But 99.5 percent of terrible movies are just … terrible. That’s especially evident with the following five features, a quintet which cost millions to produce and yielded very little in return.

Dishonorable mentions include “The Change Up,” “Green Lantern,” “Larry Crowne,” “Sucker Punch” and “A Good Old Fashioned Orgy.” But these five movies went above and beyond the call of duty in draining precious hours from our lives.

1. “Just Go With It” – Wow. Just wow. The laziest comedy in who knows how long wastes not only the talents of stars Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston but also bit players Nicole Kidman and Dave Matthews. Sandler can challenge us (“Punch Drunk Love”), make us smile (“The Wedding Singer”) and even give us some grand guilty pleasures (“You Don’t Mess with the Zohan”). But with this sorry remake of “Cactus Flower” shows he can arrive on a movie set, recite dialogue less thought out than a Mad Libs sheet and call it a day without doing some rigorous soul searching.
2. “Dylan Dog: Dead of Night” – Insert your own Superman crashes back to Earth gag here. Poor Brandon Routh received precious little career buzz from his underrated work in the 2006 Man of Steel reboot. Five years later, he’s reduced to starring in this wannabe horror comedy about an undead hunter trying to … well, is there any point reciting such a sorry excuse for a plot?
3. “Your Highness” – Danny McBride is not a movie star, James Franco isn’t the next Steve Martin and Natalie Portman should know better than to appear in a fifth-rate “Monty Python” sketch stretched beyond the breaking point. Best suited for teenage boys jazzed to see their first R-rated movie no matter how painful the experience may be.
4. “The Human Centipede – Full Sequence” – “Fear Factor” contestants should be forced to watch this on an IMAX screen. Every criticism unfairly lobbed at the first “Centipede” hits the mark in this gross and mindless affair. The concept – a “Centipede” fan wants to emulate his favorite movie – might have worked had writer/director Tom Six not decided to eschew the storytelling prowess he flashed in the grisly original.
5. “Apollo 18” – It’s amazing how many scares Hollywood has wrung out of the found footage genre, from “The Blair Witch Project” to three chilling “Paranormal Activity” films. That means we were bound to endure a mega-bomb like this outer space claptrap.

* Note: My schedule did not allow me to view other potential clunkers like “Jack and Jill,” “Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star” and “Dream House.”

—–

“What I try and do is try and, with the knowledge that I have, is offset my contribution to [carbon emissions]. I think people that don’t move around as much as me can take a bike when it’s a nice day.”

You MUST watch all of this. Finally the perfect answer to, “Celebutard says what…?”

CNS reporter Nicholas Ballasy asks a simple question and what follows are three-plus minutes of what would make for a howlingly funny SNL skit if only SNL had the courage to pop their heads out of the bubble and seek to “get it” once again.

It’s probably time to move beyond howling “hypocrite” when we’re presented with revealing moments like this. Celebrity and elitist hypocrite are now tied together as automatically as Patrick Goldstein and Polanski-supporting blacklister or Robert Rodriguez and race-hustling demagogue.

The entertainment value, however, never grows tiresome.

If the tables had been turned and a predominantly white cast and crew used such racially charged language to describe a black cast member, the Screen Actors Guild would have invaded that production and we would have seen headlines in the media “Racist Cast and Crew, Film Shut Down By SAG.”

In that film one of my scripted lines required that I use the word “nigger.” Before I shot the scene I pulled my fellow actor aside and assured him that this was not a word I took lightly and that I was aware of its historical implications towards blacks. He looked me over as if I were an alien and said “Give me a break, I don’t give shit, I’ve been a nigger all my life. I’m cool with it.” That response came to me as a mixed signal. Not one that said it was okay for me to use the word “nigger,” but one that said my efforts at trying to understand his side of race didn’t matter.

All us “white people” are now being told by the media, by former Presidents and now singer Dave Matthews that most whites have a negative racial element to their behavior, that we should monitor them and keep them in check, that our attitudes towards blacks should be sensitive. Okay, fair enough. However, lots of us so called “white people” live our lives with a sense of racial sensitivity and have for some time.

What could be helpful in having a racial dialogue would be specific feedback from the black community on what more they want us to do when it comes to understanding racism as they see it. That would be a more constructive approach to the topic than simply finger-pointing at “White America” as Dave Matthews did when he recently said this:

“Of course it is! I found there’s a fairly blatant racism in America that’s already there, and I don’t think I noticed it when I lived here as a kid. But when I went back to South Africa, and then it’s sort of thrust in your face, and then came back here — I just see it everywhere. There’s a good population of people in this country that are terrified of the president only because he’s black, even if they don’t say it. And I think a lot of them, behind closed doors, do say it.

“Maybe I’m paranoid about it, but I don’t think someone who disagreed as strongly as they do with Obama — if it was Clinton — would have stood up and screamed at him during his speech. (Shakes his head) I don’t think so.”

Where is Dave Matthews meeting these “blatant racist Americans?” Is it amongst his adoring fans, or is this just happening inside his liberal head brought on by the white guilt he cultivated living in South Africa? We disagreed with Clinton over some of his policies, we also scream at him for lying to us when we discovered he’d used the Oval Office as his own private porn booth/cigar factory.

When are those in the black community and its leaders going to address the fact that the vast majority of “white people” in this country try to do what’s right when it comes to race, that when we disagree with it doesn’t mean it has something to do with the color of someone’s skin, but may have to do with the content of  the individuals character or views?

It’s time self-hating whites with big bullhorns like Jimmy Carter and Dave Matthews stop pointing the finger and start asking questions of the black community about what they’re doing to put a balanced eye on the topic, because if they are, I can’t see it.

When the network asked whether the singer agreed with Jimmy Carter, who said America is rife with racism, Matthews said, quote, “Of course it is! I found there’s a fairly blatant racism in America that’s already there, and I don’t think I noticed it when I lived here as a kid. …There’s a good population of people in this country that are terrified of the president only because he’s black, even if they don’t say it. And I think a lot of them, behind closed doors, do say it.”

Okay – let me get this straight. The entertainer sees “blatant” racism everywhere – yet describes it as unsaid – and behind closed doors!

Which means, it’s not blatant at all! It’s invisible, like oxygen – yet Matthews can see it!

Amazing.

Look, it’s got to be awesome to possess an ability to detect bigotry in people who show no signs of it. Matthews should hire himself out to local fairs, next to the chap who can guess your weight.

However, I may be giving Dave too much credit. He just doesn’t seem like a guy who thoughtfully came to this conclusion, all by himself. I mean, his tiresome screed sounds exactly like the same baloney you hear from other entertainers who pretend they’re keeping it real, when in fact their heads never rest on anything less than a Ritz Carlton pillow. It’s the guilt they feel about their own cushy existence that drives them to sidle up to the oppressed, even if there is no oppressor.

It’s enough to make me boycott Dave Mathews’ music. Which I admit is pointless, since I never listened his crap to begin with.

And if you disagree with me, then you’re probably a racist.

Tonight: the lovely Sandra Smith, the delightful Jim Norton, Kevin Godlington, and Ace Frehley! ]]> http://bighollywood.breitbart.com/ggutfeld/2009/09/23/daily-gut-dave-matthews/feed/ 135