I got “unfriended” on Facebook a few months ago by comedienne Elayne Boosler. Out here in the real world I wasn’t really “friends” with Ms. Boosler. We had met a few times and I think we may have shared a stage or two somewhere along the way but that was it. Our Facebook friendship was almost as brief. When I disagreed with one of her political postings I was soon scratched from her “friend” roster. It seems that Ms. Boosler does not like to have her opinions challenged. She is one of many “progressives” who believe in diversity of appearance but not of thought. Fair enough.  You want to be narrow minded and intellectually lazy so you don’t have to defend your opinions, that is your right as an American. Second in my mind only to the right to be as stupid as you want to be is the right to put your fingers in your ear when someone who disagrees with you is so rude as to start throwing facts at you.

A little more hurtful was another “progressive” friend who electronically dumped me last week. For many years when I lived in California I had supported this person artistically because I thought she was talented, and I still do. I helped her find gigs and talked her up to bookers and agents when I could.

I got a terse message from this now former Facebook friend: “Go f#*@ yourself!” The reason for this dismissal: I expressed a conservative viewpoint in a comment to something she had posted. She had posted a negative message about Sean Hannity insulting Elena Kagan’s appearance. I posted back that I agreed that personal appearance attacks are lowbrow and said I hoped she was as vocal about her distaste for personal attacks when the left was doing it to Sarah Palin. My ex-friend said that there had never been an appearance based attacks on Ms. Palin (I know, I know) and asked if I could supply some links to back up my position. I did with a link to the Letterman “slutty airline attendant” line. She posted back that that was just one example and when I when I took the discussion off the public board and sent her a personal message with several more links I got the GFY brush off.

This whole episode got me to thinking about the bigger question; what is the cost of being openly conservative in show business? A few years ago another friend who is a television producer told me about going to a meeting at a studio where a major “suit” went on for fifteen minutes during a creative meeting about Rush Limbaugh and how they would never hire anyone who listened to “that moron.”  My friend is a closeted conservative and since he was in the middle of trying to make a deal at that studio, he kept his mouth shut. Another friend has a job as a casting director on a show and is very careful never to express a political opinion even though many lunch discussions are strongly anti-conservative.

I look at folks like Dennis Miller, a guy who I have admired for years, and Drew Carey, and wonder what their brash conservatism has cost them. There used to be a cost if you were a drug addict or gay in Hollywood. Now those things are career boosters. A few years back when I was still in Hollywood, some people would attend recovery group meeting to “network” with those there for help. Being seen at AA or CA was a career move. Does anyone think Ellen DeGeneres’ coming out has hurt her? I may not remember correctly but I seem to remember her sitcom was on life support until she came out on the show and on Oprah. I wouldn’t doubt it if there were a few “ersatz” gays in Hollywood these days. Meanwhile, if you are conservative or Republican in show business, you better have a two bedroom closet because you are going to be there for awhile.

If you want to join my Facebook group for those dumped online for being too right, follow this link and post your story.

For both the comedy club audience and myself, the latter was a hell of a lot more fun than the former.

Since 9/11, I have been a volunteer citizen-soldier in the New York Guard , the State’s official state defense force. The New York Guard is made up of hundreds of great guys and gals, about half military veterans and half – like myself – getting the opportunity to serve in the military for the first time a little late in life.  We drill once a month and a week in the summer, training to assist the National Guard in stateside, non-combat missions.  We are a “force multiplier,” trained and ready to respond to augment NY National Guard units on the chemical / biological / nuclear decontamination team, military emergency radio network communications, search and rescue teams (for lost campers in the Adirondacks, for example), medical and legal services, and a whole host of other missions. It’s a great way to serve and help the National Guard, and it accepts all kinds or people – rabbis, dentists, truck drivers, school teachers – even Emmy Award winning comedians.

Just like in the regular Army, some missions are more exciting than others. Sometimes you’re sitting in a cold (or oddly over-heated) armory risking paper cuts for God and country, shuffling personnel files and requisition forms in triplicate, and sometimes you’re out there in the field with your fellow soldiers, working as a team, getting muddy and  exercising muscles (both physical and mental) you almost forgot you had.

Last weekend was one of the fun ones. A unit from the Fighting 69th, one of the Army’s best and most historic fighting units, was training up for woodland tactical maneuvers. As their platoon sergeant, Sergeant 1st Class Steve Swiderski, explained it: “These guys have been used to Iraq for so long, and in Iraq you’re in the cities, or in convoys, or in farmland. It’s been a while since they’ve navigated through forests.” It was an OPFOR (opposition force) field exercise. Ordinarily, the National Guard would have to split up the company, with half the soldiers in the field on maneuvers, training to be the good guys, and the other half taking up defensive positions as the simulated bad guys. Then, the two elements would have to flip-flop and do it all over again. With our guys – the New York Guard – acting as the opposition forces, the 69th was able to have their full team on maneuvers all at once.

A beautiful mission for my fellow New York Guardsmen and me, and for the National Guard. By having us augment their training, the 69th was able to accomplish their objectives in half the normal time. At the same time, we got the satisfaction of knowing we were helping to give these great young soldiers a realistic training simulation to keep their tactical skills sharp. Plus, we had a heck of a great time!

If I could figure out a way to make a living doing that, you’d never see me on stage again. Which, judging bythe reaction of the audience in the check spot the night before the field exercise, might be a good thing.

You want combat? Let’s talk about the check spot. The check spot is that time towards the end of the show at a stand up comedy club when the waitresses lay down the checks for the audience. The audience then, quite naturally, becomes consumed with signing their credit card slips, counting their cash, calculating their tips, ordering one last drink, splitting up the bill – anything but what the comic on stage is doing.

Like Charlie Brown running to kick the football and Lucy pulling it away, somehow I never learn. The check spot is my comedy Achilles heel. I’m in check spot denial. Somehow, every time, I never realize I’m doing the check spot until I’m actually in it. The fact that the emcee has segued from the last comic to me with a frenzied “Hey, let’s keep this show moving, I’m going to bring this next guy right up-” and then he runs off the stage, fleeing the check spot like a thief in the night – somehow I never get the hint. Here’s the torture of the check spot: you’re on stage, you’re getting big laughs, and all of a sudden – poof – the audience is gone. Well, they’re still there, but they’re talking to each other and you’ve gone instantly from hero to shmuck. And you’ve still got ten minutes to kill. Ten….slow….minutes.

Trust me, after ten minutes of that, running through the forest being chased by a National Guard soldier half your age who’s armed to the teeth ain’t scary at all. It’s a relief!

Being a comedian might not make me a better citizen-soldier, but serving in the New York Guard has made me a better comedian. I still stink at the check spot, but I don’t worry about it anymore. Twenty six states – including California (which includes Hollywood!) have official state defense forces performing similar augmentation missions for the National Guard. It’s a great way for people – even people in show business, even comedians (some of whom are people, too) – to serve.

Just like George Carlin (US Air Force), Lenny Bruce (Army), Drew Carey (USMC), Peter Sellers (RAF – UK), Leslie Nielson (RCAF – Canada), Zero Mostel (Army), Mel Brooks (Army), Don Knotts (Army), Sid Caesar (Coast Guard)…..

Mainstream media coverage of crucial issues gives us plenty to complain about around here. Much like aerobic exercise, it jacks the heart-rate and makes me cranky (though if I’m going to spill my drink anyway, I’d  rather do it while yelling at Chris Matthews. Call me a junkie). 

But tonight is one of those rare opportunities to kick back and appreciate the fact that not every journalist on network TV is standing around the same water cooler. 

Tonight on 20/20, John Stossel, (with special guest Drew Carey), tackles the conventional wisdom behind the huge bailouts, universal preschool, the myth of the struggling middle class, toll roads, medical marijuana and border walls. The episode was inspired by Drew Carey’s award-winning video series on Reason.tv. 

More with Stossel and Carey here.