Terrorists and Tyrants Go Straight to Hell

At the risk of earning my place in The Masters of the Obvious Hall of Fame… I gotta say it.  They’re not ‘freedom fighters’, they’re not ‘brave Jihad warriors’, they’re not ‘overseas contingency operators’…they’re terrorists.  And they’re evil.  True, they are going to ‘meet their destiny’ but it’s not going to be what they think.  There are going to be some very disappointed souls who come to find that everything they believed in, indeed, so strongly that they sacrificed their short, pathetic, deluded lives for…was a total lie.  They have an appointment with eternity waiting for them, but there won’t be 72 virgins for them to defile forever.  Or even for an hour and a half.  Nah, none of that.  Ain’t gonna happen.  (And as Dennis Miller once said, “Hey, 72 virgins?  I can see it for a while, but after seven or eight of them…I’m gonna want to call in a pro.”) 

Nope.  Not saying I’ve consulted the Creator, but…I have it on good authority that that virgin-in-paradise thingie is just a cheap, bucket-o-baloney BS recruiting tool. 

Psych!

So all you would-be jihadist bombers with a hard-on to plant the IED’s that are designed to kill our brave servicemen… hey, find something else to do with your hard-on, Sparky, instead of waiting to use it on those 72 clueless virtual babettes.  If you’re that lonely and pathetic and worthless, hop on the ubiquitous 25-hour Internet porn sites, take tool in hand, and work out three minutes of your destiny right there in the privacy of your mud hovel.  Keep the explosives at home!  Your imagined glory doesn’t give a sh*t about you and you blowing up an American G.I. won’t keep you from an eternity of teeth gnashing and anal herpes, so get your head out of your poo-hole, and go get a real job – like maybe something that helps people instead of kills them.  Just a thought. (more…)

Email this to a friend | Print | Share on Facebook | Tweet this |

Tags: 72 Virgins, ACLU, Christianity, extremism, IED
Posted Jun 19th 2009 at 5:03 am in Featured Story, Politics, Religion | 164606No Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/ggraham/2009/06/19/terrorists-and-tyrants-go-straight-to-hell/Terrorists+and+Tyrants+Go+Straight+to+Hell2009-06-19+12%3A03%3A10Gary+Graham

The Left Has Spoken: Today, We Are All Extremists

The leader of genius must have the ability to make different opponents appear as if they belong to one category.” – Adolf Hitler.

“At this point, whatever dividing line there was between mainstream conservatism and the black-helicopter crowd seems to have been virtually erased.” – NY Times columnist Paul Krugman.

Paul Krugman

Really sucks to be a conservative these days. I feel like I’m walking around with a big bulls-eye on my back. I know many of the Left, especially Keith Olbermann, Frank Rich, Paul Krugman, the New York Times editorial staff and all the pundits at HuffPo and KOS would find that statement hilariously ironic, given the recent shooting deaths of Dr. George Tiller in Kansas and security guard Steven T. Johns at the Holocaust Museum. Then again, they’re not the ones being branded en masse as co-conspirators in those murders. Conservatives are. (more…)

Email this to a friend | Print | Share on Facebook | Tweet this |

Tags: Air America, assassination chic, Axelrod, Bill O'Reilly, Cynthia Dixon
Posted Jun 16th 2009 at 3:31 pm in Politics | 1587586 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/06/16/today-we-are-all-extremists/The+Left+Has+Spoken%3A+Today%2C+We+Are+All+Extremists2009-06-16+22%3A31%3A36John+T.+Simpson

Insatiable Extremism: Where Right and Left Meet

Back in the fifties (the nineteen fifties, not the eighteen fifties) I did some writing for Mad Magazine, along with my friend Ernie Kovaks and a pair of comics named Bob and Ray. Bob Elliot was the father of Chris Elliot, who we didn’t know at the time would turn out to be funnier than his dad. The magazine was started by a guy named Al Feldstein. Well, actually, it was started by a guy named Harvey Kurtzman, a brilliant genius who lasted three issues and then got kicked off his own creation by the publisher, who hired Feldstein to take over. I guess Kurtzman was a little too nuts even for Mad. He was a powerhouse of a guy whose girlfriend at the time was a hot young babe named Gloria Steinem. Men are attracted to youth and beauty; women are attracted to power.

Anyway, I guess Feldstein was just crazy enough to make the magazine a huge success. Now long retired and living in Montana (which seems to be a magnet for marginally crazy people), Feldman, an old lefty, recently forwarded an e-mail to a friend of a friend of mine who forwarded it to me. A million plus people have watched this e-mail by now. It’s a slickly produced film attacking Barack Obama. Any surprise that the President’s base is now turning on him?  It explains that he (Obama), is in the pocket of some amorphous, only hinted-at, world-wide society of manipulators who are behind everything bad in the world: “The Trilateral Commission, founded and conceived by David Rockefeller and his obscenely wealthy (redundancy?) Bilderberg Society cohorts… an amalgam of carefully chosen members of ‘The Elite’… the powerful rich… from the three main areas of the world: The U.S.A…. Europe… and Japan… who would slowly and carefully maneuver the free people of the Earth into a ‘One World’ system of Corporate/Fascism.” This is very old stuff. Conspiracy fodder. Been around for years in one form or another. International bankers turning Canada, the U.S. and Mexico into a single country, etc. And it’s all slickly packaged with music and graphics. (more…)

Email this to a friend | Print | Share on Facebook | Tweet this |

Tags: Bilderberg Society, conspiracies, conspiracy, extremism, Harvey Kurtzman
Posted May 7th 2009 at 12:33 pm in Celebrity News, Featured Story, Politics | 1266866 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/obean/2009/05/07/126686/Insatiable+Extremism%3A+Where+Right+and+Left+Meet2009-05-07+19%3A33%3A09Orson+Bean

Official: Dissent Now Unpatriotic

You all know the drill. The recent vague and controversial DHS report on right-wing extremism, the cover of which DHS might just as well have put on the Republican Party platform. The endless puerile teabagging jokes from the fourth estate’s finest, giggling into their microphones like ten-year-olds who just found a tittie mag.

CNN reporter Susan Roesgen even called a Tea Party “anti-government and anti-CNN” when her pro-government handout rant to a Tea Partier was rudely interrupted. Ms. Roesgen took particular offense at a sign of Obama with a Hitler moustache. “Why be so hard on the President of the United States though with such an offensive message?” the offended Ms. Roesgen asked.

Yet in 2006, Ms. Roesgen was perfectly comfortable with this Satan/Hitler Bush mask, jokingly calling it a Bush ‘look-alike.’ I guess it all depends on which POTUS you’re hard on. Right, Suzie?

And therein lies the rub. Dissent was SO patriotic not so long ago, wasn’t it? Dissent against war, dissent against torture, dissent against wiretapping, dissent against Gitmo, dissent against rendition, dissent against government abuse of power. In fact, now-Secretary of State Clinton was quite vocal on the matter back in the day: (more…)

Email this to a friend | Print | Share on Facebook | Tweet this |

Tags: Anderson Cooper, Censorship, clinton, CNN, DHS
Posted Apr 19th 2009 at 6:57 am in Featured Story, Media Criticism, Politics | 1081106 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/04/19/when-dissent-becomes-unpatriotic/Official%3A+Dissent+Now+Unpatriotic2009-04-19+13%3A57%3A40John+T.+Simpson

Know Right-Wing Extremists By Their Bumper Stickers

TO: ALL LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT AUTHORITIES

FM: DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY

SUBJ: NATIONWIDE ALERT – KNOW RIGHT WING EXTREMISTS BY THEIR BUMPER STICKERS!

Per the Guidelines of the Department of Homeland Security’s recent report, all units and law enforcement agencies are notified to be on the lookout (BOLO) for potential Right-Wing Extremists. Since the report’s guidelines are exceedingly general and non-specific, we here at DHS will provide the necessary details in order for state and local LE officials to round up the usual suspects.

Usual Suspect

First, Right-Wing Extremists are often known to display their radical sympathies on bumper stickers. This could be as simple a matter as a Confederate flag on a pickup truck, but often involves stated extremist messages like ABORTION KILLS, BABIES ARE NOT SPARE PARTS (they are), and ADOPTION: THE CARING OPTION (it isn’t, spare parts is).

In this instance, it is best to keep a safe distance and follow the unsub’s vehicle, to where fellow right-wing extremists of like mind are no doubt plotting their next abortion clinic massacre. (more…)

Email this to a friend | Print | Share on Facebook | Tweet this |

Tags: abortion, Bill of Rights, constitution, DHS, extremism
Posted Apr 16th 2009 at 5:03 am in Media Criticism, Politics | 1066223 Commentshttp://bighollywood.breitbart.com/jtsimpson/2009/04/16/know-right-wing-extremists-by-their-bumper-stickers/Know+Right-Wing+Extremists+By+Their+Bumper+Stickers2009-04-16+12%3A03%3A32John+T.+Simpson