent Matthew Shepherd Bill, supported far and wide by LGBTs and even law enforcement, was a fatal mistake, and only served to alienate the millions of LGBTs in America even further from the GOP, and drive them all straight into liberal Democrats’ arms yet once again. It was a huge symbolic victory for liberal Democrats, and a terrible political defeat for us.

I know many conservatives and Republicans find homosexuality distasteful, gay marriage even more so. Yet they’re here, they’re queer, and they ain’t goin’ nowhere. And they are an incredibly rich, powerful and numerous political force in America, with the power to propel candidates into office or sink them for good. I’d sure like a real shot at winning races in San Francisco! Don’t you? Believe it or not, there are a lot of people who share our core values there, even gays. But they will never vote R as things stand today vis-a-vis gay rights in the GOP. Let’s give them reasons to cast those R votes.

Republicans need to wake up to the realities of gay life in America. Gay marriage is fast becoming a reality, as it may soon may be in my home state of New Hampshire, and will no doubt be a nationwide reality in the next decade. That’s a fact. On gay rights, we conservatives and Republicans are the political mammoths of the modern age. If the caveman liberal Democrats are not spearing us and feasting on our flesh, we are sinking into political tar pits of our own making.

We must wake up to the reality that gay Americans are a political force to be reckoned with. We continue to ignore that very basic and profound political reality at our own peril. We could also score major political points with LGBTs in one area the Democrats are hopelessly weak on: the horrific persecution of gays around the world, particularly the de facto gay genocide in Iran.

We should begin targeting and denouncing oppressive regimes like Iran’s, Cuba’s and Venezuela’s that persecute, terrorize and even slaughter gays like cattle, as we rightfully should anyway. It would go a long way in bringing many LGBTs into the Republican fold, given Dems’ silence on the issue.

I would even go so far as to punish the Iraqi government in order for them to stop the officially sanctioned persecution of gays in Iraq, which is now rampant and could not be more horrific. What good is freeing Iraq from Saddam, only to allow the present government to facilitate the Al Qaeda-like systematic extermination of Iraqi LGBTs? Kind of defeats the purpose, doesn’t it?

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IMMIGRATION: Again, liberal Democrats are beating us over the head with the club of ‘racist’ over the illegal immigration issue. Yet the successful stuffing of the Amnesty bill under Bush, driven by Rush Limbaugh and Herculean grassroots efforts, showed just how strong the undercurrent of opposition to illegal immigration in America really is, even from legal immigrants.

Again, we need not just oppose illegal immigration, but be specific as to why. The purpose of Ellis Island, where millions of legal immigrants were screened for diseases, psychosis and criminal records, has not changed, and should be our model. We welcome legal immigrants from all over with open arms. Always have.

But the protection of public health and safety must be paramount. We must state our case on legal immigration far more forcefully and eloquently than we have to date. I believe millions of Americans, the same who burned up the switchboards in Congress over amnesty, are dying to hear that message. I know I am.

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THE BORDER: We need to lock the border up as tight as possible without totally restricting the free flow of trade. The Mexican cartels are to blame for Mexican drug violence that is raging out of control, not us, as SOS Clinton would have us believe. It is not Americans slaughtering cops, beheading rivals in Tijuana, or that have made Phoenix the kidnapping capital of the USA. It is the cartels. Those same cartels are using our border as the Viet Cong once used Cambodia’s.

And all that doesn’t even take into account Al Qaeda’s and Hezbollah’s attempts, some successful, in infiltrating our country. We are a nation at war. To continue to leave the Trojan Horse of our open border to stand will get a lot of innocent Americans dead in the end.

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THE DRUG WAR: I’ve thought of a solution to the drug problem that may not go over very well with Republicans, and may even be more Libertarian in its approach. I say we legalize marijuana like alcohol, tax the shite out of it, and use that money to fight the real hard drug evils, of which cocaine and heroin are the most devastating. Come on! How many regular pot smokers do you folks in Hollywood know? I know dozens! Yet they are all normal and productive citizens who like lighting up after work, as many people like hitting the bars for a drink. Yet another reality we have to face.

What would be better? Continuing to waste billions in resources on stopping pot, which just ain’t gonna happen? Continuing to prosecute offenders and waste court resources on a relatively mild and very popular recreational drug? Or turning the situation around in our favor, as I have recommended? A bold statement, agreed. I seem to be making a career of them these days.

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CLIMATE CHANGE: The American people are about to be slaughtered with draconian taxes and regulations on Global Warming bills, including Obama’s cap-and-tax scheme that may raise our electric bills by 50%. I already wrote a scathing Big Hollywood OpEd on this discredited Ponzi scheme-like fraud, that may just destroy the economy and our way of life if implemented.

We need to be as forceful with Congress on this issue as we were on amnesty. Bush, McCain and Congress were all for amnesty at that time, but they all knew where their bread was buttered, too. We need to remind them of that fact vis-a-vis The Great Global Warming Swindle.

31,000 scientists signed a petition declaring GW a scientific fraud. But that is not enough. We Republicans, as Reagan did, love the outdoors, and believe in sensible conservation. We much show our Sierra Club side. And speaking of clubs, whenever Lefties and GW Moonies slam us as tools of Big Oil, ask them how Al Gore’s net worth soared from $2M in 2000 to $100M today. Even Big Oil ain’t handing out that kind of money. A most Inconvenient Truth.

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ABORTION: This is a subject that is very tormenting to me. I despise the mass disposal of human life it represents, yet the issue has touched on me personally as well. Until and unless Roe v. Wade is overturned (and let’s face it, that ain’t happening), we must also accept the reality of abortion in America as a legal right for women. Based on my own troubling experience with this issue, I do not believe sending women back to the days of back alleys and coat hangers is the way to go.

Yet I am also vehemently opposed to such barbaric and Dr. Mengele-like practices as partial birth abortion, or how much organizations like Planned Parenthood have made a cozy, profitable and blatantly corrupt industry out of infanticide on our tax dollars, and with full liberal Democrat support.

Some incredibly cold and inhuman practices by Planned Parenthood have even earned the term ‘black genocide’ by African-American activists. MLK’s niece, Dr. Alveda King, called the sweeping promotion of black abortions Planned Parenthood’s ‘racist agenda’.

A realistic and reasonable approach to yet another established reality in 21st Century America would go a long way in winning many hearts and minds. Conceding the issue of legalized abortion (as we should anyway, it’s been law for 34 years), along with other hot-button issues I have addressed here, could go a long way in winning the GOP many new gay, black and women voters, who may oppose Democrat policies but remain in the party for reasons given. Let’s give them an out.

In addition, by exposing the corruption rampant in the abortion industry in America today, especially regarding the Nazi-like Planned Parenthood practice of mass-marketing the abortion of black babies, we might even win over MLK’s niece. How phenomenal a political victory would THAT be?

IN SUMMARY

Many of you staunch conservatives, Republicans and devout Christians may consider some of my positions blasphemy, far left even. But if you look closely, they are the ultimate in Reaganite political pragmatism. You are all welcome to cling to the rigid and inflexible ideologies of the past. I would much rather accept 21st Century realities, and make some important political compromises and concessions in order to see some semblance of a Reaganite GOP survive, than to stand by and watch liberal left-wing Democrats turn America into a total one-party state. Is that what you want?

I believe my positions on immigration, foreign policy, love of America, reduced government, the border, the fraud of climate change and even the drug war are right in line with what President Reagan’s would have been, and are all hugely popular with millions of Americans. As to gay rights, abortion and the legalization of marijuana, I am merely facing the realities of the America we live in today. Those realities cannot be denied, any more than the brutal realities of today’s Islamist Iran can be denied by liberal Democrats.

Some adjustments on those latter issues must be made for the times, or we risk losing any future control over the former for all time, in Quixotic battles with windmills that will eventually rend us asunder politically. On the issue of abortion, a great deal of reform can be pursued in purist fashion that may even win us throngs of new female and black voters, if they see that our concerns on partial birth abortion and Planned Parenthood’s targeting of the black community for boffo business are genuine and real, and not just political camouflage to undermine freedom of choice.

Gay rights are now a 21st Century reality that should be accepted in full by both parties, as many issues like civil rights are now. To remain at odds with the tremendously powerful and hugely influential American gay community is to be like the hardline segregationists of old, who alienated every black American. It can only result in even more truckloads of votes and cash being queued at the DNC loading dock. Votes and cash we can ill afford to forego. I don’t want that. Do you?

I myself have built many new friendships and bridges to the gay community, both within and without America, in my relentless reporting and dissemination of investigative journalism on the Gay Holocaust in Iran. It is in fact that horrorshow, that Auschwitz for gays in Iran, that has caused me to re-evaluate my own perception of gays everywhere.

My heart breaks to think of how much innocent gays are suffering around the world, and it has stirred a compassion in me that just wasn’t there before. And it pains me to think that GOP representatives in Congress, in their heated opposition to what is in effect a symbolic bill named after Matthew Shepherd, one of America’s most well-known victims of real homophobia, may have burned some of those bridges and friendships for good by the anger and mistrust that kind of opposition inspires. How does that help us in rebuilding the party? Or attracting new voters and supporters?

Sorry. I’m with George Takei on this one.

Supporting gay rights in full measure is the right thing to do. And we have an opportunity here, by attacking the worldwide persecution of gays (which we should do anyway, just on basic human rights principles), to actually become their foot soldiers and heroes, something liberal Democrats are basically MIA on. They’re too busy trying to make friends with the gay butchers of Iran. Just like Chamberlain with Hitler. How many new gay votes do you think THAT would win us?

We can either accept new realities while sticking with the truly core issues that make us who we are, or we can sacrifice their future on the altar of rigid ideological purity. What’ll it be, boys? Yes or no? Many more issues, granted. I just wanted to get the debate rolling. But consider this also. If we make important political compromises as I’ve recommended, think of how many weapons we remove from the leftie liberal Democrat arsenal. They would then be forced to debate us toe-to-toe on all the other major issues outside gay rights and abortion. Those are battles they can never win.

Also let it be know far and wide, in Reagan-like “Let Poland Be Poland” fashion (which the Left also hated, but at least they’re consistent in betraying Poland), that I believe that we should let Fat People Be Fat, Gas Guzzlers Be Gas Guzzlers, Energy Burners Be Energy Burners (like Big Al), Gun Owners be Gun Owners, Hunters Be Hunters, Christians be Christians, Atheists Be Atheists, Straights Be Straights, Gays Be Gays, Tea Partiers Be Tea Partiers (of either party), Franken Be Franken, Moore Be Moore, Rush Be Rush, Beck Be Beck, O’Reilly Be A Factor, Stewart Be Daily, Government Be Small, Immigration Be Legal, and Smokers Be Smokers.

Unlike some people. I also believe we should let mass-murdering dictators like Omar Bashir, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong-Il also Be Smokers. ’nuff said. Discuss Amongst Yourselves. And remember, elections are only eighteen months away. Get busy, people!

See you in the next DHS report!

Oh, and did I forget? Let Specter Be Democrat. Was, anyway. And since LibDems have super-majorities now, it seems a great time for the GOP to clean house of all the RINOs that are a left-wing liberal cancer in our party, like Specter was. I won’t go so far as to write a DHS report on them, but we need to show them the door. If they want to be asses, they can do it on Dean’s dime, not ours. We will never get to where we need to go as a party as long as they’re subverting us from within.

To paraphrase President Bush, you are either with us, or you are with the Democrats. Make your choice, Senator McCain. You are free to leave too, if you like. You can either wise up, or push your amnesty bill from the other side of the aisle. We could sure use a hell of a lot fewer John McCains and Arlen Specters, and a hell of a lot more Jim DeMints. Fortunately, McCain may be following Specter shortly, anyway. And for the same reason. Hope Springs Eternal.

Amen, and God Bless America and Ronald Reagan

MAJOR UPDATE: Supreme Court Justice David Souter is retiring. Obama has a vacancy on SCOTUS now. If Republicans oppose an Obama nominee based on gay rights advocacy or non-extremist pro-choice positions, you can stick a fork in the GOP. And call me an Independent.

I’d rather climb off the mammoth while I can, as opposed to sinking into the tar with it.

Politics shmolitics… Just take me away.

For we hopeless movie lovers, each year hope (if you’ll pardon the expression) springs eternal with a fresh offering of pull-out-the-stops-studio-balance-sheet-in-the-crosshairs slate of tent poles. And for that reason, this is my favorite part of the movie year because all I want for my ten bucks is to get lost for a couple hours, and from May 1st through the end of August filmdom at least attempts to put the political nonsense on hold to do just that.

So how does this summer’s slate look…

Well, we start by awarding major points for no films starring Nicole Kidman, Keira Knightley, Leonardo DiCaprio, or George Clooney. The result of this news is a hissing sound as some of the suck potential leaks out of the season. Obviously, Shia LeWhats-His-Name’s presence mitigates some of those warm fuzzies, but the Mighty Denzel Washington makes up for a lot. It’s also nice to see that most of the sequels are frontloaded in May as if the Schedule Gods took pity on us and decided to get them out of the way.

We’ll look at what’s coming up in a three-part series:

The Good:  Cinematic offerings worthy of anticipation and the emotional investment of hope (if you’ll pardon the expression).

The Bad: Those that if they don’t suck the impact could create a dangerous rip in time forever altering life as we know it.

The Maybe:  Those we can only hope (if you’ll pardon the expression) will be good.

And so today we start on a positive note, with those worth getting excited over:

May 21st: Terminator Salvation – I wrote about this the other day but let me just add that the real attraction is Christian Bale. When you’re dealing with a style-over-substance director like McG, the presence of Bale sends a signal that this won’t be “Charlie’s Angels 3: Look at all the Shiny Machines.” Bale’s exactly the kind of action star you want. He’s not some snob who refuses to do popcorn flicks, he just wants them to be good. In a way he reminds me of Harrison Ford when Harrison Ford was still Harrison Ford.

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June 12th: The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 – Gawd, I love the original and were it not for Denzel Washington’s presence I’d be pretty down on this. You can’t improve on the perfection of the 1974 version, and John Travolta can’t be Robert Shaw and Denzel can’t be Walter Matthau, but the concept is so fool-proof that if they make it their own and set it to David Shire’s same bad-ass score, very little can go wrong (he said naively with a dash of denial).

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July 1st: Public Enemies  – A Michael Mann film is always an event, but casting Christian Bale and Johnny Depp as Melvin Purvis and John Dillinger is the real draw. When it comes to modern actors dropped in this era, whether or not they can pull off looking credible in a fedora is the first test, and the publicity shots look promising. There’s also the promise of mucho machine-gun violence Mann-style.

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July 24th: Piranha 3-D – There are certain words that when spotted in a film title immediately earn my goodwill, one of them being piranha. Others include: death, aliens, snake, Navarone, vampire, women (when the context involves prison), guns, blood, gladiator, wizard, monkey, Tarzan, hot rod, zombie, and for some strange reason, frogmen.

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Aug. 21st: Inglorious Basterds - As I get older I’m finding my tolerance for violence has diminished considerably. I still love action, but the gory stuff makes me squirm, and not in a good way. Tarantino’s approach to blood is a notable exception. So over the top and cartoonish it’s like watching Daffy Duck get his beak blown off or Wile E. Coyote go over a cliff. Other than the abysmal “Death Proof,” I love Tarantino’s work. His enthusiams, raw talent and energy wins me over and there’s no film coming out this summer I’m more excited about than this wild man director’s enthusiastic take on the WWII, Man-on-a-Mission genre.

NOTE: Because I’ve already seen “Bruno” (7/10) and respect confidentiality agreements and the reasons behind them when it comes to a work-in-progress, I won’t say anything about the film until legitimate reviews (meaning, non-Roger Friedman-ish) start to roll out.

Coming Next… “The Bad: Those We Dread.”