Which leads me to explore what Mr. Newsom finds acceptable:

Exhibit A. Turning the world’s most beautiful city, San Francisco, into a sprawling toilet with a half billion dollar deficit. Being S.F.’s mayor should be a dream job. It’s like being King of Gumdrop Village on Rainbow Island. It’s packed with great food, tourists, amazing scenery and fun people. But Gavin has left the city oilier than his own pompadour. If one block doesn’t smell of excrement, it’s because it smells of feces. And vice versa. Gavin has taken a jewel of a city and pooped all over it. Which leads me to:

Exhibit B. Letting panhandlers rule. I’m from the Bay Area, and spent a lot of time wandering SF’s streets, either working, or drunk. Now, no way. The last time I was there, my 85 year old mom was surrounded by the most aggressive panhandlers I’ve ever seen – as we walked over others, apparently napping. Instead of worrying about the potential ramifications of enforcing a law in another state, Gav should address the heaps of humanity that litter his very own streets.

Exhibit C. Banging your pal’s wife. While getting divorced, Gavin starting sleeping with the wife of his close friend and campaign manager. Maybe there aren’t enough women in San Francisco, but you’re the Mayor. And you’ve got hair. Either you’re too lazy, or you lack character.

Probably both.

Bottom line, Gav: Before you crap all over Arizona, clean up the crap in your own yard.

And if you disagree with me, you’re a racist homophone.

Tonight we’ve got S.E. Cupp, comedian Jesse Joyce, and Mr. Oldspice himself, Isiah Mustapha!

Plus, other stuff!

I quit being a liberal because I didn’t believe that members of particular minority groups deserved advantages denied to others; that illegal aliens weren’t entitled to anything but a swift kick to the backside; that being a devout Christian didn’t make you a bad person; and that capitalism was a system that worked, while socialism not only didn’t work, but, wherever it was tried, turned into a tyranny.

I honestly don’t know why there are so many liberals today and I certainly can’t imagine why they have such a lousy agenda.  I have come up with a theory, however.  Here in California, roughly 30 years ago, because of budget cuts, a great many people were released from insane asylums.  They wound up living in the streets, which explains the large number of homeless people, even though Democrats would have you believe that those are normal people who simply lost their jobs along the way.

Even after the state became more solvent, it became almost impossible to get these poor souls back into institutions where they could be fed, clothed and given their meds, because the ACLU lawyers fought for their inalienable right to starve, freeze and use the sidewalks of your city as their combination bedroom, living room and bathroom.

Inevitably, they also got to vote.  As a result, the likes of Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein, Gray Davis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Antonio Villaraigosa, Gavin Newsom and Jerry Brown, wound up winning all the major elections.  I mean, the truth is, you’d have to be crazy to vote for those people.

I have to suspect that a similar scenario took place all over the country.  How else to explain that two-thirds of Americans actually believe that Barack Obama’s policies will save our economy?  I’m not even a Christian, but I find it bizarre that people who pooh-pooh the idea that Christ raised the dead or walked on water are totally convinced that a guy who’s tossing trillions of dollars into the air is a financial miracle worker.  Talk about blind faith!

It makes me wonder if these same people, were they facing personal bankruptcy, would think that the answer to their own financial difficulties would be to give their wife an American Express card and drop her off at Tiffany’s.

If liberals aren’t simply insane, they surely must be hypocrites.  Why else would they insist that spending eight years bashing President Bush and comparing him, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld, to the Nazi High Command was patriotic, but merely questioning President Obama’s qualifications, judgment and policies, makes one a racist?

Also, how is it that when, between 2000 and 2006, when the GOP had control of the Oval Office, the House and the Senate, on those rare occasions they didn’t do the bidding of Ted Kennedy, John Murtha or Charles Schumer, they were condemned as divisive?  However, when Obama and his left-wing cronies rushed through a trillion dollar stimulus package and a pork-filled budget over Republican objections, nobody in their crowd cried “Foul!” or insisted on reaching across the aisle for a group hug and a few choruses of “Kumbaya”?

Before anyone bothers sending an e-mail reminding me that three Republican senators voted with the Democrats on the stimulus bill, I haven’t forgotten.  But, let’s face it — the two ladies from Maine are merely the east coast version of Boxer and Feinstein.  As for Arlen Specter, I suspect that along the way, he’ll switch to the Extraterrestial Party if, as he inches closer to being a hundred years old, he decides that’s his best chance of winning an election.

I know that people such as Sen. Specter and Sen. Jeffords would have us believe that they switched parties because of their principles, but I would prefer it if they only said such silly things in the hope of making me laugh.  That’s because I love to laugh, but I hate being taken for a fool.  I mean, really, Jim Jeffords wakes up one day when he’s 67 years old and Specter opens his eyes at the age of 79 and suddenly decide that the GOP isn’t as conservative as they’d like, so the solution is to link left arms with the likes of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Chris Dodd and Barney Frank?

Something else that makes me wonder if, in a nicer, kinder world, liberals wouldn’t be housed in a warm place where they’d be kept safely away from sharp objects and voting booths, is their notion of what constitutes torture.  In my world, cutting off Daniel Pearl’s head, throwing Anne Frank in an oven or having to listen to Chris Matthews, is torture.  But by no means is it playing loud music, keeping people awake, making them share space with a caterpillar or even dousing them with water, in order to get them to cough up information that might prevent another 9/11 or keep American soldiers from being ambushed.

Only a liberal could confuse actual torture with college hazing.  I suspect there are members of fraternities who could share more harrowing tales than the Islamics with their Korans, their three squares and their personal prayer mats at Gitmo.

Another difference that seems to escape liberals is that it’s torture when the only purpose is to cause pain, not when it’s done in order to pry important information from terrorists.

It’s bad enough that any number of self-righteous academics kept military recruiters off college campuses, pretending that their objection stemmed from the army’s don’t ask/don’t tell policy, and not simply because left-wingers hate anything and everything that smacks of patriotism.

In much the same way, those on the Left have led a crusade against the Boy Scouts of America because, so they say, they oppose the policy of not allowing gay men to be Scout leaders and take young boys into the woods on camping trips.  Sensible people regard that as a sensible policy.  It’s not to suggest that every gay man is a pedophile, but simply recognizing that most pedophiles are gay men.  Just as every Muslim is not a terrorist, just about every terrorist these days is a Muslim.  So, why should parents take any unnecessary chances with their most precious possessions just so no one’s feelings get hurt?

Liberals don’t really care about homosexuals, by the way, unless they themselves happen to be gay.  The truth is liberals rarely serve in the military now that service is voluntary and they don’t usually let their kids join the Boy Scouts, not because they’re offended by the aforementioned policy, but because the group fosters faith-based and patriotic ideals.

If you want a perfect example of liberal hypocrisy, consider the recent beauty pageant when someone who calls himself, in homage to Paris Hilton, Perez Hilton (born Mario Lavenderia), who had no business even being on stage, got to ask Miss California, Carrie Prejean, how she felt about same-sex marriages.  Her honest answer probably cost her the victory, while earning her the respect of most fair and decent Americans.

What I find so telling about the incident was that in California, the reason that the same-sex marriage measure was defeated on the November ballot was because 70% of blacks voted that way.  But gay activists only demonstrated outside Catholic and Mormon churches and businesses.  Furthermore, I guarantee that if Miss Prejean had been black, instead of a blue-eyed blonde, Mr. Hilton wouldn’t have dared open his ugly little yap.

It’s also worth noting that President Obama gave the exact same answer to the exact same question during the campaign, and yet the gays voted overwhelmingly for him.  Which certainly suggests that, thanks to the insane asylums being relatively empty these days, honesty can cost you a tiara, but not the presidency.

At a time when reckless, lightweight, non-achieving ideologues are all the rage in American politics; when nary a meaningful accomplishment is needed to move up the political ladder; when substance takes a backseat to teleprompters and pedestrian, car salesman charms; Newsom is trying to parlay his overly-bleached smile, expensive suits and camera-ready prop wife (not pictured below) into the most visible governorship in the United States.  

The early conventional wisdom on Newsom─when first elected─was that despite the vapid pretty boy image, insiders knew he was he was going to be the next JFK, if not better.  Five years later the reviews are in: even the insiders realize that on his best day, he’s an embarrassment to vapid pretty boys everywhere. 

To date, Newsom’s greatest achievement as Mayor of San Francisco was getting re-elected in a landslide despite having repeated sex with his best friend’s/campaign manager’s wife (of course, he had to go through the motions of rehab following a Pat O’Brien style booza culpa).  Other notable accomplishments include arriving drunk to the vigil of a dying police officer; declaring a city-wide “Colt Studio Day” to honor a San Francisco-based gay porn company (there’s no such thing as too much pandering to the gay community in San Francisco politics); fellaciating a news reporter’s microphone on camera (admittedly, he may have been drunk or high on coke at the time); unilaterally ordering city agencies to issue marriage licenses to gay couples without any legal authorization to do so (he was ignoring the US Constitution before Obama made it cool to do so); offering no-questions-asked city ID cards and bank accounts to illegal aliens to help them launder save their money; appearing in the contact list of Paris Hilton’s hacked cell phone; increasing city funding of alternative lifestyle street festivals; dating a 19-year-old girl in between wives (though he honorably forced her to change her age on MySpace to 26 in anticipation of cameras catching them drinking together); and violating federal law in the name of sanctuary by failing to report illegal aliens negotiating their way through the city’s criminal justice system.  

Newsom’s reign over San Francisco reflects the tradition of City Hall legends Kwame Kilpatrick, Marion “Bitch Set Me Up” Barry, John Street and Ray Nagin─combining bad judgment, bad policies, incompetence, arrogance and corruption in creative, new ways.  The city is in disarray: bankrupt; filthy; ubiquitously potholed and cracked; and festering with drugs, homeless and illegals.  Its sanctuary-city status, touchy-feely approach to crime, and maniacal spending on social services have encouraged all matter of societal debris to migrate there in mass.  When it doesn’t smell like over-ripe trash, it smells like stale urine.  Not really what Tony Bennett had in mind.

Law and order is (sort of) maintained by an inept police department emasculated by Newsom’s fondness for illegal aliens and affirmative action.  His bizarre choice of police commissioner, Asian-American female Heather Fong (think of her as San Francisco’s version of Janet Napolitano but wimpier, less qualified and more stupid), helped him with the city’s considerable Asian and “progressive” votes, but didn’t help much with the crime rate in general or the homicide rate in particular, which reached a 13-year high under her watch.  Fong is best known for forgetting to take a required gun re-certification test and inspiring department-wide contempt and disorganization.

The SFPD recently found its way into national headlines when it was learned that a hapless undocumented worker with multiple felony convictions and at least four timeouts in San Francisco prisons had no trouble getting out and killing a man along with his two sons.  Per Newsom’s policy of progressive tolerance ─ multiple felony convictions notwithstanding ─ this unfortunate fellow was never reported to Immigration and Customs Enforcement for deportation.  

However, luckily for the SFPD, thanks to the existence of the San Francisco Municipal Transit Organization, the SFPD is not the city’s least organized and most dysfunctional agency.  Seemingly, the only thing killing more people in San Francisco than illegal aliens and common criminals is Muni busses.  But in all fairness, Newsom did ban all bottled water from city government offices to help the environment.

In a peculiar juxtaposition, while Newsom wants to capitalize on the Obama Inertia and ride his hallowed Burberry coattails into the California Governor’s Mansion, the broke, wretched San Francisco he leaves behind may well be a microcosm of the America Obama leaves behind once all of his hope/change jibber jabber has been realized. Both men stand for the same idiocy; they’re just operating at different points on their respective disaster timelines.

If there’s an upside to Gavin Newsom it’s the latest Mrs. Newsom.  This is not your father’s first lady.  Yes, she’s pretty; she knows how to smile; and she knows how to dress (putting her at least three legs up on another first lady I know).  She even comes complete with a Stanford pedigree.  But more importantly, she’s starring in a movie released last month where she engages in a three-way sex act with a Sasquatch and an alien (space, not illegal).  If there’s someone out there who’s put a Stanford MBA to better use, I’m not aware of it. Take that, Shriver!

One of Newsom’s Democratic competitors in 2010 will probably be another unaccomplished, philandering, dead-behind-the-eyes big-city mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa of Tijuana by the Sea Los Angeles.  Villaraigosa’s credentials include past membership in a Mexican street gang and changing his name mid-way through life to something more exotic (a la Barry Sotero)—the lovably ethnic Villaraigosa used to be Tony Villar, Jr. Other likely Democratic candidates include former Governor Moonbeam himself, Jerry Brown, and one-third of Capitol Hill’s NorCal half-wit trifecta, Diane Feinstein.  Clearly, not the best options… kind of like the sides menu at a county fair fish-on-a-stick stand.

At the rate Barry is debasing the Office of President of the United States, the empty suit movement should be debunked by 2010.  But as the 2008 presidential election demonstrated, the naiveté of the electorate can never be under-estimated.  If a dopey community organizer can be elected President of the United States, why couldn’t an aging, wannabe frat boy be elected Governor of California?