In segment after segment Barbra talked about Barbra.  Barbra talked about Obama.  Barbra talked about Barbra.  Barbra talked about Clinton.  And Barbra talked about Barbra.

Larry King dutifully congratulated her on all of her observations.

Here’s one my favorite moments:  When Larry King asked her about the first two years of Barack Obama’s Presidency she laments that President Obama did not use his “executive powers” to unilaterally repeal DADT.  Then, pricelessly, without any sense of self awareness she goes on to praise President Bill Clinton as one of our greatest Presidents.  It would have been at this moment that an actual journalist would have pointed out to Ms. Streisand that President Clinton was the “great” President that instituted the DADT policy that she now wants President Obama to unconstitutionally and unilaterally revoke.  Instead, Mr. King appeared to sit back and admire the beautiful lighting that Ms. Streisand probably supervised prior to the tape rolling.

Earlier in the interview, Ms. Streisand reveals that she is glad that Hilary Clinton did not become the first female President because “they” would have blamed her gender for the economic trouble our country is in. Thanks to Mr. King, we don’t know who “they” are. But I suspect Ms. Streisand meant men, revealing her very low estimation of the reasoning skills of those of us inflicted with both an X and Y chromosome.

She came across as narcissistic, judgmental, sanctimonious, and dismissive of anyone who does not subscribe to her point of view. And, God help me, I loved her.

Maybe it’s because I’m a “theatre-guy.”  Maybe it’s because I spent so many years on Broadway. But no matter how many times Barbra Streisand lets me know that I, as a conservative, represent what’s wrong with this country, I still can’t help having the secret desire to see her return to Broadway as the ultimate Mama Rose in a blockbuster revival of Gypsy. I suspect that some time during my first year working on Broadway I was drugged and dragged into a dark room and implanted with a device that alters the part of my brain that would see Barbra Streisand for what she is:  an egotistical blowhard who has consistently snubbed Broadway – the place that made her a star – for lo these many decades.

Barbra Streisand is included in what is known as the Broadway diva Mt. Rushmore.  She, Ethel Merman, and Mary Martin inhabit 3/4 of that sacred monument. The 4th face is bit of a revolving door which changes depending upon the times. Over the past few decades Liza Minnelli, Bernadette Peters, Patti LuPone, and recently Kristin Chenowith have all occupied the “Ringo” chair. I can make a strong case for all of these women as icons of the American stage except, curiously, Barbra Streisand.

When Hollywood called four decades ago Ms. Streisand took her last curtain call and never looked back.  Many Broadway stars before her and since have found fame and fortune on the silver screen and yet still come back to Broadway even if for a limited engagement to pay respect to the industry that made them a star. Not to mention the economic benefit it provides the stagehands, the ushers, the restaurant and hotel workers in the theater district. But not Babs.

Even when she famously returned to live performances in her multi-million dollar string of “final” concerts (How many have there been now, 20?) she refused to play the 2,000 seat theatrical cathedrals in New York opting instead for arenas built for boxing matches.

And yet, knowing the disdain she’s shown for my industry, my colleagues and I still look upon her with reverence, respect and admiration. I kid you not, as bitchy as Broadway is, there are a handful of people you’re just not allowed to criticize and Streisand is one of them.

So here I sit, my good conservative brain telling me all the reasons why I should hate Barbra Streisand, after all, she seems to hate me, my friends, and my industry. And yet, I can’t stop hoping that one day she’ll see the light and let me produce her return to Broadway complete with an opening night gala fundraiser for the Tea Party Patriots.

I know.   I need an intervention.

Look at his life. Borgnine was born to Italian immigrant parents in 1917, spent 10 years in the Navy, including all of World War II, then bummed around as a second string character actor for another decade before snagging an Oscar in his first major role. The closest thing to life experience one of today’s stars has is a three week stint at $5,000-a-day rehab resort getting seaweed facials and talking about how his daddy never told him he loved him during group therapy while secretly gobbling the vicodins he smuggled in inside the liner of his Louis Vuitton cosmetics case.

You want retro cool? Forget posers like George Clooney and his pathetic attempts to relive the Old School dream with his Ocean movies, skinny ties and succession of cocktail waitress girlfriends. Ernest Borgnine is a 33rd Scottish Rite Mason, was in From Here to Eternity with Frank Sinatra, and was married to Ethel Merman. He married Ethel Merman! Try and top that for retro cool, George. Borgnine not only founded the Old School but is a Professor Emeritus.

What are his politics? Who knows? While his most recent political contribution was to George W. Bush in 2004, Borgnine comes from a time when actors concentrated on acting. He is very active in supporting Navy veterans, but you won’t hear him spouting off about his specific views. He’s a generic patriot – there’s probably a yellow ribbon on the back of his Caddy (you just know he drives a Cadillac) and anyone he sees messing with the flag can probably expect to feel one of those meaty Borgnine paws hard across his pie hole.

But can he act? Hell yes. There is that aforementioned Academy Award for 1955’s Marty. Marty is the heartbreaking story of a homely 30-ish meat cutter and his delicate romance with a plain-Jane schoolteacher. Borgnine is fearless as Marty, lashing out at his own looks and his inability to connect with women in a way no modern star ever could or would. It is a brave performance in a way you simply do not see today, and a performance that is a credit to both Borgnine’s talent and lack of ego.

Marty is about real people and real love, but if it were remade today – and lacking either vampires or a graphic novel pedigree it never would be – you can just imagine the Hollywood weasels’ notes:

Instead of this lonely butcher thing, which is a downer, how about making Marty a swinging TV reporter looking for The One?…And can we rename him Gavin? And let’s make the girl a model – is Kate Hudson busy? We’ll need a non-threatening gay friend for her. And let’s get Gerard Butler as Marty, I mean Gavin. Awesome. I think these changes are really going to test well.

Borgnine’s ten minute supporting role as the general who gives Lee Marvin his suicide mission at the beginning of The Dirty Dozen is like a master’s class in acting. In just a few minutes, he shifts from deadly serious to comic and back while holding his own against arguably the toughest guy ever on screen. Watch his face and his expressions and reactions, then compare his technique to that of today’s actors, whose “performances” seem to consist largely of them standing there staring vacuously and radiating their unnatural beauty. No contest.

–

Ernest Borgnine has been in classic Westerns like The Wild Bunch and Bad Day at Black Rock, got capsized in the original Poseidon Adventure and even showed up on SpongeBob SquarePants. Sometimes he was a maybe bit too versatile – this Italian-American portrayed “Ragnar” in The Vikings. Still, he epitomizes the concept of the working actor, with roles ranging from big budget films to parts in what only one grading on a generous curve would label as B movies. He’s had several TV series and a ton of guest shots, including a part in the finale of ER and a memorable appearance in a classic episode of The Simpsons. And if you check out his IMDB site, you’ll find over 200 entries and see that he has three more movies coming out. The dude is 92!

You can have the soulless, polished Berluti loafers that are the stars of today – I’ll take the scuffed character of the old bowling shoes reeking of spilled Budweiser and the feet of a hundred guys with names like Sal and Bob that is Ernest Borgnine.

This is my love letter to Broadway.  Join this theatre nerd on my journey into the wonders and joy of the theatre going experience.

Whether you’re coming from Uptown or Downtown, the Eastside or Westside, as you make your way to the theatre, you get swallowed up into the hustle of Times Square and the atmosphere is electric. The streets fill with an eclectic mix of people bustling to their theatres surrounded by a cacophony of street music, bucket drummers, corner evangelists, vendors, excited chatter, car horns, and the occasional argument by someone who just got taken in a game of three-card monte.

Each theatre holds its own personal history and charm.  The Golden Theatre, one of the smaller Broadway houses seats 800. It opened in 1927 as the Theatre Masque with the flop “Puppets of Passion,” which ran for only 12 performances. In 2003 it became the home to the hugely successful passion of puppets in the Tony Award winning adult musical puppet show “Avenue Q,” which is still playing to packed houses.

The Gershwin Theatre, home to “Wicked, the Musical” is one of the largest theatres, specifically designed for big, extravagant musicals. In 1987 it housed “Starlight Express” and had skaters zooming up and down multi-level ramps and onto an extension built to encompass part of the audience.

The oldest and one of the more elegant theatres is the Lyceum built in 1903 and the newest theatre is the Henry Miller’s Theatre.  The landmarked 1918 facade was kept intact while behind it everything was torn down and rebuilt. Its new incarnation is scheduled to open in September ‘09 with the revival of “Bye, Bye Birdie” with John Stamos and Gena Gershon (“Dancing With the Stars” must have already been booked).  As much as I would love to take you on a tour of the over 100 Broadway and off-Broadway theatres, I won’t, I don’t want to lose you before we get to the really good stuff.

As you enter the theater you are greeted by the front of house personnel: box office staff, ticket takers, and ushers. They are all unique characters as diverse as the actor’s onstage. They are extremely knowledgeable and helpful, and some may have been there since Ethel Merman’s “Annie Get Your Gun” was the hottest ticket in town.

The box office personnel are unbelievably helpful. Not only in their knowledge of where every seat is, but also if you were going to see a particular performer, they know right where to seat you. And contrary to many people’s belief, they do offer you the best seat available. One afternoon I was in mid-town and decided to see a friend of mine who was in “The Producers.” I knew he had been on vacation but wasn’t sure which day he was coming back. Since I didn’t want to spend the money if he wasn’t going to be in the show, when I got to the box office I told them my dilemma and asked if he was back yet. Not only did they tell me he was, but they also told me who wasn’t going to be in the show for that performance, who would be going on vacation, and asked if I wanted to leave him a note.

The ticket takers and ushers are quick to get you in and seated and some are delightfully old school New York, their courteousness is no-nonsense; the faster they get you to your seat, the faster the person behind you gets swiftly served. Once you get your ticket scanned and head to your seat, you pass the bar and the souvenir kiosks. I’ve been in some of the theaters so often I don’t feel the need to view the lovely interiors, so I stealthily advance my way in between the first timers standing, marveling at the gilded plasterwork. While on the way to my aisle, I catch a glimpse of the overpriced magnets and t-shirts and mugs, oh my!

I am SUCH a geek that I could find my own seat blindfolded, but I hit the usher up for my Playbill… ah, the Playbill, my theatre bible, the only tangible souvenir you get for your $100+ ticket… I show the usher my ticket and head straight to my seat.  I like to get to the theatre a little early to read the bios and to see if there’s a former client, student or past cast mate or techie I may know. And at Tony time, you get a separate, special edition Tony Award Playbill, complete with a scorecard, and pictures and bios of every nominee. This often has sparked fun conversations and heated debates with the strangers in my row. Yes, I told you… I am a GEEK!

As the house lights dim and the curtain rises to reveal the set, the audience reaction is audible with gasps of breathtaking awe. It can be the stark, stalled subway car, or the fantasy world beyond the yellow brick road.

Sometimes the set is far too grand to hide behind a curtain. When you walked down the aisle to your seat for the play “Lips Together Teeth Apart” you saw a “house that floats on a breeze-swept landscape of dunes and is equipped with a glorious expanse of blond-wood deck, a kitchen bespeaking the tyranny of shelter magazines and, reaching toward the audience’s lap, a swimming pool whose crystalline blue is pure Hockney.” You felt more like an invited guest to that 4^th of July party rather than getting ready to watch a play.

You may not notice the intricate lighting, but it contributes to the shifting moods and enhances the visual storytelling and is exquisite!  With the beauty and mastery of the sets, lighting and costuming, you are transported into the playwright’s mind.

Whether I see a straight show or a musical, I go to be engaged by the actors portraying the characters before me. I want to become emotionally involved, to be moved, to feel. I expect the actors to work their seemingly effortless skills and extreme talents to take me to the world beyond the proscenium.  Whether it’s the emotional drain watching the dysfunction of the Tyrone family in “Long Day’s Journey into Night,” or the irresistible laughter at the bloody and brutal “The Lieutenant of Inishmore,” I am rarely disappointed.

Watching a singer or dancer whether in the chorus or lead, you are watching years of discipline, perseverance, sacrifice, blood, sweat, and tears, happiness, and rejection. For every performer on Broadway there is a wonderfully unique back-story of how they got there, adding depth and texture to that story with each acting and dance class, singing lesson, audition and show they are cast in.

Some stories find future Broadway performers once sleeping on friends’ floors or a park bench or the dance studio waiting room, just to afford a dance class or headshots.  After years of bit parts and hoofing it in the chorus they give it one last audition before calling it quits, finding they landed the part of a lifetime. And many times that last audition is just that. Then it’s a move back home to open a dance studio or volunteer in their local Community Theater. Maybe, during a pre-Broadway run out of town, the understudy replaces a lead performer, the show goes to Broadway and that former understudy wins a Tony. This is Sutton Foster’s story. I was Sutton’s agent when she was a teenager and she was one of the few young actors I had complete confidence in and could cast in anything without an audition. After the job, the producer would always call with a glowing report.  A tremendously talented professional, even at 14.

A life in the theatre is a tough career, no show lasts forever and the Broadway performer does not get the acclaim of TV actors or Hollywood movie stars–and nobody’s getting rich.  But for most Broadway folks, it’s an honor and privilege to be working on Broadway.  Performing and working in the theatre is in their blood and the stage is their home.

For me, seeing a Broadway show with the original cast is as close to theatrical perfection as you can get. It’s the search that took place for the perfect package: a good actor, singer and dancer, the right look, chemistry with the material, and something that particular performer brought to their audition that the casting people didn’t even know they were looking for. Sometimes they know whom they want and it’s simply a call to the agent or manager, sometimes it seems like an endless search.

In a musical, the dancers and singers are as diverse as New York City itself and each is extraordinary in their discipline. The dancers will wow you with their incredible agility and grace, personality, and charisma as they push themselves and their bodies to amazing feats carrying the storyline along with unspoken passion.

In just a few measures the singer will engage and touch you deeply.  A good singer will bring that knot to your throat and get tears streaming down your cheeks or make you disgusted and creeped out. In “Blood Brothers” a mother stands over her slain twin sons and with heartbreaking disbelief she pleads in song for this not to be true. In “Sweeney Todd” Judge Turpin sings of his guilt-ridden lust as the ward he raised as his daughter comes of age and he intends to marry her. In contrast, the singers can bring belly laughs where your face and stomach hurt from laughing so hard as you watch profane, sexually active puppets singing and interacting with humans in a non-PC world. “WARNING: FULL PUPPET NUDITY” in “Avenue Q.”

At the end of “Mary Poppins” there’s a great theatre moment: **spoiler alert** While the ensemble is singing this beautiful, touching song amidst the starlit night, complete with shooting stars, Mary Poppins, with her trademark heels together and toes pointed horizon to horizon, slowly starts ascending from the stage out over the audience–main floor, mezzanine, balcony, and beyond. A friend of mine and I were sitting front row mezzanine and between the emotion of the last number, the spectacle, joy and sweetness of the show and watching Mary Poppins FLYING, I was nine-years-old again and happily, tearfully in the moment. Just as Mary was coming nearer and nearer in front of us, my friend elbows me repeatedly and commands, “look at me, I’m crying, oh my gosh, I can’t believe it, I’m crying!”  Are you kidding me!  I was completely taken out of the moment. From then on, I decided even if I go to the theatre with a friend, I’m sitting alone!

I hope you enjoyed the journey.  The Tonys air June 7th on CBS @ 8pm. Tune in and see the class and heart of Broadway’s finest (excepting Jane Fonda and Susan Sarandon). I have my scorecard and I’ll be rooting for my favorites with the passion of a sports fan!

Because it’s Oscar Sunday and the whole world is focused on the Kodak Theatre and the red carpet parade about to happen, it seems fitting that Broadway throws Hollywood a bone today.  Also, considering every other Broadway show these days seems to be a staged version of a popular movie, (“Shrek”, “Wedding Singer”… Really?) it seems appropriate to shine a little light on a Broadway Musical that has been adapted to film. 

My opinion is that in most cases, Broadway musicals are rarely improved by their film adaptations.  Even the good film versions of musicals are still not as theatrically thrilling or as emotionally impactful as the experience of seeing these shows live.  “Chicago”, “Hairspray” and “Phantom of the Opera” are all very recent examples of fine film adaptations.  But I contend that even in the case of ”Chicago”, an Oscar winner, the theatre version was superior.

However, there are a few exceptions and in one extraordinary case, the film version is so superior than the stage version, that it is almost painful to sit through the original theatrical piece.  That exception is “The Sound of Music”.

The film version of “The Sound of Music” is superior to the original play in every way.  In fact, lately many local amateur productions of the stage version of “The Sound of Music” have even adopted some of the changes made for the film and implemented them on stage.

Since I come from the theatre perspective, it’s difficult for me to fully analyze what makes a film great, but I will point out the major differences between the original stage version and the brilliant movie.

Locations, locations, locations.

The biggest difference, and in many ways the most significant, is that through the film version we are actually transported to the beautiful locations discussed in the show.  We actually SEE Maria singing at the top of her lungs on a beautiful mountain on the Vienna/Swiss border.  We follow the children through the streets of Vienna as they learn to sing.  We are caught in a high-speed chase as the family flees the Nazis in the dark of night.  Austria is one of the characters in “The Sound of Music” and when you have to sit and watch a stage version you really miss those beautiful scenes in the film.

Nothing, nothing, NOTHING beats this incredible opening sequence and it can ONLY be done on film:

Now THAT’S a nun I could fall in love with.

OK, I know its a bit of theatrical heresy to state my next point, but thankfully, I am still anonymous and the theatre police will not come after me and lock me up for whispering a truth that we all know but are not supposed to reveal:  Mary Martin was never really that great.  I know, I know, she’s a legend and she has more Tonys than a good Little Italy restaurant and she was box office gold… but, come on!  Do you really believe that Captain Von Trapp would mess up a good thing with a baroness to take a chance on Sister Mary Martin?  And, wasn’t she a little too old to be a young novice?  I think she could have been a Mother Superior back in 1959.

Meanwhile, Julie Andrews was nothing short of perfection.  Her’s is a timeless performance and she is utterly believable not only as a young, innocent nun, but also as a beautiful romantic love interest and as a mother figure to the children.

Also, Christopher Plummer is brilliant in the very thankless role of Captain Von Trapp.  Again, believable as a stern but loving father, but he also makes a perfect transition to romantic love interest.  A huge improvement over the original Broadway casting of folk singer Theodore Bikel.

A few of my favorite things.

When the film version of “The Sound of Music” was written, the creators made a few structural changes to the show and re-arranged a few songs.  The minor adjustments they made are so incredibly logical and improve the flow of the story and the pace of the first act that it almost seems a crime that the original stage version is not officially re-written to reflect the film version’s structure.  The major differences are:

• On Broadway, during the rain storm when the children all come to Maria’s room to hide from the thunder and lightening, the song Maria sings to make them feel better is “Lonely Goatherd”!  Can you even imagine that song in that context now?  “My Favorite Things” is the PERFECT song for that scene and how they didn’t put it there in the first place is a mystery.

• Wait, it gets stranger… in the original Broadway version, “My Favorite Things” is actually a duet between Maria and Mother Superior sung at the convent prior to Maria going to join the Von Trapp family as a governess.  Mother Superior sings it to Maria to give her confidence to leave the convent.
• In the Broadway version, the characters of Max and Elsa (the baroness) are given a couple of ill-advised songs, “How Can Love Survive” and “There’s No Way to Stop It” that are wisely and thankfully excised from the film.  Max and Elsa don’t need to sing, and keeping these songs from them does not diminish their characters, in fact it gives them more weight and importance by keeping them “straight”.
• The love song between the Captain and Maria on Broadway is a real clunker called “An Ordinary Couple” which sounds more like an older couple planning their retirement years rather than two star-crossed lovers throwing convention aside and following their overwhelming emotional desire for each other:

An ordinary couple
Is all we’ll ever be,
For all I want of living
Is to keep you close to me;
To laugh and weep together
While time goes on its flight,
To kiss you every morning
And to kiss you every night.

We’ll meet our daily problems,
And rest when day is done,
Our arms around each other
In the fading sun.

An ordinary couple,
Across the years we’ll ride,
Our arms around each other,
And our children by our side…
Our arms around each other.

Zzzzzzzzzzzz….oh, I’m sorry, is the song done yet?  Compare those lyrics to the ones written for the film version:

Perhaps I had a wicked childhood
Perhaps I had a miserable youth
But somewhere in my wicked, miserable past
There must have been a moment of truth
For here you are
Standing there
Loving me
Whether or not you should
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good
Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good

Doesn’t that better reflect the seriousness of the romance?  And the way it is filmed is romantic and kinda hot!

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So this may be the only time you hear me say it, but if a stage version of “The Sound of Music” is playing near you…. ehhh…. skip it.  Get the DVD of the amazing film, and make your kids watch it.  The movie’s got EVERYTHING:

• GREAT songs
• GREAT cast
• Cute kids
• Beautiful scenery
• Funny nuns
• Beautiful romance
• And the bad guys are NAZIS!  What more do you want??!!??

What better song for this week’s finale than:  “So Long, Farewell”?  ENJOY THE OSCARS!

One more encore….

OOPS!  I almost forgot the trivia!  I ALWAYS like to share a little trivia or an inside theatrical anecdote about the shows we discuss on Sunday Matinee.  So… This week, I’ll merge the two themes:  “The Sound of Music” and award shows!

1960 is still one of the most debated and talked about Tony Award seasons ever.  It was chock full of competition and incredibly surprising winners.

In the Best Musical category “The Sound of Music” was up against another classic:  “Gypsy”, as well as “Fiorello!”, “Once Upon a Mattress” starring Carol Burnett in here legendary Broadway debut AND “Take Me Along” starring none other than Jackie Gleason in his triumphant return to Broadway. Also starring in “Take Me Along” and nominated for Best Actor in a Musical:  Robert Morse and Walter Pidgeon… also nominated for Best Actor in a Musical:  Andy Griffith in “Destry Rides Again”!

There’s more… while you were in town and you wanted to see a play instead of a musical, you could have seen:   Sidney Poitier in “A Raisin in the Sun” or Jason Robards, Irene Worth and Maureen Stapleton in “Toys in the Attic” or George C. Scott in “The Andersonville Trial” or how about Melvyn Douglas in “The Best Man”?  Or, Geraldine Page and Rip Torn in “Sweet Bird of Youth”!  Or, perhaps you couldn’t get tickets to those plays… you could settle for Anne Bancroft in “The Miracle Worker”!  Meanwhile, Jane Fonda in “There Was a Little Girl”, Roddy McDowell in “The Fighting Cock” and Warren Beatty in “A Loss of Roses” round out the “youth movement” in the 1960 season.

Imagine that season:  Jackie Gleason, Carol Burnett, Mary Martin, Ethel Merman, Andy Griffith, Robert Morse, Walter Pidgeon, Sidney Poitier, Jason Robards, Irene Worth, Maureen Stapleton, George C. Scott, Melvyn Douglas, Geraldine Page, Rip Torn, Anne Bancroft, Jane Fonda, Roddy McDowell and Warren Beatty… top ticket price:  $5.00

So, since this is awards day, let’s reveal the winners from 1960:

Best Musical:  A very rare TIE!  And NOT the two shows you expect:  “The Sound of Music” and….. that timeless classic, the often revived and unforgettable….. ”Fiorello!”  That’s right:  “Fiorello!”… NOT “Gypsy!”  NOT Jule Styne and Stephen Sondheim and Arthur Laurents and Jerome Robbins creating a masterpiece of American Musical Theatre… no, instead we honored “Fiorello!”.  What were they thinking (drinking)?  (Makes that whole “Shakespeare in Love” over “Saving Private Ryan” & “Life is Beautiful” almost acceptable, doesn’t it?)

Best Play:  “The Miracle Worker” beating out “Toys in the Attic”, “The Best Man”, “A Raisin in the Sun” and Paddy Chayefsky’s “The Tenth Man”!

Best Actor in a Play:  Melvyn Douglas over Poitier, Robards and Scott.

Best Actress in a Play:  Anne Bancroft

Best Actress in a Musical:  NOT Ethel Merman giving a performance anyone would give there right appendage to have witnessed.  NOT Carol Burnett in a performance anyone would have given their OTHER appendage to have seen… no, the winner that year was….   Mary Martin…. seriously… Mary Martin.  {sigh}

Best Actor in a Musical:  The man who never won an Emmy Award for his groundbreaking work on television… Jackie Gleason.  How sweet it is!

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