Somehow, that statement doesn’t blow your mind like “hope and change,” but that’s exactly how Obama feels about Iran.

“We don’t know how this thing is going to play out.”

Which, as you know, is a stance that has never stopped our President from immediately re-imagining health care, trying to end enhanced interrogations, or reducing carbon dioxide emissions via something ridiculous called cap and trade legislation.

“We don’t know how this thing is going to play out.”

I imagine you can use that excuse on pretty much anything. Except when it comes to press conferences. Which is why Obama does him. And now that our President has recognized that he’s potentially on the wrong side of history – he gave us a press conference designed to blunt criticism, as opposed to blunting the persecution of innocent people.

“Bearing witness,” as Obama calls it, is all it takes, apparently. But I’m not so sure. If you were being mugged, you’d really like a cop to shoot the bastard, instead of bearing witness. If you’re lugging five bags of groceries up four flights of stairs, “bearing witness” does no good. Lend a hand, champ.

So I disagree with Obama – we’re not seeing a “debate” in Iran. We’re seeing a brutal, ruthless crackdown. Something tells me that stopping that is more important than reducing carbon emissions to fight a questionable threat.

Look, I like the fact that he’s finally – although reluctantly – stepping up, but I wish Obama felt as immediately outraged about Iran as he did over the murder of an abortion doctor.

“We don’t know how this thing is going to play out.”

It would have been closer to Obama’s real concerns, if that quote ended with “for me.”

TONIGHT, we’ve got the awesome Adam Carolla, the lovely Anna Gilligan, the delightful Rick Folbaum, plus a look into your most sickening nightmares!

Lets get this straight: implementing enhanced interrogation techniques is not immoral. What’s immoral is not doing everything possible to prevent an enemy from killing the people you love. That one rule overrules everything – making the actions you take toward that enemy supremely moral – whether the acts involve waterboarding, sleep deprivation, playing loud music, or watching David Shuster.

The idea that waterboarding is evil really stems from certain folks feeling awkward when asked about it at Brentwood cocktail parties. And that’s the truly immoral element in this ridiculous debate: if saving face means more than saving lives, then we’re totally screwed. I’d rather live in a country that’s despised for waterboarding two asshats, than a well-liked one with craters for cities. The desire for popularity is really at the heart of this: and it’s a far worse moral crime than anything done with a rag and bucket of water.

TONIGHT:

Ned Rice!

Father Jonathan Morris!

Steven Crowder!

Remy Spencer!

*A detainee was ritualistically beaten and left with a wound 7 inches around and 1/2 inch deep on his butt that required two surgeries. Apparently the detainee was told that it would “toughen up your hide.”

*3 soldiers stripped a 19 year old detainee down to his boxers and started firing BBs at him from about 5 feet away. They then tried to get the detainee to smoke marijuana and drink alcohol, which he refused.

*Soldiers made detainees lie down naked in a makeshift pool filled with six inches of ice water, beer, kitchen garbage, and urine. Other soldiers took turns standing on a stepladder above the pool and attempted to drop raw eggs into the mouth of the detainees lying in the fluid.

This torture is detestable! Outrageous! Unacceptable! Intolerable! And just about as stupid as the rest of the arguments about torture that are making the rounds on Capitol Hill right now.

Here’s your assignment. Replace the world soldier with “Frat Boy Jack Ass.” Replace the word detainee with “Pledge Boy Dillhole.” And replace interrogation with the word “hazing.”

There you go folks. The “torture” of our very own young college going skulls full of mush is, in my opinion, harsher than anything we’ve dished out to the worthless murdering sacks of pig poop that are the terrorists.

While we wring our hands and argue over pouring a little water down the gullet of a few bad guys, they are cutting heads off, beating, raping, torturing, burning, dragging and committing God only knows what other atrocities on our people and countless other innocent individuals across the globe. And we are the bad guys. We are the bad guys?

Granted, when our own young people commit these “acts of terror” on themselves, we laugh and thank Darwin for his insight. And when the terrorists do it to us, the left claims them to be “freedom fighters” or “insurgents.” But when we try to stop these bad guys using moderately aggressive non-lethal tactics, we are murderers, torturers, and “terrorists” ourselves. Well, I for one say, KNOCK IT OFF! Ya whiny little pansy apologists! We are in the right, like it or not. They are bad, we are good. It’s just that simple.

How in the world would we have won WWII with this nonsense? How would we have won anything with this attitude? Even the French could kick our asses. Even now, when we have freed millions and turned an entire country away from the abyss, the left just won’t let us be strong and dare I say it, manly. Okay, certainly we have amazing women out there tearing it up for us in the armed forces as well and to them I say undoubtedly you are amazing! And I can pretty much assume that you have bigger cojones than 99% of the left. Man or woman. But for this article I’m focusing on the masculine side of things.

In my studies of relationships for one of my books, I have looked at what it means to be a real man. And I have interviewed numerous women on the subject. So far everyone of them wants a “real man” and they all say they are hard to find these days. They are afraid to lead. Afraid to make a decision. Afraid to stand up for themselves for fear of what others might think. In a word, wussified.

Take Clinton for example. He was a congenial pathologically lying people pleaser. In my opinion, he did not lead. He tried to make everyone happy to the detriment of the country. Did women like him? Yep. He was the quintessential “bad boy” to them. Chick crack. But manly? Not hardly. Affairs, lies, appeasement, empty rhetoric with no action. Sounds wussilicious to me.

Take George Bush. Manly? Maybe. He did take bold decisive action. He did lead in a time of crisis. He stayed the course regardless of the attacks against him. He did what he thought was right and freed millions. He did not bow to terrorist threats. When he said “Bring it on,” the left had a hysterical clench-butted hissy fit. That was a MAN moment, my friends. You stand up to bullies. Well at least a real man will. You don’t try to appease that which cannot be appeased. You kill it before it kills you. Plain and simple. For that, I give him the credit that the left never will. We won. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Oh, he’s also a faithful loving father and husband. And that my friends, is manly.

How about Obama. Well, is he a good loving father? Seems to be. Is he charismatic. Sure. Is he standing tall for the American way of life? Nope. In less than a hundred days he went back on his word for public viewing of budgets. He went all over the world cow towing to other countries obsequiously begging forgiveness for the previous administration’s fortitude and strength. Not too manly there, cowboy. He gave $900 million of our dollars, during a time of fiscal crisis mind you, to the Palestinians to re-arm and kill our Israeli allies. Instead of leading, he has sent love and understanding to Iran and the other terrorists around the world in a futile attempt to appease their wrath. Screw their wrath! They should fear ours. If we keep on this path of feeeeling; we are going to expose our metaphorical backsides. This is not leading. This is not standing tall. This is not manly.

Feelings are a great thing. It’s what makes us human. But sadly sometimes they are irrelevant. If someone invades my home and tries to hurt my family, I will kill that person.  Regardless of how I feeeel about it. We have enemies who have sworn to kill us. They are trying to do so every day. How dare our leaders apologize to them. How dare the left blame us for defending ourselves. War sucks! No one wants it. No one feeeels good about it. But sometimes, we have to do that which does not feeeel good. And that is when we need a masculine leader. Man or woman. But they must lead.

So why can’t we just man up and stop tip toeing around all this PC crap? Because we have lost the ability to be men that’s why. We went through all that love me tender, touchy feely, share your emotions and feel your feminine side gobblety gook in the 60’s, and it has morphed since that time into where we are now. We can’t say men and women are different. We can’t make a move without making sure we feeeel good about it. As long as we are in touch with our inner child or at peace with the oneness that is the Universe we can start a dialog with the bad guys and see how they feeeel about themselves. And maybe if our inner happy touches their inner happy we can be one big family and get along and sing Kumbaya together.

Attention all my friends on the left. I hate to inform you that before you had the chance to belt out your first chorus, your head would be half sawed off. While you were trying to appease their inner Jihad, they would be ramming their outer Jihad up your tailpipe. So strap on a pair and, like Superman, let’s make this world safe for democracy!