DIXIE CHICKS’ VH1 STORYTELLERS AVAILABLE NOVEMBER 29

What are Dixie Chicks again?

All I seem to remember are three mouthy narcissists who were so desperate for attention they posed nude on the cover of Entertainment Weekly and then had a flop documentary made about them that portrayed the pampered multi-millionaires as victims of their own wildly stupid use of free speech.

Those Dixie Chicks?

Can I get a “whoa whatever”?

BREAKING: ZACHARY QUINTO IS STILL GAY

We have now entered day two of Zachary Quinto being gay. Rumor has it, he will still be gay tomorrow and possibly through the end of the week. Obviously this means that everything he does is more important than it was last week and it is now our duty to ooh and ahh over the profundity of everything He Who Is Above Using Capital Letters says.

Such an inspiration.

And why didn’t someone tell me that being gay suddenly makes everything you do so precious and important–you know, when there was still time for that information to do me some good?

HERESY: ‘TWILIGHT’ STARS JOIN IMMORTALS AT GRAUMAN’S CHINESE THEATRE

“Bloody Disgusting” has this exactly right. Over 80-plus years only around 250 recipients have been honored with immortality at Grauman’s and to have these three–who have done nothing other than star in a popular franchise–join is like having some one-hit wonder enter the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame.

I love movies but, man alive, do I hate pop culture.

If the “Twilight” cast had even an ounce of class they would refuse this until they legitimately earned this rare privilege.

‘TRANSFORMERS 4 & 5′ SHOOTING BACK-TO-BACK? JASON STATHAM STARRING?

Jason Statham … now there’s an action star. The whole Shia Le-what’s-his-name craze never made a lick of sense to me.

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SCOTTDS’ EPIC LINK-TACULAR

IN WHICH WE CONFESS TO LIKING THE SIBLING ACTOR MORE

SKYPE TO CHALLENGE NETFLIX STREAMING?

BRYAN SINGER’S ‘EXCALIBUR’ REMAKE SHELVED

FOX DEVELOPING ‘ZOMBIELAND’ COMEDY SERIES

A HOLLYWOOD BREAK-UP THAT MATTERS

‘WALKING DEAD’ PREMIERES AT #1 … SMASHES RECORDS.

WILL SMITH’S $85K PER MONTH NYC CONDO WHILE FILMING ‘MEN IN BLACK 3′

‘DARK KNIGHT RISES’ HEADS TO NYC

20 OF HOLLYWOOD’S BEST PUNCHES TO THE FACE

HAPPY 85TH, CHUCK BERRY!

COMIC-CON BABE PHOTO GALLERY

THE INCREDIBLE, INTERCHANGEABLE FILMS OF STEVEN SEAGAL

‘STAR WARS 3D’ IS HAPPENING AND HERE’S THE POSTER TO PROVE IT

JOHNNY DEPP SET HIMSELF ON FIRE

IDEAS FOR ‘DEPARTED’ SEQUEL

SCARLETT JOHANSSON WAS TOO SEXY FOR ‘TATTOO?’

WHY?: ACTORS RECREATE CLASSIC MARTIN SCORSESE SCENES FOR HARPER’S BAZAAR

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LAST NIGHT’S SCREENING

Faster (2010): This is a real gem of a B-flick find. Not only is the action superb and the story compelling, but Dwayne Johnson’s performance is outstanding. Who would’ve guessed he had it in him to pull off a dramatic role so convincingly? I’m a believer that acting is all in the eyes. If I see the character and the moment in the actor’s eyes, I believe the performance. This is why I find post-1995 Meryl Streep a laughably bad actress. Her eyes always give away her self-conscious technique.

Yes, what I’m saying here is that The Rock is a better actor than Meryl Streep.

“Faster” also has a very serious and intelligent Christian theme that really comes together in the climax. In fact, I would qualify this as a Christian film. It also reminded me of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s “Maximum Risk” (1996), another intelligent, low-key but exciting film that deserved a bigger audience and similarly proved that its star — in the hands of the right director — has it in him to pull off an impressive dramatic performance.

With superb support from Billy Bob Thornton and the luscious Carla Gugino, a number of well-defined characters, and a whole new spin on what drives professional assassins, what you have with “Faster” is my favorite kind of movie–a secret that you can’t wait to pass on to others.

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CLASSIC PICK FOR WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 19

TCM:

1:00 AM  Tea And Sympathy (1956) —   A faculty wife risks her marriage to help a troubled teen tormented by his fellow students. Dir: Vincente Minnelli Cast:  Deborah Kerr, John Kerr, Leif Erickson. C-122 mins, TV-PG, CC, Letterbox Format.

A beautifully filmed and acted story as well as a template in how to handle mature themes in a way that need not be shocking or in your face. Modern day Hollywood wouldn’t go near this story. Though it’s not made as clear in the film as it was in the play upon which it’s based, the young man in question is worried he’s gay. And it’s Deborah Kerr who takes those worries away.

Lucky bastard.

They never come right out and say they love to lose. Instead, when their movie of choice loses the Oscar to “Crash,” they say things like, “Hollywood’s homophobia could be on par with Pat Robertson’s.” The case of “Crash” versus “Brokeback Mountain” turned into an absolutely hilarious pissing match that saw liberals clamoring to stake their claim to being at least as liberal as the next whiny liberal.

About the only thing liberals love more than losing is claiming they’ve been victims of — gasp! — censorship! If I seem like I’m making light of — gasp! — censorship! it’s because, well, I am.

In the vast majority of cases of — gasp! — censorship! there has in fact been no censorship.

Take Harvey Weinstein’s latest claim.  The Hollywood Reporter reports that ABC asked for three cuts to the trailer for “Our Idiot Brother,” on the basis that three shots violated its “long established ad-guidelines.” Where you and I might see an entity exercising its right to purchase and air WHATEVER THE HELL THEY CHOOSE TO PURCHASE AND AIR, Harvey sees an opportunity to reassert himself as the undisputed champion of hemming and hawing about so called censorship. The Weinstein Company quickly cut together a new red band trailer, which Harvey knew would be useless without a press release that made him look like a victim. Putting on a happy face, Harvey proclaimed, ““We’d like to dedicate our new red band trailer for Our Idiot Brother to censorship everywhere. Enjoy!”

Is this censorship? No really. I’m asking: Is. This. Censorship?

If a writer pens a spec script, sends it to The Weinstein Company (TWC) and TWC rejects it, refuses to buy it, or film it, or distribute; has that writer been censored?

I find these kinds of claims fascinating. The Super Bowl has in the last few years become a bizarre battleground for claims of censorship. There was the whole Janet Jackson affair, which was either a fiasco or an unbridled success, depending on your point of view. I recall a story in Rolling Stone, in which some journalist wrote- … … …  …

(Sorry. I was laughing hysterically at the idea of Rolling Stone employing journalists to do journalism, and a swallow of Newcastle went down the wrong pipe.)

– Anyway, Rolling Stone decried critics of Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction as hysterical Bible-thumping, pitchfork-wielding, stake-burning prudes. Their accompanying photo of Janet Jackson really hacked me off; the so-called offensive part of her anatomy…was blurred. Or, censored.

I’m averse to in-depth research, but I found this story, published four years later in Rolling Stone, where in they shriek, “The incident led to an almost-censorship of live events, with tape delays becoming the norm to avoid future unscripted situations.”

“Almost-censorship.”

Alrighty, then.

Another fantastic censorship whine-fest from the last decade involves none other than The Dixie Chicks. Perhaps I’m too thick-skinned, but I wasn’t exactly offended by what Natalie Maines said in London. Why? Because being offended by what she said lent her credibility. She’s a country singer. A pretty damn good one, in my opinion. I don’t expect her to have earth-shattering opinions about George W. Bush or any other President. It was a goofy thing to say.

The ensuing hullabaloo made a mountain out of a mole hill in my opinion. Her comment deserved nothing more than an eye roll and a, “Dadgum, that Natalie done lost it. Put on ‘Goodbye Earl’ and let’s get good and ripped.” Getting together with a bunch of other people and burning Dixie Chicks CD’s was, in fact, about the silliest thing I ever heard of until Al Gore weighed in on the matter.

“They were made to feel un-American and risked economic retaliation because of what was said. Our democracy has taken a hit,” said Gore. “Our best protection is free and open debate.”

Wait — What?

Gore commits a classic blunder here, in defending the poor, poor, pitiful Dixie Chicks. Yes. They have freedom of speech. They could have said even worse things about Bush, and have. And I, and other loons, are free get offended and to burn their [bleeping] records in retaliation.

For her part, Maines apologized for her “brave” Bush rant, and later reneged on said apology. Why?

“I’m Not Ready to Make Nice,” she crooned on the lead single from their next album. Yes, it seemed that The Dixie Chicks had taken a page from the Weinstein playbook, and figured out a way to profit from the controversy. It wouldn’t surprise me a bit if Harvey himself coached them on how to ride this particular gravy train. After all, Harvey’s company distributed “Shut Up & Sing,” the documentary/whine-fest about the Dixie Chicks horrible ordeal. When NBC and the CW rejected ads for the movie, Harvey gravely intoned, ”It’s a sad commentary about the level of fear in our society that a movie about a group of courageous entertainers who were blacklisted for exercising their right of free speech is now itself being blacklisted by corporate America.”

I am telling you what. Crying about censorship is good work, if you can get it.

For those who are unfamiliar with this band, it is comprised of three sisters from Utah: Kristyn, Kelsi, and Kassidy Osborn.  Originally they were brought to Nashville by CBS records as the band The Osborn Sisters.  While the name was possibly structured in that manner to evoke such acts as the Andrews Sisters, the moniker didn’t stick.  They presumably got sick of questions about whether or not they would be biting the heads off of bats during their live shows, or how it was working with the late Randy Rhodes, so they changed their name to SheDaisy.  If She-Myth is to be believed, the word is Navajo for “my little sister.”  My Navajo is about as good as my German, so somebody could tell me the name means “hold the pickles” and I would have to give them the benefit of the doubt.

The whole naming thing aside, these are three highly skilled and accomplished young women.  From a vocal, writing, and pure “God given talent” standpoint, they are head and shoulders above the Dixie Chicks, but without all the evil.  SheDaisy has the sort of harmonization skills that would either bring smiles to the faces of classic vocal bands like the aforementioned Andrews Sisters or the Mamas and the Pappas.  Or, quite possibly, tears of bitter envy.  The musical arrangement of many of their songs runs the range from the sort of simple structure with catchy hooks that make for a good pop offering to highly complex and layered vocals that challenge the listener.  The latter they can manage without the sort of studio tricks that turned Britney Spears from a Karaoke Superstar in her own shower to an international sensation.  The elder sister (oops…”elder” is probably a bad word in XX chromosome world. Let’s try again)…  The most experienced sister (um… that probably doesn’t sound good either)…  The first born sister (there we go), Kristyn, handles the bulk of the writing.  Her songs tend to be well put together, imaginative, and with an occasionally off beat sense of humor.  She can go from sensitive to snarky without missing a beat.  She has penned sensitive ballads, such as the song Come Home Soon (about a wife at home while her husband is away at war) and then changed gears and wrote about a female serial killer in the song A Woman’s Work.

Of their seven CDs, five have appeared in the top 10 on the country charts, one has gone gold with another going platinum.   The talent is there, the accomplishments are there, so why are these girls in currently in music limbo?

Last March, with the CD A Story to Tell on the launch pad and ready to send to the consumer, they parted ways with their record company, Lyric Street.   To my knowledge, they have not yet been signed to another deal.  It is true that their last couple CDs, Fortuneteller’s Memory and The Best of SheDaisy, didn’t pull in the numbers that their previous work has managed.  While a record company may be quick to blame the artist, I believe they were the possible victims of a label who simply didn’t know what the hell to do with them.

Arguably their best year, in terms of sales, was 1999.  Their debut CD, The Whole SHeBANG went Platinum, and they were given the 1999 CMT Rising Stars award.  In 2000 they put out what is arguably the best Christmas CD of the modern era.  It hit number 10 on the country charts.  These two successes were not followed up upon for a full two years.   By the time the 2002 CD, Knock on the Sky came out, much of the buzz had faded, and it was reflected in the sales.  In truth it was three-years between commercial releases.  While they did put out the holiday CD in 2000 and a remixed version of The Whole SHeBANG in 2001, Lyric Street should have been aware of how short the attention span of the American music fan is.  Three-years was simply too long between Mainstream commercial releases to maintain momentum in a new band.

In that three-year period, there were also some missed opportunities.  A big opportunity that was not seized upon was when in 2001 SheDaisy sang the national anthem at the Christening of the Navy’s most advanced and deadly Aircraft Carrier, the USS Ronald Reagan (perhaps our most advanced and deadly President).  Their label should have had them on Fox and Friends in the morning doing a performance and then get them booked on shows like Hannity and Laura Ingraham; talking about how proud they are to be singing the National Anthem at an event that honored the man who ended the cold war.  There is a huge crossover audience between country music, Fox News, and talk radio.  The label would have been putting them in front of their core audience in the most favorable light humanly possible.  Again this looked like a missed opportunity by their management.

While the sales for Knock on the Sky were down, they started to regain momentum with the 2004 release, Sweet Right Here.  This CD went gold.  Part of the success of this release was because of the brilliant move of having them contribute a song to the album Music from and Inspired by Desperate Housewives.  Desperate Housewives was the hottest thing on television at that point in time.  The song God Bless the American Housewife, though not on the CD Knock on the Sky, got enough play on radio (along with the supporting video on CMT and other networks),that it helped extend the life of that CD, introduced them to an audience who may have been unfamiliar with them, and reignited interest in the band.

While associating SheDaisy with an incredibly hot TV show was a stroke of genius, the powers that be at the label didn’t seem to put that sort of effort into promoting the 2006 CD Fortuneteller’s Melodies.  In fact, over the last several years some of the promotional moves for the band have been hit and miss.  SheDaisy has worked with Walt Disney and been the spokes band for Select Comfort Beds.  Neither of these are bad ideas, but most entertainment demographics studies (in this case, we are linked to Comcast Spotlight) put the median age for Country Music fans at 40.  The Disney audience is more likely to buy Miranda Cosgrove CD’s (or Jeanette McCurdy if they are country fans), and until the middle of the decade, Select Comfort was openly targeting their ads to people over 55.  This put SheDaisy in the position of using these vehicles to draw fans from the extreme ends of the demographic, not the heart of it.  While working with Disney and Select Comfort were both good things, somebody in the management should have been talking to energy drink manufacturers, car companies, and the universe of other products that appeal to people between the age of 18 and 40.

On this subject I can’t speak from a position of inside knowledge.  I am just an outside observer who has a little marketing experience and dies a little on the inside with the knowledge that these young ladies don’t have a record deal but somehow Winger still does.  For that matter, Harvey Danger was signed to a label until they retired last year, and Styx (who get most of their sales presumably by hawking CDs from the trunks of their cars) are still signed by a record company.  A savvy record executive would realize that besides the annoying habit of putting the word “she” (SHeBANG, A SHeVERY Merry Christmas, SHeLOVE, etc.) in front of just about everything associated with them, these girls have real commercial value that is currently going to waste.

With the holidays coming up quickly, those who still wish their friends and family a Merry Christmas (instead “happy holidays,” or “have a tolerable winter solstice”) should pick up their CD A Brand New Year.  It is worth it for the inspired version of Hark the Herald Angels Sing alone.

Where was the modern Loretta Lynn? You know, a simple country girl who just loves to sing walking the stage in a homemade dress and an out-of-date hairstyle. Where were George Jones and Dolly Parton? Where were Willie, Hank Jr., and Merle? Why are the Country Music Awards being held in Las Vegas and not Nashville, Austin, or Branson? The problem is that in country music today, the last thing you want to be is “country.” It used to be “I was country when country wasn’t cool.”  But now, to paraphrase the great Mr. Jones, if you are country, that isn’t cool.

Miranda Lambert, who won Top Female Vocalist, showed up in a blue dress that was so low cut that I would have been embarrassed to wear it, and then changed into something a little less revealing before the broadcast. Maybe one of her friends told her she had forgotten her t-shirt. Do you think Patsy Cline would have shown up in Dior cut to the navel?

Old school country drank too much, stayed out too late, and even smoked a little marijuana once in awhile, but it had a respect for God and Country. Country used to not only be great music also a set of values behind the sound. That’s because the artists knew the folks who put their hard earned dollars down for a ticket to a show or a record were mostly middle class, blue collar people who didn’t mind a little messing around but there were lines you didn’t cross.

The Dixie Chicks learned the lesson of who buys country music the hard way. In fact, the two of the women who started the group have left the Bush/Toby Keith bashing Natalie Maines behind trying to restart their careers as the Court Yard Hounds.

There are still a ton for great country artists around: Toby Keith, Colin Raye, and George Strait to name just a few. But when you have actor Josh Duhamel handing out CMA trophies, you have a problem.  Jeff Bridges played a country singer in one of the top movies last year and he was more authentic than most of the rhinestone cowboys and cowgirls in Las Vegas Sunday night.

As it turns out, Joe Wilson isn’t the only inappropriate interrupter of the last week. If you haven’t seen Kanye West’s shocking-only-to-people-who-have-never-seen-or-heard-Kanye-West-perform-or-say-words outburst at the normally classy and restrained MTV Video Music Awards, take 90 seconds and watch the train wreck. I don’t want to say it was awkward, but I haven’t seen a performer arouse that many embarrassed faces since…well, since Kanye West did the exact same thing at the European VMAs in 2007, which at the time was the most awkward TV moment since Kanye West hijacked a Katrina charity TV show to rant that “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.“

A lot of people are focusing on what a jackass he was (UPDATE: Apparently President Obama actually used the word “jackass” to describe him, which I just found out, and which gives the President a couple bonus points in my book), but that’s too easy. I’m choosing to focus on the bright side for a few moments before I **SPOILER ALERT** play the race card. The bright side inspired my opening paragraph, which was sincere. Think about what happened in this moment, because it’s not something you’ll see too often in entertainment.

Hip people don’t like country music. They don’t like the performers or the fans unless a performer alienates its fans by saying something hip, like the Dixie Chicks. Hip people don’t like innocence unless it’s portrayed in some sort of ironic way, like a vixen in a school girl uniform, or a young child with a knife behind its back. Hip people do like controversy and people who push the envelope, which is why they liked the “wardrobe malfunction” at the Super Bowl. They loved the idea that a bunch of heartland families recoiled in shock as something traditionally innocent  like the Super Bowl was invaded by hipness.

MTV is for hip people.

But hipness took a hit at the VMAs, as normally hip people saw its ugly side. Wide-eyed heartland girl Taylor Swift was expressing her shock at receiving her award, acknowledging that as a country singer she wasn’t a favorite to win on MTV, when Kanye West literally grabbed the mic from her and tried to remind everyone that the hip choice wasn’t made. A few people cheered (as MTV teens are wont to do whenever a person holding a mic emits sound), but most people booed or acted shocked. After Kanye walked off the stage, the crowd started to cheer Taylor even more. Kanye, an MTV icon, was kicked out. Later, Beyonce won a big award and invited Taylor back onstage to finish her speech. Classy move. And the response to the moment has been overwhelmingly negative towards Kanye and positive towards Taylor. This can only help her albums and hurt his, which is cool.

I consider it a nice moment. Period. Good triumphed over bad.

No need to make this about race.

Buuuutttt… since in the last week conservatives have been accused of being racist by Maureen Dowd (referring to Joe Wilson), Bill Maher (referring to Drudge), and Acorn (referring to Fox for showing video of black people talking), I thought I’d take a moment to ask a few hypothetical questions. To be clear–I’m NOT saying that Kanye West is a racist, I just have a few questions.

Consider:

What would the reaction have been if Beyonce had won the award and Toby Keith had rushed the stage, grabbed the mic out of her hands, and yelled to the crowd that Taylor Swift should have won?

If this scene had played out as fiction in a feature film, how would the media elite have reacted to a scene perpetuating the stereotype of a black man aggressively grabbing something from the hands of a southern white girl?

Do you think we’ll be seeing any columns from Maureen Dowd or Entertainment Weekly pointing out racial undertones in the moment, mentioning Kanye’s history of discussing race or pointing out that the times he’s rudely interrupted a televised moment have all involved white people? Such as when he lost the Best New Artist award to, as he called her, “Redneck Woman” Gretchen Wilson, and stormed out of the American Music Awards in protest? 

When do you think we’ll hear from Gloria Steinem or Gloria Allred defending Taylor as a victim of male domination (especially since MTV didn’t let her finish her speech because Kanye had caused her to run out of time), mentioning the history of female treatment in hip hop music?

Will the Southern Defense Coalition or the White Anti-Defamation League be making any statements?

Just curious…

What is wrong with our leaders?  Are they worried that they won’t be invited to those cool Ramadan parties?  The Islamists have been actively at war with us for 30 years and generally at war with western civilization for well over a thousand years, and still we pay lip service to these people in a way we never did with Nazi Germany, Imperial Japan or the Soviet Union.  Is it because the Muslims commit sadism and murder in the name of religion and not country?  If anything, I would think that would make their evil acts all the more contemptible.

Still, I would contend that Hezbollah and al Qaeda are not as dangerous as America’s liberals.  The Islamic terrorists can only kill so many people, but those on the Left are doing everything in their power to eviscerate America.  Cap and Trade can destroy our industrial might; Obama’s trillion dollar stimulus programs combined with his delusional health care plan will not only bankrupt our nation, but lead inevitably to a rate of inflation that will impress even Jimmy Carter; and the budget cuts directed at our military and our missile defense system will make us increasingly vulnerable to our various enemies.

The problem is that liberals are not only nuts, but inconsistent.  They very much want to send our military to Africa to stop the savagery in the Sudan, but didn’t want to see it employed against the equally barbaric Saddam Hussein, Pol Pot or Ho Chi Minh.  Funny how you never hear them insist that we have no business in Darfur because Sudan didn’t attack us on 9/11 or point out that we have no compelling interest in sub-Sahara Africa.  But that’s to be expected when people get their information from Bill Maher and Jon Stewart and their talking points from the likes of Bono and the Dixie Chicks.

Clearly, the Left wants America to be a toothless tiger, rather like the U.N.  What they fail to grasp is that as America goes, so goes freedom everywhere.  Or perhaps they think the French will do a better job of policing the world.  The French, alas, can’t even police Paris.

Speaking of liberals, the irony is that so many of them who never believed God even existed are now convinced that He is alive and well and going out on date nights with Michelle.

Getting back to Muslims, there are people who would insist that we should distinguish between those who cut off the heads of their innocent victims and those who just want to live and let live.  Well, I keep trying, heaven knows, but it’s not as easy as it sounds.

For instance, recently I read about a stomach-turning incident that took place in Phoenix, Arizona.  It seems that four boys between the ages of nine and 14 lured an eight-year-old girl into a shed and took turns raping her.  While that was pretty damn loathsome, what was even more disgusting is what took place afterward.  In the little girl’s presence, her father, a Muslim refugee from Liberia, told the police, “Take her.  I don’t want her.”

It seems that in what passes for their culture, the child had brought shame on the family.

Now I understand that any country that keeps electing people like Bill Clinton, Barney Frank, Barbara Boxer and Barack Obama, the killer B’s as it were, doesn’t have terribly high standards, but assuming we have any at all, will someone please explain how degenerates like these get into the country?

Back in 2003, actor Tim Robbins gave a famous (infamous?) speech in front of the National Press Club in Washington DC regarding his right to express his negative views about the Iraq War:

“A chill wind is blowing in this nation. A message is being sent through the White House and its allies in talk radio and Clear Channel and Cooperstown. If you oppose this administration, there can and will be ramifications.”

Cry me a river. The irony that he gave his speech at the National Press Club and wasn’t tossed into a gulag afterward obviously didn’t dawn on him. That stage direction must not have been written into the script.

Many of the anecdotes Robbins shared in the speech had to do with his being criticized for his views by private citizens and – heartbreaking to someone whose life depends upon public appearances – having appearances canceled at privately sponsored events. He also had a bone to pick with George W. Bush’s “you’re either with us or against us in the fight against terror” line uttered shortly after 9/11. I guess his feelings were hurt or something.

Disagreements happen all the time between reasonable (and not so reasonable) people and sometimes (to put it nicely) heated discussions ensue. But if an event is privately sponsored and your views don’t jibe with those of the sponsors – or if they decide they just don’t like you and what you represent – they have every right to dis-invite you. Or, if private citizens don’t like you badmouthing the president overseas during a time of war, they can toss your CDs onto a bonfire. (Which in turn earns you a tasteful nude cover shot on Entertainment Weekly to protest the protests. Or something like that.)

The real problems begin when government tries to shut you down and shut you up because it doesn’t like what you have to say. That’s in direct violation of the First Amendment.

I wonder what Tim thinks of the recently released DHS report that claims “white supremacist and violent anti-government groups” and other “right wing extremists” MIGHT be gaining new recruits based on the current political and economic climate, including the economic downturn and the election of America’s first black president. The report stresses that it has no proof whatsoever of any such violent dissent, but you know, “rumor has it…”

This report was sent to law enforcement agencies around the nation – conveniently just before grassroots “tea parties” around the nation were set to commence. Is the government trying to intimidate citizens who dare to criticize the government? Any thoughts, Tim?

Back in 2003, Robbins also talked about a nation “bitterly divided.” What does he think of the fact that despite all of President Obama’s talk about bipartisanship, the partisan gap in his job approval ratings is the largest in the modern era?

Feeling chilly yet?

Fortunately for Tim, he no longer needs to worry about being “silenced” during the golden age of Obama. He can now start worrying about more pressing matters, like quashing pesky rumors about his appearing in Iron Man 2.

Thank goodness. Now I won’t mind plunking down $10.50 to see it.

Now imagine Obama’s schedule when he finally becomes president: He’s gotta talk to Hamas, he’s gotta talk to that dude in Iran, he’s got the bench press challenge with Putin…Don’t you love saying that guy’s name? They should hire Ed McMahon to announce him whenever he enters the parliament building: “HEEEEEEERE’S PUTIN!” (And Ed could use the rubles too – it’s a win-win).

Anywhoozer, before any of that happens, Barack Obama MUST have a sit down with Anne Hathaway and, as she said in Palm Springs recently; “Explain that choice of Rick Warren!” That is bold, Ms. Hathaway – but it doesn’t surprise me because this is the same person who dared to fill the pumps of the great Barbara Feldon. Wow! Now there’s a woman! Do I love Barbara Feldon, or what?

I pick up a paper once in a while and I’m reading all the time about the trouble in the Middle East -  and I have the solution: Barbara Feldon. That’s right, if we send 99 over there and get her in between everybody those hostilities will stop faster than payment on a Raffaello Follieri personal check.

Remember when Clive Owen was carrying the baby with the Fuji woman down the steps and out of the building in the middle of all the fighting between the British and the uprising? All the soldiers and immigrants and Fish rebels trying to kill each other, stop dead in their tracks to get a look at the baby? It would be just like that.

Now imagine Barbara Feldon with the legs and the little haircut, struttin’ up and down the Gaza Strip. I’m telling you the warfare would grind to a halt watching that… Man – O – Manischewitz, that is one hot Control Agent… Barbara Feldon… mmm. So… um, what was I talking about?